I really wanted to write a oneshot. I suck at oneshots. I suck at endings. I have no excuse. I apologize. This oneshot is my first one in a long while. There will probably be issues but I don't care. I've gone about 24 hours without sleep and I can only handle going about 30 hrs without sleep.

"Hey Kiku, what are you doing here?" Heracles had returned home from high school to find a nice surprise waiting for him; his crush.

"Sadik-san invited me over to help you with your homework. He said your grades were slipping?" The Greek mentally cursed his guardian.

"My grades are just fine. He's the one slipping." He joined the Japanese man on the couch.

"So you don't need my help?" He gave a knowing smile. "I guess I'll just head back-"

"No." He grabbed his hand. "I want your help. Please."

The reserved man laughed lightly and nodded, motioning to the coffee table. Heracles put his homework on its surface just as his guardian entered the room with a tray of baklava. Kiku greeted him happily and the Greek glared, snatching up one of the treats. He may hate the chef but he could never hate his favorite snack. The masked man scolded the high schooler and sat next to Kiku on the couch. He offered his friend some baklava and took one from himself, sending a smug look in Heracles' direction.

"What's with that look, idiot?" He grumbled, glaring back at him.

"What look?" He replied.

"You know what look!" He snapped moodily.

"Did you get caught with your pants down at school again?"

"What!? I've never been caught with my pants down!"

"So you don't deny having them down?"

"Wha-? I don't know what you're talking about." He growled, glaring over Kiku's head at the older man. "Just shut up and go to your room."

"Big words coming from a little man." Sadik retorted. "I think you have our roles confused."

"Gentlemen, please," Kiku gently shoved the two apart, "stop fighting. I need to leave in a few hours and that's not a lot of time to help Hera-kun with his work." He fixed his friend with a look. "Sadik-san, you should be going to pick up your sons from school."

"Gupta's picking them up." He murmured in response. "So I can watch and make sure Jerkules doesn't try anything."

"I don't think I like what you're implying." Heracles grit out, clenching his fist.

"Herakuresu-san!" Kiku gripped the teenager's wrist. "Please calm down. Sadik-san, stop provoking him."

"Sorry Kiku." Sadik apologized, crossing his arms over his chest. "But I'm still going to watch you two."

"That is fine. Hera-kun, please show me your homework."

Heracles gave his old man one more scathing look before conceding and showing his math homework to the college student. They worked on homework until it had finished, for once without having a fight break out. They were just finishing Heracles' German homework when the house's door opened. A young boy ran in closely followed by his older brother and their 'babysitter'. Gupta smiled at the three on the couch and set his own bag next to Heracles'. Kuzey, the youngest in the room, went straight to the couch and his father's lap, shyly greeting Kiku after sticking his tongue out at the Greek.

"Sadik, Kuzey got into another fight at school today." Gupta stood on the other side of the coffee table with Cyrus. "As punishment, he's not allowed to watch television before bed. Do you agree with this?"

"Baba, don't punish me. Those jerks started it." The child pled. "They made fun of my accent."

"The principal says they wanted to be your friends but you called them names." Gupta interjected calmly.

"Kuzey." The man frowned at his child.

"They… I…" The child started muttering in his father's native tongue.

"I don' care who started it, bebek. You shouldn't get in trouble. If Gupta thinks ya shouldn't be allowed to watch television tonight then ya can't watch it."

"Iyi." Kuzey grumbled and slid off the man's lap, taking his brother's hand before going to their bedroom.

"How were your classes, Gupta-san?" Kiku inquired, looking over Heracles' German worksheet.

"Jayyid jiddan, wa anta?" His smile faded.

"You're being rude again, brother." Heracles complained before translating for the Japanese man.

"It's fine. I know he's not very talkative around strangers." He reassured the two men at his side. "My classes are going well, arigatou." The Egyptian nodded curtly and then went to the kitchen.

"Yeah but you're not really a stranger. You've been my friend since you started college." Sadik frowned.

"That's only two years and this is the fifth time I've been to your house."

"You're my friend too, Kiku." Heracles tugged his sleeve, "Right?"

"Of course, Hera-kun." He smiled.

"Well I met him first."

"So?" The Greek bristled.

"Ah… I think I should head back. Pochi-kun probably wants to be fed now." Kiku sighed and got up, gathering his things. "Have a nice day, Hera-kun, Sadik-san."

"He gave me a nickname." Heracles boasted.

"Only cause he can't pronounce your stupid name, Jerkules."

"It's air-uh-klees, bastard! You named me!"

"No, yer mom made me name you."

"I told you not to talk about my mom!"

o0o-o0o

"Hera-kun, Sadik-san, thank you for coming with me to this gathering." Kiku bowed to his friends outside the City's convention center. "My usual con-goers decided to have a pasta-night instead."

