So much had happened since Rey rescued the little droid from Teedo. She didn't know where to begin explaining had anyone asked why she was currently on planet Takodana, submerged in a medley of species, sounds, smells, and languages she never knew existed.
But here she was, cramming her face with food while Han, Finn, BB-8 and Maz Kanata discussed how to get the droid back to the Resistance and quietly.
What would she consider the beginning?
Perhaps, it was when she walked the astromech to the Niima outpost. A couple of ruffians caught sight of the little orange and white droid, attempting to swindle BB-8 for parts in trade. Of course, she wasn't having that. BB-8 was amidst a classified mission. The least she could do was see him out and in one whole piece.
Or was it when the droid spotted the man in his master's flight jacket?
The little droid declared in a series of angry churrs and beeps that he had stolen Poe's jacket. So of course, staff in hand with justice inbound, Rey pursued the thief and after a couple of whacks on her part and zaps on BB-8's, they finally got some answers; a Resistance soldier, he explained. Finn, he claimed to be called.
Or was it obtaining the Millennium Falcon, being hijacked by Han Solo and Chewbacca, fighting more ruffians, and fleeing savage rathtars immediately afterwards?
Rey wasn't sure. The story would come to an end once BB-8 reached the Resistance and from there, she'd return to the sandy graveyard of Jakku where life should continue where she left off.
In the meantime, she ate quietly and with reckless abandon while Han and Maz discussed a plan of action. Her awareness of the conversation came and went, too occupied by the pile of food before her to truly care. She chewed, barely giving herself enough time to choke down the morsel before she readied for another bite. Who knew when she'd be able to eat like this again? Rey wanted to make the most of it.
"You've been fighting for too long!" Maz's pleading voice came between crunches. "Go home!"
"Please," Finn added from Rey's left. "We came here for your help."
Chiming in, Rey swallowed her mouthful and looked to Maz, the owner of the castle they dwelled within and asked, "What fight?"
Maz regarded her almost incredulously. "The only fight," she paused gravely, "Against the Darkside. Through the ages, I've seen evil take many forms. The Sith, the Empire. Today, it is the First Order. Their shadow's spreading across the galaxy. You must face them. Fight them. All of us."
Finn, who had fallen silent, suddenly loomed forward, sullen with determination.
"There is no fight against the First Order. Not one we can win." He hissed, shooting a glare across the revelry still writhing around them. "Look around. There is no chance we haven't been recognized already. I bet the First Orders on their way right now…," his voice trailed off, leveling onto Maz who suddenly eyed him suspiciously. She rose from her chair, propping her elbows on the table and adjusting the focus of her goggles. The adjustment magnetized her once beady eyes into large black pools. They blinked slowly.
"What are you doing?" Finn asked, glancing to Rey as if she had the answers. "What is this?"
Maz crawled onto the table, knocking cups and tableware from her path as she headed straight for Finn. He leaned back in his chair. "Solo?" He tried whispering as she neared, turning his head but refusing to take his eyes off of Maz Kanata. "What is she doing?"
The pilot shrugged nonchalantly, "Don't know. But it ain't good."
Maz was now directly before Finn, putting him beneath heavy scrutiny. "If you live long enough," she began, taking slow inspection of Finn, "You see the same eyes in different people. I'm looking into the eyes of a man who wants to run."
Her diagnosis left Finn straight-faced and rigid, bearings regain. Slowly, he leaned forward, closing the gap between the two in sheer defiance and in a low voice, barely audible for Rey who sat right next to him, saying, "You don't know a thing about me. Where I'm from. What I've seen. You don't know the First Order like I do. They'll slaughter us."
He paused to take in an unsteady breath. "We all need to run."
Maz narrowed her large eyes as she considered his words.
"Hmmph," she grunted, withdrawing back to her chair with the certain blase.
Rey listened quietly, shifting her gaze from Finn, to Han, to Maz and back to Finn. She'd stopped eating.
