This is my first Seinfeld story and hopefully the first for Fanfiction. All the names and characters have been borrowed strictly for fictionally purposes and for fun. I hope you enjoy it.
Saturday 12:37 p.m.
Jerry and George are sitting at Monks finishing up lunch. Jerry reaches for the check of course. George acts as though he didn't see the waitress put it down.
George: You know Jerry, I'm getting desperate.
Jerry: And, this is new?
George: I'm getting old. I need to find a woman and settle down.
Elaine comes storming in the door and slides in next to George. She interrupts him without even saying hello.
Elaine: You are not going to believe what happened at work yesterday!
Jerry: Probably not.
Elaine: Ok, so I'm in the bathroom, doing my own thing right. And so far so good, I have the whole place to myself. Then, someone comes in.
George: I hate when that happens. That is why everyone should have their own private bathroom at work....
Elaine ignores him and continues talking.
Elaine: Anyway, there are twelve stalls in the bathroom. I'm in the last one. This lady walks all the way down and goes into the stall next to me!
Jerry: Can you believe that?
Jerry throws his hands in the air. Some people have all the nerve.
Elaine: I mean, come on! There are 11 other stalls! Couldn't she have started at the other end?
Jerry: So, what did you do?
Elaine: I waited for her to come out of the stall and then I let her have it.
Jerry: You didn't.
George: Oh boy.
Elaine: I did. It was that little Patsy Watson from Payroll. So, I say to her "Patsy, did you have to use the stall next to me? What's wrong with the other 11 stalls?" Well, apparently this makes her mad and she says to me "It wouldn't have mattered which stall I was in Benes! The smell has lingered all the way out into the hall!"
Jerry: Uh oh.
Elaine: Yep. So we get into this huge cat fight. Then she went out and told everyone that I stunk up the whole office. This isn't over Jerry.
Elaine is tapping the table firmly with her index finger, as if it were Patsy's forehead.
Saturday 1:06 p.m.
Jerry is back in his apartment, pouring himself some juice when Kramer comes sliding
through the door.
Jerry: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: Hey Jerry, what are you doing?
Jerry: Not much, you?
Kramer: Well, I need to ask you for a favor.
Jerry: Oh no mister! No more favors for you!
Kramer: Come on Jerry. I need your help.
Jerry: What is in now?
Kramer: I need you to baby-sit my dog.
Jerry: Dog? What dog? Nooo way!
Kramer: My dog. He followed my home yesterday. I'm gonna train him and be his manager. I'm going to put him in the movies Jerry.
Jerry: No! No dogs Kramer.
Kramer: Come on Jerry. Just for a little while. Newman and I have to go down to the Supermarket. There's a big scandal going on down there and we're about to break it wide open!
Jerry: What is it this time?
Kramer: You know those electric scooters you can use while you shop?
Kramer opens the fridge and grabs the juice and drinks what's left right from the carton.
Jerry: Yeah.
Kramer: Well, those are really floor cleaners!
He pauses for a second waiting for Jerry's response but Jerry just smiles.
Kramer: Yep, I'm afraid it's true. You think they're being nice by letting people use those but people don't know that while they're zoomin' around the store they're buffing the floors!
Kramer's adrenaline is increasing.
Kramer: They keep raising their food prices, but they're saving on cleaning costs.
Jerry is wondering how Kramer knows since he eats all of Jerry's food. When does Kramer ever go to the Supermarket?
Jerry: Oh really?
Kramer: It's true Jerry. That's why I need you to watch my dog. He doesn't like to be alone. It's just for an hour.
Jerry knows this is a lost battle. He storms towards the bathroom.
Jerry: Alright, fine! But if he bites me or pees on my carpet you're in big trouble mister!
Kramer: Thanks buddy, I owe you one.
Kramer heads towards the door.
Jerry: You owe me several!
Jerry closes the bathroom door and Kramer lets himself out.
Later, Kramer and Newman are seen driving scooters all around the grocery store.
Kramer is seen inspecting the floor behind Newman's scooter. Newman almost runs
over a lady. Security throws them out of the store.
Newman: You haven't heard the last from us!
Kramer: Oh yeah! We'll be back alright. We know what's going on here!
Saturday 4:45 p.m.
Elaine and Jerry are sitting at Monks talking.
Elaine: So where have you been all day?
Jerry: Oh! I had to watch Kramer's dog while he was out with Newman.
Elaine: His dog? What dog?
Jerry: Yeah, Kramer took in some stray dog that followed him home yesterday.
