Insaneiac the Maniac: -Taps microphone- This thing on...Testing, testing.
Spiritua Masquerade: Yeah, it's working.
Insaneiac: Good. Is it recording yet?
Spiritua: Yeah, I think so. Can you all hear us out there?
Insaneiac: I hope they can. It'd be pretty sad if no one heard us. Pretty sad indeed. -Sagely nod- Welcome to the "Greatest Collab Ever"!!
Spiritua: Also known as Excidium. It's another of my crazy collaboration contraptions, written by, of course, myself, Spiritua Masquerade, and...
Insaneiac: ME!!!...What's my name again...Oh right. Insaneiac the Maniac.
Spiritua: -prod- (under breath) This is the Authors Note, display some form of intelligence! (out loud) Though he may not seem like it, any who've read his Tales of Twilight know that Insaneiac is ten times the writer I'll ever be. So... Care to tell them about the story and any warnings we may need to lay out?
Insaneiac: You got it...on most parts anyways. I'll never be a better author than you. Well, this is going to be a lighter story, more focused on comedic situations and a rather lighter plot compared to...most of my things. Yes, there will still be conflicts and the kind, but there will be some laughter as well. As for pairings...dunno yet. Have fun trying to figure those out for yourselves. Also, the story will be written in the first person perspective from a total of five characters. I am going to be writing from Yuan and Lloyd's POV, and my comrade here is going to illustrate the perspectives of Sheena and Zelos. We both are going to be handling the POV of...well, you'll meet her soon enough. Fuufuufuufuu.
Spiritua: He pretty much covered it. So... Hmm... A large piece of the plot will be romance-driven, and, though there are no set pairings, it's obvious enough that, with Sheena being the only female, there will almost certainly be at least HINTINGS of male x male. Deal with it.
Insaneiac: Yah! I swear to the deity that hasn't scorn me yet, if you don't like guyXguy at all, then simply don't read. Nothing brings down a mood like a narrow minded review.
Spiritua: And if you read and review anyways, I'll suck your kidney out your nose with a turkey baster. X.x
Insaneiac: She'll do it too. You think I'm crazy, phew, you guys ain't seen nothing yet
Spiritua: Mwahahahaha-cough- erm, yeah. I think we've pretty much covered it. Anything else, Insaneiac?
Insaneiac: Uhm...hmmm. Spiritua is starting off on this, which means you all get a big treat. And enjoy the story people. After all, that's the hope and joy of every author on the planet, right?
Spiritua: Right. Though you'll get an even BIGGER treat in Insaneiac's chapter. Oh, and please, to keep me happy and Insaneiac alive, DON'T READ AND RUN. I, along with any other writer, get very very frustrated to see something like "Hits: 500, Reviews: 2" on our Stats page. The more you review, the faster your chapters come. And I'll try my very very hardest to reply to each one. :D So... On with the story. :D
Chapter One
He gave me a form, a soul, wings, and a plan. That plan is called Excidium. He said it means to overthrow, to destroy. And then they killed him. So it is my duty to fulfill Excidium and dominate the world as planned.
I just have a few little problems to work out first.
Though it has been nearly a year since I've been called upon for anything even close to dutiful, I haven't forgotten my calling. Ambassador of Tethe'alla. It has a nice, powerful sound. Some people don't even know what an Ambassador is. Honestly, I wasn't entirely sure myself. I'll tell you though.
An Ambassador is someone who sits around importantly until someone needs to talk to someone else about some insignificant detail of life. Ambassadors are usually bored out of their minds, and all for what? To be isolated from your friends, unable to leave your immediate location unless specifically told to for fear that, Martel forbid, someone were to need to deliver some laundry while you were off using the bathroom.
Alright, alright, I admit, it's not entirely that bad. Perhaps my being cooped up in the excruciatingly small village of Mizuho with superfluous cuisine shoved down my throat and only a secondhand account of any glorious battle fought has swayed my opinion somewhat. Perhaps it wouldn't be that bad to be confined to the village of mystical ninja arts, rather than a place like Izoold, if I were actually allowed to wander outside on occasion. Perhaps it wouldn't be so bad to have exquisite food three times a day, rather than dried scrap meat and hard bread, if they weren't forced down my esophagus even if I was still full from the previous meal and if their contents varied on occasion instead of the same old delicacies. Perhaps missing all the battles, rather than getting killed in them, wouldn't be so bad, if it were my choice to stay in Mizuho, and not the choices of the elders who treated me like a toddler in its playpen. But, unfortunately, it's not. So being an Ambassador pretty much sucks.
Until now.
