-:-
-she will be loved-
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"Love isn't all rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along."/Spoby post-3x08. Oneshot.
"I don't mind spending every day
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved…"
-Maroon 5, "She Will Be Loved"
-:-
Spencer Hastings hated admitting weakness.
It was in her blood; as a Hastings, she was bred to never confess to being anything less than perfect, than calm, cool, and collected all the time. After everything that she'd gone through in the past two years, though, putting up a strong façade was growing increasingly difficult. Five months ago, she thought she really could put all her misery and troubles to rest—Mona had been unmasked; Garrett locked up. She and her friends were safe, and it was all over.
But now, she was wondering if this perpetually spinning vortex of trouble would ever just stop. If she would take it with her for the rest of her life.
Spencer normally was able to find solace in one person. One sweet, caring, clever, incredible person who possessed the unique ability to make her troubles seem not-so consequential. Her boyfriend. Toby. The love of her life.
Or maybe ex-boyfriend was slightly more accurate.
Ever since Toby had left town—to find answers on his own, she assumed—after their fight in her kitchen, he'd been avoiding her. She'd left him a string of increasingly-desperate and tearful voicemails, pleading texts, and even a note slipped under the door of his loft.
Nothing. No response. She wondered if it really was over this time; if his silence was a form of saying that he wanted nothing to do with her.
But that was so unlike Toby. She knew that he was just concerned for her safety, and frustrated that she kept hiding things from him, but what else was she supposed to do? She had to protect him, but instead she screwed everything up even more.
Where have I heard this before?
It was almost exactly like what had happened last year, except that neither one of them had initiated a breakup. There was just…silence. Rockiness.
She hated it. She hated herself. She knew that none of it was his fault, so she could never blame Toby. But herself? Yes, she had messed things up terribly, as usual, and now they were both paying for it.
She just wanted him back. Back the way they were after they'd reunited the night of Mona's reveal. Happy. Together. In love.
She should've known it was too good to last.
He'd come back to Rosewood the day before; she'd spotted his truck in front of the Brew and debated going to talk to him, eventually realizing she was too cowardly to approach him. Her words to Hanna ran through her mind: "When Toby comes back to Rosewood—if he comes back—I just pray it's in one piece." She was too scared to even go make sure of that.
When she got her hands on New A, the bitch(es?) would pay. But of course, at the moment, that was an idle threat.
Now she curled up on her rocking chair ("It's beautiful." "I made it for you.") wrapped up in a Hermes blanket, clad in his shirt ("…You're never getting it back." "I don't want it back…you look better in it than I do.") armed with a box of Kleenex and a pint of Cherry Garcia. She was ready to sit and cry and gorge on ice cream and curse herself for losing him all over again; for possibly allowing him to get hurt.
Her phone pinged, and she felt a reverberating flash of hope—quickly diminished when she saw the text displayed on the screen was from Aria, not Toby.
U want some company? Was going 2 go over 2 Ezras, but can sleepover w/ u if u wanna. xo.
She did want (need) some companionship—her parents were both on business trips; Melissa was in Philly; Emily was with Paige (thank God her friend was finally really smiling again); and Hanna was on a "friend date", as she'd put it, with Caleb—but if she couldn't be with her boyfriend, at least her best friend should be able to (God, she was living vicariously through Aria's relationship with her former teacher, wasn't she?).
Its ok, have fun w/ Fitz. Talk later. xox.
Send.
Her other recently sent messages popped up, and she bit her bottom lip, noticing that almost all of them were addressed to Toby:
Toby, we need to talk. Call me, as soon as you can?
Toby, I just wanted to make sure you're okay. Call me, please. I miss you.
Toby, I'm so, so sorry. Please, just call me, and I'll tell you how sorry in person. I miss you so much, and I'm worried about you. Call me, okay? Please.
She swallowed back a sob, then looked down at the three-sizes-too-big blue shirt, stroking the slightly worn hem. She remembered the night at the motel that he'd given it to her. The night before their first kiss. The night that she first realized her feelings for Toby. Toby…
She couldn't do this. She loved him. She needed him. Now.
Kicking off the blanket and tossing the box of Kleenex aside, she grabbed her Diane Von Furstenberg peacoat off her desk chair and grabbed her car keys.