"Who do you usually go with?" Heracles was more familiar with the cons than his guardian but the older man never left Kiku alone with him so he had tagged along.

"Gilbert-kun, Lovino-kun, Alfred-kun, Feliciano-kun, and sometimes Ludwig-san and Arthur-san." He listed, heading into the center. "You two will need to change into these for me. I got you both the cosplay discount." He held up plastic bags for the pair. "I hope you don't mind them too much. They were the least embarrassing. We can change in the bathroom." He pointed to the room.

"No problem." The Greek gave a lazy smile and headed in first, closely followed by the other two.

Heracles had been given the same costume he had worn at the last convention he had been dragged to which he got into rather quickly. He was the first one out of the stall, readjusting his feline ears in the mirror as he waited for the others. Kiku stepped out second, cosplaying as one of his current favorite anime characters. They exchanged compliments then knocked on the stall Sadik was still in. He came out dressed similarly to Kiku and Heracles scowled. He was the odd one out of the group now.

"What's wrong, Hera-kun. Don't you like your costume?" Kiku actually blushed as he looked at the Greek.

"He's hardly wearing anything." The Turkish man complained.

"I think he looks cute in this. It suits him very well." The Japanese man replied. "Now let's go before I miss my panel." He gave them their badges and hurried out to find his panel room.

Sadik went with the younger men but found it hard to enjoy anything the con offered. Anime was something he watched only when Kiku was over. Heracles, on the other hand, was familiar with most of the shows Kiku pointed out and gabbed about. He was starting to lose points in their unofficial contest to impress Kiku. When the last panel their friend wanted to attend started they all took a seat in the front of the room, Heracles nodding off and Sadik busy thinking of how he could show off after the convention. The two did not notice when a man waved to their otaku, receiving one in return.

Kiku smiled and started a conversation with the blond and laughed, talking enthusiastically about the panel they were about to sit in on. Sadik had excused himself after he heard Heracles snore.

"Abel-san, I wasn't aware you enjoyed anime too." The blond took the Turk's seat.

"I enjoy this show but I wouldn't say I'm a fan of all anime." He removed an electronic cigarette from his mouth.

"I am a bit of an otaku." Kiku admitted.

"A bit?" He chuckled then looked at the Greek sleeping on his school-mate's arm. "Boyfriend?"

"Huh?" He followed his gaze and blushed. "Ah, iie, no… I'm friends with him and his father."

"That's good. You're available then?"

"Abel-san, I'm not interested." He apologized, "We hardly know each other."

"That can be fixed. How about you join me for lunch Monday at the campus café?"

"Just for lunch?" Kiku murmured.

"Yep."

"Hai. I will do that."

"Hey Kiku, this punk givin' you trouble?" Sadik had returned and was glaring down at the Dutch man.

"Iie." He shook his head quickly. "He's a friend from school."

"Well move. That's my seat."

"Sorry. You weren't here when I got here." He apologized and got up, eying the man for a moment. "Hang on, I think I recognize you…" He tilted his head. "Yeah, I know you. You're that bastard that challenged me in the tulip contest!"

"Yeah and I beat you."

"No, you cheated."

"Did not."

"Did too."

"Whatever Sadik's saying he didn't do, he did it." Heracles was awake again.

"Don't just butt in, Greek!"

"I can do whatever I want to."

"If you two are going to fight can you do it outside? The panel is starting." Kiku scolded the two.

"Good idea." Sadik captured Heracles in a headlock and dragged him out.

o0o-o0o

"Sadik, did you disconnect the phone in the middle of my call with Kiku?!" Heracles stormed into the kitchen where his guardian was cooking with his half-brother.

"You were gonna ask him out!" The man shot back.

"How did you..?" Heracles became flustered, "Shut up, that's none of your business!"

"It is my business cause I call dibs on Kiku." They both jumped when Gupta let out a curse. "Guppy? What's wrong?"

"N-Nothing. I just cut myself." He murmured, showing him his finger.

"We'll talk about this later, Heracles!" Sadik took Gupta's hand carefully and led him to the bathroom. "Gupta, you're not clumsy. Something distracted you." He grabbed the first aid kit.

"It's nothing important." He replied, holding his finger out.

"Everything on your mind is important." Sadik cleaned the cut and kissed it. "So what was on your mind while cutting vegetables?"

"You said you called dibs on Kiku… Like he isn't a person." His cheeks turned pink. "Do you really love him?"

"What? Love? Kiku?" Sadik babbled, "No I don't love him. I like him but he's just a friend."

"I see… do you love someone else?" He took a bandage from the kit.

"Actually, yes, I do." He replied.

"Oh…" He sighed and put the bandage on his finger. "What's her name?"