When the Shaman told me to go fetch Raine Sage, I thought he was just taunting me. Pulling my leg. Giving me hopes to escape my prison, before yanking them away like a string from a cat. But no. He wished to speak to her about one of his new discoveries, one that might change the world of healing permanently.
I am in Triet now. I can almost smell Iselia, my destination. But I don't want to arrive just yet. I've ran with only one-hour intervals of sleep for three days straight, yet I still fly on winged feet. My energy is boundless. I feel like I could sprout seraph wings and take flight right here. Sometimes, it's even hard to breathe, and I hold my breath to keep my spirit from exploding from my body in every direction possible. That's the extent of the joy I feel. And I don't want it to end. I don't want Raine to take me on her Rheaird back to my prison, thinking the ride is a favor. But by the end of the day, that seems to be what's going to happen.
Still, my spirits can't be dampened. Even the sand, usually troublesome, does not hinder my steps today. I'm free. For now, at least.
I feel guilty for thinking this, but... I wish something could get in my way. I wish something could keep me from Raine. I wish I wouldn't have to return. I wish, I wish, I wish.
I slide a cup from my waist pouch without breaking gait, reaching Triet's oasis. Grudgingly, I stop to crouch and scoop up a large serving of fresh water, pouring it over my head and relishing the cool. Then I take another cup to drink. Though I need this water direly, when I rise to my feet again, my legs are quivering with unspent energy, almost begging me to sprint off once more. I force myself to still, for my own sake as well as the sake of the interests of passersby, and slowly drink my water. Gulping it down quickly after a run isn't good for me, this I know for a fact. The moment the last drop of soothing H2O is tricking down my throat, I jam the cup back into the pouch and take off down the street to the front gate. Trietians almost literally dive out of my way, but I'm sprinting so fast that the curses they call after me are lost to the wind in my ears.
Within seconds, the gate to Triet is behind me, and I'm out on open sands again. The heat beats down on me, and I'm soaked with the water from the Oasis, but I don't mind. I'm free. Goddess, I'd almost forgotten how good it felt to be free. Free with a time limit, mind you, but... It's better than nothing at all.
And there's always that wish to hope for...
Suddenly, I hear a thundering from my right, the general direction of the Triet Ruins. My head whips around in surprise; isn't the desert generally empty? A large dust cloud rolls my way... Is this my cue to duck and cover? Dust clouds are somewhat toxic to inhale, aren't they? But... Dust clouds are rare around here, aren't they? I remember, Raine said that once, that dust clouds only form on their own when wind is a factor. But there's not even the slightest breeze... I squint against the brightness of the sun reflecting from the sand, trying to see what was stirring up so much sand. It looked like... five dark forms protruded from the front. My eyes widened as they grew nearer, and I backed away a step.
Horses, massive black ones, ridden by men with three weapons apiece. Two at their waist, and, by the looks of it, one incredibly painful one on their back. One, the center one, was in the lead. By the looks of it, more darker shapes are farther back in the dust cloud, smaller than the first five. I draw my cards, preparing myself for a battle. But... these are thieves, right? Ordinary thieves. No problem. Let's see 'em try and take out Sheena Fujibayashi. Let the games begin.
I stand steady, legs spread slightly in a balanced stance and cards in my left hand, as they draw closer. I identify the other shapes as men with smaller, less foreboding horses. As with most who are attempting at an evil appearance, their apparel is mostly black, the lead five in all black. The one in the front, however, is shirtless, his muscular chest exposed to the sun, perhaps in some sort of display of defiance. Each of the five horses are scarred with two long, reasonably straight lines, crossing in an 'x'. The center one has the scar on it's chest, the two on the right have it on their left shoulders, and the two on the left have it on their right shoulder, so all the scars would be turned to the leader. I cringe, thinking of what gruesome method could be used to carve such a scar.
They circle me, walking almost nose to tail, their circle so tight. The others crowd around, as spectators would a fight. Each and every face carries a smirk, almost as uniform as their black apparel. Goddess, could they be any more pathetic? Haven't they heard? The more you try to look badass, the more you look like a fool. I bet they have some overused, underthought gang name too, one that they think is oh so cool. Like... Like the Sand Demons or something equally lame.
"Well well, what have we here?" Sneered a more wiry man, two horses behind the leader. I cringe in disgust. The next person who says that, I will kill them, and I will enjoy it.
"A little girly, out showing off her costume for the Festival," chimes in another man from the opposite voice, his voice lower but equally mocking.
