Hello dear readers. sorry for the long gap since i've posted anything. life keeps getting in the way. anyways, this one shot takes place during the series when Allen encounters Tyki and loses his arm. All characters belong to their respective owners. i fear this is a bit dark, but short. i hope you'll all forgive me for that. i was in an odd mood.

that all being said; i hope you all enjoy.

"Please… please, just let it stop…" Allen's eyes kept glazing over. Why he couldn't he see straight? The moon's so big… stop. Please don't come any closer…

"I'm not… not yet…" he was so incredibly cold; cold and scared. This was the end. It really was. The Noah, the human who was something less and something more was killing him. He was really going to die.

The fight had been so completely one sided. Allen had never experienced anything like it. He had no chance; none at all. The desperate fight to save Suman had drained him; his body was unable to move. He still struck out and slapped the human monster. He refused to show his terror. The Noah was surprised. As soon as he did it, he realized what a mistake it had been. It was a challenge to the thing in the top hat… Mana wore one like that once. The ribbon matched… The Noah grinned and leered; it put its hand through his body.

It tortured him first.

The Noah had been inside him. It had taken it's time; making sure the youth was aware of everything that it was doing to him. The hand was warm inside him; it was a human hand, pushing him back with a deceptively gentle pressure on his very spine. Allen didn't move, didn't resist. The Noah made it clear it would tear him to shreds; a thumb was rubbing gently along the ridges of his spine, pushing into the cartilage between the bones.

It sat on him, pinning him to the cold ground and pulled his hands free and started a fuller exploration of the youth's body. Allen flushed brightly; this was a violation. There was no other word for it. Somehow it was worse than just that; it was more personal, so painfully intimate and he was for the first time in years completely helpless to fight it.

Fingertips were dipping under his clothing, his skin, playing along the raw muscles and nerves; it hurt so much. Allen started to force his mind away but then the Noah's fingers caressed his hip bone; with a stab of terror he wondered how far the Noah was going to take this, but the cruel hands inside him never went below his hips. The Noah wanted to watch every reaction that could run across his face. Just fingertips ran over his ribs, moving between them and forcing them slightly apart; it hurt and Allen winced.

The Noah's face had contorted into a parody of a human smile. It was going to play with Allen before finally killing him. The Noah twisted his hand and dislocated one of his floating ribs. Allen let a broken sob free. He set it back with a wet thud and chided him about making noise without permission.

The Noah slid its hand upwards to Allen's throat and caressed the delicate structure of his windpipe. He slowly pressed it shut against his spine, cutting away his air. Allen felt fingers in the back of his throat and gagged around the intrusion. His body convulsed with the lack of sweet oxygen, driving the Noah's other hand deeper into his chest cavity.

Laughing at his pain the Noah's hands once again became intangible. Allen felt oddly empty with the loss of sensation. Touch returned on his shoulders, running along his collar bones and back to his aching ribs. With horror, Allen realized the Noah's dark face was human again; the sadistic smile replaced with a kind one. Those terrible hands were moving soothingly over his injured body.

He was so sore; everything hurt. His hand was broken. Something terrible had happened to his left arm. He couldn't move it; the Innocence wouldn't respond. When he had tried to force it, the pain had become so unbearable, so all consuming he was left as nothing before it. He hadn't felt it like that since he was a child, back when the Innocence had run wildly and unsynchronized, uncontrolled through his body. He felt terribly small and helpless again. More than anything he yearned for his Father to come and take away the pain. He was startled when it did lessen.

The kindness from the Noah was much worse than the pain. Hands that were barely there worked over the tired muscles softly; he flushed with embarrassment. It was nice. Allen still craved kind hands to soothe him, the kind of tenderness Mana had always shown him. If he closed his eyes, he could almost pretend. Gentle touches to ease his pain made him arch into those vile hands. Fingers carded through his hair. He could almost imagine that soft voice telling him his seizure, his nightmare had passed and he would feel better soon.

The Noah must have felt some of the tension leave his thin body and gleefully plunged both hands into his lungs. Allen jerked wildly and spat blood. The monster laughed and asked how he liked it. Allen was incapable of speech and could only gargle out a bitter froth of spittle and blood.

The weight holding Allen against the cold ground shifted to sit on his thighs. The Noah placed a flat hand on his stomach, caressing it, giving him enough time to realize what he was going to do. There was no attempt at gentleness as the monster forced his fist into the boy's intestines. He shrieked and writhed, trying to find some way to lessen the hurt. Suddenly it was just finger tips again, touching, pulling and moving inside him. Allen grit his teeth and tried not to imagine how the creature was rearranging his insides. He looked down in time to see the Noah push his fingers up against the wall of muscle in his abdomen; to see his flesh being moved from the inside was too much for him and his vision darkened.

Allen gasped and slammed back to reality when the Noah abandoned his play. A single hand stayed; it touched his heart and Allen knew that this would be how he would die. It lovingly touched the organ. The Noah's expression was one of rapt intensity and his voice was thick, excited. He asked Allen how it would feel. He killed others like this and now he wanted to pull the child's still beating heart from his chest.