"You see those two?" Maz pointed to a pair of patrons on the far side of the watering hole. A Quarren alien dressed in all red sat next to a droid. The party followed her gesture. "They exchange work for transportation to the outer rim. There, you can disappear."
Rey leveled her gaze to Finn who watched the pair from his seat with evident contemplation. She felt her jaw clench and hoped he wasn't considering the offer. She needed him right now. Their mission wasn't over. BB-8 hadn't been handed over to General Organa of the Resistance and he was just as much a part of this as she.
"Finn," Rey snapped.
"Come with me," he said suddenly, abandoning everything that'd lead them up to this very moment. She almost flinched at the proposition.
"What about BB-8?" She glanced down at the orange and white sphere that stared back. "We're not done yet. We have to get him back to your base."
The droid chirped and churred, shaking its head left and right about its pivot point.
He held her gaze, appearing exhausted.
"I can't," Finn admitted. Something broke behind his eyes. Despondency and defeat stared back at her.
He stood, having made his decision with or without Rey and handed his blaster to HAn.
"Keep it kid," said Han, indifferent. He could get another one. A bigger, deadlier one.
Rey felt her face flush hot with ire and disappoint. She was stunned to see him so quick to abandon something as important as this. They had collided by chance on planet Jakku with BB-8, dragged across the stars together, and now…, he wished to desert her with a droid that had brought them together in the first place. To think the Resistance was held in such a high regard.
Finn gave her a parting glance before striding across Maz Kanata's tavern.
She glanced at the droid and back at the retreating frame of Finn. Her anger grew, heating her chest now and curling her fingers over the armrest of her chair. She stood up, knocking the chair back, and marched across the room where Finn now exchanged offerings to the crimson Quarren and droid.
Pulling up next to him, Rey hissed. "What are you doing?"
He looked at her, then back to the creatures at the table. "Don't leave without me," he said before standing and following Rey a few steps aside.
"You can't just go," she spat, "I won't let you."
"I'm not who you think I am."
"Finn, what are you talking about?" She was becoming impatient.
"I'm not in the Resistance!" he nearly shouted, "I'm not a hero."
He blinked as the next words struggled to form before tumbling over his lips, "I'm a Stormtrooper."
His eyes scoured her face, seeking a response worthy of such revelation. Despair, shock, even anger but none of that occurred. He could have been the leader of the First Order himself, having shown her kindness and mercy. In her eyes, he was no longer a Stormtrooper.
"Like all of them, I was taken from a family I will never know," he continued, "And raised to do one thing."
Rey reached out and squeezed his hands. She didn't want him to go. It didn't matter that he was a Stormtrooper. There was good in him. She felt it.
"My first battle, I made a choice. I wasn't going to kill for them. So I ran, right into you. You looked at me like no one ever had. I wasn't ashamed of who I was."
He glanced down at her hands, squeezing him so tightly she shook and her knuckles bore white.
"But I'm done with the First Order." He met her eyes again. "I'm never going back."
He stepped closer, pleading softly. "Rey, come with me."
In the flurry of information, only one thing was important to her and that was the mission; getting BB-8 back to the Resistance. But Finn had been there from the start. She wanted to see him there to the end.
"Don't go," she replied, just as soft and pleading. She couldn't leave now. That would be selfish. Returning the droid meant more than just the Resistance getting their property back. BB-8 mission intentional; a vital piece to the plan to take down the First Order.
And here, Finn was trying to run from that. Maz was right.
He winced and offered a solemn smile. "Take care of yourself. Please."
She watched him pull his hands away and turn towards the creatures awaiting by the door. As he neared, one pushed the door open, flooding Maz's dim tavern in a blind light. Their figures disappeared into the blinding sunshine until the door slid shut.
Darkness swallowed the tavern once more. Rey remained, staring at the space Finn previously stood. She willed him to come back. She willed it. But the door remained shut. All her life she had been deserted. By her family and now, her friend. Her only friend. No one else seemed to want to suffer through it with her. It was always better to leave it, leave her behind.
