When Roman joined FCW he'd been so excited. A new chapter in his life was starting and he could leave some lesser times behind him. Do something new that was interesting and in a way, always joked to have been his destiny. And at the same time have the security he wanted to be able to take care of his family. It was a golden oppertunity.
It didn't take long for him to meet Dean. He'd heard the stories, but had tried to keep an open mind. He hoped people would do the same with him. The scruffy, reckless guy was everything Roman wasn't and the Samoan often wondered if that's why they worked so well together.
It wasn't until later, when they were put together as the shield that their friendship really took off.
They often fought and argued, a little like brothers, but afterwards would drink a beer together and laugh about it like it was nothing. Roman loved his friendship with the 'lunatic fringe'. That and he was just so grateful to have been put with these two people who'd taken him under their wing. Without them, in hindsight, he wasn't sure if he would've been as succesful as he was today.
Of course they wern't just a duo. There was Seth Rollins too. The architect. Roman still remembered meeting him at the FCW training facility for the first time. About this one he had heard stories too. But very different ones all together. He could see the guy had a bit of a chip on his shoulder, but the half blonde had been nice to Roman when they met. Introducing himself as 'Seth. Or- well, Colby.' He'd said with a roll of the eyes and a chuckle as they shook hands.
it had become clear that his two future friends had a long history already. To call them buddies wasn't really the right way to describe it. Perhaps two guys with a lot of respect for each other was better. Roman always found their dynamic interesting, still did to this day. Once the three of them were called up together to form the shield he was put inbetween that dynamic and everything seemed to shift, somehow.
Things had taken off in a whirlwind. Nobody could've ever forseen how big they would become, in such a short amount of time. Three newcomers, all with different backgrounds. It made Roman smile thinking about it. When they'd debuted, they all had been so nervous. The air almost electric around them as they waited for the signal to come down to the ring and wreck havoc on everybody. No matter what happened, he'd always look back on that fondly.
As the brotherly friendship between Dean and him grew, the relationship he had with Seth was very different.
The brown eyed man had that something, and Dean would say it was him being a manipulative dick, but it drew Roman in. He was the kind of person to invest in a relationship if he liked you. All or nothing. Even when it meant giving a little more than he'd get back. And Seth knew.
Sometimes he could drive himself insane by going over all the small moments between them. The way Seth would sometimes fall asleep during a long roadtrip and end up leaning against his shoulder. The barely there touches, or those pretty brown eyes that could disarm him so easily. It hurt to think it was all calculated and Roman refused to believe it.
The shield on tv was really an exageration of real life by now. And it was fine, really. They always played it off like more of a little-big brother type of relationship than the more equal stubborn one he had with Dean. He noticed how ever since he joined, Seth and Dean had someone else to focus on and they seemed to get along better in flashes. It was nice, but quite a strange triangle they had formed around each other.
"Rome-Roman?... Joe!" Seth sighed as he watched the big man swaying drunkenly and leaning against the wall of the elevator. He clenched his jaw and ran a hand through his hair. Why did he have to drink so much? And why couldn't Dean take care of him?
Roman was babbling and Seth wasn't even making an attempt to listen to him. Focusing on the task of getting the titan to his hotel room and in bed. Or somewhere close to it would do, honestly. When they reached their floor he hoisted Roman's arm around his shoulder and steered the big guy into the hallway. At least he could still walk, that was something.
"You guys need to stop drinking so much man." He said under his breath, puffing his cheeks a little before getting to Roman's room that was two doors down from his own. Sticking a hand in the Samoans jeans pocket to look for the card, making the bigger man chuckle and slump against him some more. Seth found it and swiped it quick, steering the drunk guy inside and following after closing the door. "Come on, come on, lets get you in bed then." He sighed as this really wasn't what he had signed up for.
He paused then, looking at Roman who was sitting at the edge of the bed with his eyes closed, as if he was already asleep but still sitting upright.
Seth slowed down and took the moment. Studying the other's handsome features. His hair that was pulled back in a bun but a little messy now. The way his broad shoulders swayed from side to side a little. The scruff on his cheeks as it had been a busy few days fort hem with hardly any time off.
