Title: Over and Over
By: Sabaku no Ichigo
Song: "Over and Over"
Artist: Three Days Grace
Pairing: Ichigo Kurosaki x Toshiro Hitsugaya (IchiHitsu)
Rating: T
Summary: Even after heartbreak, when my joy has faded and my happiness dwindled down to nothing. How is it that you of all people could bring me up from the depths of sorrow? That only you could introduce me to the sensations of comfort I so willingly pushed away? No matter how much I try to shut you out, I fall for you… over and over.
This is my first songfic as well as my first fic ever! I've finally got around to posting something! Although I'm not ready for a long story yet, I will be posting random one shots until my brain can formulate a good storyline. I was listening to this song and instantly thought of our little white haired dragon and his relationship with your friendly neighborhood substitute shinigami! I hope you like it. Oh well, here goes nothing!
NOTE: This fic is from Toshiro's point of view. I also do not own Bleach, so my life has no meaning :(
I feel it everyday it's all the same
It brings me down but I'm the one to blame
I've tried everything to get away
"And why not Toshiro?"
I stared at him with as much of a scowl that I could bring to my face. I was not in the best of moods (I always act like that but today was worse) and was in no spirits to argue. My boyfriend of one year-a brash, idiotic, disrespectful orange-haired son of a bitch-was leaning down in my face, whining for the tenth time in three days. He would just waltz his way through my division, burst through the doors of my office, and dump a shit load of complaints on my shoulders that were already covered in paperwork. What did his stupid brain not understand about that simple two letter word? And to add on to that, he was still referring to me by my given name! Damn him! He knew I couldn't stand that.
"First of all, Kurosaki, for the hundredth time, it is Hitsugaya-taicho. Secondly, what do you not understand about the word 'no'? I thought even your retarded brain would be able to figure out the meaning of that little word!" I could not let him see me vulnerable. Not here, not now. I let stinging sarcasm take control of my voice. "Now, if you don't mind, my stupid fukutaicho has left me with a mountain of paperwork that I would like to finish, oh let's say this year. Get. Out. Kurosaki."
His chocolate colored eyes went so round and his body so limp that I thought he had made himself go comatose. That is, until he spoke again. "…why do you find it a point everyday to slowly push me out of your life? Are you so determined to ruin my life as well as yours? I just can't believe that even after a whole year that this is as far as I've come with you! No wonder why you are such a bastard," Ichigo muttered the ending.
Although he thought I didn't catch that last part, I most certainly did. I. Was. Pissed. I abruptly stood out of my chair and looked at him with so much fury in my teal colored eyes that he unconsciously took a step away from me.
"What did you just call me, Kurosaki? Because if you called me what I think you did, I will send you to hell, and it will freeze over!" Ichigo slowly made his way back to face me, with a touch of sorrow in his brown eyes.
"If you think I called you a bastard, you would be right. I'm not afraid of you, Toshiro. You can try and push me out all you want, but it won't change the way I feel about you." As he slowly made his way closer to me and my face, I found myself slowly backing away from his probing eyes. The sorrow turned into utter despair the longer he looked at me.
It feels like everyday stays the same
It's dragging me down and I can't pull away
So here I go again
Chasing you down again
Why do I do this?
Long, agonizing silence followed, until Ichigo decided to whisper in my ear. "Do you wanna know what really concerns me about you? It's that you try to bear the weight of all your troubles on your own shoulders by yourself. As your boyfriend of over a year now, do even give a shit about how that makes me feel?" His face was now resting on my shoulder, as if he would start crying any second now. And I could feel it. I could actually feel his pain as he spoke. "I've tried so hard to make you happy and open up to me so that I could help you with your sorrows. It is because of you that I consider myself to be an utter failure as a human being and as a loving boyfriend. I feel useless whenever you shun me from your thoughts and your life. I feel my life has no meaning when you spit your venom at me in the form of words and insults. I feel… like I want to die."
So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head
I try to live without you, every time I do I feel dead
I know what's best for me
But I want you instead
I'll keep on wasting all my time
Ichigo's words hit my heart like a ton of bricks (cliché, I know, but give me a fucking break already). Am I really the cause of his depression? Am I the one to blame for all of those times he has almost given up in battle? What if I had killed him? What if I had… All of my thoughts started to take over my mind that I didn't even notice myself slowly wrap my arms around Ichigo's muscular neck, and for the first time in a long time, I felt that spark… that fire light up inside my soul whenever I was in his embrace.
He returned my embrace with one that was twice as strong, holding onto me like I would soon be swept away by the wind. And then I noticed that he was suddenly starting to violently shake in my arms. Ichigo was… sobbing. Not just crying, but genuine wails of hopelessness that must have been growing over the past year.
"Ichigo…" I whispered into his ear as softly and with as much love as was in my heart. "Never forget that I asked you to take me… for me to be yours forever."
I lifted his chin so he was at his normal height and I leapt up into his arms, which supported me so I wouldn't fall out of his grasp. I leaned forward and brushed his lips with my own, pulling him down into a heated kiss. I let his tongue enter my mouth so he could taste me again after so many months.
I let Ichigo's tongue explore me until we both parted, desperate for air. As he stood there holding me, he whispered to me, with many tears making their way down his rosy yet tan cheeks. "Toshiro… I love you with all my heart and soul, and no matter what happens or what has happened, nothing, and I mean nothing will ever change my love for you. You are a part of me. If anything were to happen to you and I wasn't able to save you…"
"Ssshhh," I hushed him. "I am so sorry Ichigo. No matter how many times I have denied it to your face, or whenever I have acted on the contrary… I love you too. You also are my everything, and… I would like you to help me with this shit I call my existence. You are the only one that can. You are the only one I have ever let in."
Over and over, over and over
I fall for you
Over and over, over and over
I try not to
Over and over, over and over
You make me fall for you
Over and over, over and over
You don't even try to
Even after heartbreak, when my joy has faded and my happiness dwindled down to nothing. How is it that you of all people could bring me up from the depths of sorrow? That only you could introduce me to the sensations of comfort I so willingly pushed away? No matter how much I try to shut you out, I fall for you… over and over.
Well, how was that? Did you enjoy it? If it's not all that great, then I'm sorry and will try to do better in the future. I'm also doing this at like one o'clock in the morning, so yeah. Please R&R on your way out the door! Arigato!