Spencer Hastings may have hated admitting weakness, but she hated admitting defeat even more.
-:-
Toby Cavanaugh was curled limply on his worn futon in his loft, a threadbare blanket wrapped around his shirtless frame, staring numbly at the ancient TV set in front of him, trying not to think of…her. Even thinking her name would bring back the inescapable thoughts of large amber eyes, silky dark brown hair, that stunning, dimpled smile…
Oh, who was he kidding? He could never fully lose the hold Spencer Hastings had on him, regardless of how hard he tried.
He missed her. As frustrated and disappointed as he was with her, he still loved her more than life itself. After their reunion on the night of Mona's arrest, he'd sworn that he would never let anyone hurt her ever again, and the thought that someone might be able to once again…it killed him.
"Mona is locked up, Garrett is locked up, but you still jump every time your phone rings!"
"It's-"
"Yeah, I know, it's complicated. So I'll make it easy for you. I'm going to figure it out for myself."
"No, Toby, please…"
His blunt anger when he'd cornered Spencer in her kitchen hadn't been directed at her; it was coming from the place in his heart that was furious that someone could be hurting her again, and the terror of losing her the way he had last year. He knew that it wasn't her fault. She was just trying to keep him out of harm's way.
"I think you're the one that needs protection."
That was the thing about Spencer. She worried about everyone else's safety, everyone else's happiness, that she seemed to always sacrifice her own. He'd always loved that about her; her selflessness.
When he'd returned to Rosewood, he'd considered going to see her, but chickened out two blocks from her house. What if she was angry at him? Or what if they ended up arguing all over again?
Then he checked his phone.
He'd accidentally left it on his nightstand before he left town, and when he checked his messages, he was stunned. Twenty-four texts, thirteen voicemails, eighteen missed calls.
All from Spencer.
She'd left him a note, too. Slipped under his door. He had almost tripped over the pristine white envelope, with his name written on the back in her familiar cursive. He didn't open it. He was too confused with everything. He just wanted to relax, to forget.
But how do you forget your true love?
There were little reminders of her everywhere. The blanket he was wrapped up in was doused in lingering notes of her perfume from one night, a few weeks before, when she'd slept over. The mismatched glasses in the cabinets were the ones they'd hastily chosen together when shopping for his new place over the summer (the powder-blue coffee mug was her favorite; she always drank from it whenever she visited). The plaid pajama bottoms he wore were the same ones from their night at the Edgewood Motorcourt, the night before they'd officially become a couple.
Suddenly, he couldn't take it any more. He missed her too much. He needed to see her, to hold her in his arms, and tell her that he loved her and how sorry he was for leaving and how he would do anything and everything in his power to protect her.
But before he could grab his phone off the coffee table to call her, there was a cautious knock at his door.
Who could it possibly be? It was relatively late, and he didn't get too many visitors.
Slowly opening the door, he was greeted by a pair of deep, coffee-bean eyes and a timid smile.
Suddenly, he was transported back to almost a year before, when he opened the door to the same girl; him with the same weary surprise, her with the same tentative determination. At the time, he had no idea what was to come, how important and pivotal and crucial that moment was. He had no idea that he was about to fall in love with the girl standing in front of him, that they were going to embark on an amazing, eye-opening, beautiful journey together. He didn't know that it all rested on that one moment of truth.
But now he knew.
"Spencer."
"Toby."
-:-
"Come in," he said after a long pause. She bit her plump bottom lip, and suddenly all he wanted to do was kiss her. The palpable sparks between them was there, as it always was, making them both dizzy with desire. Her eyes zoned in on his bare chest, her mouth going completely dry. For a minute, she forgot her own name.
"Thank you," she replied finally, somewhat formally, as he allowed her into his space, letting the door close softly behind her.
For a moment, the two just looked at each other, his dazzling blue eyes meshing together with her deep brown ones. Their heartbeats increased, and it was obvious that their feelings for each other had never faded, never vanished.
She cleared her throat, breaking the silence, and he awkwardly moved to sit on the futon, asking her with his eyes to join him. She did, although there was considerably more space between them than usual.