He liked the big jock. And he knew Roman liked him too. That they were friends. Or some variation of that. That he had someone in Roman he could fall back on, even if he did something bad. He knew the other would help him, even if he wasn't forgiven immediately. It was good to have someone like that close.
He walked closer, kneeling inbetween Roman's legs, their faces about level now and the older man opened his eyes. Seth could see it took him a second to focus on him, but he got a little smile which made him feel funny
"Hey," he humbled hoarsely in that deep voice of his. Something Seth envied, but would never admit.
"Hey, doofus." Seth said half sarcastic, as if he was still annoyed with having to take care of his drunk friend. Cupping Roman's face with a hand, seeing the confusion fill those mesmerising grey eyes. And he leaned in before Roman could say anything, pressing their lips together.
It had been a spur of the moment thing, for once. Seth had been all girls, but he'd been lying if he never thought about what it would be like to kiss a guy when he was a little younger. And then there was roman. Good old, way too fucking handsome for his own good Roman.
Whatever. It was just a kiss. The samoan probably wouldn't even remember tomorrow.
He pulled back after a few seconds. It was short and a little awkward, but not bad. Seth saw the confusion was still there as the samoan licked his lips, blinking at him like a lost pet.
"Sorry," he chuckled as if it was nothing at all. "You should sleep. We've got PR stuff tomorrow." He cooed, pushing the other man back on the bed and taking off his shoes for him before draping the blanket over him the best he could. He wasn't really the caring type. Roman seemed to relax again as Seth acted like nothing was wrong, nodding at his friend before being off into a comatose sleep before Seth even left the room.
At first all Roman could think about was killing Dean for making him drink on a work day. His head was killing him and after checking his phone he realised he had to work in a few hours. Showering and groaning and eating a packet of painkillers before manning the fuck up. Eating some breakfast and meeting up with his brothers, making eyes at Dean who didn't look so hot either, before making eyes at Seth who started to rant something along the lines of 'I told you so.' He was his brother, but sometimes Roman wanted to bash his bratty face in.
It wasn't until they sat down for a shared dinner, when Seth looked up at him to ask what he was having that he remembered. Their faces close as they were sitting side by side, Dean opposide them at the table. Seth holding the menu, but having it down as he was looking at Roman. The Samoan staring at him and the half blonde slowly rose his eyebrows.
Had that really happened? Had Seth- No. No way.
"Yo big guy, you okay? I only asked what you're having for dinner, sheesh." The younger one chattered before Roman shook it off and shrugged. "Sorry, I uh.. Steak i guess. And salad." He groaned and the other three joined in as it was a shared struggle.
For a while everything went great. The shield was ontop of everyone and in their personal lives things went okay.
They all knew it was hard sometimes, half pretending to be someone you're not. Especially when your character is so close to the real you. Roman was glad when he could spend time with his family. Respond to the name Joe. But he couldn't deny it didn't feel amazing to be in the ring with his two comrades. He'd never felt so alive.
It had become a bit of an unspoken rule between the three not to discuss private matters too much. Roman knew Dean slept around and he was single. He wasn't sure about Seth, but when he saw him with Leighla, he reassured himself that was a man in love right there.
He loved his wife, but it was hard being away from her. He'd messed up once or twice and he knew she knew. But their family was still together, still strong and he tried to be a better man. For them.
When the hinting started backstage that the shield was going to be heading towards their break up, nobody was surprised but it still hit hard. Roman remembered them sitting in silence for a while, before Seth got up and got them all a beer. And another few after that. Roman had appreciated that.
It was a late afternoon when Roman was standing outside of the hotel they were currently in. They all looked the same by now. Staring off into space as he heard that familair, slightly nasal voice. "Joe?" it wasn't very often he used his real name. He turned a little to give Seth a nod. He could tell the other had just been working out, his hair a mess and a towel around his shoulders. He looked good like that. Natural.
"what are you doing here?" he asked with half a laugh in his voice, as if to hide the uncomfortable situation. Roman knew this man by now. Seth was an amazing wrestling partner, but he had quite a few flaws in the friend department. He did make exceptions for Dean and him, but he knew that for Seth, Seth always came first. It wasn't a bad attitude, really. Very ambitious. But it wasn't for Roman.
