PART I

LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT A BOY MEETING A PAIR OF EYES

[March 1994]

I'm not like them
But I can pretend
The sun is gone,
But I have a light
the day is done,
I'm having fun
I think I'm dumb
Or Maybe just happy

The lyrics blasted pleasantly through Alex' headphones. He was listening to Nirvana's latest album on the market. In Utero. Brilliant. He hated the fact that his dad had actually taken the time to get him a copy for his cassette tape recorder and now he fully enjoyed listening to it back and forth. It sounded like an oxymoron to him. His dad giving something to him that he actually enjoyed. Alex sighed. Oh well, Nirvana usually suited his moods. Wherever the tape might have come from, he decided for himself. Alex had just passed through the gate of the backyard, when he looked down at his watch. 3.53 pm. Perfect. It was about time for Ms. Morgan's daily conference calls between social workers, authorities and the likes. There wasn't a more efficient way to get to information about your own family, or sometimes, about yourself. He looked around the yard and assessed contently that only the young ones were playing outside, nobody he had to watch out for while he was making his way over to his hiding and listening spot. When he neared it, he crouched and inched closer to the window. Several feet before, he hit the pause button on his recorder, only to make out in disappointment that he had already missed the beginning. Over-punctual today, huh, Ms. Morgan? Evening plans to get to?

„No, I'm trying to tell you that he's impossible to place," the resolute female's voice wafted out the office window followed by a cloud of cigarette smoke. "He's stubborn and aggressive and he has been dropping out of every middle school across Des Moines. I have no idea how he will ever finish school, let alone do anything reasonable with his life. He's a hopeless case. I tell you, I don't blame people not wanting to care for him. We've tried to place him several times, however, every time his siblings are accepted back into the home environment, he acts out. I don't get it. It's like he doesn't even want a stable home. It appears to me he'd rather stay in that dump they call home with that unbelievable father that I have never once experienced clean and that mother who appears younger and more helpless than that little sister of his," the woman ranted into the receiver clutched between her head and her shoulder, rustling with papers. Oh, perfect. Front row seat to let's trash the Karev kid again. Alex strained to listen further while he crouched in the bushes underneath the much hated group home director's office. After a short pause, he made out a gruff chuckle.

"No, we're looking into special needs adoption, now. There's probably a 1% chance we'll find a permanent home for all three without separating them. Furthermore, the oldest one is 14. I dare say there's a chance for his 10 year old brother to be adopted sooner or later, but he's a weakling, trust me. He's all whiny and shy and that's not what attracts adoptive parents by any means. He's never been admitted but from all my years of experience, he's probably developmentally challenged," the woman rasped away, oblivious about Alex listening in, who had shaped his hands into fists and clenched his teeth. How dare that old witch call his brother developmentally challenged? He was young and scared. He had had it rough all his life. They all had. He was trying to cope in his own way. Alex tried to calm himself. No use fighting that old bat physically. Even though that's all he could think of at the moment. Or punch his hand through her window. Or something like it. It really didn't surprise Alex that they hadn't been able to find a permanent home for all three of them contemplating who had been doing the talking and advocating for them. "There's probably an even greater chance for the girl to be adopted, individually though," the director moved further. "Wouldn't harm her, either, to be separated from her family," she mused. Yeah, because that's what helps make kids grow to be healthy and well. Separate them from their families. Alex' head was fuming. „She's such a sweet girl. She just turned six. We couldn't send her to school yet, though, she's sickish. In and out of the hospital. Both birth parents and foster parents are overwhelmed with her weak health."