Elaine: He probably smelled like sausages again!
Jerry: Yeah, well the little thing went to the bathroom on my kitchen floor. I have to have the whole place fumigated now!
Elaine made a face of disgust.
Elaine: Make Kramer pay for it.
Jerry: Oh, he's gonna pay alright!
Just then George walks in and sits down.
Jerry: George.
George: Guess what!
Elaine and Jerry just sit and wait.
George: I got a date!
George is glowing.
Elaine pushes George hard in the shoulder.
Elaine: Shut up!
George rubs his arm. Ouch. He looks at Jerry.
George: No, it's true.
Jerry: With who? That girl that use to baby-sit you?
George: Very funny. No, a real date.
George pauses, then continues after no response from Elaine or Jerry.
George: I put an ad out on the internet last week and it worked.
Jerry: Oh no. That's dangerous George. How do you know who you're talking to? It
could be some homicidal maniac.
George chuckles.
George: She told me who she is and she sounds great!
He is so excited.
Elaine smirks.
Jerry: Did you tell her about yourself?
George: Of course.
Elaine: And she still wants to go out with you?
George is getting frustrated.
George: Yes!
Jerry: So where are you going on your date?
George: We're gong to that new buffet on 12th. Then we're going to Game World, that
really cool virtual arcade for adults.
Elaine: Really?
George: Yep. They even serve alcohol there.
Jerry: Well good luck George. I hope it's really a woman.
Elaine and Jerry start to laugh.
Elaine: With all her limbs and teeth.
Monday 5:40
Elaine and Jerry are standing in his apartment talking.
Jerry: So what ever happened with the bathroom thing at work?
Elaine: Oh, well, I went around work and told everyone how she was a pervert and liked
to listen to people go to the bathroom.
Jerry: So that was the end of it?
Elaine: No. Somehow my paycheck mysteriously got messed up and I only got paid minimum wage for the last 2 weeks!
Elaine puts her hand on her hip. She lost that battle, for now.
Elaine: There's unspoken rules about bathroom etiquette Jerry.
Elaine is pleading her case.
Jerry: Oh, I know. Just like at the health club.
Jerry puts his hands up in front of him.
Jerry: I'm sorry but I can't talk to you if you're standing there naked. Go put some cloths on and come back.
Kramer comes sliding in. He is excited about something. He almost runs into Elaine.
Elaine: Well hi there Kramer.
Kramer: Hi Elaine. We did it Jerry! The whole thing is a bust. 20/20 is doing a big investigation. It's huge Jerry!
Elaine looks confused but doesn't want to know.
Jerry: Really? So they do clean the floors?
Kramer: Oh yeah! And now we have proof.
Jerry: Way to go Kramer. Another great injustice in the world is solved thanks to Cosmo Kramer.
George rings the buzzer and comes moping in, hands in his pockets.
Jerry: Well, well George. How was the date?
Elaine: Yeah George, tell us about your big date with Mrs. Wonderful.
George: It was horrible. This girl ate twice as much as I did. Then I had to pay for everything at Game World.
Elaine: George, the guy usually pays for the date.
George: I know but she ordered 3 bottles of wine at Game World Sports Bar. It was our first date and it cost me $140! Oh, and she was nothing like she described!! Ho ho, no where close.
Jerry: Oh. Now that's a surprise.
Elaine: And how did you describe yourself?
Elaine said laughing. She couldn't wait to hear this.
George: Just like I am. Young, average height, hard worker, brown hair, brown eyes.
Elaine is laughing hysterically.
Kramer: It's brown at least where there's some left!
George didn't find that amusing.
George: Thanks a lot Kramer. Then to finish off the night, I take her home and she invites me upstairs. I didn't want to go but she was intoxicated so I wanted to make sure she didn't fall down the steps or something. We get upstairs and she attacks me like an animal! Tore my brand new shirt off! Ruined! And after she has my cloths ripped off me, she passes out! Can you believe that?
Everyone is laughing hysterically. When it comes to George, they can believe it. George is turning red from being so upset.
Jerry: That's a shame.
Jerry says mockingly.
George: So anyway I get up and put on what's left of my cloths. My zipper is busted, there are no buttons left on my shirt. I have to walk down to my car like that. And of course there are people in the lobby looking at me.
Everyone starts busting out laughing again. George is humiliated. Poor George.
George: And now she won't stop calling me and emailing me. It's horrible Jerry.
Jerry: Well George, that's what you get for putting an ad on the internet.
