Kreuzburg
Summary: What if Seth Cohen had another reason to leave Newport?
So, I know I should write on various other things. But I wrote this a while ago, when I was so pissed off. And then I sent it to someone for them to read, and they forced me, against my will to continue it. So, I hope you like it. (:
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"He knows," Summer Roberts' first words were into her silver cell phone as she paced back and forth in the room that her boyfriend had just been in. She sighed and waited for the reply to come and decided that prancing was just making her antsy. She took a seat on her purple sheets and fiddled with the pink comforter that covered them.
"Who knows what?" The voice on the other side of the phone said, oblivious. Even if the speaker had the idea of who knew what had happened just a couple of days ago.
"Don't play dumb with me, Chino," Summer shrieked into the phone, she almost hushed her voice down, realising it had raised a considerable amount, but she wanted Ryan to know she was mad at him, and she wasn't going to take any blame for anything. So shrieking into the phone seemed all there was in her desperate hour. "You know what I'm talking about. Your stupid, drunken mistake that you made."
"My mistake?" Ryan asked into the phone. "I do believe you were there, too."
"Yeah but you took advantage!" Summer shrieked into the phone. Frustrated with Ryan. Frustrated with herself. Frustrated with Seth. Even though she couldn't make herself mad at Seth, not at all. He hadn't done anything, except be a perfect boyfriend. She was the one that screwed up. She was the one that'd lost the said perfect boyfriend.
"God, Summer. Can you at least take part of the blame? For once in your life," Ryan commented bitterly as he paced the poolhouse, he knew this conversation, this argument was stupid. He was just stalling the inevitable. The pissed off Seth that would be in here, shouting and raving in about 15 minutes. Wait, if he was mad. Make that 10 minutes.
"Ugh," Summer grunted into the phone. "I don't care whose fault it was, at this moment in time. All I care about is that my boyfriend, and your best friend is angry with us. And we need to do something about it. Not pass the blame back and forth over a stupid drunken kiss that didn't mean anything to us," Summer said, in raised voice again.
Ryan sighed into the phone as he remembered Friday night of last week. He'd made more stupid mistakes in that night than in his whole entire life. And now, he all of a sudden felt like the typical kinda Newport guy. The type who cared about one thing. The type that didn't care who they stepped on, who they hurt, until they got it. It'd been their last day at school for the whole of summer, and Seth, Summer, Marissa and himself were, lets just say, ecstatic. With the idea of no school for the rest of the summer. The Theresa situation solved, and the chance to be normal teenagers just for a couple of months.
But now, it looked like it wasn't going to turn out that way. They'd all had a bit too much to drink, Summer and Ryan a little more than Seth and Marissa. Marissa, having just got over her little drinking phase only a couple of months ago. And Seth deciding he'd have more fun staying a little sober. They were tipsy, but nowhere near as drunk as Summer and Ryan.
Ryan was a bit of a lightweight, considering he was from Chino and all, but no one had seen Ryan get drunk, so they'd assumed that being from a rough neighborhood he'd be able to knock them back and still be fine. And Summer had mixed her drinks, and after her near 6 months of not drinking – due to the fact that they hadn't been to a Holly party – like the one they were at – in a while – she had gotten very drunk, very quickly.
And then Seth and Marissa had seemed to disappear off the face of the Earth when Ryan and Summer had gone off looking for them, giggling as they went. They'd fallen into a bedroom door by accident. And the next thing they both knew they'd woken up the next morning in the poolhouse with Seth and Marissa there, and memories of the night before, and their kiss.
It was weird, it was the only thing they remembered. Their lips exploring foreign grounds that belonged to their partners. And they weren't even sure how far they'd even gone. All they knew is that Marissa and Seth had found them at the bottom of the stairs, looking guiltily as they helped them home.
"How did he find out?" Ryan asked, anxiously while pushing a strong hand through his thin blonde hair. They had decided the next morning, when Seth had gone to shower, and Marissa had gone to her house to change and alert her mother that she still hated her and Caleb, that they would keep it a secret. That it was a mistake. And the only thing that the truth would do, was hurt people around them they loved and cared for. So keeping it a secret, drunken mistake was the way forward.
"Brad. He told him, earlier, he then came round here and I denied it at first. But I can't lie to him, Ryan. I can't, and I told him that we kissed and that was it, that it meant nothing. But he didn't believe me, he thinks we've been having an affair or something for ages, and that we slept together and everything," Summer said into the phone, and Ryan could tell, just from her tone of voice that she was near tears. It was here he decided this was serious, this wasn't one of them lame shows where they set random everyday people up, with cameras hidden. He'd already checked for the cameras.
