Meanings

Timeframe : From TPM to ROTS.
Rating: PG to PG-13 for implied nookie...
Characters: Padmé, Anakin, Obi-Wan... later on.
Summary: Different snippets about Padmé and the meanings of her life.

A/N: I've been inspired about Padmé lately. Of course, Anakin decided to occupy a fair place in these ruminations…

Thanks so much to my beta, leianaberrie ! You always take the time to go through my stories before I work up the courage to post and even actually beta them. Once again, you're my hero.

1. Idealism

Time period: From TPM to just prior to AOTC.
Rating: PG
Characters: Padmé, little Anakin, Sola, Ruwee, Jobal Naberrie.
Summary: Padmé's idealism is what drives her for a good part of her life.

"Are you sure, Padmé?"

The little girl looked at her mother earnestly.

"Yes, Mom. I want to help people. I want to change things."

Ruwee Naberrie laughed comfortingly and caressed the side of his daughter's face tenderly.

"I told you I was like that when I was her age," he told his wife, who looked unsure.

Jobal frowned in response.

"Are you sure, sweetie? I didn't mind you entering the Legislative program but this… it will change your life. This is great responsibility, my dear."

"I know, Mom." The girl responded with all the maturity of someone much older. "But that's what I want to do."

Jobal looked at her daughter, nodding with a small reluctant smile.

Padmé became a young girl again in an instant, laughing happily and hugging her mother tightly.

"You'll be proud of me, you'll see!"

Her mother held the girl in her arms, catching her husband's eyes; he already looked proud of his precious daughter.

"Why do you want to go into politics?"

"Because I want to help people. Because they need someone to tend to their needs."

"Are you sure, Padmé?"

The older girl looked at her small sister, chin held up and determined. To Padmé, entering her sister's room always meant that Sola trusted her and wanted to talk about serious things. She was happy that her sister was concerned about this.

"This is what I want to do." She said merrily.

Her sister smiled reluctantly at the joy and idealism shining in the girl's brown eyes.

"If you ever change your mind, we'll be proud of you all the same, you know."

All she got in response was an assured smile.

They walked side by side in the colored, vivid streets. Different in heights, in clothes, they formed a strange couple. People would cast surprised glances at the taller of the two, a young girl, face painted in white, white gown caught in the slight wind. The small blond-haired boy trailing beside her would tug at his small uniform from time to time, casting a shy glance at the girl every now and then. They were silent, marching slowly, avoiding the crowds.

The girl sighed forlornly, stopping as they approached the back entrance of the magnificent Palace. Casting a glance backwards, the frown was permanently installed on her pretty painted face.

"I think it is time to join the reality again, Ani." She whispered to the young boy standing shyly in front of her.

The boy shifted on his feet, nodding slowly.

Padmé looked at the guards trailing behind them, slightly annoyed somehow. Motioning for the boy to follow her, they entered the Palace in stark silence. She had taken time away from the festivities with authority, but had been unable to escape the overwhelming security around her, no matter how hard she had tried. She had felt so free on Tatooine, away from the restraints, relieved to be Padmé again even for a short time.

And now, even if they had won, there was so much to be done. All these people who had lost their lives…

She shuddered even as the rays of sunlight came across her face soothingly.

Anakin was still looking at her with these blue eyes that now shone with misery.

Turning to the guards, she asked them to go a little bit further away. She wanted to be alone with him for what would probably be the last time.

"Will I see you again?" he asked as she looked at him, resting a soothing hand on his shoulder.

His new hairdo made him look even more vulnerable than that day on her ship, as they fled to join Coruscant. His blue eyes were fixed on her face quietly, sadness edging on his childish face.

"I hope so, Ani." She responded sadly, not in the mood to try to sound comforting.

"I think we'll see each other again," he replied, lips twisted up in a small smile.

She couldn't help but smile in return.

"I shall treasure the time we spent together." She said seriously.

He would never be able to understand how caring for him had made all the worries flow from her mind. How a friendship with a little boy, so younger than she was and somehow as mature as she really was, had given her the greatest gift she could have received in these troubled times.

Hope.

"I can't thank you enough for all you did for us, for our planet, Ani."

He blushed. She laughed slightly, passing a hand on his spiky hair. He looked cute, a little like a brother she never had.

He looked up, still embarrassed and blurted out some words as he shifted on his newly polished boots.

"I'll remember you, Padmé. Will you?"

She smiled soothingly.

"How could I forget my future husband?" she replied playfully, remembering the endearing look of embarrassment on his face when she mentioned it after he gave her the jappor snippet. "And besides, I still wear your gift."

Pulling the small snippet from beneath her gown, and refocusing on his little face, she was faced with a radiant smile. She had not seen such joy on his face since he left his mother.

"Why are you a Queen?" he asked suddenly.

She frowned, surprised at such a change in their conversation.

"Ani…" she began. "I already told you I was sorry for hiding the truth from you but-"

"I know." He responded eagerly. "I just want to know why you are a Queen."