George turns and walks our Jerry's door with his head down. Jerry, Elaine and Kramer are still laughing.
The End.
Saturday 12:37 p.m.
Jerry and George are sitting at Monks finishing up lunch. Jerry reaches for the check of course. George acts as though he didn't see the waitress put it down.
George: You know Jerry, I'm getting desperate.
Jerry: And, this is new?
George: I'm getting old. I need to find a woman and settle down.
Elaine comes storming in the door and slides in next to George. She interrupts him without even saying hello.
Elaine: You are not going to believe what happened at work yesterday!
Jerry: Probably not.
Elaine: Ok, so I'm in the bathroom, doing my own thing right. And so far so good, I have the whole place to myself. Then, someone comes in.
George: I hate when that happens. That is why everyone should have their own private bathroom at work....
Elaine ignores him and continues talking.
Elaine: Anyway, there are twelve stalls in the bathroom. I'm in the last one. This lady walks all the way down and goes into the stall next to me!
Jerry: Can you believe that?
Jerry throws his hands in the air. Some people have all the nerve.
Elaine: I mean, come on! There are 11 other stalls! Couldn't she have started at the other end?
Jerry: So, what did you do?
Elaine: I waited for her to come out of the stall and then I let her have it.
Jerry: You didn't.
George: Oh boy.
Elaine: I did. It was that little Patsy Watson from Payroll. So, I say to her "Patsy, did you have to use the stall next to me? What's wrong with the other 11 stalls?" Well, apparently this makes her mad and she says to me "It wouldn't have mattered which stall I was in Benes! The smell has lingered all the way out into the hall!"
Jerry: Uh oh.
Elaine: Yep. So we get into this huge cat fight. Then she went out and told everyone that I stunk up the whole office. This isn't over Jerry.
Elaine is tapping the table firmly with her index finger, as if it were Patsy's forehead.
Saturday 1:06 p.m.
Jerry is back in his apartment, pouring himself some juice when Kramer comes sliding
through the door.
Jerry: Hey Kramer.
Kramer: Hey Jerry, what are you doing?
Jerry: Not much, you?
Kramer: Well, I need to ask you for a favor.
Jerry: Oh no mister! No more favors for you!
Kramer: Come on Jerry. I need your help.
Jerry: What is in now?
Kramer: I need you to baby-sit my dog.
Jerry: Dog? What dog? Nooo way!
Kramer: My dog. He followed my home yesterday. I'm gonna train him and be his manager. I'm going to put him in the movies Jerry.
Jerry: No! No dogs Kramer.
Kramer: Come on Jerry. Just for a little while. Newman and I have to go down to the Supermarket. There's a big scandal going on down there and we're about to break it wide open!
Jerry: What is it this time?
Kramer: You know those electric scooters you can use while you shop?
Kramer opens the fridge and grabs the juice and drinks what's left right from the carton.
Jerry: Yeah.
Kramer: Well, those are really floor cleaners!
He pauses for a second waiting for Jerry's response but Jerry just smiles.
Kramer: Yep, I'm afraid it's true. You think they're being nice by letting people use those but people don't know that while they're zoomin' around the store they're buffing the floors!
Kramer's adrenaline is increasing.
Kramer: They keep raising their food prices, but they're saving on cleaning costs.
Jerry is wondering how Kramer knows since he eats all of Jerry's food. When does Kramer ever go to the Supermarket?
Jerry: Oh really?
Kramer: It's true Jerry. That's why I need you to watch my dog. He doesn't like to be alone. It's just for an hour.
Jerry knows this is a lost battle. He storms towards the bathroom.
Jerry: Alright, fine! But if he bites me or pees on my carpet you're in big trouble mister!
Kramer: Thanks buddy, I owe you one.
Kramer heads towards the door.
Jerry: You owe me several!
Jerry closes the bathroom door and Kramer lets himself out.
Later, Kramer and Newman are seen driving scooters all around the grocery store.
Kramer is seen inspecting the floor behind Newman's scooter. Newman almost runs
over a lady. Security throws them out of the store.
Newman: You haven't heard the last from us!
Kramer: Oh yeah! We'll be back alright. We know what's going on here!
Saturday 4:45 p.m.
Elaine and Jerry are sitting at Monks talking.
Elaine: So where have you been all day?
Jerry: Oh! I had to watch Kramer's dog while he was out with Newman.
Elaine: His dog? What dog?
Jerry: Yeah, Kramer took in some stray dog that followed him home yesterday.
Elaine: He probably smelled like sausages again!