"Girly girly, come on over here, we can take that ridiculous costume off your hands..." a third man suggests, trailing off for effect, and the four besides the leader snigger at the implications. I cross my arms over my stomach indignantly, glaring fiercely at the man who commented, which only draws even more sniggering.
"-willing or unwilling." The fourth finishes the sentence, his voice low and insinuating. More sniggers, this time from all the men, all but the leader. The leader, who remained silent through his comrades' bantering and remarks, halts his mount now, angling it so it faces me directly. His smirk widens slightly.
"Hello there, girly. Nice day, isn't it? For us, at least. Show some respect, harlot, you're in the presence of the King of the Sands. I'm Thunder, and this is my Desert Storm."
...What an arrogant little prick.
"Hello to you too, madam. And it was a nice day for me as well, until your big cloud of B.O. got in my way. Sheesh, it's a wonder you can have even a marginal day, with that smell." I shot back, wrinkling my nose. He looked shocked, but only for a second. The shock instantly faded to fury, and his horse as well snorts in some sort of unrest, pawing at the ground angrily, but if Thunder intended to speak, I don't know, because I continued my mockery with a dramatically low bow, obviously not meant in respect of any sort. "And I never thought I'd be in the presence of a Queen, though I can't say it's a pleasure to meet you. Now, time for you to show some aptitude, queeny-boy, because you're in the presence of the Ambassador of Tethe'alla. I'm Sheena Fujibayashi, ninja of Mizuho and the one who holds the Right of the Pact, and this," I paused, turning his greeting around against him. "This is what I like to call kickass."
In a flash, my cards are slid from my belt and I'm forming the intricate formations of a summon. My eyes flash with what I'm sure is extremely twisted pleasure in ridding the world of such an unnecessary waste of flesh, and my lip forms a smirk of my own.
"Try this on for size, bitch," I mutter under my breath. "I call upon the disciple of frigid ice," my summon is started, and Thunder's four cronies draw their swords, making to silence me. Thunder, however, just stands there, his face guardedly calm. "Come, Celsius!"
My voice echoes out commandingly, impressively forceful if I do say so myself, but... something's wrong. The mana, it's still here. Yet there's no chill, no familiar cold in the air, or even in my mana-conducting fingertips. And Celsius is not here. My eyes widen, but I'm already forming the plans for another summon. "I call upon the hammer of godly thunder, Volt!" Yet he doesn't show up either. I am without the Summon Spirits. I am alone.
I drop to my knees, eyes wide, staring at my hands in disbelief. The four, having had their swords at ready, snickered slightly, sheathing the weapons once more. I look up at them defiantly, one by one. Yet Thunder doesn't seem surprised at my failure. I glare at him fiercely, my lip curling up in the beginnings of a snarl. You know something, you bastard! You did this! But how?! He's just an arrogant bitch with the IQ of a tic-tac, he couldn't have taken away my summoning. But he has to know something, I can tell, just look at him! I can see it in his narrowed eyes, that exact angle of his smirk!
No, no! Think, Sheena, think! What could have happened?
…
…
The pacts!
'I want to save both worlds!' My vow rings through my head over and over again. I saved both worlds. So now the pacts are complete.
"Hmm. I expected better, especially considering you had the nerve to attempt to insult myself, my Storm, and our spring-fresh aroma. Unsuccessfully, of course. Ah well, I guess. Boys, seize her. I find her obnoxious and useless to boot, but you all could find something to do with her." He narrows his eyes at me with his last words, and I leap to my feet, readying my cards for battle. There's no way in Hell that I'm gonna let these retards chain me up and have their way with me. The metallic hiss that signals the drawing of what I count as a dozen weapons, however, shows that they have very different opinions.
It's one arrogant bastard, four of his equally ugly and unintelligent cronies, plus anywhere between fifty and two-hundred-fifty smelly men with swords, all on horseback, versus one Summon-Spirit-less, out-of-practice, female ninja. Ding!
"Pyre Seal!" I cry, swinging my cards at Thunder, causing his horse to balk with a fearful snort, but only giving the others a chance to close in. I whirled around, firing up another one.
"Serpent Seal Pinion!" I command, yet the powerful attack I'd hoped to conjure isn't nearly as impressive as it usually is, now that my chances are slim to none of escaping unscathed. One of the four lead henchmen roared in pain, and I smirked ever so slightly in satisfaction, knowing my aim was true. I whirled back behind me, where they were closing in fast, swinging my cards like I'd seen Lloyd so many times swing his swords.
"Alright, try on this one! Power Seal Absolu-"
And all is dark.
-----
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"Alright, alright hunnies, the Amazing Zelos has to go now! No, don't be too sad, I'll be back before you miss me too awful much." I flash a grin to the swarm of a good half-dozen women who surround me, and they erupt into a chorus of awestruck giggling. I don't blame them though. I mean, hell, I'm so dead sexy, if I were a chick, I'd date myself!
Wait, did that sound gay?
No, no, of course not. The Great Zelos never sounds anything less than perfect! Or, at least, that's what I have to keep people thinking. I mean, what kind of Chosen would I be, if I went around reeking uncool? No matter how sexy I am, the chicks still wouldn't dig me for too long, if I were uncool.
But why the hell am I thinking about that? I'm the Amazing Zelos! That may not sound like an excuse, but it is in my book.
"Why do you have to leave us, Zelos?" purrs a noble woman with a superfluously large hairdo, whose name escapes me, but I'm pretty sure I laid last week. I flash another heartstopping grin, gently peeling a pair of arms from around my neck.
"I'm on a mission, an important mission, from the King." A chorus of 'ooh's and 'ahh's follow my announcement, as if this were the first such mission and not the umpteenth. "Now, I must be on my way. Rest assured, I will return for you, my hunnies!" And with this, I draw a small round object from my pocket, jumping a fair distance into the air and giving the object a squeeze. Now, this may sound like an illogical thing to do, and it would be, were the small round object not a Wing-Pack. Rather than landing on the ground in a heap, as my adoring fans expected, I set off through the air with a Rhieard at my crotch and the wind in my hair. And let me tell you, after spending the last year or so with my feet planted firmly on the ground, though not by choice, it feels good to be back in the air.
And now that I'm away from my adoring hunnies, I can take a moment to relax. I can ease away the smile that I've had glued to my face for as long as I can remember, and I can lean back slightly, rather than sit up straight as proper posture demands. It's not that I'm unhappy, not at all. It's just that, smiling all the time, it just wears me out. I mean, can't I smile on the inside? Noooo, because if I do, about sixteen frivolous noblewomen are showering me in pity and asking me what's wrong. And sure, that may sound like a good thing, but... I guess I get tired of it after a while.
Sighing in contentment, I relax my muscles to a more comfortable posture, making full use of the cushioned seat. Hell, I even put my hands back behind my head, steadying the steering handles with my knees. This, this is nice.
I glance down over my shoulder, down at the forests and towns below me. In a crook of a mountain, I catch sight of Mizuho, though only because I know where to look. If I didn't, I wouldn't have noticed it, with it's earthy-colored buildings and it's pine-fresh camouflage scent. There are people, ninjas, swarming about the streets. I cock my head slightly to the side. Are the ninjas always so hurried?
No, you idiot, of course not.
It has been three months since the disappearance of Sheena Fujibayashi, Ambassador of Tethe'alla and Master Summoner. The only hunny I couldn't have, I recall dryly. She was sent to Iselia to fetch Raine, and hasn't been seen since. Which kinda sucks. I mean, she is my friend after all. So if something happened to her, that wouldn't be too good. Tethe'alla has done nothing so horrible as to deserve to lose something so extremely voluptuous anyways. I mean, if she died, the largest pair of boobs I've seen in my life would go in the grave with her, and that in itself brings me horrible pain.
Does that sound shallow? Superficial? Cruel? I swear, I didn't mean it that way. I mean, she rocks, and she's dead sexy, almost as sexy as me, but... she never let me know her as more than just the one on a quest for her chest. I tried to be nice to her, be helpful, be a good friend, but she just kept slapping me...
That goddessbedamned hand of mine. It always seemed to creep places it shouldn't, right when things were looking up. I mean, I didn't stop it, but I didn't tell it to either.
Why couldn't she find me irresistible like all the others? It'd be so much easier that way… But I suppose it'd be only half the fun.
Oh, hey, there goes Yuan's shitty little igloo. Not long now 'till I reach Flanoir. The mayor will be waiting for me, of course. That's my job. To act as a collaborator with the Mayor of Flanoir, to resolve some important issues that the King himself is too busy sitting to resolve himself. The mayor seemed quite urgent in her letter... Although if I had intended to hurry like the letter hinted I should, I would have left a few days ago. Heh.
The snow is getting thicker, but I'm assuming it's just because I'm over the continent. When I squint, I can see Flanoir's clock tower over the horizon.
Queen Snow Bunny of Flanoir, here I come!
Spiritua: The next one will be better, I assure you. I'm never good at first chapters. Morgan, I pass the torch to you. Do Yuan justice, or I'll kill you. XD And Zelos's part will be far longer next time, don't worry. It's just because there's not much else I can add without totally screwing up the plotline. Haha.