"Brad? One, how did he know? And two, why would he talk to Seth?" Ryan asked shocked at the idea of one of the water polo players talking to Seth. 'Cause water polo players – and players in general – and Seth, didn't get on. They were rubber and glue. So there was no way either would talk to each other, unless they wanted something.
Summer sighed into the phone, and lay back on her bed as she recalled everything Seth had just told her, or more, yelled at her. "Well Seth was at the diner, on the pier, I have no idea why he was there alone, but Brad saw him, and thought that the perfect time to tell him that he'd seen us go into a bedroom, drunk, at the party on Friday," Summer said into the cellular device, her voice was now lower than before.
"Okay, I get that, what I don't get; why would Brad tell Seth? He gets nothing out of this," He wondered aloud as he saw the foyer light turn on in the main house. And he wondered if Seth was back yet. He needed to talk to him; he needed to explain himself, and his actions.
"He gets to see me and Seth break up. The 'geek' stops dating the 'popular girl'. And me single again," Summer assumed was the reason as to why Brad would've told Seth anything of her and Ryan's stupid, stupid, stupid kiss.
Ryan gulped as he saw the light come on in Seth's bedroom. He knew for a fact that Seth was home now. But his arrival wasn't what Ryan was expecting, he expected a bright red Seth to march up the steps towards the poolhouse, and yell at Ryan. But all he saw was a light illuminating the house, while all the others were turned off except the foyer one. And the flickering shadow of Seth moving in his room. No doubt pacing, and asking Captain Oats what to do.
"Yeah," Ryan said distractedly as he stared out to the window. Knowing he was going to have to go up to speak to Seth, to get a reaction, to get the apology he wanted, out into the open. So they could go and live the summer they'd all expected and hoped for; a drama free summer. "Listen, he's back, I'm going to have to go."
He could hear a slight gasp on the end of his phone and Summer muttered: "Good luck," before hanging up. He and Summer had never been the best of friends, anyway, so this latest debacle had only made them hate – or dislike – each other more. He breathed out, and then in, readying himself for any reaction Seth was about to give. He stepped out of the poolhouse and into the main house. The only person, who was in on the late Wednesday night, was Seth. Sandy and Kirsten were in LA for the night, taking some time out to have couple time.
Ryan had to laugh, him and Seth had decided, when the night had been arranged, that they'd invite Summer and Marissa round, and make good use of the house being empty. But now, it was going to be spent, with, what Ryan assumed, a lot of yelling, and Seth hating him.
He stood outside of the door, breathing out once more and shoving his shaking hands into his pockets. He didn't know how he was going to make Seth forgive him, how he was going to make this up to him. Seth had been his only best friend, in Chino he'd had friends and acquaintances but they never had his back. They never cared. Seth was there for Ryan one hundred and ten percent; he would never do anything to hurt Ryan. And Ryan had just gone and betrayed his trust; he was back to that 'typical Newport guy' theory he'd been thinking about earlier on that night.
He breathed in and finally clutched the gold, handle with his shaking, sweating hand, and proceeded to inch the door forward. When he walked into the room, though, he found Seth sat at his computer – his moving Ryan had seen from the pool house had ceased – and there was a slight hum in the room from the music playing – at the lowest possible volume, but still able to hear it – coming from the Apple Mac as Seth let his foot beat in time with the music as he stared aimlessly around the room.
Ryan had walked in on Seth like this one hundred plus times, so he almost laughed that he'd find Seth in his normal habits, even after he'd found out the news that was sure to jeopardize his future relationships, and future in general.
Seth brought his eyes up, that were averted to the floor, to look up at the visitor, even though he already knew whom it'd be. "Hey, man," And for a second, Ryan felt relief wash over him, maybe Seth wasn't as mad as Summer had made out. Maybe he'd calmed down a bit on the trip from Summer's to here, and he realised his best friend, and girlfriend, wouldn't do that to him. "Come to steal something else of mine?" He asked bitterly. And Ryan was back to staring at his feet awkwardly. He should've known. He should've known Seth wouldn't take this lightly – but who did? If he'd found out that Marissa and Seth had shared a kiss – no matter how drunk they were – he wouldn't have been responsible for his actions.
