Title: No More PMSing
Authoress: Icedragongurl
Disclaimer:
Series: Hellsing (Not based off of the Ultimate Universe just as a heads up)
Pairing: Alucard/Seras
Chapter: 1
Author Note: Since this is by far my most popular fanfic I've written, I decided to renovate it. I'm turning the first two chapters into one long one, and I'm making the whole thing 10 chapters long in total. As it goes I may or may not have a lemon. If I do, I promise to post it separate so my pg-13 readers can continue reading this. I hope you all enjoy this. I know that I will.
The young orange haired undead turned the knobs in her shower on, she had just come back from a Ghouls Massacre. While her blood-drenched clothing was in the wash she figured the least she could do was tend to her small wounds and rinse the grime off. She had her black towel wrapped tightly around her as she looked at herself in the bathroom mirror. She was a complete and utter mess. Endless nights of little to no sleep were finally taking a toll on her body, there were bags under her eyes.
There was a nasty bruise forming around her left eye where a fellow Hellsing Soldier had "accidentally" elbowed her in the face. Right… accidentally… as if… She was still trying to decide whether or not he'd intentionally done it! Odds were, seeing the way that most of the newest members didn't particularly like her… it was most likely deliberate. She grumbled to herself as the mirror was steamed up. Not wanting to waste any more of the hot water, Seras undid her towel, and draped it over the shower top before she all but leapt into the shower.
The tension in her muscles faded instantly, the warm water rushed over her body and cleansed the dirt and blood from her pale skin. Her muscles would have sighed in appreciation if they were able to. Seras took a few moments to indulge, before reaching for her shampoo. The scent of Rose and Sandalwood overwhelmed the small bathroom, as she scrubbed out all of the bits and pieces of ghouls she'd fought.
Once her hair was done and dealt with, Seras bent down, snatched up her Venus razor and propped one of her legs up on the bathtub ledge. She muttered foul curses under her breath as she tried her very best to not nick herself this time. She didn't understand how she was undead yet her hair grew at a regular pace! The fledgling couldn't help but wonder how in gods name that was even bleeding possible!
She bit her lip as a small flow of blood streamed down from a new cut on her leg. That was going to be obnoxious until it healed, another bright side to being one of the undead… super fast healing. Though that didn't mean that paper cuts didn't still sting like all hell. Sensation of pain was still there, which Seras was occasionally thankful for. Feeling pain was one of the ways she was able to still feel even a LITTLE bit human. Although right now, she wasn't particularly happy to still be even a LITTLE bit human.
"Good god…this is so bloody annoying" she pressed her hand against the cut to stop the bleeding. She washed the remaining remnants of the battle off of her skin and then went about finishing with shaving her legs.
"I don't see why I still have to bloody shave! These damned razors are every woman's enemy! Well that and having ones period. Thank heavens I don't have to deal with THAT anymore! I can't even begin to imagine having to buy tampons and pads for all eternity! That would rack up one hell of a bill! Guess that's one of the many upsides of being a vampire, I suppose." She'd ranted quietly to herself. Seras had been so immersed in her own thoughts, that she hadn't even noticed the pair of all too familiar red eyes that were watching her from her mirror.
The crimson orbs gave her a look of mischief and intrigue. The all powerful nosferatu, Alucard was exceedingly curious as to why his fledgling was taking a blade to her own skin. His biggest question though, was what was this… period she was talking about? Interested beyond point of reason, not that he necessarily had any reason to begin with. He took physical form in his fledglings bathroom and leaned against the wall directly in front of the glass shower.
The girl still seemed to be completely oblivious to his presence. She was engrossed in her personal little rant to herself about Periods, diets and shaving. She was so distracted by her own little world, until he cleared his throat to indicate his presence. Then the girl let out a high-pitch shriek, which was so loud that even Alucard's ears were ringing. The nosferatu has no idea how lucky he was, because if it hadn't been him, of all people, she would have used the removable showerhead and blasted him in the face!
Of course that didn't mean she hadn't reacted at all… Seras proceeded to attempt to tug her towel down roughly, which then caused her to loose her balance, and then she proceeded to slip on her soap which ended with her crashing down to the shower floor. The fledgling let out a groan of pain and rubbed the back of her head, while Alucard gazed down at her, his crimson eyes sparkled with amusement (no twilight pun intended).
"Was this little show deliberate or accidental? Because either way it was certainly hilarious" Seras glared at her master with narrowed eyes as she struggled to get back up onto her feet.