Alex noted how the woman's voice softened a bit while talking about his little sister. God, I hate the hyena. Everybody who had been at the group homes of Des Moines long enough or frequently enough knew that the director Camille Morgan favored girls over boys. Pretty little princesses. Everybody loved adopting cute little dolls. People generally hated adopting rough around the edges boys. Or weak boys. Or boys out of broken homes. Little criminals they called them. Well, you didn't have to do anything much to be dubbed at least something in foster care. There was always something wrong with you. It was Alex' sixth time bouncing back to that group home after having dropped out of school and having been abandoned by yet another foster family who was too overwhelmed to care for him. They had granted their birth parents supervised custody again and again over the years, but it had never lasted very long. Alex was exhausted of changing from home to foster homes back to a group home. He was always on the ride. Always floating somewhere in between, never really arriving anywhere. But it was okay, he hadn't known another life. This was his life. And he had a lot to do to protect his younger siblings, so there wasn't much time to bitch about it anyways. He exhaled slowly, trying to not make himself heard, releasing the anger and frustrations within himself. He just needed to be closer to Aaron and Amber. Why couldn't they just get that? They were kids, babies really. They couldn't defend themselves. They wouldn't survive without him. But no, people usually thought Alex was just a teenage replica of his violent, heroin-shooting dad. People thought he was a threat to his siblings as well. What had he ever done to deserve all that hate?

Alex' last foster family had lived out in the suburbs. They had been nice enough. Preposterous, but nice. Wealthy. Doing it to keep the good rolling in the world. Pay it forward. That kind of crap. He had accustomed just fine. But as soon as he had gotten notion of Iowa's child welfare officers deciding his parents had cleaned up nice enough for his younger siblings to go back home, even if it was only temporarily and naturally under supervision, he had to get closer to them. There was no way Aaron and Amber would survive under the Karev roof without him. And with surviving, Alex was actually talking literally. Thinking, more like it. It wasn't like anybody had ever asked him. He closed his eyes while Ms. Morgan rambled on to whoever she was talking to on the phone, complaining about her long work hours and her paycheck. Seriously. There are kids in need of a stable home and family. And you are complaining about your paycheck. Bitch.

Alex closed his eyes, trying to get his temper under control. Okay, think. What is it you haven't tried yet? You can't punch your way out. They're gonna march you straight into juvie. And you're no use to anyone in there. But you can't behave either. You can't let them have you match with a perfect family. You'll never be able to watch over Aaron and Amber. Ugh, fuck. Alex startled mildly when he heard leaves rustling and some branches click nearby. He yanked his eyes open and looked around. He had almost forgotten where he was and what he was doing – which was eavesdropping – and had barely been able to refrain himself from shouting out to make out who was there. The director, though, had already been drawn to another hot topic, not realizing any strange movements or noises in her vicinity. Alex listened to the faint but distinct sound of the old lady working the lighter again to ignite another cigarette and rambling on.

"Oh, don't get me started on the Wilson kid," she coughed out revoltingly. Alex pressed against the wall underneath the window when he heard her take some steps in his direction and open the window up widely for the smoke to disseminate a bit. He looked around the bushes sharply, trying to find out what or who had detected his hiding and listening spot he had found for himself years ago and still visited frequently up to this day. He had tried to listen to the phone conversation some more since he hadn't ever heard of any kid named Wilson, which struck him slightly strange, however, as he scrunched up his face to make out the words, he heard a big crack and watched how an approximately 10 year old girl jumped from an already falling tree branch a few feet from him, landing on all fours. He had never seen the girl before. She was skinny and from what he could observe, she was pretty athletic. But weren't all kids? She had dark, long, braided hair, swaying back and forth from her jump a second ago. Her eyes were wide and her features seemed a little startled from what had happened. When their eyes matched, Alex swore he could have mistaken her for a deer in the dark. Her eyes were so deep and rich somehow, he was almost a bit taken aback. Their color were a warm green and the girl's stunned face made the innocence reflected in her eyes even more pronounced. They both alerted when they heard a pause in the phone conversation and tentative steps towards the window. Fuck. Both Alex' and the girl's faces drained and as they looked at each other they instantly tried to communicate with their eyes. From how he had grown up and learned over the years, having been in and out of that home frequently, the kids, often from similar backgrounds, all of them desperately wishing and hoping for a fairy tale family to show up and love them and take them in even though none of them would ever admit that publicly, all those kids usually tried to outdo each other and led a never-ending struggle for who was the 'best orphan'. However, the one other thing he had learned as well was as soon as it came to stand up to Ms. Morgan, every kid residing at the group home bonded. There was an unsaid agreement that nobody would let her have all the power over them. It was hard enough watching her fuss over the little kids and the girls.