Rey felt the sting; she was a little girl again, left on the sand dunes of Jakku. Now, she was a woman, left on the sandy beaches of Takodana to traverse the stars with an orange and white droid. By herself. Again.
There was a pulse.
Only your heart, she told herself. Heavy now with grief.
But her head began to turn as the sound of her cries so long ago, pleading for the ship to return and retrieve her.
She was that little girl again. Left behind. Forgotten. Discarded.
"No!" Her tiny voice had screamed, lunging forward as the ship took off. A man behind her held her tiny arm, keeping her from racing up the dunes.
But the scream was not in her head. It was in the tavern.
She turned around, glancing about the sea of patrons as the echo waned. Around her, no one seemed to react to it as though her ears alone picked up the noise. She moved, pushing past the standing bodies, elbowing them out of her path until she reached a set of stairs that led down. The scream came again, softened this time. Almost a whimper. The shadows below swallowed it before her mind could confirm it real or imaginary.
Go, she told herself.
A foot edged out, stepping down onto the first step.
The sound seemed to intensify, bouncing off the stone walls the lower she traversed.
Again, Rey glanced over her shoulder to see if she were the only one experiencing the phenomenon. Not a soul regarded her. She turned back and began taking the stairs down. BB-8 following suit. The stairs were winding but did not delve far. She reached the bottom to find a quiet corridor, devoid of the hustle and bustle that continued on above.
The cry came again, louder and closer, sending chills to race up her arms and down her spine. She set her jaw and proceeded towards it.
This noise is a memory. She came closer.
At the very end, on the left, she was sure to find a child caught in a cell, but as she came within proximity, a red light just to the side of the entrance flashed white. The door rose on its own, revealing an even darker space. But there was no child.
Rey listened in vain for a scuff of footsteps or even another soft cry. Only silence awaited her.
She pushed further, passing the threshold of the dusty and neglected room, glancing left and right, up and down in search for the kid or even an animal. Instead, she found a chest. The sound came again, muffled and distant. Was it in the chest?
Kneeling before it, Rey carefully fingered the latch and lifted it open. When she peeked inside, the hilt of a lightsaber awaited her. Its metal body refracted a glint of the dim light above her. An eagerness took over her. A yearning she couldn't quell rose her arm and she grasped it with haste.
There was a startling sound, a shriek that splintered through her mind, causing Rey to yelp in surprise and let go. She stood just as the lights within the cell went out. Turning, she searched the darkness. BB-8 was gone. The cell was gone. The golden light that she resided in was replaced with cold blue as corridors upon corridors unfolded before her left and her right. Then there was a great shudder that pitched the world off its axis, she fell forward as the corridors burst into smoldering ash, sending her face first into the dirt. She rolled to a stop as the sky opened up and threw down a terrible rain.
The echo of her childhood screams drifted on the violent wind bearing down on her.
At once, the sky released a burst of lightning, alerting Rey of a man approaching from behind. He was trying to run, but an emission of terror ripped through his mouth just as the shaft of crimson light tore through his sternum. He sagged against the crackling weapon before it yanked itself free and slumped down into the mud next to her. Dead.
Several more figures cloaked in black before her. The rain and wind howled, throwing flashes of lightning against their forms. The only one wielding a lightsaber stepped forward just as scream erupted from behind her. Rey reacted, whirling to face every episode of strange that revealed itself, unable to focus on one oddity to the next.
She was back on Jakku when she spun around. The tiny cries splintered through her head as she looked down at the little girl she was once, so long ago.
Little Rey, knee-deep in sand, spilling with tears and cries that resonated across the sandy dunes. The screams. The voices that ricocheted around her head, the stone walls, the depleting impression of fear and confusion fading into nothing but a memory. She was back in the corridor, staring into the very cell she found the saber.
Whether it was the lighting or a subtle draft in the space, she felt a presence to her left and shot a glance.
Maz.
As if waiting for Rey to realize her arrival, she began walking towards her.
