Title: Q's on First?
Fandom: Star Trek: Voyager
Rating/Genre: G Humor, Romance, COMPLETE Silliness, a bit of J/C
In Progress: March 2007
Disclaimers: Voyager and its characters belong to Paramount and there is a parody of an MGM property in here too.
Archive: Yes, but please let me know so you can get the latest version.
Q's on First?
Captain Kathryn Janeway sat on her Bridge, vigilant as always. Commander Chakotay was punching information into his monitor, his brow furrowed with concentration.
Janeway had checked status five minutes ago and then about 17.6 minutes before that.
"No change, Captain. All is well." Tuvok stated. Ensign Kim had reported before Tuvok and it was Tom who answered before Kim. Cute. They were taking turns.
Chakotay asked for reports of any anomalous readings, progress of repairs and maintenance, and status of sickbay.
"None."
"Proceeding on schedule."
"Neelix to bridge," the cook interrupted.
"Go ahead." Chakotay said.
"I was wondering if you think the crew would prefer Q'utharian Dumplings or Dan'tar Lothoriacas for dinner."
"Chef's discretion," said Janeway, shaking her head with bemusement.
"You see, I can only make one dish or the other, because they each take a great amount of attention and fuss..."
"Neelix!" Chakotay broke in. "I'm sure the crew will enjoy anything you prepare," he lied, which seemed to satisfy the sycophantic Talaxian.
"Sickbay report, Captain," relayed Tuvok.
"Go ahead," Janeway sighed.
"Naomi Wildman has been treated for minor scrapes and bruises to both knees and her left hand from roller-skating in the corridors. She was released at Oh-Fourteen-Hundred," Tuvok stated.
Janeway half smiled at the last report. Life on Voyager should always be this uneventful, with everyone safe and sound, save a few requisite childhood bumps.
"Captain, I recommend that we prohibit Naomi's use of skates outside of the holodeck." Chakotay suggested.
Janeway considered for a moment. My how he had changed! He had become such a stick in the mud.
"I don't think that will be necessary Commander," she smiled.
"Then perhaps she should be more closely supervised."
"Commander weren't you ever young?" she prodded. "A single child on a starship with no contact with home? She must feel very confined. Somehow we all survived our childhood bang-ups, didn't we?"
"I…" he ventured. " As you wish, Captain," he quickly acquiesced, obviously feeling a bit foolish.
One of Tuvok's eyebrows rose. Janeway supposed even Vulcans get bored on some level and the present "command discussion" was about as exciting as it had been in weeks.
"Sorry, Commander. I guess all this peace and qui…."
With a resounding roar, the Voyager lurched tossing the crew to the deck with a violent start. Each officer, according to their rigorous training, scrambled to their respective stations.
"Report!" ordered Janeway. It took a moment for each to return to their stations, but the entire crew was 'on' 100 and prepared to deal with the emergency. Each of them in turn enumerated multiple hull fractures, mass system failures, and imminent warp core overload.
"Torres to bridge."
"Go ahead."
"I'm attempting to…shut…down…." Communication failures. Torres could not be heard.
Janeway knew what was required in the situation. Better safe than sorry.
"Eject the core! Repeat. Eject the core!" she commanded. "Please acknowledge!"
No answer.
"Chakotay, get to engineering. Get that core off the ship immediately," she ordered. He was already in motion when she said his name. He was at the lift, which stubbornly refused to budge.
"Captain!" he shouted over the sputtering of spontaneous fires from several stations.
"Can we effect site to site…
"I'm on it," replied Ensign Kim. "Negative, Captain. All transporters are off-line."
"Is anything functioning?" she demanded, knowing the answer, as shouted reports were systematically given.
"WA..WA..WARNING: Life…sup..port is off… line," stuttered the failing computer.
"All emergency back-up systems are off line," shouted Harry Kim, who slammed his hands on his station in frustration.
"Gel-pack failure imminent," reported Tuvok.
The main view screen, which was also working with reliable undependability, flickered on and off, revealing that the hapless ship was careening into a planet.
"Where did that planet come from? Mr. Paris, get us out of here!" Janeway barked.
"Navigation is dead!" shouted Tom, angry to loss of control of everything he once commanded so adroitly. "Crash landing procedure! I hope everyone's got clean underwear!"
The bridge dissolved around Janeway and Chakotay who found themselves in the middle of Engineering. Had Harry performed a site-to-site transport?
