Prologue
A wail.
The noise getting louder and shrill.
Stop. Stop crying! It's fucking annoying! STOP!
She couldn't take it. She wanted to rest. Her body wanted to rest.
But the crying got louder. Stop! She wanted to scream and throw things. She would do anything to stop that noise. It was driving her mad, crazy. She was beyond frustrated.
She bit her lip – she bit it till she'd felt that tangy flavor of blood in her mouth.
Frustrated and irritated. Moody and tired. She was all those things. She wanted to hit something; she wanted something to hit her.
The crying continued.
Her eyes were swelled and red due to her lack of sleep.
Why isn't he here, yet? – She thought.
Making her way down the hall, she reached the crib.
The small bundle – the 4 days old baby – crying.
She stood there looking at her son. She wanted to smile – she did – the sight of such a beautiful baby would make anyone smile. But he was crying and the crying – it makes everything so irritating.
She wanted to tell him to shut up!
She was angry and felt deceived. Where the fuck was the father of her child?
She closed her eyes tightly, her hands hurt due to her tight hold on the crib – the piece of wood hurt.
She sighed and picked him up. She cradled him in her arms.
What was she supposed to do now?
She walked to the living room and sat on the couch.
"What's wrong honey?" she asked her son.
She tried shushing him. "Sssh… Sssh.. Mamma's here… It's alright… Sssh…"
Trying to keep her son stay put – she open four buttons of her Night suit. "You're hungry ne?" she asked him with a smile.
It was hard. Smiling for no reason. But this was her son! Her little bundle of joy. He is meant to bring out the smile – that smile everyone adores. She has been told she has a beautiful smile. She doesn't believe them. After all they've just seen the façade that she has to put on. The one whom she really really smiles at – doesn't even see her. He does, maybe. She doesn't know.
She hasn't named the child yet.
.
"Sssh… there, there… I'm here, ne? Don't cry…"
She brought her son to her breasts.
Now what? Apart from flailing and crying – the baby didn't do anything. What should she do?
This was a new territory. Motherhood. But she knows – she knows she was already a failure as a mom.
What kind of a mother would get irritated and frustrated at his loud crying? She doesn't understand. She couldn't understand her own child. Since the nurses left earlier that morning, she felt helpless – she felt trapped. This was now, this was reality. The child she has been bearing in her womb is now in front of her. Taking care of her pregnant self was easier compared to taking care of a real baby.
Her mouth was quivering, as she tried to soothe him.
Ichigo, I need you. Please come home… I can't handle this! Please…
It would have been so easy if they would have adopted as she had originally planned. The thought of being a mother scared her. But she couldn't tell anyone about it. She wanted to – how desperately she wanted to – tell her husband about her fears… but the distance between them – it felt as if he's so far even if was just one phone call – few kilometers away.
It made her sick. Her existence. Her thoughts…
When did she become this person…why couldn't she understand herself?
She was told – that she was an open book, that she wore her heart on sleeve.
So what went wrong? Everything. That's what.
She brought her son's mouth to her nipples.
He was hungry, right?
That's what kids do – they cry when they were hungry or when they soiled their nappies.
She has to be right assuming that he was indeed hungry and wanted to be fed.
So breast-feeding should do it, right? It certainly worked when the nurses were there… they told her "Kurosaki-sama, it's a sign when the baby cries – you should either feed him or check his diapers… if that isn't the case…then just be with him… he'll calm down."
She felt his small mouth close around her bud. She felt him lick it.
Tears stung behind her eyes. Hormones. She thought.
Why was she crying?
There was a second lick.
She brushed his little orange hair. His head was so soft. His cheeks were still pink, his hands curling near her bosom… a healthy child, a fragile life – she held in her arms... I will never let you break…you'll be strong like your Outo-san…I just know it…
But how could she take care of this small baby – when she couldn't even take care of herself let alone her husband?
She felt his little hands flapping against her chest. She loosened her hold around him to breathe.
There was no third lick – no nibbling – no sucking. Nothing.
She tried again to feed him – but her son started crying again – louder than before. She cradled him after adjusting her blouse; she rocked him back and forth. She hummed a song. She tried shushing him.
'I'm here… Sssh… honey…'
'Hey… Sssh…'
'Mamma loves you… Sssh… please stop crying, baby…'
'Please…'
She could feel the tears blocking her sight, her lips quivering.
She wanted to hold back her tears – but his cries just kept getting louder.
She couldn't bear it!
She doesn't know what's wrong with her son!
She wanted to pull her hair – she wanted him to stop – Please stop – I beg you.
Stop crying… damn it…
Stop it… please… I can't take it... Not anymore…
Her hold tightened when she walked towards the baby room.
Toys – should do it, right?
She sat down on the mat, her vision still clouded by her tears; she bit her lip to stop the sob that would have escaped. She reached for a few toys, setting her son on her lap with one hand supporting his neck.
She could feel it – she could see herself breaking her child. She could see herself ruining him.
But I promised you…
As the pessimistic thoughts filled her mind, she let go of her lip and let the tears fall.
She was crying with her son – "Oh god…" she sobbed "Oh my god…"
His hands flailed in the air, she kept rocking her leg, the tangerine she was shaking to calm him down added to the chaos.
~ Ring. Ring. ~ Ring. Ring. ~
The landline started ringing.
She was tired and frustrated. She couldn't leave her son to attend a stupid phone call.
She wanted him to calm down.
~ Beep. Beep. ~ Beep. Beep ~
To add to everything, someone was texting her.
.
It was too much!
She could feel her blood boiling. But her tears did no good.
Everything was so chaotic!
She threw the toy. It collided against the wall. She wiped her eyes.
She had to get it together!
There was no one who could help her. It was just her and her son.
"Stop crying, honey… Please…" she begged.
