Letters to Piper, from AV

by Bobbiejelly

When Alex is released from Litchfield, her joy is short-lived as without her [job] as a drug dealer nor a lousy prison job she has nothing left to fill her days. Haunted by Kubra's trial and everything that preceded it, Alex becomes restless. The only meaningful action she takes is writing to her Ex, Piper. Blind hope and desperation keep her letters coming, without reply.*Vauseman

1. Letter One

AV

Maximum Security Prison

Piper Chapman

Litchfield Prison

Letter One

Dear Piper,

If you even read this letter (which I highly doubt), I'm telling you in advance that this letter is NOT an apology. I'm not at all sorry for what I persuaded you to do so don't even think about it. Just like your first conviction I reaffirm that it is only your actions that landed you in Litchfield. I never forced you to go to Lebanon; you were all over the adventure and now you face the consequences. Same to for now.

If it is any reassurance I would like you to know that it is a good thing you lied at your trial. Like I alluded to in Chicago, Kubra's power reigns much stronger than that of our court system. He's out Piper. He's out on the streets on the loose again with more power than ever to disappear, to terrorize, to steal, to gain money. He's out to kill. And we all know who his next target will be.

So then why you ask did I tell them the truth? Why would I reveal information that puts me in danger every moment of my remaining days? Why would I want to come "home" to another life of fear - where every creak at my apartment door makes me jump in paranoia, cower in fear and pull out a gun from my belt pocket adrenaline coursing through my veins as I steele myself to be a killing machine.

Well newsflash Kid, all that IS "Home" to me. Fear, doubt, paranoia has been my life since I was very young. I know what its like to always have enemies on your tail. And do I want to be done with all that once and for all? Of course Piper, but I'd also like to win the Lottery and that's not happened either. So this is the closest I was ever going to get - a chance for Kubra to be in prison and me to be free. And even in all its bitterness I savor this taste of freedom like having the first taste of a persimmon in spring. Its an imperfect yet perfect feeling.

Are you worried about me? I highly doubt it. I know you too well Kid and I know that you're probably too focused on your own life right now. You're probably focused on your dissapointed lawyer, or some new Litchfield prison drama, or maybe even your Ex Larry. But I hardly doubt you spend your time wondering about the shadow of [what is it for you? Is it lust or boredom or anger or revenge?] that clouds your head when you dare to whisper my name. You probably think this is my own goddamn fault so I have to deal with it alone whiles you go fuck someone else. I just hope sex with them is not as good as what we have [had?].

Alas I can see the question forming in your mind as your eyes gleam along these tiny scribbles. I can see the wonder and confusion as you search for a glimmer of what? Hope? Hope that someday your {What am I even to you} I'll just say Alex will come home to you with roses. Am I worried about you Piper? Yes I am. There. I said it. Do I still care about you Piper? Yes. I do. There, I fucking said it are you satisfied? Have I blown your egotistical mind out of proportions now? Hardly like more ego can fit inside those long, blonde locks of hair anyways.

Did I plan beforehand how I was going to play the trial? Did I know in advance that I was going to get you to lie while I was going to tell the truth?

That's a story for another time, Kid.

Best of luck at Litchfield Piper,

- Alex

Notes:

A new letter will be posted weekly, expect updates on Sundays

I will announce it at the end of the previous chapter if there is a circumstance where I am not able to complete a letter for that week.

Review replies:

Thanks lovelies for the reviews :)

This is my first stab at fanfiction, and constructive criticism is much appreciated.

At the bottom of each letter, I will post responses to reviews I get for that particular chapter. If you do not want comments posted about your review, please say so in your review. Thanks

To: izzielg

My first ever reviewer! I feel like a superstar :)

Yes, yes it is harsh. Alas Alex is pretty harsh. I always have a soft spot for her because she can deliver tough love to Piper in ways that makes the blonde learn. Fear not though, I am a true Vauseman fan at heart. There will be more fluff to come yet 3