What Lies in the Heart
by: enchantingmagick
A/N: Do me a favor and review, I don't think I've ever written an opening chapter this wonderfully long. So enjoy it and drop me some feedback. I haven't read GWTW recently, so a few details may be wrong, like Mammy being in Atlanta(a kind reviewer informed me). But for the purposes of this story, I need Mammy to be with Scarlett. Scarlett needs Mammy more than she ever has in her life.
Inspiration credit goes to the Civil Wars and their new completely brilliant album. Y'all should go check it out. I feel like Rhett wrote that album.
"I wish I had never seen your face. I wish you were the one that got away."
-The One That Got Away, The Civil Wars
(Let the Great World Spin)
Tomorrow had arrived, much to the immense displeasure of the eye of the beholder. The much loathed sunlight peaked through the windows of the bedroom, making the occupant irate.
Scarlett O'Hara Hamilton Kennedy Butler hadn't slept a wink. The entire night she'd been plagued with nightmares about catching Rhett in the fog, only to have him slip right through her fingers. Her situation was almost amusing if she allowed herself to think about it. The pathetic way she had clung to her love for Ashley, a man that had never truly loved her, until it had destroyed her relationship with the one man she had loved all along. Think about her situation she did, she writhed with the agony of having to listen to her conscience for the second time in her life.
All the useless thoughts ran through her mind, blending together into the one fact she couldn't change: Rhett, darling Rhett, was gone.
At that declaration her mind went numb, the grief of everything that had happened to her in a short time made it impossible to go on contemplating. The tears one by one rolled down her face. And as she sobbed into her pillow helplessly, it occurred to her for once, she was actually crying. Eventually, Scarlett fell asleep.
When the morning came for the second time that day, it was no longer morning. It was afternoon. Vaguely she could hear the sound of her children playing in the nursery, and it occurred to her that the children didn't know yet. They didn't know that Melly was gone, and she would have to tell them. She got out of bed quickly, throwing aside the covers. Picking up her wrapper, she went to sit in front of her vanity.
Her appearance was haggard and sickly pale to say the least. She tried pinching her cheeks to bring back the color and it worked, but only for a minute before the blood drained from her face again. Scarlett hurried to fix her hair into a chignon and decided she wouldn't ring for Mammy. What was the need in getting properly dressed today? She knew no one would call on her. The funeral was to be tomorrow, and everyone would be grieving privately today for the one woman who really had been kind to all of them.
Opening the door quietly, Scarlett stepped out of her bedroom. She padded down the hall towards the nursery. Peering in through the doors, Scarlett leaned on the frame just watching her children. She didn't know if she would have the strength to tell the children, especially Wade. Her son, Wade, was blood-related to Melanie. She had been a second mother to him since his birth. If she allowed herself to be entirely truthful, Melanie had been a better mother to her son than she ever had been.
I have to be better. God knows, Scarlett thought, I may never have another child again. Ella and Wade are my only children and they deserve for me to be a better mother.
With that revelation, Scarlett plucked up her courage and walked into the nursery.
"Good morning, mother," Ella greeted, dropping her dolls on the floor.
"Good morning, mother," Wade repeated, coming towards his mother. He noticed the look on her face and instantly began to worry. "Mother, what's the matter?"
"Children, I have something very important to tell you," Scarlett began looking into the earnest faces of her two surviving children, "mother was gone last night for supper, because she was at Aunt Melly's house."
"We know, mother. Is she all right?" Wade asked on behalf of his sister.
"That's just the thing, sweetheart. Your Aunt Melly has gone to heaven."
Her only son froze for a second, as though he were processing in the information, not truly believing. Then he bit his lip. His eyes began to glisten slightly, and Scarlett knew she needed to comfort her son. The problem was she had no idea how. After avoiding spending time with her children for so long, she didn't know how to handle the situation.
So she pulled Wade against her side stiffly and tried to pat his shoulder in what was meant to be a comforting gesture.
"Wait, mother, Aunt Melly's never coming back?" Ella asked not quite understanding.
"Yes. She's in a happier, more peaceful place now. We must pray for her, darling." Scarlett had answered the question as calmly as possible, refusing to allow the tears in her eyes to fall.
Her daughter began to cry immediately, the tears were falling fast down her freckled cheeks. Pushing Wade so that he was in front of her, Scarlett used her thumbs to wipe the tears off her daughter's face.
"Ella, hush," Scarlett admonished. She placed her right hand under Wade's chin and her left hand under Ella's chin, forcing their faces up to look at her. Looking into the eyes of her children, a tear rolled slowly over her high cheekbone.
"Now Momma needs you to be brave, today and tomorrow at the funeral. Do you think you can do that for me? Wade?" She asked looking now to her son's face for reassurance.
"Yes, mother, I can," Wade replied. He brushed his cheeks to make sure there weren't any escaped tears.
"Momma, I can be brave too! I can!" Ella protested, standing up straighter, willing herself not to cry anymore.
"That's my girl. I'm proud of you two. Now, run along and play."
(A Stifling Affair)
"Miz Scarlett! Now you gwine eat iffen I tell you too. And I is tellin' you to eat, you ain't touched none of that there food on the plate from this mornin'. Honey chile, you is starvin' yo self."
"Mammy, don't you worry about me. I'll eat when I get hungry. I've got more important things to worry about. We've got to get more of my black dresses ready again for the mourning period. Take them out and see if I need any new ones made. I'd rather not have any new dresses made. It seems every time I go through this, I end up using those dresses again."
"Fine, Miz Scarlett. But puh-lease eat sumthin'. I won't have Miz Ellen's chile dying cuz she done starved herself to death."
Scarlett fingered the black material of the gown, as Mammy dressed her.
"Great balls of fire! I really do hate black!"
"Oh you will wear those dresses. Miz Melly was the finest lady I ever did know, other than Miz Ellen. And she deserves to be mourned."
"Well I'm already wearing black, aren't I? Now, go down and tell Dilcey that I want supper served at six o'clock sharp."
"Yes, Miz Scarlett."
After Mammy left, Scarlett went down to the parlour. She found the bottle of brandy in the cabinet and poured herself a rather tall glass. As she sipped her brandy, a medicinal calm washed over. Finally, Scarlett could think.
What would she do? Her husband had left her. It wouldn't be long before those old peahens would start to gossip about her husband's absence. She could leave Atlanta...now that was an idea. But Wade's family was here. Maybe she could tell them Rhett was travelling for long enough, before writing to Rhett asking him to visit for Christmas. No doubt he was in Charleston by now, staying at his mother's house. What a coward! Just when things had gotten hardest he had just upped and left her, again.
The grandfather clock chimed six, and the children ran down the stairs ready for dinner.
"Momma, I'm hungry!" Ella exclaimed.
"Did you get washed up before dinner?" Scarlett asked.
"Yes, mother," they answered.
They ate dinner in an awkward silence. Scarlett just couldn't find the words to break it. There was nothing to be said. Melanie Wilkes was dead, and no matter how much talking she did it wouldn't bring her back.
"So tell me Wade, how is your tutoring going?"
"Momma, my French and Latin tutors say I'm doing well, but I don't want to be tutored anymore."
"Why, what do you mean you don't want tutoring?" Scarlett asked incredulously.
Wade explained, "I don't want to be tutored anymore. Tutoring is for girls. I want to go to school with Beau."
"Tutoring isn't for girls! Momma, tell Wade it's not," cried Ella indignantly.
"Ella, hush. You don't even have a tutor, darling, you have a governess. And Wade, we'll see. I'll think about it and talk to Beau's father and make my decision."
"Promise me you'll think about it, mother," Wade pleaded.
"I've said I will, haven't I?"
"Yes, mother, thank you," Wade replied.
So Wade was too old for a tutor, though Scarlett. When had that happened? Well she'd spent every moment since Wade's birth pining over Ashley, and that made it easy to miss all the little things she should've been paying attention to. Scarlett, herself, felt old, too old really for her years. She was twenty-eight now, the likelyhood that she would have more children was dwindling as time went on, even if she did remarry.
Dessert was served, and the children ate it quickly. They seemed almost nervous to Scarlett, squirming under her gaze. Wade would look up every so often as if to make sure that his mother was really there and not a figment of his imagination. Ella, on the other hand, avoided Scarlett's eyes altogether.
"Children, you're dismissed. It's rather late. Mammy would you put them to bed?" Scarlett asked tiredly.
"Yes, Miz Scarlett," answered Mammy.
Scarlett sat at the now empty dining table a while longer. She wasn't quite sleepy yet and she needed a nightcap desperately, if she were to sleep at all. Nursing the glass of brandy, Scarlett sipped it slowly, allowing the burn to sear down her throat and warm her stomach. The idea of being pleasantly drunk after emptying the glass made Scarlett feel a great deal better.
Where was Rhett? Scarlett allowed herself to wonder. How could he leave her to face Melly's funeral alone? He really was a cad, the most despicable, revolting cad she had ever laid eyes on. But she wished she could look at him right now, that he was sitting across from her, like he had so many dinners ago. And then the dreadful thought of where he probably was entered her mind.
It was like poison, the image of her fingers wrapped possessively around Rhett's arm. Her voice whispering seductively in his ear. Her opinions of Scarlett turning Rhett against her. Scarlett was blinded by rage momentarily, as she stood up and stumbled a little. Belle Watling, Scarlett thought. Belle had ruined everything. And for a moment, Scarlett focused her anger about her life at that horrible woman, and it seemed everything would be alright.
Climbing up the grand staircase was a challenge, but when Scarlett reached her bedroom, she was beyond exhausted. Taking off her wrapper, she clambered into bed and fell asleep almost immediately.
(A Different Bed, A Different Woman)
Brilliant red, where there should have been dark chocolate brown. Pools of blue, where there should have been vibrant and sparkling green. Rhett noticed these things, but told himself he didn't care. It didn't bother him one bit. The fact that he still noticed these things, an unfortunate side effect of marriage to Scarlett O'Hara. Mrs. Butler, he thought, I gave the witch my name!
Rhett was lounging on the chaise in Belle Watling's private room. He had been there since early that morning, and he had not felt compelled to leave. Tomorrow, was Melanie Wilkes's funeral. That gave Rhett the license to do anything he wished. But the one thing he just couldn't seem to manage was getting his wife out of his mind.
Every woman that wasn't Scarlett reminded him of her. It was a sickness, the kind that would eventually kill him. Rhett figured it would be better to die far away from her, than die poisoned in her trap.
"It won't do," Belle said quietly, waking Rhett out of his reverie. "You can't stay here forever, as much as I would like that. You'll drink yourself into a stupor every morning and night, until you drink yourself into the ground."
"I'll stay here as, as long as I want. I own this damned place!" Rhett yelled at her.
"Darling," Belle began, "I know you're hurting, all I want is to ease your pain. Now, come here and let me make it better."
Belle beckoned Rhett to where she lay on her bed, and coaxed him into her arms. She kissed him softly at first, caressing his face gently. Rhett's dominant nature asserted itself, and he pressed her face between his hands almost roughly. She wished it was her that occupied his mind, day and night, not Scarlett. But this was all Rhett could give her, his heart belonged to another woman. Unfortunately for Scarlett, his body was in Belle's bed.
(Cold in the Ground)
They stood gathered in a dark circle around the freshly dug up earth. The smell of the dirt entered Scarlett's nose and brought back all the other memories of funerals she had been cursed to have to attend. The immediate family stood close to the pastor listening to him speak. The prayers were finally finished and they reached the end of the service.
The pastor finished, "We therefore commit her body to the ground; earth to earth, ashes to ashes, dust to dust; in the sure and certain hope of the Resurrection to eternal life."
Scarlett watched in disbelief as Ashley and Beau walked forward to the casket and said their goodbyes. Tears flowed freely down Beau's face as clutched the casket desperately.
"I wanna go with Momma! I want to go wherever she's going!" Beau cried out. He began sobbing hysterically and India rushed forward to pull him away from the casket. Tucking him into her skirts, India soothed the child.
Ashley couldn't offer any comfort to anyone. He didn't do anything but caress the casket lightly, grazing his fingers over the surface of the wooden casket. Leaning forward, he kissed the casket and whispered, "I loved you more than anything else in this world. Goodbye, my darling."
When Ashley backed away from the casket, Melanie's body was lowered into the ground. It was then that the tears finally rolled down Ashley's cheeks and he crumpled. Scarlett moved quickly to support him and said," I think you should take Beau home and rest, Ashley. India and I will take care of the guests."
"I can't do this without her," Ashley said statically. He took Beau's hand detaching him from India, and pulled him along toward the street to the carriage that waited. Scarlett resolved to push aside her hatred for India momentarily. Ushering the guests inside the church, India paused to look back at Scarlett. For the first time, India felt sympathy for the other woman.
(Goodbye)
On her own in the cemetery at last, Scarlett knelt to the ground beside a particular tomb stone. It read "Eugenie Victoria "Bonnie Blue" Butler 1868-1873, beloved child of Rhett and Scarlett Butler." She traced the engraved words of her beautiful daughter's name, and she began to cry for all that she had lost in the space of a month. Her daughter, her closest friend, and her husband, all were gone. It was all she could do to leave the blue hydrangeas she'd picked out for her grave, hoping for the longing in her heart to go away.
Once at home, Ashley opened a decanter of whiskey and poured himself a tall glass to ease the burden of sleep. After drinking the entire decanter, he looked out of his window and saw the sun lowering in the sky. He pulled himself into bed and said a prayer for Melanie and for Beau. He thanked God for Scarlett and prayed for some solace in sleep.
Rhett assumed the funeral was over and drove a buggy to the church. Two bouquets of flowers in hand, he stepped out of the buggy onto the hallowed ground of the church. Opening the gate to the cemetery, Rhett paused. He wasn't sure if he could keep his peace if he went in. However, he placed one foot in front of the other relentlessly, almost angrily, as he walked through the graves. He could see Melanie's fresh grave and the heaps of flowers that were already there. As he approached it, a heaviness descended upon his chest, making it difficult to breathe.
Pressing his bouquet white roses and yellow lilies to her grave, he smiled at the thought of Melanie in heaven. It was where angels like her went, and he had no doubt she was smiling down on him, as he sought out Bonnie's grave. The hydrangeas Rhett had picked out weren't alone, when he left his bouquet. So Scarlett had been here, Rhett mused. He traced the grooves of Bonnie's name, the ache of sadness suffocating him.
He said goodbye for the second time, "Goodbye, my darling Bonnie. You were the light of my life and every day is painful without you." He did not know if or when he would ever return to her grave.
A/N: I hoped you liked it, drop me a review. PLEASE? I asked nicely.