He forced back the terror and the rapid beating of his heart to slow. He stared the monster in the eyes and showed no fear. The Noah had him pinned; he could feel its palm solidify around his heart, just touching, not hurting him, just a soft touch. It promised violence. I won't fear him… he wants me to beg. God, I don't want to die yet… please, Mana… help me be brave.

The joy melted from the Noah's face; he was visibly disappointed by Allen's reaction and pulled away. With a frown, the Noah asked his name; it already knew who he was, the annoying little card had been calling for his deletion over and over. Allen was lifted by his throat. Fingertips slicing neatly into his windpipe, making him gag and wheeze.

The Noah tore off his arm. It didn't bleed; it just separated. Allen screamed and screamed as it was pulled from his shoulder. The Noah let him drop to the ground and went to retrieve the severed appendage. "Stop…" Allen could only whisper as the man picked it up. "Stop… stop… stop!"

Allen's left arm was incinerated. The Noah held his Innocence, an elegant glowing cross, in his outstretched palm; his eyes widened, he had never seen his Innocence before. It was beautiful. "Stop!"

With a lurid leer, the Noah crushed it to dust. Allen's very soul crumbled with it. His Innocence was gone; he had nothing now. He was nothing anymore. It wasn't just his arm, just part of his body, but his identity. For so many years, it defined him and with one swift movement it had been obliterated. Allen wept shamelessly. He would die now and he was frightened.

He convinced Tim to run. It was a small comfort; he could pretend his death had meaning if he could save Suman's Innocence. Suddenly the Noah was by his side, pushing a Tease roughly into his chest. Its wings fluttered desperately against his insides. Its teeth, like tiny daggers found purchase in the rapidly beating muscle of his heart and tore clean through.

Allen arched violently, turning his head to vomit the blood that had gushed from his body. The Noah left him there, freezing on the ground and bleeding slowly to death. The Noah wished him pleasant dreams and left him to die alone.

With an almost childish panic, he wished the monster would stay. He didn't want to die, not here, not alone. Nothing was there to save him; no one was coming to rescue him and he was so very scared. His remaining hand scrabbled in the earth, looking for something to hold, some comfort. He found none; he stared at the moon overhead through the leaves. It was beautiful.

Allen's chest was so warm as his lifeblood slowly poured from him, but his arm and legs felt heavy, cold and unresponsive. The Noah had left no external hole in his body; he was just bleeding inside. There was pressure in his chest; it made it hard to breath. When it would become too great he would try and force it out, turning his head and retching up what he could. He couldn't stop himself from trying; it hurts so bad, but he would keep trying to cling to life.

He was drifting; everything was slowing. The moon above was so bright; he was sure it was getting bigger. It would swallow him whole.

An anemic delirium took him and he felt the sensation of falling. It was an endless fall…

Hands caught him as he tumbled downward, gentle and familiar hands. An inexplicable happiness surged through his dwindling consciousness. He had come to find him and take him home. Don't let me go… I missed you so much…

Allen couldn't see anymore; his senses had abandoned him, but he knew he was smiling as he ran his fingers through his hair. Some of the chill melted away as Allen surrendered to the warmth of his embrace.

I'm so proud of you. Allen couldn't hear, but he somehow knew what he was saying. You've kept walking forward… He chuckled and Allen's damaged heart soared at the sound and he cuddled into those safe arms. He felt so small, but he was safe here. You've just stumbled a bit… when you fall, what do you do? You get back up… and you keep walking forward.

Allen's chest burned suddenly and fiercely. He would have screamed if he could; gentle arms enveloped him and he could hear a familiar lullaby hummed. A tender hand settled over the hole in his heart. You fell hard… let yourself fall deeper into to the world of black and white. The grip on his body loosened and Allen panicked. He was going to let him go!

Don't leave me! Don't leave me again… please…

It will be alright… it will all be alright, I can't follow you… Allen cried out at the pain in his chest and the thought of separation for a second time. I know it hurts, but let it heal you… then you can keep walking forward for me… for everyone.

I wanna stay with you! He tried to cling to the sense of weightlessness, but he was slipping downward.

You can't, not yet. Remember… I love you so much, I'm so proud of how strong you've become. You're beloved by God, Allen my son… my most precious son…

With that soft lullaby still echoing in his mind Allen fell and landed in a ruined city. The bright white moon was reflected black in the water. Lenalee was there; she was crying. He couldn't bear to see her cry. Allen was so confused; had he died? Where was he then?

He walked to the edge of the water and looked at his reflection. A nightmare stared back at him. It leered and pulled him under…

Allen awoke with a start in a soft bed. Medical tubing ran into his veins; his remaining arm had been bandaged and the stump of his left was wrapped tightly against his chest. Someone had found him and brought him here.

There was a sleeping girl leaning on his bed. He blushed when he noticed how little he was wearing. As the events rushed back to him, Allen was suddenly overwhelmed. With a choked noise he started to cry.

There was so much he didn't understand; he was dying. He felt death taking him. After everything, Suman died. He fought a Noah and lost, but he was still here. Was he crying because Suman died… or because he lived?

He had no answers and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop the tears… the shaking.