"Feeling fucked." He sighed with a shake of the head as if to say, it's fine, you can walk away. He felt the hesitation from the man standing a few steps behind him. Surprised when the other's hand landed on his bicep. "Cmon." The younger one said softer now as he pulled him along.
Roman didn't want to bother his friend with the usual drag. He felt lonely. A little lost. Not sure where he was heading with anything, even though they were still the shield and even if they'd break up he'd probably be fine. It was just one of those days where he had too little sleep and couldn't remember what city they were in right now.
Seth knew and maybe that's why he reached out. They fought the same battles, most of them. Beating the everyday drag to get in that ring again and shine for 20 minutes. That's all the people at home saw, but there was so much more that lead up to it day and out. So much blood, sweat and tears.
He'd installed the bigger man on the bed and turned on the tv. "Let's watch something. Comedy or you too sulky?" he tried to pester the other into banter, which usually worked with Dean, but Roman was so much more thoughtful and silent. He got a shrug and bit his tongue, turning something on that seemed funny. Sitting next to his friend and nudging him in the shoulder. "Ahh man.. I didn't wanna share, but it seems you're leaving me no choice." He sighed dramatically and finally got Roman's attention. Grabbing a plastic box from the mini fridge that was full of sushi and he saw the other manage a smirk. "I could kiss you right now," Roman joked lightly and Seth gave himself a mental highfive for cheering the other up a little. Wait. He should probably reply to that.
"Yea well don't, the fangirls'll go even more crazy." He rolled his pretty brown eyes and Roman just smirked at him, before shifting on the bed to make room for Seth and the sushi.
The two found comfort in another. Grew a little closer still. Dean noticed, but didn't say anything. He got it, but he wasn't sure if it was a good idea. Someone was bound to get hurt. It always went like that.
For Roman it was a way to share his affection with someone, but not cross any lines. Not wanting to do wrong by his wife, but needing some human contact from to time. And Seth was a guy. All they did now and then was watch a movie on their hotel bed. Maybe sit a little too close or fall asleep together. That wouldn't harm anyone, right?
For Seth is was somewhat the same. He loved the attention he got from his friend. Knowing it was a bit strange, but fuck it. They were the top dogs now and if anyone had something to say, bring it. It was comforting. It was nice to unwind and just be yourself around someone for a change.
They were crawling closer to the break up of their little brotherhood when Roman was starting to have doubts. Was it normal to think about your friend in flashes when you were touching yourself? Was it just the loneliness? Did they spend too much time together like some people suggested? He was agitated and on edge. Not sure what his feelings were doing anymore and what was real. Seth had noticed something was wrong and had taken small steps back, while Dean tried to confront Roman which only lead to the two fighting with each other more than usual.
Once the betrayal on raw was done, they spend a few days not talking to each other. After travelling and being so close for such a long time, it felt like a relieve and a hole at the same time for Roman. He felt lost. Even more so when he was told he was to keep their entrance and now come down through the crowd alone.
He found Dean again as he struggled to keep his head above the water. Seth however, seemed to have gone from his grasp. New friends in high places, just like his little storyline. It made him crazy how real and fake mixed so often in his world.
Seth felt like he was riding a wave, a really big one, even though he had thrown his brothers off along the way to catch it.
It was all fake right? They were still friends, whatever. He was invited to big places now, getting interviews, getting all the attention just by himself. It was like a dream come true.
For a little while.
He was hungry for everything and found it hard not to be moving, evolving. Be working towards his goals. Outwork everyone and if you couldn't, well there were more ways than one to get rid of competition. Somewhere along the way, the line between Seth and Colby blurred even more. He still spoke to Dean sometimes and Roman, but he felt like he'd surpassed them now. He still liked those guys, but that was far behind him.
The attention the fame, he was thristy for it and it all came down on him like a summer storm.
Soon there were girls. He was allowed to enjoy life a little, right?
Going home and seeing his fiance. Playing the double role. It was thrilling and nervewrecking all at the same time.
There were parties and new talent and he was laughing about something Hunter said when she caught his eye. He'd heard of her. She'd said some things to him on social media. He knew the game she was playing. He gave her a smirk and she returned it, flipping her black hair back which gave him a better view of her cleavage. His mind was made. He wanted her and he'd have her, because nobody could deny him.