"GET OUT OF MY BATHROOM!" she snarled viciously, a blush of embarrassment covered her otherwise pale cheeks. Alucard frowned at his fledglings' tone of voice. Though he made no motion of leaving anytime soon, and if she honestly thought he was completely oblivious to her state of complete undress, then she was incorrect.
"I was simply curious as to why you would be using that blade to inflict pain upon yourself." Seras stared at him in utter disbelief. She sighed in exasperation and shook her head, forgetting for the moment that she was in all her glory. Holding up the pink plastic razor she showed him it,
"We women grow hair on our legs and underarms just like you men do, except we women don't like to be hairy as an ape so thus we shave those hairs off. So you see, I'm not inflicting pain deliberately, it's an unfortunately necessary evil." She spoke in a almost patronizing voice, which her master did not appreciate. Ignoring her blatant disrespect, Alucard simply nodded showing he understood, while taking a mental note to torture her later as punishment.
"And this 'Period' that you've been growling about… is it some sort of ultimate evil?" Seras's jaw dropped in horror and disbelief. She so didn't want to be the one to explain THAT to her master. Unfortunately, if she didn't he would almost definitely go ask Sir Integra, and that would not be pretty at all. As much as Alucard was a complete and utter pain in the ass, she didn't hate him so much as to wish a painful death upon him. Which was what the Hellsing would do if he so much as brought up the topic to the platinum blonde human.
Seras sighed in exasperation; this was not how she wanted to spend her evening! Then it dawned on her again that she was in the nude in front of her master. She shrieked again startling her master; she pelted her soaps and shampoos at him.
"GET OUT! YOU PERVERT! I'M COMPLETELY NAKED! DON'T COME INTO A LADIES BATHROOM WITHOUT PERMISSION!"
He dodged all of the items thrown, and Alucard smirked mischievously before vanishing into a swirl of jet black shadows. Seras was breathing deeply as though she was out of breath; from now on… she was bathing with a swimsuit on and keeping her inner thoughts to herself!
After she quickly finished up her shower, in fear that her master would return for a second bout of questioning, Seras let out an annoyed snarl. Even if her master was hot as all hell, it didn't give him the bloody right to barge into her bathroom! While she was in the shower! NAKED! She dried her strawberry blonde hair, and combed out any of the tangles it may have had. Her legs were shiny and smooth, her hair soft and silky, any traces of ghoul blood was gone.
Smiling to herself in pride, she wrapped her fluffy, soft black towel around her chest and opened the door to her room.
Only to fall back on her ass in fright, there right in front of her previously closed door, was Alucard. His arms were crossed and dark smirk played on his face.
"It appears as though my presence sweeps you right off your feet, eh Police Girl?" Seras glowers at him and stood back up, all the while adjusting her towel. For some odd reason, the way her master was looking at her made her feel as though she wasn't covered at all. She pushed past him in irritation, heading for her dresser. She snarled angrily over her shoulder at him,
"Shut up Master. What do you want?" He sat down on the chair by her table which had somehow been claimed as his over time, and kicked up his feet to rest on the wooden tabletop. His eyes lowered and his smirk faded to be replaced by a general lack of emotion,
"You never answered my last question." Seras could feel a throb begin in her temple, only Alucard could trigger a headache for her. She put on a cd by the American singer named 'Pink' that she'd stumbled upon a short while back. Not really paying attention to what was being sung, just using it to fill up the empty silence that she hated. As she dug through her slightly messy dresser, okay really messy dresser, Seras could feel her master's eyes boring into the back of her head.
It was rather grating sensation, and she wanted nothing more then to chuck the closest thing she could get her hands on at him. Seeing as it would have been a pair of underwear from her drawer… Seras decided against throwing anything. Once she'd picked out a decent enough outfit, she glared back at the nosferatu,
"Close your eyes master!" He gave her a rather bemused look, and that smirk was slowly returning once again,
"Why?" She felt her eyebrow twitch at the way he spoke that one word, with sickeningly false innocence,
"BECAUSE I WANT TO GET DRESSED!" she snarled at him yet again. Alucard let out a huff of irritation, and closed his eyes to indulge his fledgling. Not like he hadn't seen everything already, and it wasn't like he couldn't see anyways. The nosferatu watched through an extra eye that she hadn't seemed to notice. Seras pulled on her tight black shirt, and then after slipping on a pair of red panties to match her bra, she slid on her faded grey denim jeans. She turned around and glared at him while buttoning the top button of her pants.