She sighed, gaze lost in the distance. Such a simple question. A question that could only come from a young boy, completely oblivious to the reality of politics and plotting.

"Because I want to help people, like you do. I am a Queen to help my planet, just like you are going to be a Jedi, to help all the people in the galaxy."

He nodded, his lips twitching in his familiar smirk.

"I'll come back for you, Padmé. After I am a Jedi." He said proudly.

She smiled affectionately and bent down slightly, brushing his cheek with her lips in a soft kiss. When she pulled away, he was flushed, his eyes shining with admiration and a quiet emotion she couldn't quite place.

He looked adorable.

"You smell of flowers," he blurted out.

She laughed frankly this time and reached out for his small hand, squeezing it in a final goodbye. When she saw the small tears gathering in his blue eyes, she wisely understood he couldn't speak.

It was strange how she couldn't either. If she could, she would stroll in those gardens with his refreshing company and hide from all the grave issues awaiting her in this Palace.

"Anakin!"

The stern exclamation startled her. Looking around, she noticed Obi-Wan Kenobi, standing a little bit away from them, arms crossed on his chest. Anakin's hand slipped from hers quickly, his eyes sadly refocusing on her face.

"I'm sorry…" he blurted out. "I've gotta go."

Obi-Wan was suddenly in front of them, bowing before her. She was back inside the Amidala persona in an instant.

"Your Highness, I hope my Padawan was not bothering you."

Addressing a stern glare to Anakin, who only looked down mutely, he turned to her expectantly.

"Not at all, Master Kenobi." She responded as sternly.

She bid him goodbye a little bit more gently, watching as the young Jedi Knight took his young apprentice by the shoulders, directing him to the hangar.

Anakin looked back slightly, addressing her a small smile before disappearing from her view.

She stayed a long time in the deserted corridor, before turning away from the approaching sunset and striding towards the Throne Room, the guards faithfully trailing behind her.

Padmé smiled at her parents, even as she realized she was theoretically their Queen. Such a strange thought. At their table, she felt nothing of the sorts.

"Are you sure you want to do another mandate?"

She was almost an adult now, a young woman, as she so rarely heard from her handmaidens. The question had come from her sister, who had just been happily married. A small whisper had made its way into her mind in spite of herself the day of her wedding, reminding her that she was far from having this kind of relationship with anyone.

"My people need me," she replied confidently. "They need my voice to lead them."

She knew they could all feel the truth in her words. Politics were not perfect and most of the time, ugly, corruption tainting even the beauty of the Naboo Palace. But they were necessary. Someone had to do it. And she was more than eager to be the one to do this task. Her life would make sense whenever she realized how many people were helped thanks to her interventions. She knew all surveys were proclaiming her large victory and it warmed her, brought a silent joy inside her that nothing or no one could replace.

Nothing could be more important than what she was doing now.

Her sister looked at her disapprovingly but she didn't care. When Sola joined her in the kitchen after dinner, she was not even surprised.

"What will it be next?" she asked seriously. "The Senate?"

Padmé laughed heartedly. "I don't think so. I will stop after my second mandate and live my life."

"Are you sure?"

She sighed in annoyance, turning away from the sink to face her sister, standing in the doorway, arms crossed.

"Yes, I'm sure, Sola. And even if I did continue, what would be wrong with that?"

"You have no life, Padmé."

"My life revolves around more important matters."

Now, she was no longer annoyed, she could feel cold anger coil in her stomach.

"I love you, Padmé. I'm concerned about you."

"You should be proud of your sister instead." She let out, trying to flee the room.

Her sister took her by the arms gently.

"I am proud of you, little sister."

Anger flew from her swiftly. She smiled at her sister soothingly.

"Don't worry about me. I want a family, a normal life. Just not now. Later. I don't want anything of that for now. My job is much more important."

"I see."

Her mother's forlorn voice washed over her through the communication and she winced.

"I'm sorry." She said quietly.

Jobal sighed and she could almost hear the upcoming reproaches now.

"You said you would come for the holidays."

Padmé looked around her desk and the piles of work on it and sighed in turn.

"I'm stuck on Coruscant. The next Act is so important! I cannot let it pass or there could be disastrous consequences."

"I know, dear. But you could have forgotten about your work for the holidays at least."

Knowing she couldn't convince her daughter, Jobal left her place for her husband.

Ruwee's words were completely different. Padmé sighed in relief, discussing the new implications of the law with her father heatedly. They talked for the good part of an hour when she interrupted her father gently.

"I'm sorry, Dad, but I have an important meeting soon."

He smiled soothingly.

"I understand, dear. Go save the world." He winked and she felt his pride flow from Naboo to Coruscant instantly.

"Before you go, don't forget Sola will kill you if you don't show up for Ryoo's birthday."

She chuckled and promised she wouldn't miss this for anything in the world.

"Come home soon," he told her sadly before cutting the communication. "We miss you, dearie."

The console was shut off seconds later.

Padmé sighed in the suddenly silent office.