"Do you…want something to drink? Coffee, maybe?" he asked, knowing it was her beverage of choice.
"No, thank you." She sounded so stiff. So unlike herself. She's mad, Toby thought.
Spencer could read Toby's surprise at seeing her there as she peered at him out of the corner of her eye, but his reluctance to be near her, his forced politeness…it stung. He's still upset. Not that I can blame him.
"Spence…" his voice trailed. "What are you doing here?"
She looked up, directly into his eyes, shaking her head slightly. "I…I honestly don't know."
Toby swallowed, hard. "You didn't come here so we could act like mere acquaintances that have met all of twice, though, did you?"
Spencer shook her head again. "No. I guess…I guess I came here because I-we need to talk, Toby."
Oh, yes they did. "About our fight?"
She flinched, and he had his answer. "I suppose."
"You suppose?"
Her eyes flitted back and forth in obvious trepidation as she said, "Well, the fight and…other things."
"Such as?"
"Jason. Mona. Us. Everything."
"Are you sure you're willing to divulge everything?" his tone was hurt, hurt by all the lies she kept weaving into an unfathomable web. A web that she struggled to untangle and escape from, but that always pulled her back in.
"Yes." She sounded close to tears now. "Toby, I-I never wanted you to leave Rosewood. Not now, not last year, not ever. I know you did it for me—for us—because you wanted the truth and you were sick of me lying to you. I'm sick of lying to you, okay? I hate it, but I know it's the only way to protect you from danger. You've already gotten hurt because of me once; I'm not going to let it happen again. I lie to you because I want to keep you safe. From me, from anyone who could hurt me—because if they hurt you…it's something that would destroy me. I don't know what I would do if anything happened to you, if I ever lost you. You mean so much to me, Toby. I would do anything to protect you, because I-" she stopped, a single tear sluicing down her pale cheek.
"You what, Spencer?" he asked softly, moving closer to brush the tear away with his thumb. She swallowed, her breath hitching in her throat, as his scent—leather and sawdust and something she could only identify as love—infiltrated her nostrils. She could say it. She had to say it. Because she meant it, with all her heart, and he had to know.
"Because I love you."
And then their lips met.
The kiss was passionate, deep and slow and sensual, and they both realized how much they'd been craving it. They wanted more.
After what might have been minutes or hours, they breathlessly pulled away, his hand cupping her cheek, their foreheads touching. She was in his lap, her fingers tangled through his chestnut-colored waves, and they both wore huge, lovestruck grins.
"I love you," he murmured, pulling her closer to kiss the top of her head, smoothing her mussed curls. "I love you so much. I'm so sorry, Spence." He tilted her chin up so that she was looking at him, and the contriteness of his expression was enough to show his remorse. "Can you forgive me?"
She tenderly stroked his cheek. "There's nothing to forgive."
His eyes lit up with happiness, the couple sharing a series of intimate Eskimo kisses before falling back onto the futon, his arms wrapped protectively around her slim frame, vowing silently to never let her go again.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered. The thoughts of all the bad she'd done were still preying on her mind.
"Shhh." He kissed her forehead, her nose, and each cheek before finding her lips. "It's over now. We're together, and that's all that matters."
She let out a content sigh, cuddling closer to him. "Don't ever leave me again."
"Never," he vowed softly, caressing her cheek. "I love you."
She chuckled softly. "I said it first this time."
He laughed, brushing a piece of hair away from her beautiful dark eyes, trusting that they would sort out the truth and the lies and the secrets later. Right now, he was perfectly at peace holding the girl he loved.
The girl that he would always love, no matter what happened next.
Fin.
A/N: Hey everyone! I know I'm not the only one beyond upset about the current situation with Spoby (Spencer lying, Toby leaving town to look for answers…2B-ish, anyone?), so I wrote this oneshot to fix that. This was inspired by "She Will be Loved" by Maroon 5, a very Spoby song, so check it out. And no, I don't own "She Will be Loved" or Spencer or Toby, sadly. Anyways, for those of you wondering, my other stories are in the process of being updated, but I really just wanted to get this down to ease my shipper heart. So…review! Thanks :)
Xox, -Ana
P.S. Tuesday's episode = not the best, in my opinion. What did you guys think? Tell me ;)