"Good work, Mr. Kim!" Janeway complimented, expecting that he would not have heard her.
The command duo focused on saving the ship instead of their sudden change of location. B'Elanna was desperately trying to settle the warp core, but she was reluctantly admitting defeat, and was poised to 'hit the button' to send the failing power source into the void.
"B'Elanna! Get out of here!" Janeway shouted. The engineer tried a few more adjustments and then submitted to Janeway's orders.
Janeway entered the final codes and gave the command to eject the core. No response. It was only a matter of seconds before the ship and all of its crew would be nothing more than a momentary spark in the vastness of space.
Chakotay stood next to Janeway. He wanted to be near her for his final moment, despite the fact that she did not return his devotion. He thought it would be a fitting end, for him at least, even if she did not seem to notice his proximity.
The computer sputtered with its last virtual gasp. "WARNING….Warp core breach in three, two, wah…wah…one."
A "ding" of a bell sounded from the warp core and….Nothing. Nothing happened. The two officers were dumbfounded.
Reports sounded in rapid-fire succession of all that was right with the ship came in from all stations. They were no longer near a planet. B'Elanna returned to engineering looking disheveled and tousled as if she had been sampling Neelix's latest culinary concoction. Several other crewmembers wandered back in and resumed their posts.
"What just happened?" she managed, the shock of the narrow escape setting in, her adrenaline settling a bit.
"That's what we're trying to figure out! I don't know. I've never seen anything like…"
A familiar figure emerged from the center of the Warp Core. "Hi honey! I'm home!"
"Q!" the three officers said in unison.
"What do you think you're playing at?" Chakotay demanded.
"Commander, please." She stopped Chakotay, gently putting her hand to his broad chest, as she often did. Every time she touched him with her 'friend touch' as he called it, he felt as if it was sustenance. A meager meal fed through a slot in an iron clad prison door.
It was all he could to keep his professionalism at these moments, but then, he had had a lot of practice. She often made physical contact with him at their many meetings and dinners. She would touch his neck, his chest, his arm. She meant it as friendly reassurance. It did not mean the same thing to him as it did to her. She had no idea what she was doing to him, inside, keeping him at bay. His Starfleet training served him well. He maintained composure, even as it was killing him inside.
"Oh, yes, don't let him talk to the Big Bad Q!" Q scoffed. "I can see nothing has changed around here. Nothing at all. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk.
"So, Maquis Mauler," Q started on Chakotay, "you once had Holo-Wanted Posters in 387 different languages, dialects, and sub-tongues. Now you worry about supervising errant children?"
"What?" asked the befuddled First Officer.
"There were that many notices?" B'Elanna asked, her eyebrows up which furrower her forehead even more than normal.
"Don't worry, my KSP—that's Klingon Starfleet Princess—you had dishonorable mention on all of them. But, tell me the truth!" He smarmed to the beautiful engineer: "Didn't you like him better when he was a bad boy?"
Chakotay shifted with embarrassment. He had closed that chapter of his life's book. Why was Q taking a sudden interest?
"You were much more fun, Chak, when you were defying Starfleet, sabotaging Cardassian outposts and rescuing torture victims!" He stepped close to Chakotay, speaking with conspiratorial tones. "You even broke a few hearts back in the day." Q backed off and said flippantly, "Oh well. Kathy has that effect on men!"
Chakotay blanched. It did not help that B'Elanna was stifling a giggle and hiding her grin with her hand. She knew Chakotay very well back then and Q was right! Chakotay was a different man now that he had shrouded himself in Starfleet regulations and protocols.
"Belay that, Lieutenant," Chakotay ordered, but his stern reaction only made B'Elanna more giddy. Their recent brush with death was having a residual effect.
"I'm sorry, Chakotay." She tried but failed to squelch her mood. "I'm really sorry," she said with a stifled snort.
"Q, we've got things to do. Cleaning up your mess, for one." Janeway stated, stepping between Q and her First Officer. "If you're done treating my ship like your own personal pool float and volley ball, and tormenting my crew, we'll go back to the way we were."
"Not, so fast! I've got a bone to pick with you, my dear!" he materialized a giant wishbone from a long extinct raptor. He offered her one side, which she took. "Make a wish!"
She yanked the bone and said, "Get off my ship!" The bone split with a loud crack.
"Oops! Sorry! Short side—and besides, you're not supposed to tell me your wish!