Based off chatnoir1's wonderful collection of ficlets, Vexations. Specifically, the follow up to a previous series that featured a oneshot of Darcy and Loki snark.
I wrote this to support why I thought scales would be a pain in 'le deriere' to clean, and chatnoir1 was thriiiilled and gave me the go ahead to post it- and I didn't even ask! *happy sounds*
So the situation isn't exactly mine, nor are the characters. Any enjoyment that may be had belongs to the reader.
Onward!
In any other situation, Darcy could easily while away the hours with nothing but the beautiful scales. It didn't help that they were a highly distracting mix of rainbows and shimmers- they attracted light like nobody's business and danced in this iridescent waltz of rainbows and shimmers. Kinda brought dragonfly wings to mind. They were soap bubbles by another name, if another name were actually a different kind of matter entirely.
Huh.
Apparently she was starting to pick up some physics. Weird.
Unfortunately, Darcy was not in any other situation. She was in this situation. And this situation starred her, covered from head to toe in scales.
And they tended to itch.
So there she was, crammed in a closet that constituted the lab's bathroom, attacking her back in a furious effort to alleviate a scratch.
Her arm flailed in all sorts of directions as a mad attempt to snag an itch in an especially hard to reach spot on her back.
She tried a toothbrush. Didn't help.
She went at it with a hairbrush. Also didn't help- it was a brush with plastic bristles and it just glanced and slid off.
"Jane!" she whined, "I need help!"
"Coming," Jane called. She joined her be-scaled friend in the tiny bathroom a few agonizing moments later. "Where's the spot?" she asked.
"Somewhere," Darcy gestured over her shoulder, "Down there."
"Down there? Darcy, I am not-"
"Not down there down there- on my back!"
Jane started scratching various spots.
"A little more left- down a bit- Ahohmygod that's the spot." Darcy sagged in relief.
Jane took a closer look. "Looks like there's some grit under here," she said.
"Will you take care of it?" Darcy whimpered.
"Let me see." The scales could lift up a bit, which is what Jane did. She scrapped a few grains of sand free with her nail, much to Darcy's pleasure.
She literally started to purr. "Oh my god that feels nice. I love you Jane, I really truly do. When I can go outside again, I will get you a cake. And coffee. Your favorite cake, and your favorite coffee, and your favorite ice cream, and I'll never complain again."
"Never?"
"Good point, that's a stretch. Maybe if you come to my rescue a few more times I'll work on it."
"Have you noticed how wiggly these are?" asked Jane.
"Yea, but it doesn't mean anything. They don't fall- AUG- JANE DON'T PULL THEM OFF!"
"You know I can't resist an experiment." Jane hastily tapped the scale back down. "Should the skin be damp underneath?"
"Nope."
"Okay, I guess I'll try drying this off."
"If belly buttons get all red, damp, and crusty when there's an excess of lint, maybe it's all yucky because of the grit."
"That is disgusting but worth investigating." Jane patted Darcy's back. "I read this book about a dragon world once- a caretaker oiled her dragons' skin with bird fat to seal up cracks and dry patches where the skin hadn't grown as fast as the dragon."
"You are not coating me in bird fat. That would stink!"
If the smell was the problem... Where had Jane heard that before?
"Vaseline!" she cried suddenly.
Darcy investigated the medicine chest. "All we have is this little container."
"I'll give Agent Coulson a call. I'm sure he knows how to order the stuff in bulk."
Darcy dropped her head into her hands. "Good god- good heavens this could not get any more embarrassing."
"At least your birth control pill means your boobs won't do be doing anything."
Darcy slipped by and sank in to the tub and her awaiting bubble bath. "Horray for upsides."
"I'm gonna go die now, okay?"
"So no Vaseline?"
"No!"
"No?"
"I mean yes! Get Vaseline! If I'm gonna die I'm gonna die comfortable damnit!"
Jane patted her head with a laugh and left.
If there's an overwhelming want for more, there shall be more. With any luck anyway :D