Rated T: due to mild cursing and very light suggestive humor.
Disclaimer: Due to the fact that this author can not think of a witty disclaimer, you should automatically know that there's no way she could create a witty show such as Hannah Montana.
Pairing: MileyxJake.
It was a dark, extremely early, morning when Jake Ryan realized something horrible.
He was pulling his shirt over his head, getting ready to go to film his new television show. It was four thirty in the morning, and he had five minutes left before he had to jump into his car and speed dangerously to the studio. Now, he would have gotten up at three like his hypocritical wife suggested, but had no one to wake him up.
Not saying that Jake was worthless, because the young man was good at a few things, but he couldn't work an alarm clock. At all. Along with that, she hated the annoying beeping sounds it made. So he simply (cough:cough begged on hands and knees) asked his wife to get up and wake him up.
Unfortunately, she was a hypocrite.
She'd nag and nag at him for not being able to get up in the mornings, but she wasn't even good at it herself. As Jake struggled to get his shirt untwisted from around his arm and head, she was sound asleep...not knowing of the despair about to come upon her husband.
Once Jake figured out how to get his shirt on (he was never that good at functioning in the mornings), he reached into his drawer to put on his special Filming of Episode 12 of Season 2 socks. But...they weren't there.
His head snapped up. He furiously dug through the drawer, looking for the very manly purple socks. When he came upon nothing, he jumped on the bed and ricocheted across the room. His bare feet hit the carpeted floor with a loud sound that echoed across the room.
His wife, who had been happily dreaming about sand dunes and frogs, sprung up in the bed as if she'd been shot.
"Goddammit Jake," she screamed, still half asleep, "if you don't stop jumping around like a freaking five year old I'm going to go sleep in the guest room for the next two months! And hell, can't you just say your sick or something? Your character is in a freaking coma! Come back to bed now or die!"
With that said, grumbling to herself, she curled back up underneath the blankets and went back to sleep.
Jake thought to himself that she was completely delirious and therefore not meant to be taken seriously. Because he knew that if she was fully awake, she wouldn't have used any curse words. Well, at least not any of that light humor.
Taking his eyes off his wife, he remembered exactly what was wrong. His Filming of Episode 12 of Season 2 socks were missing. The same urgency rose in his as he jumped over toward the laundry basket, causing the stack of movies on their DVD player to fall off and crash down on the floor.
"I mean it!" She cried, trying to get back to sleep after her husband so rudely woke her up.
Jake didn't move for three minutes and twenty seconds. He was slightly scared of his wife's temper, and wanted to give her a chance to get into deep sleep before starting his search again.
Once she was back in her dream about sand dunes and frogs, he tore at the hamper. He dumped all the contents on the carpet, something he was going to regret when his wife awakened, and searched through it all.
But he knew the sad, sad truth as he looked around. Someone had kidnapped his Filming of Episode 12 of Season 2 socks. The only suspect he could think of was Jesse McCartney. His show was Jake's shows' rival, and Jesse must have found out that Jake can't film Episode 12 of Season 2 without his special socks. So he viciously kidnapped them!
Jake seethed with anger at the thought of his socks undergoing torture from the singing enemy. He had to get them back!!
He quickly jumped back on the bed, causing his wife to be thrown up in the air and torn from sleep. He quickly plopped down beside her and waited until she had untangled herself from her hair and the blanket before breaking the news to her.
When she did emerge, she was furious. She narrowed her eyes at Jake and mouthed the word "dead" to him. Jake gulped, suddenly thinking that his wife was scarier than the thought of Jesse McCartney having his Filming of Episode 12 of Season 2 socks. He often thought she was born with red hair and just dyed it for a few select reasons. One of those being that her temper was one to fear. And the others he wouldn't so readily tell you.
"Miley!" He screamed, fear in his voice, "this is horrible!"
She glared with more intensity, "Yes, it is. To think we've only been married a year, and you're going to die so soon."
