"It might kill me too." Kate looked at her assistant with a stunned expression on her face, as though it was the first time it had even occurred to her. She blinked several times and bought herself some time to think about it.
"Then tell me which one you are; human or Zygon?" It was a question she'd asked of the younger woman so many times before but had never received the answer she wanted. Kate had her suspicions of course, she was an intelligent woman, but that was all they were unless Osgood confirmed it for her.
"You know I can't... I won't... especially if it stops this madness." Osgood never failed to be disappointed when the question was asked, whoever was doing the asking. She'd rather Kate didn't care about her true origins and accepted her just as she was; the embodiment of the peace between humans and Zygons.
"I have to do something, this situation is getting out of control." Kate was desperate, at the end of her patience and this was the ultimate last resort.
"Then fight, with your words not weapons." Osgood pleaded with her, she had to make her boss see that there was another way out, without resorting to the thing they both hated the most.
"We've been here too many times before and it's not worked. There's nothing more I can do." Kate's voice was full of defeat and despondency, she'd given up and just wanted this battle to be over.
"You need to keep trying. For the future of both Zygons and humans. For me." Osgood continued to plead with the UNIT boss but it was to no avail.
"I'm sorry, I have no other choice." Osgood could only watch as Kate was about to make the biggest mistake of her life.
It was a rather crude device really, not something you would expect from UNIT considering their extensive access to advanced weaponry and expertise. It was rather like an old fashioned and simple hand grenade. Surrounded by both Zygons and humans on the streets of South London, not far from UNIT's safe house, Kate pulled out the pin and threw the object far away from her. However, instead of it exploding like you would expect, it let out a very weak hiss, a small 'poof,' and then there was nothing. The first indication that anything had changed was when the two Zygon guards began to dissolve in front of her eyes. It was like something out of a horror film; a gaping hole had erupted from their stomachs with a fizz and a gurgle, almost like it was melting them from the inside. A short moment later both Zygons lost consciousness, which was just as well as a thick, black, tar-like substance then oozed from the hole and their bodies seemed to melt away to nothing but a pile of steaming slime.
It smelt foul; like vomit and stale, damp rags and if Kate hadn't had a stronger stomach, she might very well have thrown up at the horror of it. She'd wanted to protect her people, not commit cruel, ruthless murder but hadn't seen another way out of the situation. She glanced to Osgood then and saw that tears were streaming down the younger woman's cheeks and she had a look of transfixed shock on her face. Kate reached out and grabbed hold of Osgood's upper arms, shaking her gently to rouse her from her stupor.
"Snap out of it, we've got to get back to the Tower." Osgood shook her head and refused to meet her eyes, knowing that Kate had had a choice, to be the bigger person and stand down, to negotiate all over again, but she had been so battle weary she'd reached for the weapon this time instead. Unexpectedly Osgood lurched into Kate's arms, unable to hold herself up as a wave of dizziness knocked her for six. Kate caught her with a strong, practised grip and lowered her gently to the floor. It appeared to be a momentary loss of control until Osgood doubled up and groaned in pain. "Osgood, what's wrong?" Kate's voice was panicked, scared that Osgood's earlier words would become true.
"I feel like I'm on fire." A sob caught in Kate's throat then, finally realising that she was about to lose Osgood the same way the Zygons had been killed and that it was all her fault.
"I never meant for this to happen. I'm so sorry. " The despair in Kate's voice was evident and rightly or wrongly Osgood felt sorry for her.
"Whatever happens, I forgive you."
Meanwhile, all over the world, Zygons were gradually dissolving and dying exactly the same way in front of people's eyes. Some of whom had been in human form and going about their ordinary daily lives before the gas had exposed their true nature. UNIT troops had been deployed to all major towns and cities in the UK and while Kate was unable to take control and lead, other commanders had done it for her.
Everywhere people were screaming at the sight they would forever be unable to wipe from their memories. In some of the worst cases, children had seen their classmates or people on the streets burn and melt and they would be scarred for life by what they had witnessed. Kate would only learn of this later and it would be added to the rest of the guilt she felt around the whole event.
The dead and the dying continued all around them but it felt as though they were in a bubble, just Kate and Osgood and no one else in the street. Kate was too focused on the younger woman fighting for her life, half in her arms and half on the floor in front of her. Osgood's breathing had became shallow and ragged, like she was having one of her asthma attacks. But Kate knew differently; that this was the beginning of the end and she could only watch as the younger woman's face turned grey and her lips blue. Seconds later she lost consciousness and Kate held the prone form of her lover tighter in her arms. The tears that had already been falling down her face turned into a torrent of sobs and she clutched the younger woman even closer to her. At that precise moment, Kate neither cared nor was conscious of her position as UNIT leader, her girlfriend was now lying dead in her arms and it was all her fault.
Kate knew exactly what she had done, had perhaps realised too late the consequences of her actions but she'd known full well the decision she'd made. She also knew that it would haunt her for years to come and that despite Osgood's last words to her, she'd never forgive herself. Kate heard a shout from behind her, one of her officers reminding her she still had a job to do, a team to lead and a battle to win.