"What was that?" Rey blurted, beside herself.
But before Maz could explain, Rey stood. "I shouldn't have gone in there," she admitted, backing away from that cursed trunk. She'd hallucinated, simply. Something in the sandwich she'd eaten before wasn't agreeing with her. Perhaps it was the vegetables or because she'd grown so used to rations, her body wasn't able to process it.
"That lightsaber was Luke's," Maz seemed just as breathless as Rey and would not take her eyes from her. "And his father's before him, and now it calls to you."
"I have to get back to Jakku," Rey shook her head, cutting off the small orange alien.
Jakku, with the familiar swells of sand and brazen sun. Jakku, where she had waited so many years for her family. The visions. That's what they were, pleading for her return. Her family must be back. She had to get back to Jakku as soon as possible. It all made sense. How could she be so stupid? It was just her luck! The one moment she departs after so many years of waiting, they finally return. Rey felt sick.
"Han told me." Maz contined, offering a small hand for Rey, who took it without second thought and knelt to be eye level. "Dear child," she whispered solemnly, stroking the back of Rey's hand. "I see your eyes. You already know the truth. Whomever you're waiting for back in Jakku, they're never coming back."
The air in Rey's lungs depleted, replacing it with something she didn't have a name for. Despair? The image of Maz before her waned as her eyes welled with burning tears. She clenched her jaw and tried working to breathe around the knot forming in her throat. She had lied to herself for so long, had made a promise to herself for so long. But in truth, Maz was right and Rey knew this, and for so long. But she kept going, kept wishing, waiting for their return. But like Finn, they had left her.
"But I know someone who could." Maz's voice said gently, watching Rey's tears race down her flushed cheeks.
Rey glanced up, feeling the answer more than really understanding it. "Luke," she whispered back.
The last Jedi in the galaxy. The First Order had scoured every corner of the stars in search of the Jedi's, slaying them as they came and pushing forward to the destroy the rest. But one managed to stay hidden; Master Luke Skywalker. The Empire was becoming frantic in the search. BB-8, the little droid she found on Jakku, had the missing piece to the puzzle. Its coordinates once surrendered to the Resistance would lead them to Luke.
"The belonging you seek is not behind you, it is ahead." Maz smiled, assuaging the suffocating pain that had wrapped around Rey's heart. "I am no Jedi, but I know the Force. It moves through and surrounds every living thing. Close your eyes." Maz did, almost reveling in the sense of the Force that surrounded the pair. "Feel it, the Light. It's always been there. It will guide you." She opened her eyes and leveled her gaze onto Rey. "The saber, take it!"
The mere mention of the blasted thing reminded Rey of the murderous man wielding the lightsaber. Its awful report flooded her head with the sound her own screams as her family deserted her on Jakku. It brought her back to the place in the cell where bodies littered the muddy earth and the dark figures stood before her. Those monsters she had never seen before. She knew forthwith if she were to obtain the lightsaber, she would see them again. Cold dread trickled down her spine, repulsed that such an object was a magnet to disaster and grief. She stood, snapping out of the hypnosis Maz had induced by mentioning the Force like an intimate partner or lucid poem.
"I'm never touching that thing again," she snarled, "I don't want any part of this."
She strode passed Maz and headed for the stairs.
She ran through the establishment with little regard to those in her path, shoving, elbowing, cursing back at those hissing their contempt as she made her way towards the exit.
She ran until the castle disappeared and the trees outnumbered her rapid heartbeat. When the canopy thickened and the only sound that emitted was her soft pants and staggering footfalls, she slowed to a trot. Tired, distressed, isolated; all these things were swallowing her whole and still, still, she sought solace at the thought of returning to Jakku, to await her family. In spite of herself, in spite of it all, it was the only thing she knew. Wait for her family. There was no way she could give up now.
She was nearly about to slump down upon a rock to catch her breath when the proverbial chirp and chirr of BB-8 spun her around. He spat an inquisitive beep! at her.