"Look, at least listen to what we have to say for ourselves," Ryan attempted; he could almost feel the hurt radiating from Seth's eyes. He hated himself, at that moment. How could he let Seth down? Letting Seth down, meant letting the Cohen's down. And that was the one thing he'd promised himself, upon moving in, he would never do; he'd never hurt the Cohen's, he'd do anything in his power to make sure he never took them for granted, never let them down. And he'd done just that. He'd let them down.
"No, I'm fed up of talking, for today," Seth said, as he stood up. And Ryan cringed at the unfamiliarity that cold-Seth brought. He was like a completely different person. Different from the one that had been dumped by Summer, 'cause of her dad. Different to the one that had been told his best friend might be leaving with Theresa. This one he didn't know. This wasn't his best friend. This was a whole other person. And Ryan hated it.
He brushed past Ryan and walked out of his blue bedroom. "Where are you going?" Ryan asked, concernedly. He didn't know what Seth was capable of, he didn't know what he could do, would do, in a rage. And he didn't trust this new, hurt, Seth with his best friend.
Seth snapped around and stared at Ryan, straight in the eye. It was a hateful look, that Ryan hadn't seen before, he'd thought that Seth could never actually get the 'glare' right on, but at that moment he had the glare, and more. And it made Ryan almost wince under his stare. "Out," He said, vaguely as he proceeded to move away from his bedroom. Away from his house. Away from Ryan.
"Well at least tell me where you're going," Ryan said, following Seth as he went to leave. "Please don't go, Seth. We need to talk, you've got it all wrong," Ryan pleaded, and all of a sudden, he could see that the tables had turned, usually this was Seth's job; pleading, whining, moaning. And his job to brood, ignore, and hurt.
"I have it wrong?" Seth asked as he shot round to give Ryan the same kind of glare he'd been on the receiving end of just a couple of minutes ago. "I think you got it all wrong when you slept with – or did anything with my girlfriend," Seth said the coldness in his voice still evident and Ryan really wanted to make him listen.
"Seth it's not like-,"
"You know what?" Seth asked, staying in the same position as Ryan took a seat on the stairs, hoping it would settle Seth, and make him sit down, too. But Seth didn't budge, and Ryan shrugged in response to his question. "You were my first friend, and now I realise, having a friend wasn't as important as I used to make it out to be, friends just hurt," Seth stated as he brushed past Ryan on the stairs and went to bound down them as he reached the foyer.
Ryan winced at the past tense. He was so disappointed in himself at that moment. He hated himself, more than Summer, more than Seth, more than anyone. "Seth, please I'm begging you, can I just expl-,"
"Did you kiss her?" Seth asked he was now standing before the door, and he'd whipped round to give Ryan a clear shot of his icy brown eyes.
"What?" Ryan asked, confused as he scrunched his eyebrows up. And tried to comprehend Seth's words. He was tired, emotionally and physically.
"You know, were your lips on hers? Did you French kiss? Anyway you want to put it!" Seth nearly shouted. And Ryan hated the tone of voice he was using; he'd never heard it on him. And it sound unnatural, but it wasn't faux.
He gulped and nodded, looking down at his shoes averting his eyes away from the brown orbs that he knew, for a fact, were burning into him. "Yes," He added in a whisper, thinking that maybe Seth hadn't seen the shy nod. But he had. And now he was just staring. He wasn't even staring specifically at Ryan. He was just staring. Here, Seth Cohen learnt what hurt actually felt like. Scraping your elbow when you fell off your bike, wasn't hurt. Hearing your parent's argue for the third time in a week, wasn't hurt. Knowing that the two people who you trust most in the world have gone behind your back, hurts.
Seth hated this feeling. He felt so angry, but so vulnerable. He'd hoped, when Brad had come and sat at his table that morning, running hands through his bleached blonde hair, and checking out the girls as they walked along the pier, he'd hoped he was lying. That his friends hadn't come over and agreed with Brad. But he had to believe it. It was the last piece to the puzzle. Seth wasn't stupid, infact he'd gotten A+'s most of his life, so when his girlfriend and best friend had been acting weirdly around him, and each other. He knew something was up.
And after having most of the afternoon to think about it, he'd come to the conclusion that it was all-true. They really wanted to be with each other, and they were just saving time 'till Ryan had enough money for them to run off and get eloped or something. Of course, Seth put the last bit down to his over-analysing mind. But he still felt betrayed, and stupid. He hadn't thought about their backgrounds – the fact that Ryan had probably cheated on his friends before with their girlfriends, or that Summer used to cheat on anyone with anyone. 'Just because I'm dating you, doesn't mean I can't kiss him,' she'd claimed to one of her boyfriends.
