"Oil Man and The 'Cursed' Book!" ("Orang Minyak dan Buku Sumpahan!", special story for Ellis97)
(Author's Notes: Last Friday Night, during the 1st episode premiere of Maharaja Lawak Mega 2017, I saw that the 'introduction performance' by JORAS (Joe, Rahim and Syuk) are hillarious! Why? Its 'horror house' joke touches 2 hottest issues, which is the 'fuel crisis' through 'oil man' (Orang Minyak; actually the 'oil man' is the fuel station attendant) and the negative reviews of Fattah Amin's new book, '99 Kata #Qalif_Moden' through the 'cursed book' (Buku Sumpahan; actually the 'cursed book' is the new book that I mention just now)! Seriously, my family and I laughed non-stop, 'cause the writer's girlfriend, Neelofa (the 4th judge) is just in front of them! So, I'll write this story to share the 'Sunday Fun' for all of you and I'm at Batu Caves, right now!).
(12:00 PM. Sunday, 19 February 2017):
One warm afternoon, Liz was waiting outside Jon's house, angrily! Well, she felt upset that Jon didn't open the door for her! But, she didn't know that they went to the donut shop earlier in the morning! Suddenly, Jon and Garfield returned with 'pot bellies' (they ate a lot of donuts just now) and Liz, who started to lose control of her patience, runs into them and attack them mercilessly!
"Where have you been just now? Don't you know that I've been waiting you for 2 hours?" asks Liz.
"Relax! Why are you feeling upset on me right now? Do you suspect me cheating?" replied Jon.
"Not about that! But, don't you know that we're supposed to have meetings now?" continued Liz.
"I'm sorry! We went to the donut shop just now! But, I forgot that you're waiting!" continued Jon.
"You have to inform me just now and forget about that... Let's continue inside!" continued Liz.
(Back at the inside):
"Well, I recently saw a BBC Future News about 'The Running Man' which predicted that 2017 is a year where oil supply becomes critical and distracts our life! What's your opinion, Liz?" asks Jon.
"I think I agree with you! Traffic jams need plenty fuel consumption for every car to survive at all freeways on evening peak hours everyday! Without it, we can't go working everyday!" replied Liz.
"It's true! And, do you hear the story about 'Orang Minyak' or 'Oil Man'? Well, they used to rape and impregnate virgin females before! But, now, they repent and becomes the best attendants of all fuel stations around the world that helped to save our fuel from shortages!" continued Jon.
Suddenly, the door bell rings and once Jon opens the door, he was shocked to see the 'Oil Man' of Petronas from Malaysia at the front and the 'Oil Man' offered 'full' or 'halfway' fuel for his car!
"Good afternoon! Do you want 'full' or 'halfway' Petronas Primax for your car?" asks the 'Oil Man'.
"No, thanks! My car's tank is still full. You can come again for the next time, brother!" replied Jon.
After that, the 'Oil Man' left Jon's house positively and heads to another house! Then, Jon enters inside and continued his 'hottest issues conversation' with Liz and Garfield, at their living room!
"Then, this week's 'International Entertainment' said that the new book written by a famous actor of Malaysia named 'Fattah Amin', titled '99 Kata-Kata Qalif Moden' or '99 Words of Modern Qalif', was heavily criticized with negative reviews from the netizen, due to its 'too expensive' prices of MYR 58 for Peninsular and MYR 65 for Borneo! Plus that the book was written in just 3 months, its writer's profession conflict and it is full of selfies with 'negative' life advices!" continued Jon.
"I feel sad for him! Because, his girlfriend, Neelofa, is one of my Facebook friends! Well, he just have released his new love song titled 'Wanita Terakhir' or 'The Last Woman', especially for her! And, they've also created the romantic plans, which is to be married in this year!" continued Liz.
Suddenly, the door bell rings and once Jon opens the door, he was shocked to see 'Herman the Postman', sending a wrapped gift, believed to be the 'Cursed Book', in fear, although that he's scared if Garfield suddenly attacked him! Fortunately, Garfield didn't come out and once Jon accepts the gift happily, Herman runs in fear and Jon wants to know about the mysterious gift!
"I've also heard that this is 'Buku Sumpahan' or the 'Cursed Book'! Let me see this!" said Jon.
Jon unwraps the gift and he felt shocked that it was the 'Cursed Book' that he means just now, titled '99 Kata-Kata Qalif Moden' by Fattah Amin! Later, he opens the page and found the lyrics of the writer's new song which is especially made for his best soulmate, Neelofa and his fans!
