SUZUMI YANASE: The Owner's Guide and Manual

CONGRATULATIONS! You are now the proud owner of your very own SUZUMI YANASE unit. This guide will be essential in unlocking her fullest potential. And on this note, we congratulate you wholeheartedly on your purchase once again.

Technical Specifications

Name: SUZUMI YANASE (will also respond to 'Suzumi', 'Yanase', 'Suzumi-san', 'Yanase-san', warily to 'Suzumi-chan' and 'Suzu', and rather violently (verbally or otherwise) to 'Suzu-chan')*

*Note: It is not recommended that you call her any variant of '-chan', lest you be disemboweled. Period – unless you're a TOSHIYUKI YANASE or Pre-Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE unit. Which you aren't, so just don't.

Age: 16

Place of Manufacture: Elko, Nevada, USA

Height: 158cm (5.2ft)

Weight: 48kg (107lb)

Size: 36B

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit comes with the following accessories:

Five (5) Tank-tops with built-in bras in varying colors, randomly selected; if she doesn't like them, tough luck

Five (5) Pairs of skinny jeans in various dark-themed colors

Two (2) Black zip-up hoodies

One (1) Pair of black flats

One (1) Wristband with the kanji for 'light' inscribed on it

One (1) Cell phone, brand randomly selected; comes with black case

One (1) Raira Academy uniform; don't try forcing her to wear it – she'll kill you

One (1) Toshiba laptop*

*Note: It is highly unlikely she'll let you use it. If you're nice to her and say please, maybe. But she'll definitely expect something in return.

Removing your SUZUMI YANASE unit from her box

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit is very jaded, suspicious, and paranoid despite her young years. She has a lot of experience in the 'kidnapping' (as she will most likely think of it as such) field, courtesy of several IZAYA ORIHARA units. She is also very skilled at fighting and will not hesitate to kick your ass if she feels so inclined. Because of this, you must be very careful and gentle when removing her from the packaging if you want to live. There are several safe methods of doing this.

Method 1: Unlatch the box she is in, but don't open it. Wander off a few paces and wait for her to come out on her own with your hands in the air to show you mean no harm.* Once she sees you she will cautiously step out of her packaging and back away and ask what the hell is going on. Calmly and gently explain, and she will allow you to program her. Just don't say you want her to be your pet or servant or something. She'll seriously kill you.

*Note: If you motion the sci-fi Vulcan greeting from Star Trek whilst doing this she will undoubtedly think you are mocking her and swiftly bash your head in. No exceptions.

Method 2: Start playing ridiculous and insufferable show tunes. She'll think you're a TOSHIYUKI YANASE unit (or have him do it himself, if you have one) and feel instantly safe and calm, despite the terrible music. Open her packaging and she'll ask you/your TOSHIYUKI YANASE unit to turn them off. You can then explain to her what's going on and program her to your liking.

Method 3: Have either your/a SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA, ANRI SONOHARA, CELTY STURLUSON, MIKADO RYUUGAMINE, SIMON BREHZNEV, and/or KIDA MASAOMI unit(s) open her packaging. Since they're her friends and she feels safe with them, she won't go all kung-fu on your ass and will allow you to program her.

Programming

Like all our other units in the (Snowblind!)DURARARA! series, the SUZUMI YANASE unit is extremely versatile and can serve several purposes. Here we have a list of suggestions to help you make the best of your SUZUMI YANASE unit.

Bodyguard: Being bullied at school or work? Is your neighbor's IZAYA ORIHARA unit stalking you to observe your life? Then have no fear, your SUZUMI YANASE unit will swiftly take care of any problems that arise to harm you – so long as you ask nicely, of course. The SUZUMI YANASE unit is very serious about trust and friendship, so that is essential.

Japanese Teacher/Tutor: Ever wanted to learn Japanese? Well, now you can! Goodbye annoying fail self-teaching tutorials on the internet and vague, complicated do-it-yourself books! With your SUZUMI YANASE unit's patience and kind heart, she'd be happy to help you learn the language, or help you out if you're having trouble in class. She also knows a bit of German from her freshman year in America, so you can ask her about that, too.