Rey sighed, "What are you doing?" she asked.
He replied with a chirp of worry and she ignored it.
"You have to go back." She approached BB-8 as it prodded on her current transgression, throwing a series of questions she couldn't answer all at once. "I'm leaving," she told it. "You're too important."
In the distance was startling sound, an amorphous screaming and it was becoming louder. Pausing, she glanced up towards a break in the canopy in time to see a formation of TIE fighters tearing through the blue sky.
Her stomach dropped and her breath hitched. She glanced back at the droid as the panic rose. She had to warn the others. Han, Chewie, and Maz. The First Order had somehow discovered their locations. How far had she run? How long would it take for her to get back? Could she even make it in time?
Instead of drowning in the questions of worry, Rey ran.
By the time she had arrived, the castle was already under attack. Chucks of the architect fell in heaps to the ground, smoldering debris exploded under the impact, and towers of the structure crumpled and fell.
Chattering on Rey's left diverted her attention as a command shuttle came in on an approach. It was a Stormtrooper with his back facing her. She reached back, tugging free the blaster secured at the small of her back provided by Han when they landed on Takodana. She aimed the weapon, aware of the tremor her stance posed, and fired.
She missed the first shot, alerting the Stormtrooper who immediately signaled his position via radio. She pulled the trigger a second time, but it failed to fire. After a quick fiddling, Rey lifted the weapon a second time and fired. This time, she hit the enemy, sending him sprawling back against a rock wall. The sounds of blaster fire whizzing past her head alerted Rey more were in pursuit. She fired several more shots in their general direction before turning and running towards the thicket.
As she fled, the blasts against the castle resonated like pulses. Every impact hummed through her, leaving her raw and overwhelmed. She ran faster, pumping her legs against the Takodana earth until she knew her lungs would burst. BB-8 was on her six and every so often, Rey stopped to fire into the Stormtroopers pursuing them. Once they were all cleared, she knelt beside the droid.
"You have to keep going," she panted. "Try to stay out of sight."
She stepped around BB-8 as he rolled onward. He squealed a series of chirps in her direction before disappearing into the foreign grove.
Even from her distance, Rey could still feel the battle as if the onslaught occurred around her. The blasts. The explosions. The volley of fire and destruction. It surrounded her like vibrations or an ache she couldn't dull. She was heading back. She had to. She had to help Han, Chewie and Maz fight, not idle by in the shadows of the forest.
With a fleeting glance towards the direction that BB-8 had fled, Rey adjusted her grip on the blaster and headed towards the chaos.
She hadn't gotten far from the moment she sent BB-8 off alone when a sense came over her. Like waves of white-hot energy, something so powerful it made Rey dizzy and her skull throb. She felt him long before she saw him.
The humming torrents, still foreign and unwarranted, felt like an iron hold squeezing her body. He was near; the man from her hallucinations. Fear shot up her spine and sweat collected between her palm and the blaster. This meant what she experienced beneath the castle was true. Not at all a hallucination. A vision or memory? The nausea returned, constricting around her throat until she could hardly breathe. Why did she feel this? Perhaps it was the anxiety brought on by being so far from Jakku. There was still a chance was she saw wasn't re-
Sensing him, she whipped around, searching between the surrounding trees. Black as pitch, looming like a shadow and tangible fear, he was somewhere, skirting the edges of her sight and mind. Her eyes darted through the grove. Then the crackle and sputtering of the unstable saber resonated through the dense forest. It bounced around and came from every possible direction. Above. Below. She couldn't pinpoint the provenance and this only heightened her hysteria, forcing her to frantically search. Perhaps he was a ghost, a manifestation of her darkest fear. A nightmare incarnate that now plagued her mind the moment she touched that cursed lightsaber.
Rey shut off her thoughts and pressed against a tree for cover. It felt better to hide, to at least block off some portion of her. Still, she could not find him, though her eyes eagerly studied every branch, tree, and fern. He was everywhere; a shadow she could not escape. His lightsaber still spitting and groaning somewhere in the distance, but closing in.