"I know you were watching me." Seras sniped at him in irritation. Alucard gave a look of hurt reproach,
"I have no idea what you're talking about Police Girl." Seras rolled her eyes in exasperation, as she fixed her hair in the mirror. Scowling once again at the bruise on her left eye, she touched at it lightly with one finger. A small tinge of pain made her flinch slightly, and her master frowned. He knew that his fledgling could handle herself, didn't mean he wasn't territorial over her. All masters were. True children were like rare fleeting treasures. One didn't go out and create an army of them, only one or two over many centuries. Seras had been his first since the Hellsing had first enslaved him.
He made another mental note to find out who was responsible and see to it that they suffered. As she went get a pair of socks, he spoke once again,
"So, are you going to answer my question or not?" Seras blushed a brilliant shade red. She really didn't want to be the one to explain this to him. Her brain desperately tried to figure out an escape plan, but failed horribly. Letting out a sigh of defeat, she conceded,
"Erm, let's just say, a human female has something once a month for four days. In which blood comes out of them and it cleans their insides for the new month, if the woman is pregnant she doesn't have her period. During this time, a woman wears pads or tampons to soak up the blood. That's what a period is okay? You happy now? That's one of the more embarrassing subjects I'd rather never have to discuss with you ever again!"
When Seras finally got the guts to look at the expression on her masters face, she was surprised at what she saw. Alucard was giving a look that said 'that's all?' she stared in confusion at him.
"All you had to say was that it's the menstrual cycle. They had that back when I was mortal. Though, they must have changed the name of the many centuries." Seras froze in shock. She had had to explain that to him, even though he already knew! Her mind snapped,
"ARGH! YOU ARE SO BLOODY ANNOYING MASTER!" She yelled at him furiously. Alucard gave her a look of genuine confusion, though irritation at her continuous disrespect shimmered underneath it all.
"How am I annoying? Explain yourself." She snapped at him again,
"You just made a complete fool out me! I'm so bloody embarrassed!" she all but stomped her way back to her bathroom. Retrieving her concealer, even though she's a vampire and had no worries about wrinkles or acne, it helped with nasty bruises until they fully healed right. She returned to her bedroom, giving her master a dirty look that he returned with a silent dare to complain further in his own crimson eyes.
As she applied the concealer to her bright purple and blue bruise, she heard her master speak again. His voice was low and dangerous, with a barely concealed threat lingering within his sharp words,
"Whomever it was that did that, will be dealt with." She stilled in her movements, her eyes met his in the reflection of the mirror. Seras saw that he wasn't joking around, ordinarily she'd have chastised him for taking the macho man road. Typically she would have told him that she could take care of her own problems, but there was a look in those deep dark ruby gems. A look that made her nod in agreement silently.
Once she'd broken the connection of their eyes, Seras was able to gather her own thoughts again. A small smile crossed her lips, but it was quickly replaced by an evil smirk.
"Don't think I won't tell Integra that you barged into my bathroom, while I was in the shower, and asked me what a period was." She was entirely joking of course, there was no real intent behind it. When a sharp voice spoke from behind her, the fledgling would have said that her heart stopped, if it wasn't already dead.
"He did what?" The two vampires blinked before turning to where the voice had come from. Integra was standing in the doorway with an infuriated expression upon her face, as a folder was clenched in her fist. Alucard suppressed the overwhelming urge to whimper in fear at the terrifying look in his masters' eyes. Seras hadn't had any true intent to inform her masters master, but she enjoyed seeing her Master squirm.
"Absolutely nothing-" Alucard had started saying, but was cute off by his fledgling.
"He came into my bathroom, as I was taking a bloody shower! Asked me some of the most idiotic questions! Not too mention embarrassing! Asked me what a Period was!" The nosferatu shot Seras a threatening look, warning her to cease and desist. Integra's left eye was twitching, and her vein in her temple was puling like crazy. She was tempted to shot Alucard in the forehead with her pistol, even if it didn't kill him.
"Erm…it wasn't that terrible, sure it was horribly embarrassing, but please don't kill him Sir Integra." Seras felt a chill go down her spine. Integra smirked so evilly, it would have made Alucard proud if it didn't scare the shit out of him.
"No, I have an even better punishment for him. You get to do all the cleaning for Walter. For the entire week." Alucard leapt up in anger, his eyes flared dangerously, he snarled angrily,
"ME DO CHORES LIKE SOME COMMON SLAVE!" Integra met his rage with her own, and he immediately backed down. She fixed her glasses which had slid down just a bit.
"Either that… or I can think of something much, much, much worse for you." He flinched at the silent suggestions that oozed threateningly from her words. Shrugging in both indignation and defeat, he headed out to find Walter, all the while cursing about idiotic self-centered women.
TBC