Female Model: While the SUZUMI YANASE unit is still quite young, she has a fairly developed figure and isn't shy about it in the slightest – unless it's something of the sexual nature, of course. If you ask nicely (and the pay is highly substantial), she'll agree to become a model for fashion magazines across the country. She won't agree to any pornography or underwear catalogs, though. It'd be illegal anyway. (Not that she's the perfect law-abiding citizen, but still)

Chess/Checkers/Go/Shogi Player: A true brainiac and strategist at heart, the SUZUMI YANASE unit loves to play all four of these games, along with various other tactical pastimes. With her intelligence and sharp mind, she'll win that state competition no sweat! Just don't pair her up with an IZAYA ORIHARA unit. Swift and sure mayhem will subsequently ensue without fail due to the other unit's teasing, distractions, and goading. We are not responsible for any damage done to anyone or anything. For more information see the Disclaimer/Legal Issues section.

Astrologer: Due to the Pre-Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE, her father, unit's influence in her childhood, the SUZUMI YANASE unit absolutely loves to observe the stars. Having trouble with your Astrology class? Just ask her politely for some help and she'll gladly come to the rescue.

Older/Younger Sister: Not having any siblings of her own, your SUZUMI YANASE unit would love to have some. Amiable so long as you don't get on her nerves, kind, gentle, protective, and sweet, she would make the perfect sister. Like we've mentioned before, you must ask nicely and develop a good relationship with her beforehand.

Best/Friend: Feeling lonely? Your SUZUMI YANASE unit knows this emotion well and would be more than happy to befriend you. Like with being a makeshift sibling, you must ask nicely and develop a relationship with her before you can do this. She's pretty quick to make friends and very accepting, though, so it's highly likely you'll get along (unless you're similar to the IZAYA ORIHARA units in any way, shape, or form.)

Note: Your SUZUMI YANASE unit will not become your girlfriend and/or lover. Despite her adamant denial, she only has eyes for the IZAYA ORIHARA unit.

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit will come in the following modes:

Indifferent/Calm (default)

Tsundere

Maniacal/Determined

Caring

Pissed/Annoyed (Level 0.5)

Pissed Off Level 1

Pissed Off Level 2

!&#*% RAGING (locked)

Yandere (locked)

Cuddly (locked)

Nostalgic/Emo/OOC (locked)

Flustered/Awkward/Blushing Virgin (locked)

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit may seem to have many more modes than other units, such as the IZAYA ORIHARA unit, and a good majority of them locked. This is because she is a highly complicated individual, and extremely destructive and moody (as much as she'd like to deny it, being the tsundere she is) as both a teen and a female. Her default mode of Indifferent/Calm is what you'll mostly see her in, and in it she is very composed, logical, polite, and overall likeable. She generally won't give you any trouble unless you're being ridiculously unreasonable.

In her Tsundere mode, your SUZUMI YANASE unit will, obviously, be tsundere. This mode is generally brought on by an IZAYA ORIHARA and/or MASAOMI KIDA unit, as it is quite obvious she likes them despite her general distaste for their personalities. With the former unit, however, if she is in this mode it will quickly develop into her various levels of Pissed, and will eventually unlock her !&*% RAGING mode. We are not responsible for any damages that will occur as a result.

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit's Maniacal/Determined mode is just what it implies. As a very strong individual, both mentally and physically, she will put her all into something she is very dedicated to, which is generally the Determined bit. The Maniacal half of this mode can only be brought out by an IZAYA ORIHARA unit proposing a game to her, as she will then be obsessed with kicking his ass into next week with mindfuckery and manipulation to show him just who's Boss. And to give him a taste of his own medicine.

(But mostly just to show him who's Boss.)

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit is usually content as long as she has food, water, an adequate place to sleep and watch stars, and at least a TOSHIYUKI YANASE, SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA, CELTY STURLUSON, MASAOMI KIDA, SIMON BREHZNEV, ANRI SONOHARA, and/or MIKADO RYUUGAMINE unit to communicate with. However, if you place her in the vicinity of a Pre-Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE and/or Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE unit, there is a 99.9% chance that your SUZUMI YANASE unit will enter Nostalgic/Emo/OOC mode. This is because the Pre-Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE and/or Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE unit will bring back her happy childhood memories before her father turned cold, stoic, and inattentive, along with the night of his death. In this mode she will likely seclude herself somewhere very private and have a slight mental breakdown, often concerning her inferiority complex. Depending upon the time of the month (ahem) she may or may not cry. If you are lucky (or unlucky) enough to find her in this mode, simply leave (although this will prolong her depression) or just sit down beside her and let her know you're there for her. Don't speak; she'll probably punch you in the face if you do.