Jake shook his head quickly and urgently grabbed her hand, "NO! IT'S WORSE! SOMEONE, NAMELY JESSE MCCARTNEY--
She pulled her hand away and cut him off, "No, Jake, it's four forty five in the morning. I will not listen to you rant about how Jesse McCartney was once a woman. I'm tired, and I am going to sleep. If you want to go outside in the cold and drive all the way to the studio to lay in a fake hospital bed for ten minutes than be my guest. But I'm going to bed."
She laid back down to prove her point. But Jake merely shook his head impatiently,
"NO! That's not it! It's worse! Please, Miley, you've got to help me! Please!"
As much as she didn't want to admit it, she could never tell him no. So she forced herself to sit up, and crossed her arms across her chest.
"Okay. What is it?"
He flung his arms out and wailed, "Jesse McCartney had kidnapped my Filming of Episode 12 of Season 2 socks!! He's taken them, and now I can't go film!"
His wife stared at him for a long minute before picking up her pillow, and whacking him across the face with it.
"Jake Ryan, that has got to be the dumbest thing I've ever been woken up at four thirty in the morning for!!"
Jake sat back up and rubbed his cheek replying with, "How many other times have you been woken up at four thirty in the morning?"
"Thirty-eight times! Thirty-seven by you, and one by Lilly and Oliver!"
"Why can't what they woke you up for be the dumbest?" He pouted. She stared at him incredulously,
"Because it was the birth of their child! That's hardly dumb!"
"And my socks getting stolen isn't?!" He cried, insulted.
She groaned and leaned back on the pillow.
"I'm really tired. Really. So can't you just put on the other pair of lavender socks in your drawer and let me sleep? Really, I don't see what's so important about these socks."
He gaped at her, astounded at the things that poured out of her mouth when she was half asleep.
"MILEY! They are NOT lavender! Lavender is a womanly color. They are man-purple! And they are my Filming of Episode 12 of Season 2 socks!! I wear them every time I film Episode 12 in a second season of a TV show!"
She sighed, "The only other time you have done that was—
"—nine years ago. Yea, I know, but...well...those socks are special to me."
She cocked her head to the side, slight curiosity showing in her tired eyes.
He stared at the bedspread as he replied, "You, uh, gave them to me. As a prank gift."
She had to resist breaking out in a chorus of "aww!" after he said that. How sweet, she thought, that he'd saved such a ridiculous gift all these years!
"I forget about that." She murmured. She sighed and looked up at his pathetic face, "they really mean that much?"
He nodded hastily.
She grinned slightly and said, "Okay, I'll help you hunt down Jesse tomorrow if you forget your stupid filming and lay back down."
Jake pondered this. Ever since he'd gotten married, he'd been "sick" 102 times. It really put back the filming...but he couldn't film without his socks. And really, it was pointless to go on a manhunt for Jesse McCartney so early in the morning...
"Okay," he agreed, laying back down, "but we have to get my socks back."
His wife smiled and said, "Of course."
He wrapped his arms around her, not bothering to change out of his clothes, and they were just about to drift back to sleep when...
"WAAAAAHH!!"
Both their eyes snapped open at the same time. She looked at him intently, motioning to the door. He sighed resignedly and stood up.
"Fine. But it's your turn next time." She smiled to herself. He'd said that thirty-seven times, and every time it was never her turn.
Once he was out of the room and on the way to get their daughter out of her crib, Miley stood up and smirked to herself. She reached underneath the mattress and walked over to his dresser.
Still smirking, she opened his sock drawer and placed a pair of lavender socks in the spot they were supposed to be in. When he woke up later and saw them there, he'd think he was just half delusional with sleep-deprivation.
She pulled out the red pair beside them, his Filming of Episode 13 of Season 2 socks, and placed them underneath the mattress in the spot the lavender had just been.
"Works every time," She whispered to herself as she laid back down and allowed herself to drift back to sleep.