Raw was about to start when Roman heard the rumour spread like wildfire. His hands were sweating when he held his phone, staring at the empty google search bar. Did he really want to see this?
In the end he gave in.
What he read and saw made his stomach drop and his mouth go dry. For a moment all he could hear was his own heart pounding in his ears before he shook it off and closed the tab. Were hurt and betrayal normal things to feel? Roman didn't really have time to worry about it. They still had a show to put on and work to do. Clearing his head, before wrapping this bomb up and safely storing it away to open later.
It was about a week later when Roman finally made his way over to Seth's hotel room and knocked on the door. His hands shaking with anger as he tried to calm himself down. The other deserved to tell his story too, he had to stay reasonable.
When Seth opened the door he sighed the moment he saw the Samoan and shook his head. "I don't wanna hear it." he said, trying to close the door but Roman had anticipated it. Held it open with his arm and let himself in as Seth cursed under his breath and walked further into the room.
Roman closed the door behind them and pursed his lips into a tight line. "Why?" he asked simply and Seth glared at him with fire in those deep brown eyes. "Because i fucking can, okay?!" he half shouted at his once brother, throwing his arms in the air as he paced the room frantically as Roman sat on the bed. Anything but calm, but his storm was raging on the inside, especially after that answer.
"Typical." He said a little forced and Seth stopped, narrowing his eyes at Roman now as he took a small step closer. "You know me, Rome. Maybe only Dean knows me better. Are you honestly surprised?" he spat as he was panting now and Roman struggled. He wanted to tell him to calm down, but the winning side of him said screw it. Let him throw a fit. Little bitch.
Roman shook his head in disapointment and shrugged. "Yea, actually I was. Maybe I thought too much of you, huh?"
Was that a flash of hurt he saw on the other's face? It was hard to tell. It didn't really matter. The younger one made up for it by letting out a dry laugh. "Whatever man. I'm just enjoying life. It doesn't matter what others say and-" Roman shot up from the bed then, unable to contain himself any longer. Seth did a scared jump backwards which would've been comical in any other situation.
"She was your fiance! You fucking asshole, was it really too much to realise she has feelings too? For all these years she's supported you!" he was yelling and pushing at Seth's shoulders and he felt the other struggle in his grasp. Fear in those eyes and it made Roman hungry to continue, feeling like somehow this would make everything right again. He yelled a little more. Told him what he thought. But the initial fear seeped from Seth's eyes and he turned cold instead.
"Are you done?" he growled as he shrugged off Roman's hand and got away from him, staring at the wall as he ground his teeth together hard.
"Why are you so concerned anyway?"he said slowly, turning around again to watch Roman with narrowed eyes. Roman had wanted to say something about being brothers, their bond, but Seth quickly shut him down. "We both know it was different between us, huh?" he continued as he walked up to the other again, his sudden calm attitude making Roman slightly worried.
"All those moments spend together, looking for something, looking for that red line. We never did find it, did we? Guess we were both too scared." he said softer now and it was Roman's turn to look frightened. Wishing he could just bring his fist up and punch the other to make him stop talking. His tone not even mocking now, but honest. Those brown eyes, so big and searching as he scanned his face. Why was he bringing this up now and making it worse..
"Stop," roman managed to mumble, but Seth shook his head, walking closer untill Roman couldn't back off any further as he hit the wall with a dull 'thud'. "Did you feel betrayed? Or sad it wasn't you?"
Finally electricity sparked in his brain and his fist went flying faster than he'd ever managed before. Punching that face that he knew so well. Watching Seth double over as he grabbed his face in pain, groaning and taking a few wobbly steps back. Roman didn't feel relieved or good. All he heard were Seth's stupid words echoing around in his head.
It wasn't like that.
Was it?
From then on they avoided each other. Worked each other in the ring when they had to, they were professionals after all.
Sometimes, when Roman couldn't sleep at night he thought of those words. What did they really mean? Had there been something of truth there or had Seth just been trying to manipulate him like he did with everyone?
Roman feared he wouldn't like the answer to his own questions.