Note: While your SUZUMI YANASE unit is in Nostalgic/Emo/OOC mode, keep her away from any sharp objects. She may start slitting herself, although it is unlikely. Her pride matters more to her than almost anything else. Just beware.

Along similar lines, her !&*% RAGING mode is locked for a very, very good reason. This mode can only be brought out by an IZAYA ORIHARA unit (and is very likely if they meet), and will cause severe damage to property, people, and other units alike. As stated somewhere above, we are not responsible for any damages that will occur. The easiest way to get her out of this mode is to get any of her friend/family units to calm her down, or by offering her pizza.

Her Yandere mode is also locked for an important reason. It is very OOC of her, but we decided to put it in a different category entirely from her Nostalgic/Emo/OOC mode, because it encompasses a large set of emotions and is extremely difficult to unlock. This mode can only be brought out by her somehow suffering from extreme emotional trauma. In this mode she will cling to the first Pre-Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE unit she sees, rekindle their parental bond, and slowly but surely overwhelm him with all of her pent-up affections she wasn't able to express when his Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE counterpart was too busy emotionally and verbally abusing her and being an overall asshole (which also resulted in her inferiority complex). The only way to knock her out of this mode is by re-programming her hard drive.

The next modes to be discussed are two of the most popular in the Snowblind!DURARARA! series. The Cuddly and Flustered/Blushing Virgin modes. Due to popular demand, we have created these modes so that you can enjoy IzaSuzu fluff/smut after unlocking them – though with great hassle. These modes, like with a few of your other SUZUMI YANASE unit's modes, can only be brought out by an IZAYA ORIHARA unit, with the exception of the Cuddly mode, though there is only three others who have the magic capability to perform such a miracle. Namely, the Pre-Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE, TOSHIYUKI YANASE, and Child!SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA units – and even then they fall far to the bottom of the list before an IZAYA ORIHARA unit. In the Cuddly mode, your SUZUMI YANASE unit will want to, obviously, cuddle. And a SUZUMI YANASE unit always gets what she wants. An IZAYA ORIHARA unit can unlock her Cuddly mode by somehow getting close to her when she's too tired to put up a fight, ill with some sort of sickness, or in her Nostalgic/Emo/OOC mode after she's done crying. Or after sex, but unlocking her Flustered/Blushing Virgin mode has to come before that.

Which comes to our next mode, the Flustered/Blushing Virgin mode. There is really only one thing that can embarrass your SUZUMI YANASE unit, which is lewd comments from an IZAYA ORIHARA unit. This mode can easily be unlocked by him verbally or otherwise expressing his attraction toward her, to which she will quickly blush, become defensive, and try (and often fail) to change the topic. This mode never immediately leads to sex between the two, however. Like any sensible young woman, the SUZUMI YANASE unit is very protective of her virginity and will not hesitate to fight for its sanctity. She will only willingly give it up to someone she truly trusts and believes in. If you're some desperate male (or female) looking for a good lay or a relationship of that sort, you're out of luck. The SUZUMI YANASE unit, despite her denial, only has eyes for an IZAYA ORIHARA unit. He'll have to work for it, of course, and much drama will ensue. Feel free to record their relationship and all of the subsequent fuss. It will become very popular, we assure you, as we speak from experience.

Relationships With Other Units

IZAYA ORIHARA: Your SUZUMI YANASE unit hates this unit's guts and won't hesitate to give him a well-deserved ass-whooping, although most of her dislike is just her tsundere tendencies making an appearance. In all actuality, she likes him very much (especially physically – she is a teen, after all) but is too prideful to admit defeat to him in any way, shape, or form. In turn, the IZAYA ORIHARA unit enjoys teasing/tormenting her, and especially takes delight in molesting her. He finds her endlessly intriguing and wants to pick her apart piece by piece, secret by secret, which she greatly dislikes. Because of this, it is not wise to place them in the near vicinity of each other. You will end up paying for any and all damages caused, although there is a very, very high chance of them forming some sort of dysfunctional romance if you do. Also, the IZAYA ORIHARA unit tends to kidnap her. Just FYI. There really isn't anything that can be done about it, as he is just as if not even more so as stubborn as the SUZUMI YANASE unit.

