Dipper is in a forest wading through the freshly fallen Autumn leaves with a scoped twelve inches of murder poised in front of him. Through the wide gaps in the trees is the ephemeral blanket of thin, gray mist that parts around him like water. He was sure he spotted a buck earlier and, like any boy his age, his perception of manliness relied upon on whether he could track it down and land a bullet between its ears. With his eyes peeled for the prize he trips on a concealed stone, but thankfully the bed of leaves cushion his fall. He starts to get back up but freezes midway, having spotted the elusive beast resting in a clearing just a few feet away.
"Looks like your luck's finally ran out, deer," he says under his breath.
Right when he has the beast within his sights and hones in on the back of its head, he is interrupted by the broad side of a passing doe. Through the scope he watches the two animals lick each others faces in greeting and scowls - he would not dare risk killing a doe - as he sets down his rifle and squirms to get into a comfortable spot concealed by a tree trunk and scraggly bush. From there his eyes wander to a bird as it perches on a deformed branch overhead. It chirps noisily and Dipper can feel his heart pumping out of fear that it would give away his position.
He looks to the deer again nervously, but breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes that they are much too occupied with their current activity to have heard.
"Woah. Are they really..."
He watches as the buck mounts itself atop the pointed up rear end of the doe and, curious boy that he is, continues to watch in awe as they enter into the intimate act of deer sex.
"Dipper! You nabbed your imaginary buck yet?" A gravelly man's voice calls from a distance, and the doe and buck halt at the sound.
Their moment ruined, they come apart and bound away nimbly until they are out of Dipper's sight.
He stands up and pulls at his hair; groaning in frustration.
Dipper glares angrily at GRUNKLE STAN, early 60s, with a five'o'clock shadow and a head of gray hair, when he approaches from behind. He, unlike Dipper, has evidently had a successful hunt thus far with two raccoons slung over his right shoulder and a possum over his left.
GRUNCLE STAN
Still no luck? Well for crying out loud it couldn't have gone too far. Unless, of course (he leans in to whisper into his ear) it doesn't exist.
CUT TO:
INT. MABEL'S BEDROOM - EVENING
MABEL, 12 y/o with braces and wavy brown hair, is laying with her chest flat on the bed coloring the poorly drawn image of a smiling cartoon raccoon while loud Pop music is blaring through her headphones. She kicks her feet against the pillows to the beat as she sings along. Poorly.
GRUNKLE STAN (O.S)
Hey Mabel, come downstairs. I've got a surprise for you!
MABEL
A surprise? I bet it's something adorable like a baby raccoon!
INT. THE MYSTERY SHACK SHOP FLOOR - CONTINUOUS
Grunkle Stan slams the entirety of his yield that day down unto the dining table: three raccoons, three rabbits, one baby possum and a skunk. He looks at the emptyhanded Dipper proudly as fresh blood pools around the heap of dead woodland creatures.
DIPPER
Oh yeah, I'm really hungry now.
GRUNKLE STAN
Slow down sport, we've still gotta skin 'um, pull their guts out and cook 'um first.
Mabel dashes down the stairs but her expression immediately sinks when she spots the pile of dead animals on the table.
GRUNKLE STAN
You know how you're always prattling on about rabbits and Hot Pockets and...teen boy bands? Well, I brought you three rabbits.
MABEL
This isn't exactly what I had in mind for a surprise. Also, it doesn't count if they're dead.
GRUNKLE STAN
Didn't I tell you Dipper and I were going hunting today?
MABEL
(with a shrug)
I just assumed you meant hunting for attention like you usually do on a Friday.
GRUNKLE STAN
(with the possum in his hand)
I'm just gonna let that one slide for now because I need to get started in the kitchen. I haven't touched possum meat in years so this ought to be interesting.
Grunkle Stan wanders off, leaving the two siblings alone with the stuffed bear sculptures, paintings of UFOs, magical 'tomes' and a myriad of other curious but ultimately worthless commodities that Stan sold at ridiculously high prices for a living.
SOOS, early 20s, big and burly wearing a plain brown baseball cap and green t-shirt with a giant black question mark on it enters from the back door, chewing noisily on a bite from the chocolate bar in his hand. He looks at the pile of dead animals, their blood at this point oozing over the edges of the table.
SOOS
Dude, I swear that wasn't there when I went to the vending machine.
DIPPER
(boasting)
I went hunting with Grunkle Stan today.
SOOS
Oh, cool dude. (He takes another bite of his chocolate bar.) So, did ya find anything?
Before Dipper can break it down for Soos, the sound of ringing bells that heralds the opening of the front door captures his attention. WENDY,15, tall and skinny with orange hair, wearing a trucker hat and green denim jacket, enters.
WENDY
Whewie! What threw up and died in here?
DIPPER
That is the smell of manhood. I killed small animals with a gun today!
He proudly directs her to the dining table.
WENDY
The old man finally took you hunting with him, huh? Sweet. So, which ones did you off?
DIPPER
Which ones did I off? Oh, just the raccoons. And the bunnies. Oh, and that skunk too, but he had it coming.
Mabel giggles into her sweater sleeve while Soos struggles to hold back his own laughter.
DIPPER
What?
MABEL
You said bunnies.
SOOS
I was just thinking the same thing.
Wendy pats Dipper on the back.
WENDY
Not bad for a first timer. I'm impressed. But you're not a real hunter until you try it without using a scope, sport.
DIPPER
It seems to me...you're a gal who knows her way with a rifle?
Soos snickers. Everyone looks at him in awkward silence for a moment before going on.
WENDY
Sure do. My dad brought me on my first trip when I was, like, six. Hey, why don't we hit the trail tomorrow?
DIPPER
Sounds awesome!
WENDY
Then let's go super early in the morning when the beavers come out. (Her eyes narrows darkly.) I still have a score to settle.
Her eyes then return to normal.
WENDY
I'll bring beef jerky. It'll be a blast.
Mabel shoves Dipper out of the way, beaming and flailing her arms wildly.
MABEL
There's room for one more wild and crazy chick, right?
WENDY
I didn't know you were into this kind of stuff.
DIPPER
(annoyed)
Trust me, she isn't.
Dipper takes Mabel aside.
DIPPER
What do you think you're doing?
MABEL
I'm gonna make sure you don't kill any more cute baby animals.
DIPPER
Oh yeah? Well, how do you plan on doing that?
MABEL
I have my ways.