"My kids have a habit of calling her Anne." He smirked.

"So her name is Anne." He frowned.

"Gupta, you're smarter than that." He laughed. "Never mind it… Now, why do you care about how I feel towards Kiku? I thought you didn't like him."

"I don't not like him." He replied, "But my brother loves him and I think it's wrong for you to interfere with love just because you want to continue a childish rivalry."

"Is that so?"

"Yes, it is so." He snapped, getting up. "Now I'm going to reconnect the phone and you are going to finish dinner."

"Hey, don't get so mad, Guppy…" He pouted and opened the door for the younger man. "What did I do to you?"

"Baba, where is anne going?" Kuzey yawned, awoken from his nap.

"Basement. I think. Go get your brother. I've got to finish cooking."

He went into the kitchen to finish dinner, ignoring the brooding Greek on the couch. Gupta returned to the kitchen before he finished cooking, telling his brother to call Kiku back. Heracles grinned and hugged the Egyptian before darting to the house phone. Sadik was impressed that his lethargic ward could move faster than a turtle when given the right motivation. He started to set the table, letting Heracles be for once-he had to get back on Gupta's good side.

"Hey Kiku, sorry about earlier. The Turk kicked me off." Heracles played with a long haired cat on his bed. "I was wondering if you were doing anything tomorrow."

"I have plans tomorrow, gommen."

"That's okay. How about Sunday?"

"Sunday is free. Do you need help with your homework?"

"Nope. I wanted to go out with you." His tone expressed his grin.

"Ah, I see. You and Sadik won't be fighting the whole time I hope." He tried to joke.

"Nope! It's just going to be you and me. Like a date."

"A-A date? I'm sorry, Hera-kun, but I have a date tomorrow... I don't think it would be fair for me to plan another one right after. Abel-kun called after you hung up on me… Gommen." He apologized and promptly hung up.

Heracles was stunned, no longer twitching the string for his cat to chase. The feline let out a weak meow of concern and clawed his hand, making him flinch. He smacked the cat's head and pulled his knees to his chest. The cat started and darted from the room, bumping into Gupta's pet dog. The dog tilted her head as he ran past and then trotted after him. Her owner greeted her from the dinner table where the family sat waiting for the final member.

"Well there's Larry… where's Heracles?" Cyrus noted, reaching to pet the cat, only for it to back up. "That's odd."

"Something's up… Gupta, kids, go ahead and start without us." Sadik got up and quickly went to the Greek's room. "Heracles."

"Go away, asshole." Came the muffled response.

"What the hell… Are you crying?" He gaped, jumping onto the bed like a teenager. "What happened?"

"It's your fault. I hate you." He pulled his knees tighter to his chest.

"Damnit kid, what's my fault now?" He crossed his arms and legs. "First ya blame me for yer mom's death and now you're blaming me for a crime I'm not aware of."

"Kiku has a date tomorrow." He glared past his knees.

"What? With who!?" The man's mask slipped off as he startled.

"Some asshole named Abel." He spat out the name.

"What? That tulip pushing loser?"

"You know him? I knew it! You really hate me, don't you? Actually getting one of your friends to ask the love of my life out before I can…"

"Abel isn't my friend and I don't want anyone to date Kiku. Except maybe you… after you grow up!" He stroked the stubble on his chin. "But this changes that. You're going to get a date with Kiku. Abel is a horrible guy!"

"You're serious..?"

"Yeah, I'm serious. Kiku's my friend and yer my son… Even if not by blood… Or even by choice." The Greek frowned and rolled his eyes. "Let's call a truce. Our enemy is Abel and our goal is Kiku's happiness."

"But what if this Abel guy is his happiness?" Heracles buried his face again.

"Hey, no negativity Greek. If you're negative in the war of love then you'll never get your guy. You gotta believe you're his happiness and accept no substitutes!"

"Tch. You don't even follow your own strategy." He scoffed.

"What do you mean?" He blinked.

"Nothing… Forget it. I smell kebabs." He perked up.

"Yup. Now get up, mopey." He smacked his back encouragingly. "After dinner I'm going to find out about that date so we can crash it."

o0o-o0o

"How did you get this information?" Heracles and the family were outside an animal park where Kiku and Abel's date would be taking place.

"Abel is my classmate and he's a braggart."

Gupta smiled, despite wearing a dress and a Cleopatra-styled wig for the operation Sadik and Heracles had planned. They were all in 'disguises', even Cyrus and Kuzey wore their hair differently and glasses to hide their eyes. Sadik had removed his mask and slicked back his hair while Heracles was wearing his hair back and chic clothing as opposed to his usual sloppy shirt and jeans.

"When they get here, Gupta is going to flirt with Abel and the kids are gonna hang back with me as plan B." Sadik placed his hands on their heads.