TOSHIYUKI YANASE: As your SUZUMI YANASE unit's uncle, they share a close bond not only tied by blood. A kind, caring man by nature, the TOSHIYUKI YANASE unit takes an especial liking to his niece and loves her very much. In turn, your SUZUMI YANASE unit is very grateful for all he is done for her, and they are incredibly close and enjoy each other's company. They are more best friends than anything else.

(Pre-)Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE: Your SUZUMI YANASE unit loves these units immeasurably, despite the Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE unit's asshole personality. He is her father, after all, and it is her memories of the Pre-Mogul!ICHIRO YANASE that stop her from hating him. It is not advised to let them meet (either unit, pre-mogul or otherwise), as it will send your SUZUMI YANASE unit spiraling into her Nostalgic/Emo/OOC mode, and possibly her Yandere mode.

SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA: Having very similar pasts and personalities, the two of them get along very well and enjoy each other's company very much. Along with the MASAOMI KIDA unit, they have a sort of We Hate Izaya Club (WHIC) going on together. They are like makeshift siblings.

MASAOMI KIDA: Despite their largely dissimilar default personalities, the two interact fairly well and have a deep bond of trust, even if your SUZUMI YANASE unit is sometimes annoyed by the MASAOMI KIDA unit's antics. Along with the SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA unit, they have a sort of We Hate Izaya Club (WHIC) going on together.

MIKADO RYUUGAMINE: Their similar personalities are what keep their friendship strong. Your SUZUMI YANASE unit is impressed by the MIKADO RYUUGAMINE unit's frank nature, and the two make a great pair.

ANRI SONOHARA: As the only other female in the Golden Quartet, your SUZUMI YANASE unit and the ANRI SONOHARA have an Instant Friendship Bond (IFB) that helps them through thick and thin in their male counterparts' antics. Your SUZUMI YANASE unit enjoys the ANRI SONOHARA unit's quiet, demure, and intelligent personality, while the ANRI SONOHARA unit admires your SUZUMI YANASE unit and feels guilty about 'leeching' off of her.

CELTY STURLUSON: Very similar to her relationship with the SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA unit, these two view each other as makeshift sisters. Having similar personalities helps as well, and they often take pleasure in going for joyrides on the CELTY STURLUSON unit's Dullahan!Motorcycle, the SHOOTER unit.

SIMON BREHZNEV: Your SUZUMI YANASE unit generally gets along well with this unit, although she becomes quite miffed when the SIMON BREHZNEV unit tries to stop her and the SHIZUO HEIWAJIMA unit when they team up against the IZAYA ORIHARA unit. She likes his boss's cooking very much, however, and enjoys keeping him company.

NAMIE YAGIRI: While these two have not yet met in Snowblind, they strongly dislike each other due to their conflicting, cynical personalities – the NAMIE YAGIRI unit mainly because of your SUZUMI YANASE unit's relationship with the ORIHARA IZAYA unit, despite their mutual intense dislike for said unit.

WALKER YUMASAKI/ERIKA KARISAWA: To be honest, both of these units quite frighten your SUZUMI YANASE unit. The two of them are quite starstruck by her relationship with the IZAYA ORIHARA unit and constantly pester her about it, oftentimes semi-strangling her with hugs of "otaku affection".

KYOHEI KADOTA/DOTACHIN: Your SUZUMI YANASE unit and this one have a sort of mutual respect for one another, and often help bail each other out of awkward situations with the "otaku munchkins", as the IZAYA ORIHARA unit disparagingly calls them.

Cleaning

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit is a teenaged girl. Enough said. Beware of property damage and hospital bills if you ignore this blaringly vague warning.