However, she couldn't bring herself to let go of Osgood just yet and she studied the younger woman's face, committing every freckle and each blemish to memory. In the process, Kate began to realise that there was something she was missing and she turned Osgood out of her arms and back onto the cold, hard floor. Laying on her back, the younger woman's face was still cold and grey but Kate could see that her chest was rising and falling. She held the back of her hand in the air just above her mouth and nose and could feel the warm breath hitting it. She was alive! By some miracle Osgood was still alive, but barely and if she was to make it through this Kate would need to get help fast.
Kate radioed through to the control centre for back up and within five minutes there was a medical team with all sorts of equipment on standby. She explained about the gas as best she could with her limited knowledge, but essentially she could at least tell them that Osgood had been poisoned so that they could treat her properly. One thing she'd never been too sure of was how much of Osgood was now Zygon and how much remained human. Osgood had kept that information very close to her chest and Kate wasn't certain the younger woman had even really known herself. There wasn't much else Kate could do practically for Osgood but she knew that she had to get back out to the troops, to start facing up to the consequences of the decision she'd made and to begin the clear up operation. It wasn't going to be a pleasant task and Kate didn't know how she'd get through it without Osgood by her side. But she'd get on with it as best she could, for Osgood, for when she was better, so she'd have a safe and peaceful world to live in once again.
After a spell in hospital, hooked up to all sorts of machines for a couple of days, Osgood had made a pretty surprising and full recovery from her ordeal, physically at least. Mentally she was struggling with losing the link to the rest of the Zygons and also with the knowledge of what Kate had done. She'd been unable to face her or have a proper conversation with her since and it appeared that whatever relationship they once had was now over.
Osgood turned up in Kate's office one day shortly afterwards while she was supposed to still be on sick leave. Kate's initial surprise had given way to concern when she noticed her girlfriend's demeanour. Osgood sat down in the chair opposite and took a moment or two to compose herself. Kate could feel her heart beating in her chest, the nervous anticipation of what she was about to hear running wildly through her body.
"I can't stay here, I need some time and I need to be useful somewhere else. I thought you were changing UNIT for the better but I only feel disappointed by recent events." Osgood looked Kate in the eye and continued, "I also feel disappointed in you, as your colleague but mostly as your partner." It as a blow for Kate on more than one level but she hadn't been surprised and in some ways had been expecting something like this to happen. She could try to stop Osgood from leaving but she knew that was futile and would only prolong the agony.
Kate opened her mouth to say something but only tears spilt from her eyes and no words were forthcoming. The room felt overbearingly warm and like it was closing in on her, blurring away at the edges in a slightly surreal way. A gripping fear paralysed her, rooted her to the spot and she felt helpless as the room began to spin faster and faster and faster….
Kate awoke with a start, not one of those big dramatic ones you'd normally see on the telly but she did have to gasp for breath and spend a few moments trying to work out where she was. Her cheeks were wet with tears and gravity meant that they'd strayed down her neck and run into her ears, soaking the pillow too. She sat upright and rubbed the tears from her cheeks with the palms of her hands. Her heart was beating nineteen to the dozen and she still didn't feel quite back in the real world.
"Kate?" A sleepy voice penetrated her thoughts and it only added to her confusion. The bed covers moved beside her and after a few seconds her left shoulder was flanked by a soft and warm body. Firm, comforting arms wrapped around her waist from behind and a nose, along with a soft pair of lips, nuzzled and kissed her damp neck and bare shoulder. "Is it the same one?" Osgood asked her lover softly and Kate nodded.
"Umm hmm." Kate's voice was thick with tears and she couldn't talk even if she'd have wanted to.
"Ssh, it's okay. It's a nightmare, it's not real. I'm here, with you and I'm alive." Kate understood that on some level but it had felt so very real. The stench of the dissolving Zygons, acrid and nauseating, still permeated her nostrils. The memory of the heavy, lifeless body of her lover laying in her arms was vivid and she could still see her ashen skin and cold blue lips. The weight of her actions felt heavy in her heart, and even though she was confident it wasn't something she'd ever do, Kate couldn't help but wonder how close she might come to it if faced with that difficult choice in real life. "Stop thinking and relax." Osgood wasn't an actual mind reader but there were occasions she was pretty damn close.
"Sorry, it just felt so very real…" Osgood held her lover tighter and helped Kate to calm herself down, just as she'd done for her during her asthma attacks. It gave the younger woman an opportunity to mull things over in her own head before she continued to reassure Kate.
The nightmares had begun very soon after the last Zygon uprising and Osgood had worked out pretty quickly that it was a side effect of Kate's memory having been wiped. She was waiting for the Doctor to make a reappearance so she could question him about it but in the meantime she wasn't going to tell Kate about her suspicions. Kate wasn't stupid, she knew that she was missing a chunk of time in relation to those events but hadn't quite worked out the reason for her nightmares, or exactly what had happened during her missing moments.
Osgood felt guilty about keeping it from her but knew it was for the best, to keep the peace. There was another part of her, a very small but painful part, that wondered just how close they could come to Kate's nightmare becoming a reality. She loved Kate, intensely, completely and trusted her with her life, except for that minute, niggly element of doubt. It made her desperately sad and it didn't bear thinking about too deeply.
Kate turned slightly in Osgood's arms and placed a languid kiss to her lips. Osgood responded in kind and allowed herself to soothe Kate in the best way she knew how.