"Does Gupta even know how to flirt?" Heracles teased his brother.

"Good question." The Turk laughed.

"I can flirt perfectly!" He grumbled then looked at the oldest of the group, changing his expression to one of innocence. "Uhibbu an anaama ma'aki… Hal ladayka al ghilaaf al mattatii?(1)"

"What?" Heracles and the children were lost for once but they had never seen the old man's face turn so red before.

"Kids, don't you ever. Ever. Repeat those words." He coughed, looking away from the laughing cross-dresser.

"What the hell did you tell him?"

"It wasn't that vulgar." Gupta stifled his laugh and shrugged. "Anyways, that's Abel's car."

"What? He has a car? I can't compete with that." Heracles complained.

"Quiet. What did I say about negativity? You get into position… and Gupta…" He smirked at the younger, "Bir kutu dolusu var.(2)"

"You have a whole box of what, baba?"

"Candy, little one, candy…" Gupta pat the boy's head. "Now I'm going to separate Abel from Kiku."

Sadik nodded, picking Kuzey up and heading to their rendezvous exhibit. Heracles and Cyrus followed Gupta to where the 'couple' was deciding on which exhibit to visit first. Kiku was looking at the big cats but Abel wanted to see goats. They looked at each other and then at the map. The goats were closer so that was what they decided on. The Japanese man sighed and trailed behind his date, pulling out his phone to text someone. Gupta picked up his pace and tapped Abel's shoulder, whispering something in his ear.

"Gupta's so mysterious." Cyrus said cheerfully. "Unpredictable."

"Yeah and whatever he said worked cause there they go." Heracles pointed to where they were disappearing around a corner, leaving Kiku confused. "Stay here, Cy."

"Good luck brother." He sat back on a nearby bench, watching the camels behind him.

"Hey Kiku, you look lost."

"Heraku-What are you wearing?" The man eyed the teenager in surprise. "What are you doing here?"

"Family outing. You came here for your date?" He snorted. "Not very romantic."

"I agree. Our family outings are always here too." He sighed.

"Why did you agree then?" He pulled out the band keeping his hair back. "I would've taken you to a nice, quiet Greek restaurant in the city."

"You and what money?" He joked. "I didn't choose this place. I left it up to him but he suggested some club… So he picked this place for its closeness."

"Lame. End this date and come with me."

"That's not polite." He replied. "Or fair to Abel-san."

"Abel ditched you for some chick."

"What?"

"Brother told me Abel has a thing for young girls. Looks like he was telling the truth."

"Your brother Gupta?" The space between them lessened.

"Yeah. He's in Abel's class and they spent some time at the hookah bar." He took Kiku's hand in his.

"Gupta smokes?" The older man gaped.

"Oh, right. I swore not to tell anyone. My bad." He laughed. "He's nineteen though so it's not illegal."

"Your brother is…"

"Mysterious?"

"Hai."

"Jerkules, why are you still here with Kiku?"

"Sadik-san!" He started at the sound of his name, letting go of Heracles' hand.

"Hey. Sorry to interrupt but Guppy didn't meet up with us yet." Sadik apologized.

"Y-You're not mad?"

"No. Why would I be? Heracles is a big boy now and you can handle yourself." He shrugged. "Abel was a bigger threat than my son."

"Gupta took Abel around the corner. Can I have some money?" Heracles pointed the direction then held out his hand.

"Fine. But you better not be here when I get back and I want you home by night fall. No sleep overs." He pulled money out of his wallet for him and then took Cyrus and Kuzey around the corner.

"So… That Greek restaurant?" Kiku blushed.

"Yeah. Then maybe a movie. I heard they're having an anime night." Heracles smiled and took his hand again.

(1) I'd like to go to bed with you… Do you have a condom?

(2) I have a (whole) box of them.

Baba = Dad. Anne = Mom.

Yep. I've lost my touch. This is what eight hours of writing gives me… From midnight to eight in the morning. I am done. I give up. Hope you enjoyed this little oneshot of complete randomness with plotholes and the like. I wanted to get a fanfic out before continuing on better, longer ones. So let me know what you would like to see from me, Hetalia fans. I actually have a lot of unfinished and WIP Hetalia fics but I don't feel quite convinced they'll be well received. Dying Romance isn't too popular so it's not making me feel any better about my writing. xD

If you're one of my Naruto followers, I apologize for not continuing anything… I may return someday soon. I'm finding it hard to write them the way I used to. Someone requested that I make a KisaIta MPreg and I might if I get in a mood similar to the one I had while writing this oneshot. I still really want to write Grown Up but I can't find all my plans now. It was like two laptops ago. I'm starting college with 17 credit hours so I'm not sure how much drive I'll have.

That and I'm working on a big original project with my bff. How do you feel about horses?