House gets a house off of the Council
A Smigmee Smimbles fanfic
Disclaimer: I don't own these fuckin characters.
It was afternoon, and Dr Gregory House MD was sitting in the Sutton Council Housing office. He were bored shitless cos they aint got any good magazines in there and there is like loads of Chavs and Benefit Scroungers hangin about. House was getting eyed up by this 20 stone woman in a acid green tracksuit who had 5 kids. Fat slag. Anyways, she had this hungry look in her eyes, and crisp crumbs around her gob, which both unnerved and aroused Greg.
He decided to make the first move.
" Why hello there, you sexy swine. Care for a Polo mint?"
Her beady eyes rounded onto the packet and her fatty telekinesis drew the mints towards her open gob.
" Fankz Daaaahlin. Fancy a snog?"
Greg was excited. This middle-aged woman had tits the size of goats and not tiny ones like that fuckin Cameron. Seriously man, them tits is well small. Mine are like fuckin Zeppelins compared to her fuckin midget gems. Anyway, House was trying to get into the fattie woman's cheap knickers and he wasn't embarrassed about boinking her in the Council Offices. Who knows, if they do it right and she gets preggers, then they would have a better chance of getting a council flat. Just then, as Greg was groping this massive woman's flabby breasts, James Wilson walked in.
" House WTF? Why is you trying to get off with Vicky Clap—the most STD riddled spunk-bucket in all of Surrey? And why is there limpets attached to your jacket?" He shouted, whilst stabbing a jobseeker in the eye with his erect penus.
" Omg Wilson I fuckin never touched her, you Knob-Jockey! And anyway, these limpets are better friends than you—they never accuse me of molesting obese whores!"
" Akshully, im not an whore, cos I don't charge men to have sex wiv me." The fat Ho said, shovelling pickled onion crisps into her awaiting mouth. Urgh. It was like watching one of them massive snakes eat like a goat or summink. Then she got out one of them ice lollies (the ones that look delightfully phallic) and began licking it slowly.
" Dat's wot you're gonna get latah, 'Ouse."
" Phwoar! I'm finally gonna lose me virginity with a lady!"
" Urgh House you're still a virgin? Lol im gonna go tell your mum!"
" I am 'is mum." Said the fat lass.
Greg did a double-take.
" Oh sorry mum, I didn't notice ya."
Wilson was horrified. Looking at Greg's fat mum made him realise that Greg has fatty genes and could very well turn into a fatty. Like his fat mum. Who was fat.
" Greg, aside from trying to have sex and do incest in your mom"
He says mom cos he's a Yank and they always fuck up England words. Bastards. Yknow, they call biscuits cookies over there and they call chips fries! Weird, innit?
" I don't think you should take that Council Apartment near the chip shop."
" Why not?" Greg said as he was filling out a form. He had just learned to write and was very excited (and aroused, never forget that this man was highly sexed) that L's look like oddly shaped penises.
" Well…how do I say this? YOUR MOM IS A FAT, CELLULITEY OLD HAG WITH AS MUCH CHARISMA AS THAT LITTLE BIT OF FLUFF THAT GETS STUCK ON THE END OF YOUR DONG! And another thing, are those kids even fathered by your dad?!"
" Course they is!"
" Oh really? And your dad is a 17 year old lad who your mum met in The Red Lion pub?"
Just then, the lad in question walked over.
" 'Ello Greg, how you diddlin'?" he said, whilst giving the missus a black eye.
" Hi dad!" And Greg hugged him.
" Fuck me." Wilson sighed.
" Lol K" And with that Greg kicked James over and tried to do sex in his bumhole. Wilson wanted it, but also liked playing hard to get, so a fight ensued. House's young, and also overweight father broke them up.
" Oi! Youse two shudnt be fightin each other! Brothers don't fight like dat!" he shouted, giving both them, the missus and the other little brats a black eye. And one to himself, to be fair.
" BROTHERS?!" Greg and James both exclaimed.
" Yeah, you're bruvvahs, and you 'ave been ever since you were born from my cavernous vagina. This vagina right here. Want me to show it to ya?" their fat mum said.
" Only if you winch your flab up so we can see it properly."
Luckily, James had bought his nice Winch along, and so they proceeded to do more incest and have a good old look at her ugly ladies bits. Lol fat vagina.
Anyway, incest aside, Greg finally managed to fill out the form and gave it to the man on the front desk. To get the worst family in Sutton out of his council office, the man simply gave Greg and James a flat in a nice little area near a place called Banstead.
" Oh brother, hold me!" Greg shouted, wanting a bit more of that incest pie he's been enjoying all these years.
Coming up: House and Wilson move in together!
Konnichiwaaaaaaaaaaa! I love GregXJames—it's so Kaaaawaaaiiiiiiii!! - o.O :D XD 3 3 3 kawaii !!