"Have you slept with her?" Seth asked, he was still staring but the iciness was gone from his eyes. But, Ryan thought anyway, this look was worse. It was empty. There wasn't any sign of the old Seth Cohen in there, none at all. Even with the hurt stares and icy stare's he'd been giving off five minutes ago, he'd seen flickers of the comic book loving Seth. But now, there was a nobody in front of him. A nobody that had stolen Seth's body. "Actually, you know what? I just, I just need to clear my head," Seth said, running a hand through his clean, much shorter, curls. His Mom had made him get a haircut for his Grandfather's wedding just the week before. "I'll be back later," Seth claimed over his shoulder as he turned his back to Ryan and walked out of the McMansion he'd been living in for nearly his whole life.
Ryan nodded, but it was no use, Seth couldn't see it. He was gone and Ryan sighed. It hadn't been how he'd expected it. He wanted to have everything out in the open, he wanted to be playing PS2 now, with Seth forgiven him. But when Seth had asked him if he and Summer had had sex, he didn't have an answer. He didn't know. He couldn't remember what had gone on in that room, he knew they'd kissed because he could still taste the sour taste of unfaithfulness on his lips. But had they slept together? He didn't know. He didn't know how much time they'd spent in that room, or what they'd done. He was ashamed. Even in Chino, he'd never forgotten anything while drunk.
And he was, again, back to feeling like Luke or Brad or someone, the type to cheat on his friends/girlfriends. He couldn't be that typical Newport guy. He didn't want to be that typical Newport guy. And he was going to do everything he could to not be like that.
-
Seth sat in the 'Summer Breeze' as it swayed softly in the water that looked black due to the sky above him. The moonlight illuminated his face, outlining his features. As the few stars twinkled up ahead. His hand dangled in the water, making various patterns as his mind wandered to various parts of the eventful day. He really wished he hadn't gotten up that morning.
He let his eyes fall down to the ripples he was making in the water. The water was calm, and the air was clear. Seth liked it like this, it was easier to think. Easier to decide what to do next. He'd already decided that staying with Summer was out of the question. She obviously didn't love him, she'd had the hots for Ryan when he first got here, so why shouldn't she now? It made perfect sense. She wouldn't want some pale, lengthy, scrawny, rambling, sarcastic, comic-book loving geek as a boyfriend. She wanted the tanned, muscular kind that could protect her. Why was she even with Seth, anyway?
So many questions swam around in his brain, piecing together clues, stringing along evidence. It all made sense now. Yet, nothing made sense.
It made sense with all the weird behaviour that had been surrounding Summer and Ryan lately. But it didn't make sense at to what he should do now. He was down a best friend, and girlfriend. He couldn't even tell anyone and get guidance from them; if he told Marissa, she'd either not believe him, or dump Ryan – and even though Seth hated him then, he couldn't do that – and he couldn't say anything to his parents, because who knows what their reaction would be.
So, Seth was screwed. He wanted to protect his ex-best friend and ex-girlfriend from everyone. Make sure that no one hated them, but that meant keeping all of his feelings, all of him emotions, bottled up. And he just wasn't that kinda guy. He wore his heart on his sleeve. But, he guessed, that now he'd have to learn.
He sighed heavily and brought up his wet hand from the cold water, and rubbed it his jeans. He lay back in the boat named after the girl of his dreams, and sighed into the night air. He wished that he could go back to when the kiss happened, and make it… un-happen. And then he realised that they were the ones that should be having these thoughts, not him.
He really wished for someone else to be here, just so they could take away the insanity that the quiet night brought to him.
He sighed heavily into the light air, once more and he really didn't want to be Seth Cohen at that moment. He wanted to be someone different, someone new. Someone that didn't have to deal with this shit. He wanted a different life. He needed a break.
Without even a thought to anyone else he sat himself fully onto the white boat and started untying the ropes that connected the boat to Newport, and, he did it without realising, he steered himself out of the harbor. No destination to go. No plans on coming back. No change of clothes, no anything. Just Seth, and his boat.
-
Hmmm, I actually kinda like this. I don't know why… anyway, this whole story is dedicated to Jordan – the person that has forced me to do this – why? I'm not quite sure, it just seemed nice.
So, you know what would make me even nicer/happier and eager to write for this again? I'll give you a hint, it begins with 'R' and is a 6 letter word.
Hmm…
(Thinks)
Okay, I'll tell you… it's…….. REVIEW!