Jerry: Yeah, well the little thing went to the bathroom on my kitchen floor. I have to have the whole place fumigated now!
Elaine made a face of disgust.
Elaine: Make Kramer pay for it.
Jerry: Oh, he's gonna pay alright!
Just then George walks in and sits down.
Jerry: George.
George: Guess what!
Elaine and Jerry just sit and wait.
George: I got a date!
George is glowing.
Elaine pushes George hard in the shoulder.
Elaine: Shut up!
George rubs his arm. Ouch. He looks at Jerry.
George: No, it's true.
Jerry: With who? That girl that use to baby-sit you?
George: Very funny. No, a real date.
George pauses, then continues after no response from Elaine or Jerry.
George: I put an ad out on the internet last week and it worked.
Jerry: Oh no. That's dangerous George. How do you know who you're talking to? It
could be some homicidal maniac.
George chuckles.
George: She told me who she is and she sounds great!
He is so excited.
Elaine smirks.
Jerry: Did you tell her about yourself?
George: Of course.
Elaine: And she still wants to go out with you?
George is getting frustrated.
George: Yes!
Jerry: So where are you going on your date?
George: We're gong to that new buffet on 12th. Then we're going to Game World, that
really cool virtual arcade for adults.
Elaine: Really?
George: Yep. They even serve alcohol there.
Jerry: Well good luck George. I hope it's really a woman.
Elaine and Jerry start to laugh.
Elaine: With all her limbs and teeth.
Monday 5:40
Elaine and Jerry are standing in his apartment talking.
Jerry: So what ever happened with the bathroom thing at work?
Elaine: Oh, well, I went around work and told everyone how she was a pervert and liked
to listen to people go to the bathroom.
Jerry: So that was the end of it?
Elaine: No. Somehow my paycheck mysteriously got messed up and I only got paid minimum wage for the last 2 weeks!
Elaine puts her hand on her hip. She lost that battle, for now.
Elaine: There's unspoken rules about bathroom etiquette Jerry.
Elaine is pleading her case.
Jerry: Oh, I know. Just like at the health club.
Jerry puts his hands up in front of him.
Jerry: I'm sorry but I can't talk to you if you're standing there naked. Go put some cloths on and come back.
Kramer comes sliding in. He is excited about something. He almost runs into Elaine.
Elaine: Well hi there Kramer.
Kramer: Hi Elaine. We did it Jerry! The whole thing is a bust. 20/20 is doing a big investigation. It's huge Jerry!
Elaine looks confused but doesn't want to know.
Jerry: Really? So they do clean the floors?
Kramer: Oh yeah! And now we have proof.
Jerry: Way to go Kramer. Another great injustice in the world is solved thanks to Cosmo Kramer.
George rings the buzzer and comes moping in, hands in his pockets.
Jerry: Well, well George. How was the date?
Elaine: Yeah George, tell us about your big date with Mrs. Wonderful.
George: It was horrible. This girl ate twice as much as I did. Then I had to pay for everything at Game World.
Elaine: George, the guy usually pays for the date.
George: I know but she ordered 3 bottles of wine at Game World Sports Bar. It was our first date and it cost me $140! Oh, and she was nothing like she described!! Ho ho, no where close.
Jerry: Oh. Now that's a surprise.
Elaine: And how did you describe yourself?
Elaine said laughing. She couldn't wait to hear this.
George: Just like I am. Young, average height, hard worker, brown hair, brown eyes.
Elaine is laughing hysterically.
Kramer: It's brown at least where there's some left!
George didn't find that amusing.
George: Thanks a lot Kramer. Then to finish off the night, I take her home and she invites me upstairs. I didn't want to go but she was intoxicated so I wanted to make sure she didn't fall down the steps or something. We get upstairs and she attacks me like an animal! Tore my brand new shirt off! Ruined! And after she has my cloths ripped off me, she passes out! Can you believe that?
Everyone is laughing hysterically. When it comes to George, they can believe it. George is turning red from being so upset.
Jerry: That's a shame.
Jerry says mockingly.
George: So anyway I get up and put on what's left of my cloths. My zipper is busted, there are no buttons left on my shirt. I have to walk down to my car like that. And of course there are people in the lobby looking at me.
Everyone starts busting out laughing again. George is humiliated. Poor George.
George: And now she won't stop calling me and emailing me. It's horrible Jerry.
Jerry: Well George, that's what you get for putting an ad on the internet.
George turns and walks our Jerry's door with his head down. Jerry, Elaine and Kramer are still laughing.
The End.