He felt like he was mourning for a long time. Mourning for a lost friend. He knew Dean felt the same, yet the two hardly spoke about it together. Along the way, somewhere, he managed to say 'good match' or something small like that to the half blonde again. He'd seen the split second of surprise on the other's face. It made life a little easier to work together and Roman just tried to seperate the person he worked with from the person he once called a brother.
But he was like a moth to a flame. Slowly starting with acknowledging the other excisted again and he wanted to believe the happiness in Seth's eyes was genuine. It never went any further than discussing work or saying hi in the hallways though. Roman wasn't sure if it ever would again. Sometimes glad he had a little bit of contact and sometimes hating himself for being so weak.
When Seth thanked him when he was pinned at wrestlemania it felt like a punch in the chest.
He'd appreciated the gesture, but it was so bittersweet he could hardly deal with all his feelings after the match.
Payback rolled around the corner and Dean had asked him if he was okay with the script. Roman said yea, like nothing was wrong, and told the other it was going to be great.
The crowd went wild for them, that split moment where everything was okay. They were unbreakable. But it was soon over, Roman taking Dean's lead now as he couldn't- he still couldn't be the one to say 'no' to Seth first.
After the match was over and after seeing friends and family backstage Roman's mind went blank. He'd been walking around with this too long. Making his way backstage as he still felt the adrenaline rush through his body. Easily finding Seth's lockerroom and letting himself in.
"What the-!?" The superstar turned around surprised, almost dropping the bottle of water from his hands, before relaxing when he saw who it was. He still trusted him. That alone almost made Roman turn around, but he took in a deep breath and barged forward, pushing the other man up against the wall and keeping him there with his own body.
"Roman, what the fuck!?" Seth yelped now, brown eyes looking around to see if J&J weren't hiding in some corner, but no such luck. They struggled for a moment, Roman catching the other's wrist just in time not to get punched. "You owe me this," he hissed through his teeth as Seth looked confused, still frowning deeply at the other man as he tried to break away from him. "I don't owe you-" but the rest of his words were muffled as Roman suddely moved in and pressed their lips together angrily.
Seth froze. Arm still hanging in the air from where he'd been trying to punch Roman. His eyes wide open, blinking as he saw Roman's face from so close up, the other's eyes shut tight.
One of the first things his brain registered once the white noise of panick cleared up was- holy cow his lips were soft. After that there wasn't much thinking as he switched to auto pilot. Letting his eyes fall shut and giving in was so easy. Moving his lips against Roman's and parting them to let him deepen it. Roman moved against him angry and desperate, as if he was pouring everything that was always left unsaid between them into the kiss. For once, Seth felt like he deserved this. Knowing he had hurt Roman more than he had intended, but never tried to make anything better. It just wasn't in his nature.
It wasn't until Seth touched his back lightly that Roman quickly pulled away. Panting and slightly red in the face now as he looked at Seth in half shock.
"What the fuck man," Seth muttered, but it didn't sound very convincing. The Samoan turned around and left the room, ignoring the sound of Seth's feet behind him. He didn't follow him into the hallway and that was good. He left to get some fresh air, standing there panting like he'd just ran a marathon. A laugh bubbling up from his chest, thinking he had one on the lunatic fringe right now, before shaking his head and rubbing his face to clear up a little.
It was as if a weight had dropped from his shoulders. As if he finally admitted to a part of him he'd so desperately tried to hide.
He wasn't sure what that kiss had meant, but it felt as if he'd finally found some closure.
A few days later Roman came back to his hotelroom and found something wasn't right. There was something standing on his bed he couldn't remember putting there. Walking closer as he frowned, checking the room quickly for some crazy fan that might've gotten in. Noticing it was a sixpack of beers and a card laying ontop. It had a cake on the front and he frowned as it wasn't his birthday until a few weeks yet. Opening it he felt his breath catch in his throat at the handwriting.
/ Sorry for the card, they only had these at the hotel shop.
Anyway. Roman. Joe. I just wanted to apologise.
Not about what I did, because it's who I am. I'm not going to change for someone else you know? I stand by my decisions.
But I'm sorry for hurting you. That was never my intention.
I hope you believe me.
S./