Feeding

Your SUZUMI YANASE unit is not a particularly fussy eater, although she does enjoy spicy and/or Italian food, having grown up in Nevada. Taco Bell being her favorite 'restaurant' besides Russia Sushi should really tell you something. Generally, she dislikes sweets, but doesn't mind certain flavors like blueberry, chocolate, and mint. She'll eat pretty much anything so long as it's edible. She can actually cook for herself somewhat, although what she makes is generally instant ramen, rice, or pre-made pizza or other such foods. Which really doesn't count as cooking, but you catch our drift. She could make a meal properly if she tried, but why put the effort into it when there's always instant or takeout?

She especially likes drinking black coffee, FYI. And by especially, we mean must have.

Note: Keep her away from bread and toasters when she has one or the other, unless you like your toast burnt to a fine 'crisp.'

Rest

A serious and concentrated young woman, your SUZUMI YANASE unit understands the importance of a good night's sleep. That, and she is a teen and is therefore lazy at default but that's beside the point. Keep her far, far away from an IZAYA ORIHARA unit at any nighttime hour, as he enjoys dragging her outside (oftentimes clandestinely) at the ungodly hours of the morning and molesting her on rooftops. When this happens, she is not amused. At all.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)

Q: My SUZUMI YANASE unit has locked herself in her room and won't come out! What should I do?

A: Bash open the door and kick the IZAYA ORIHARA unit holding her hostage out of your house. We are not responsible for any damage he may/may not incur. Then, move your SUZUMI YANASE unit to a new room. Preferably one without a window.

Q: My unit has been acting really, really weird lately. Like, super super happy and all that jazz. She even kissed my neighbor's MASAOMI KIDA unit on the cheek the other day, and keeps randomly staring off into space with a huge smile! What the hell is going on?

A: You should first calm down and stop repeating words. Your SUZUMI YANASE unit has probably gotten a break from the IZAYA ORIHARA unit that has been "courting" her for goodness knows how long. Either that, or she has, er…coupled with him, and/or has been making out with him on a daily basis. Just be happy that she isn't in her !&*#% RAGING mode and get your local SHINRA KISHITANI unit to proscribe her some birth-control pills for the latter two possibilities. Her reaction should be hilarious, at least.

Q: Why aren't there more questions in the FAQ section?

A: Just 'cause.

Troubleshooting

Problem: You are infatuated with your SUZUMI YANASE unit, but she doesn't share the sentiment.

Solution: Tough luck. Deal with it.

Problem: Instead of the headstrong, awkward young woman you asked for, you received a cute bubbly pre-schooler with short-cropped hair and tons of freckles.

Solution: Congratulations! You have received the Child!SUZUMI YANASE unit. In terms of programming, it is practically the opposite of the regular SUZUMI YANASE unit. Short(er), adorable, funny, cheerful, and extraordinarily curious, the Child!SUZUMI YANASE unit is a true bundle of fun. This is a limited edition unit and you are one of the lucky few randomly selected to receive it. You can keep it, but if you still want the original you may call customer service and we will be happy to make an exchange.

End Notes

Even with all her moodiness and reluctantly violent tendencies, your SUZUMI YANASE unit will prove to be an invaluable lifetime companion that will bring you plenty of laughs and warmth over the years, provided she doesn't "willingly elope" with an IZAYA ORIHARA unit.

Disclaimer/Legal Issues

We do not hold any responsibility, nor will we take any for any damage/mental scarring/etc. this SUZUMI YANASE unit may cause in reaction to, mostly, the IZAYA ORIHARA unit. From the moment of purchase, she is YOUR responsibility. This is inclusive of all the crackpot things she may/may not do under the IZAYA ORIHARA unit's influence. Do not send us a bill; we will not entertain anything.

And with that, enjoy your SUZUMI YANASE unit!

A/N: I really should be finishing up chapter eleven of Snowblind, but I was reading some DRRR! manuals and just couldn't help myself. I might do sommoar for my other DRRR! OCs, like Toshiyuki, her father (Ichiro Yanase), Anna Pierce (her LA guardian), and maybe even actual canon!chars. I really want to do Kida, actually. What do you guys think? The only ones done so far (by anyone) are Shizu-chan and Iza-chii. They're really funny, done by ikebukurolove. Read, support, nom. Love. :)

Layout © Theresa Green

And yes, AnimeCrazy88. The WHIC is for you. C: