The Doctor had felt like this before. She remembers feeling like this before. Only a couple of regenerations ago she'd been with River, or rather, he's been with River, and had felt it all the time.
It was just, this body was new, and so different.
It had all started in California. Not the state, the planet. Ryan had begged to go to the beach. He wanted a day in the sun, and the Doctor found no reason to object. A couple of lever pulls later and there they were, standing on a beach on a planet where sunburns were impossible. Graham was especially happy about that.
"Hey Doc, aren't you going to change into a swim suit or something?" Graham said.
The Doctor pondered this for a moment.
"I suppose that wouldn't hurt. I haven't been swimming in," she paused, thinking "about fifty years now. That's a good idea, ten points to Graham!"
Graham gave an obliging smile, trying not to look shocked about the age comment, and walked out onto the beach.
The Doctor rushed back inside the Tardis. She bounded towards the Tardis wardrobe, wanting to get back outside and into the water as fast as she could. However, once she got to the wardrobe itself, a new issue presented itself.
What do I wear?
Back when she was still a man, all she had to wear was a glorified pair of shorts, but now, she didn't know. She remembered taking River to a beach planet once. She tried to think back to what she wore, but blushed at the memory. No way was she wearing something like that.
She approached a rack of clothes, closed her eyes, and pulled out the first thing her hand landed on. It was a one piece, blue with those same stripes found on her shirts. The Doctor said a mental thank you to the Tardis, before cursing her as she began the feat of putting the suit on. It felt more like a corset than a swimming garment.
Finally, she had struggled into it. She slipped on some sandals she found by the door. Just as she was about to stroll out, she snatched up some googles.
Never hurts to be prepared!
So far, things were going quite well. The Doctor was smiling as she flung open the doors to the Tardis, walking into the warm sand. She scanned the beach for Graham, who was currently chatting with a stocky, blue creature. She smiled when he waved to her. Ryan looked to be having the time of his life swimming around in the water.
She was just about to begin making her way over to him when she heard the Tardis doors open behind her.
"Doctor?"
The Doctor spun around smiling to greet Yaz, but before she could get a cheery 'hello' out of her mouth, she noticed how close they were.
And what Yaz was wearing.
It wasn't anywhere near as revealing as what River had worn. Just a simple maroon one-piece, not unlike her own in shape, but she found herself staring mouth slightly agape.
"Um, Doctor?"
"Yes! Hello Yaz!" The Doctor stepped backwards, almost tripping over the sand. She was sure her whole face was red as Yaz caught her by the hand.
They both stared at each other for a moment. The Doctor's thoughts were racing at a mile a minute, jumbling together about how good Yaz smelled and how soft her hands were and how beautiful her eyes were that she barely even registered Ryan call her name.
When Ryan called her again however, she was more than willing to make her way towards him. She ripped her eyes away from Yaz's.
"Coming Ryan!" She called, strapping her goggles to her face.
The California suns were finally beginning to set. Ryan and the Doctor were still chatting away having moved to the beach to create a sand-Tardis. The Doctor threw herself into her work, goggles now forgotten around her neck. She needed any sort of distraction to pull her mind away from Yaz, who was currently floating in the ocean water. The Doctor couldn't help but steal a few glances at her, pulling her eyes away every time Ryan asked a question or made a comment about how the sand structure 'didn't have to be to scale' and that the Doctor was 'taking this to seriously'.
"There," the Doctor puffed, finishing her meticulous placement of the final shell at the top of the sand-Tardis. "Yaz, come look!" she shouted, hastily adding "You too Graham!"
Yaz and Graham made their way over to the other two. They were both a little slow for the Doctor's liking.
"Wow, it's…" Graham trailed off.
"It's very… unique." Yaz bit out, hiding her smile behind her hand.
"Oi! We spent the past hour working on this!" Ryan yelled, obviously a bit offended.
"Actually, it was an hour and forty three minutes." The Doctor mumbled, leaning back and inspecting her creation.
It was lopsided, sand slowly melting off of the right side. The shells were half falling off, and it almost looked sad. The Doctor blushed and frowned. In her defense she was rather distracted.
Suddenly, she felt a hand on the back of her neck.
"I think you get an A for effort." She turned her head around to see Yaz smiling down at her. She was sure her blush had deepened as the thought of that hand tangled in her hair pushed its way into her mind.
Whoa! She swallowed, pushing the thought down, wondering where in the universe that thought had come from. The thought settled in her stomach, making a home there.
"Anybody hungry? I'm starved" Graham interrupted the awkward silence that had settled within the group.
"Yeah," Yaz began, removing her hand from the Doctor's neck, much to her dismay. "Actually, I could go for something to eat. What d'you say Doctor?" Yaz asked, a slight shake to her voice that was almost undetectable.
The Doctor hopped up, destroying more of the sand abomination, much to Ryan's chagrin.
"Sound's great! There's a fish and chips shop that way," the Doctor suggested, pointing to her right, eager to distract herself.
Ryan got up as well. "When you say fish-"
The Doctor cut him off "Ryan, Earth isn't the only planet with fish. It isn't even the first planet to have fish!"
"So it's safe then, not going to give us stomach aches or make us grow two heads?" Graham questioned.
The Doctor looked at him incredulously. "Graham, we would have to pay a lot more to have chips that make us grow an extra head. Although, if you like I could-"
This time Ryan interrupted the Doctor. "I think we're alright, thanks."
"Great! Fish and chips it is!"
It was a short walk to the chip shop. There weren't many hiccups, besides Ryan getting scared of one of the local crab like creatures and screaming like a little girl. They were still making fun of him by the time they got to the shop. They settled on a couple of chairs outside on the balcony. Graham was sat next to the Doctor and across from Ryan as he insisted he didn't want to sit next to Graham after a day out on the beach. Graham looked playfully offended but settled next to the Doctor with little fuss while Yaz sat across from the Doctor and next to Ryan, smiling. The Doctor had to do a bit of extra translation, and a lot of answering questions, but finally it seemed like they were ready to order.
A server dressed in bright green approached them.
"What can I get for you's?"
"I'll have a… zebra fish combo?" Ryan said it more like a question than an order looking to the Doctor for confirmation, but the server didn't seem to be bothered.
"Got it, and for you sir?"
"A number seven for me please Jaks." Graham said, reading the servers name tag.
"I'll have a number three please Jaks, and with extra spice if you can." The Doctor smiled at him.
"And for the lovely lady?" The server asked Yaz, smiling a sly smile.
The Doctor hardly had time to feel her blood start boiling before she interrupted.
"She'll have a number five, thanks." The Doctor bit out, all semblance of any humor erased from her voice. Jaks looked taken aback.
"Alright. No problem ma'am. I'll be right back with that." Jak's mumbled, a slight purple blush gracing his features.
Before any of the group could begin to question what had happened, least of all Yaz whose mouth was hanging open slightly, the Doctor launched into a chipper ramble about how the fish on California lived.
At the end of their meal the whole incident with Jaks had been forgotten. Apparently the drink that the Doctor had ordered them had slightly intoxicating effects, making them all feel a bit looser. Ryan wanted to order another, but Graham stopped him with a stern look. The chips were a black color, and had dyed all of their tongues black, making Graham squawk and the rest of the team laugh. Yaz, Graham and Ryan hung back at their table while the Doctor got up to pay. When she got to the counter, she was greeted by Jaks.
"You're total's thirty six credits." Jaks mumbled, not meeting the Doctors gaze. The exchange was incredibly awkward, and as soon as the Doctor turned to return to her friends, Jaks caught her attention.
"Ma'am, I just wanted to say…" He trailed off as the Doctor met his gaze. "I apologize about earlier, I didn't mean any disrespect, I didn't know that she was taken…"
"Oh!" The Doctor was about to correct him, but opted instead to brush it off. "It's no problem at all" She smiled, and Jaks smiled back.
She waltzed back to the table where her friends were bickering.
"Well at least I don't scream like a little girl over a tiny crab!" Graham looked exasperated, and Yaz looked like she was about to die of laughter.
She's absolutely beautiful when she's laughing.
The Doctor shook her head, chalking it up to the drink and trying to get rid of the intrusive thought when it settled in her stomach just like the others.
"Alright gang, are we ready to go?"
The Tardis team wandered back into the ship a couple hours later. The Doctor could tell her friends were exhausted, and even she was a little tired. She did her usual dance around the console, pulling levers and pushing buttons. With a final flick of a switch, the Tardis was launched into flight.
The ship shuddered and jolted harshly, making all of them fall over. Including Yaz.
Right into the Doctor.
The Doctor was hit with a barrage of sensory information, the biggest one being Yaz's whole body being pressed up against hers in nothing but a swim suit, the second being the pain of a slight bump on the head, but that was an afterthought. She was momentarily paralyzed, and Yaz had to be the one to jump off of her, outstretching her hand to help the now rose colored Doctor to her feet.
"Sorry," The Doctor breathed out, remembering how to talk, "Seems you're doing a lot of that today."
A silence settled between the two of them, before they both jumped at the sound of Graham clearing his throat.
"Well, I'm knackered, I think it's about time for me to be hitting the hay!" Graham rushed out the words, Ryan nodding dumbly along, trying not to look shocked.
The Doctor dropped Yaz's hand like a dead fish, fully realizing her surroundings.
"Yep! Good, fantastic, you humans need rest! You too Yaz." The Doctor couldn't bring herself to look Yaz in the eyes, so she opted to look just to the right of her.
"Good idea, I'll just…" Yaz trailed off, shuffling away with Ryan and Graham in tow.
The Tardis had jolted to one side, and suddenly…
Yaz pressed up against her. All of her curves imprinting themselves on the Doctor's body. The smell of the sea, Yaz's body wash, and something indescribable, something impossibly human filled her nose. It was all the Doctor could do to not wrap her arms around Yaz and bury her face into her neck.
She wondered what would have happened if she did. What would have happened if she had trailed kisses down Yaz's neck right there? Wondered what she would have tasted like, skin mixed with sea salt. What kind of noises she would have made. What-
The Doctor groaned, slapping her head against the console from where she was trying to do repairs. She was still in her swim suit, not bothering to change. She couldn't pull herself away. It had been like this with River, but River had been working to make her feel like this. It was like Yaz didn't even have to try.
Dirty old woman. The Doctor thought to herself, blushing with shame. She couldn't do this. Yaz was only nineteen for the universes sake! If Yaz had any romantic prospects on the Tardis it would be with Ryan, not with a damaged old Time Lord.
The Doctor tried to keep this at the fore front of her mind, returning to her work.
The feel of Yaz's skin on her lips, the smell of the sea in her hair-
This wasn't working. The Doctor felt too warm. She jumped up off the seat she was sitting in. She made her way to the Tardis baths with a long shower in mind.
What she didn't expect when she arrived was for Yaz to be there.
Showering. Naked. How else? She would have asked herself, if her brain had been working correctly.
The Doctor froze in place. Her mouth dropped open. Yaz wasn't facing her, she hadn't noticed yet. She stood for a moment, unable to do anything but stare, trapped. She was forced (well maybe not forced wholly against her will, she conceded for a moment before shaking that though off) to taken in all of Yaz's body. Suddenly, Yaz began to turn around. Just as she was about to meet the Doctor's eyes, the Doctor slammed the door behind her.
The Doctor walked comically fast down the hall, ducking into the first free bathroom she found. That was supposed to be her bathroom! How did Yaz even get to this room in the first place? She mentally cursed at the Tardis, who gave her the equivalent of sticking her tongue out in response.
Her heart pounding in her chest, the Doctor prayed to any god that would listen that Yaz hadn't seen her, knowing that she probably had. The Doctor stripped out of her bathing suit with shaking hands, turning on the shower to the hottest setting she could handle and stepping inside.
Flashes of her and Yaz in the shower appeared before her eyes. Her fingers presses into Yaz's stomach had enough to make bruises, her teeth nipping at Yaz's neck-
"Agh!" The Doctor pressed her body against the cold tile, desperately trying to get her mind off the other girl. The Doctor slid down the wall, sitting against it on the shower floor, head in her hands. She raised her head slightly, putting it directly under the spray.
Well, maybe it couldn't hurt to take care of it.
The Doctor pondered this for a moment. Where would she start? How would she start? She had been with women before but she had never been a woman before. Would it even be the same?
The Doctor's breath came out in staccato puffs as her shaking hand slowly drifted downward. She briefly indulged in the fantasy that it was Yaz's hand. That she was whispering into her ear.
"Just relax Doctor," the Yaz in her head sighed.
She bit her lip to keep herself from making any unseemly noises, her hand shaking worse and worse as she got closer to her-
"No!" The Doctor yelped to herself, yanking her hand away, shaking.
She tried to push all of her thoughts away. She imagined Yaz's face warping into one of disgust. She imagined Yaz pushing her away with all her might, tearing into her with all her might, screaming that she was a horrible old creature.
She blushed, hanging her head. Yaz had seen her staring in the bathroom. What could she possibly be thinking? What if she was angry? What if-
The Doctor thought about Yaz leaving her.
It took all of the Doctors strength not to cry. She ended up sobbing quietly anyway.