Oh god. Oh god… this is too much... I..I..
I'm going to lose it….
Her head hung low, she brought her son near her face.
"P-P-Please… stop…" she pleaded in a low voice.
When the kid still wouldn't stop crying…
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?" she screamed in frustration.
.
:
.
It had been a week since he saw his wife. She was pregnant - hopefully she had his family or Tatsuki to look after her.
The business deal was finally settled.
It was one heck of a week. His days started from morning five and ended at mid-night.
He ran his hand through his orange hair. "1 Million dollars." He muttered to himself in relief.
Finally after all the ass-kissing he had done in the past five years had paid off.
If only – Orihime wasn't pregnant, he could throw a lavish party to celebrate.
He was lucky to have a wife like her. She would never butt in his business.
She used to ask him in the beginning – if he was doing well or he needed any help. He appreciated the thought. But she was not meant to work for him…
Lately… she has been distant…
She wouldn't… she wouldn't accompany him to business parties.
She had missed 4 parties in the past seven months.
But then again, she was pregnant.
And after her break down nine months ago… she hardly talked to him.
But he was content in their marriage though. He had a beautiful wife. She literally reeked of kindness.
She would keep him satisfied. She was quiet and talked only when he asked her something. She wasn't submissive, no, she had her space, her freedom – but she would never bother him. She was always supportive of him.
Their marriage was strong, right?
She didn't mean to leave him like she had said right?
Maybe she did – but then, she got pregnant.
When he thought about it now, he wasn't around much.
She had told him when she was three months along and his reaction – he rubbed his forehead. He was a jerk.
.
It was late at night when he reached home from his work. The client had fucked his brains out. It took his entire cool not to strangle the bastard. But it didn't matter now, they had got that appointment.
It took him by surprise when he saw his wife sitting on the couch and looking at him.
'Hi.' She said. He grunted a reply.
'I'm pregnant.' She gave him a small smile. '3 months along…'
He was actually shocked. But he didn't know how to react… so…
'Congratulations.' He had said, setting his bag down – he immediately regretted it when he saw her frowning.
'Thank you and wish you the same.' She replied and walked away.
He had stood there like a statue for good fifteen minutes.
He thought of going and apologizing to her – it sounded wrong when he thought about it.
What an ass! But man, was he tired!
They were sleeping separately. It's not like he would cling to her in his sleep – so it was alright.
Everything was alright. It was. She didn't leave him – so yeah… his marriage wouldn't fall apart… he needed her… if she wasn't there, it would take a toll in his business.
So she was important.
.
Now when he thought about it, he hadn't apologized.
He decided to take two days off to take care of his wife – after all she could go into labor any day now.
He just hoped he'd be there to support her.
He wanted to call and check up but his battery had died the very first day he had reached Hiroshima. And since he had come alone for the meeting – he couldn't even borrow anyone's phone. And he had to forget the damn charger.
But he was positive that his wife would take care of herself. She didn't need him.
Why was that thought so unpleasant?
.
"I think we should get separated…" she said.
"What?" he asked, signing a paper, when he looked at her – he couldn't read her expression, she was curled up on the couch and watching him with empty eyes. "You love me, ne?"
"Yes. But apparently that isn't enough for you…" she replied, coldly.
.
That was a long night. She had cried so much. He recalled with a grimace.
He hated seeing her cry. He hated being the cause of it.
.
"I can't live in denial anymore." She stated."I need to accept the truth even if it hurts."
"What are you talking about?" he asked, genuinely confused.
"You don't love me." She smiled even if tears were streaming down her face.
"Ori-"
"It's really okay… so… just set me free…"
"No."
"Why?" she whispered.
"I can't…"
.
He remembers that smile – she looked so beautiful – He must truly be a sadist to even let her go through that.
His thoughts were interrupted when he heard "Passengers to 1066 to Karakura should be on board."
For now, he'd just let it go… its good enough that she's there…
She is, right?
Suddenly, he couldn't wait to get home.
.
It had been a long flight. He just wanted to check on Orihime and go to sleep.
His mind wanted to rest.
He took the key out from his pocket.
.
"WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!"
Why was Orihime shouting and sobbing? Was she having a panic attack?
He dropped his luggage there and his foot led to the noise.
.
His eyes widened when he saw his wife lying on the mat with a small body on top of her chest, muttering 'Please tell me, honey… what you want… stop crying…'
He could see various diapers, toys, baby clothes lying haphazardly.
What was happening? Was that his son?
He just watched her sobbing more and saying
"Mamma's here… don't cry… please… I love you, ne?"
She stroked his little back and kissed him on the forehead, assuring him – 'I'm here… don't cry…'
The crying died down slowly as his wife continued to stroke the baby's back…little fingers curled on her sides, brown eyes closed and mouth parted as the baby calmly breathed.
He was frozen. Frozen - literally frozen.
He saw his wife's shoulder shaking; she was still crying… the baby was on top of her… and one of her arm over her eyes…
The baby… His baby…
He licked his dried lips. "O-Orihime?" He called.
He saw her stiffening. Gulping the lump in his throat, he made his way to her.
She wiped her tears with the sleeve of her shirt, she took a deep breath, being aware enough not to talk loudly or disturb her son; she looked at her husband, gave him a shaky smile and greeted "Okaeri."
.
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~0~
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note. there it is. a new story i am working on. i had the idea but it took two months to actually draft it. i'm getting super lazy -_-
warning. it's angsty. intense, if u may.
and no, Ichigo will not be a cheating husband. you'll get what he is - when the story continues.
the next chapter will be the beginning - before the marriage - the 'in love orihime' , ichigo proposing - bla bla.
so this chp was just the glimpse of future - what happens after 4 yrs into their married life.
thank you. :)