(Start of Song):
"Wanita Terakhir" by Fattah Amin;
Menjelang hari-hari bahagia kita
Ku bayang wajah indahmu bersamaku
Di sisiku kau ukir senyum manismu
Kau masih belum milik ku lagi...
Sambutlah cintaku duhai sayang
Cinta kita untuk selamanya
Biar ku sentuh hatimu ini sendiri...
Selamat malam, Wanita Terakhir
Tak mungkin ku akan temu seindah ini
Sampai bila ku harus menanti
Untuk kau menjadi milikku
Oh sayang
Sungguh sempurna
Tiada lain ku mahu
Sambutlah cintaku duhai sayang
Cinta kita untuk selamanya
Biar ku sentuh hatimu ini sendiri
Dan aku renangi lautan sepi
Menukil kembali bayang mu disini dalam pelukanku
Selamanya
Sambutlah cintaku duhai sayang
Cinta kita untuk selamanya
Biarku sentuh hatimu ini sendiri
Terimalah cinta ku
Ku impi bersamamu hingga ke syurga
Biar kita bahagia untuk selamanya abadi
Sambutlah cintaku duhai sayang
Cinta kita untuk selamanya
Biarku sentuh hatimu ini sendiri
Selamat malam, Wanita Terakhir
Tak mungkin ku kan temu seindah ini
Sampai bila harus ku menanti
Untuk kau menjadi milikku
(End of Song).
Once Jon was finished reading the lyrics, he felt angry, throwing it to the floor and became mad!
"Fattah Amin is a TRAITOR! S*T*N! LIAR! HYPOCRITE! MONKEY! CHICKEN! D*G and P*G! How could he sacrifice his acting career, just to write this 'rubbish' love song for Neelofa?" said Jon.
"Relax! Don't say like that to him... He's just wanted to express his love! Now, before I inject you, I think that you must shut up, as you have been cursing this new book right now!" adviced Liz.
"Okay, I got it! It is useless to curse this book since it was a foreign gift, I see!" continued Jon.
"Anyways, I hear that your basement is haunted since it keeps a dead man named 'Lyman' and is also believed to be your old roommate before... Is that true that you locked him there?" asks Liz.
"That is not true! He just left us, 34 years ago in 1983! Because, he wants to find a better work out there and didn't appear again since then! I'm swear that I never kill him before!" replied Jon.
"I don't believe it! Just now, I saw his briefcase near the basement and that the door was locked! If you don't believe that, let's follow me to the basement to see the proof now!" continued Liz.
(Near the basement):
"See? There is really his briefcase near the basement and that this door is locked! I think I'm correct to know that you've actually killed him in silence before our first meet, right?" asks Liz.
"I swear! I'm really innocent to kill him since before! Please, trust me! It is not true!" replied Jon.
Suddenly, the house started shaking as the shoe stomps started to be heard from the basement and that makes Liz to feel scared if Lyman suddenly pops up as the 'zombie' that ate them alive!
"I hope I'm wrong! Lyman must be changing his clothes to make a surprise for us!" continued Liz.
"I hope I'm correct! Lyman is the only friend that I have in Earth! I'll never kill him!" continued Jon.
After that, Lyman opens the door and makes Jon and Liz even more scared! Then, once Lyman is getting out of the basement, Jon and Liz started to scream in fear uncontrollably like children!
"LYMAN IS NOW A ZOMBIE! HE WILL EAT US ALIVE AND WE'LL DIE SOON!" said Jon and Liz.
"Hey! Since when I'm transformed into a zombie? I'm still alive, you children!" replied Lyman.
Then, Lyman is seen wearing a mermaid outfit with ugly makeup! Once Jon and Liz knew that Lyman is still alive and is just wearing the terrible outfit as 'pranks', they laughed uncontrollably!
"It's a long time since I see you for the last time on 19 June 1988 during Garfield's 10th birthday! Now that you have appeared again... Thanks for the best horror prank on us, Lyman!" said Jon.
"You're welcome! I think that the two of you are having too much fun on connecting hot issues with horror stories! First, you connect the 'fuel crisis' with 'Oil Man' and then, you connect the 'negative reviews of Fattah Amin's new book, 99 Kata-Kata Qalif Moden' with the 'Cursed Book'! Finally, you met me wearing the terrible mermaid outfit with ugly makeup!" continued Lyman.
"I'm sorry that you're making a quiet visit today! I though that you've been killed at the basement just now! Forgive me for accusing your best friend, als my boyfriend for killing you!" said Liz.
"I've forgiven the two of you! Next time, control yourselves on horror stories, okay?" asks Lyman.
"Okay! Now, let's have fun to cherish our Sunday spirit for today! Yahoo!" replied Jon and Liz.
-THE END!-