Alex usually was a person to mull stuff, especially escape or rescue plans, over and over again in his mind and it usually took him a long time to make final decisions and make moves but right then, with the help of his until then unfamiliar accomplice, he needed quick wits. He jerked his head an inch to his left to let her know she had to move over towards where he was standing in a matter of seconds to not get caught by Ms. Morgan's dull eyes while he was ducking down towards the ground and looked for a reasonably sized rock. Once he had unearthed it, he spotted the girl starting to run over to him, and she was fast, and at the same time, Alex threw the rock against a nearby tree to the other side of him making its branches crack and leaves rustle once it tumbled to the ground. They both hitched their breathing when they heard the director's loud rasps directly above them and both prayed to the unknown for her to not lean out of the window to detect them underneath the wide window sill. They both counted the seconds until the stubby woman decided she must have heard a wild animal or something and walked back to her desk, her ugly man shoes clicking on the floor, going back to bitching into the receiver.

"Yeah, I have it right here. She's been available to be adopted all her life. Mother left her on the doorstep of a fire station. Nobody wants her. Who can blame them? She has no history, no nothing. Who knows what people she came from? Also, she's been in and out of foster families and they all report back she's rude and aggressive – once she talks at all. Which isn't a given most of the days. Can't even remember when I heard her say a word in my presence the last time. She's weird. I've watched her sneaking around the halls for a while now. Won't talk to anyone, doesn't make friends. If she comes in to eat, she sits by herself, sipping her soup feverishly, watching everybody meticulously as if she were on defense all the time. She's wild. I tell you. She's probably going to be the next one needing special needs adoption," the woman spat out. As Alex listened on quietly and watched the other kids play in the yard, he could make out the girl's white knuckles clutching her knees besides him from the corner of his eye. He looked over at her in surprise and caught her in a moment of weakness as he would learn years later. Her lips were a thin line and she was biting on part of her lower lip, her eyes narrowed. Alex could basically hear her thoughts scream at the director. Was the woman talking about her? When their eyes matched, he studied them and concluded, her eyes did have something that looked wild to him. But she was only a kid. A little girl. A girl that apparently no one had ever wanted. Alex' stomach churned when he realized how many different kinds of bad there were out there. She definitely had it bad. But well, at least she didn't have a steak-knife stabbing mother and a heroin addict underneath her roof.

While he was thinking, the girl regained her usual dismissive demeanor and a smirk built on her face. It was… hard to define but definitely wild. Alex didn't know the girl but for all he could say… she looked like she enjoyed being that girl. That girl that was dubbed untamable and unteachable. Alex chuckled before startling mildly and putting a hand over the girl's mouth as she had been trying to voice something but he could hear the director hanging up the phone and getting up again. When the girl tried to defend herself madly, he gave her a burning stare to shut the hell up. The girl faltered underneath his gaze and even though she was still rigid within his arms, she relaxed a bit until they heard the old bat exit the office and Alex dropped his arms, leaning his head back onto the wall, exhaling the breath he had been holding. He started pulling up rocks and throwing them out to release some of the tension within him. The girl had gotten up immediately and rushed away before turning around mid-step and jogging up to him with a wild face and white knuckles once more. Alex looked at her amusedly.

"What? Are you going to punch me or something?" Alex chuckled at seeing her face and observing her demeanor. The girl seemed like she was fuming. "I'm not scared of you, just so you know," Alex shook his head, getting up, deciding what to do next. He put his headphones back on, already about to hit the play button, when the girl cleared her throat, looking at him piercingly. He looked at the girl questioningly before a suspicious smile widened on her face making her look pretty haywire.

"I'm not scared of you, either, Alex Karev," she told him in a girlish whisper, blushing a bit for she definitely had tried to sound a lot scarier and stronger. Alex scrunched up his face by the mention of his name and shook his head in confusion. The girl was already strolling away, when she looked back at him, wriggling her eyebrows playfully. "Oh, this is going to be so much fun," she shook her head at him challengingly and chuckled, taking a hike through the bushes, leaving Alex stand perplexedly in front of Ms. Morgan's office window, looking after her sheepishly. What the hell was that?