He hated himself. He was despicable. His hands were dirty with blood, his whole body was impure, and he had committed the most deadly sins… His mere birth was a sin.
He just wanted to die, but he couldn't do it. The blade was too cold… though it was calling him, silently through darkness, he could hear the twisted voice, laughing…
The structure of his pride was tearing itself down; there was nothing he could do to rebuild it.
The room was silent; the only sound anyone could hear was his accelerated breathing. He was laying down on the bed, it looked as though he was dead. He still remembered when Aya was a little girl, and they both played together.
They had made a promise… A promise that still haunted Aki.
- You'll never leave me, right, oniichan?-
Aki smiled widely. Aya looked at him with sweetness in her beautiful blue eyes.
- I'll never leave you, you're my little sister.
But he had failed… Aya was gone now. He'd never hear her joyful voice again. Sometimes he tried to think, "What would Aya do, or say, in a situation like this?". She'd probably hit his oniichan really hard and say something like "You can't give up! That's not what we do!"
He always knew Aya was strong, somewhere in her heart strength had its place, but so had kindness and sweetness. There was no evil in her… so… why?? Why did she have to die?? Why did God wanted her?? Her beautiful sister… The most beautiful being on Earth. Was God jealous of him? Maybe that's why He took her.
He drank vodka. Alcohol, drugs and cigarettes were killing him; he was dying slowly… and in the most pitiful way. He wouldn't stand up; he wasn't going to do it. His legs were too weak, his body was too injured, and his soul was numb.
He looked at the blade one more time and he took it. He would be with her soon. "No pains, no gains" he thought. He cut through his veins and saw the reddish liquid falling down, almost causing him tickles. He smiled as he saw his blood… It hurt, but it was worth it, he just wanted to see her.
- I'm coming to you, Aya…
And there she was, like an angel. Her golden hair, her peaceful blue eyes and her radiant smile. He didn't feel pain, just happiness… He was finally with her. She embraced him tenderly.
He was going back to his Sanctuary…