She swallowed thickly. Though she tried to control it, her short breaths expelled raggedly. She had her blaster ready and wasn't afraid to kill another. It's all in my head, she willed herself to believe. This place is messing with my mind.
Pushing off the tree, she progressed further into the thicket, readying her firearm in case of an ambush or any sudden movement. She could still feel him. And somewhere deep within her, it seemed he could feel her as well.
Then the light.
The red, cracking glow emerged through the rock with a low growl. Then the black figure stepped out. Rey aimed and fired. Several shots were deflected and he continued, dripping in black, obscured by a mask carved right out of her hallucination. Metal and black as carbon with a slitted forehead, its muzzle favored a thick snarling snout.
Not a hallucination; he was real. His breath came distorted. His hate was medley of determination and spite, coming off in torrents of heat, waves that nearly inhibited her movements and nearly snuffed out her comprehension.
As if a nightmare had taken form, the murderer from her vision came forth, creeping closer the longer she reckoned what her eyes were seeing.
She shot several more times ineffectively, each trigger pull resulted in a sparking deflection that bounced against neighboring rocks. The hum of the saber neared and Rey could not continue backing away as he advanced.
To her left was a path upward and out of the fissure she had found herself in. Without delay, she scampered up the side of the earth, slipping between jagged rocks.
As he followed, she continued to send volleys of fire at his direction, ineffective once more. Every attempt was blocked, deflected, or utterly missed. Panic clawed up her spine. Rey turned and ran.
And suddenly, she couldn't move.
Her arm snapped downward as an atmospheric pulse struck her like a solid wind, seizing her movement and function. She could only move her eyes and so she did so, eyeing her approaching assailant with wild, unfiltered panic.
He was reaching out with an arm, fingers curled like a claw and her arm twisted behind her, pointing the barrel of the gun downward. She flexed her entire body, gritting her teeth in her fervid effort to break free.
Her heart raced, spinning her mind in a flurry of panic-laden thoughts. She was paralyzed. Not by fear, but by the Force.
Rey tried to glance down, to see if perhaps she was hung up on something, but she found she couldn't even turn her head. She yanked, but little admission was warranted. She squirmed, but her body didn't not move and now...
Now he was upon her.
"The girl I've heard so much about." The voice came, mechanical and cold. He stepped closer, giving her a look over before slowly sauntering behind her until she lost sight of him. "The droid?"
She heard the swinging of the saber slicing through the air and suddenly, it hovered over her shoulder, blinding her with its crimson light. It was too close, any closer would singe her skin.
"Where is it?" He asked from behind.
Unable to speak and even if she had the capability, Rey knew not to tell him its whereabouts. He lowered his saber and moved around until he faced her again. His gloved hand rose until it nearly brushed her face. And then, pain. A sharp stabbing seared through her, tearing through her veins, digging into the threads of her muscles. It stole the breath from her lungs, constricted around her throat so that she couldn't scream. If she could emit a sound, she would. Instead, she squeezed her eyes shut and forged through the pain.
"The map," he whispered somewhere far beyond the unfurling pain she was enduring, "You've seen it."
The pain vanished. An exhale, locked in her throat, punched free as it did, but the pressure upon her remained. It grew, probing passed her, worming into her thoughts, her memories.
He was in her. In her mind, sifting through her memories, seeing what she had collected over the course of life. Rey's heart slammed against her ribs. First, an illusion brought to life. Now this. It was a horrible reckoning. To feel and endure the action of another probing through her mind. It was violating.
"Sir!" A voice across the grove called, snapping him out of his sadistic play. He pulled away, stepping around her, though she was still locked in place. "The Resistance fighters. We need more troops."
"Pull the division out." He ordered. "Forget the droid. We have what we need."
And everything went dark. As the silence took hold, encompassing Rey in quiet comfort. Relieved of all pain and fear, she wondered again:
Where did all it begin?