the color is blinding presents (existence).
Enjoy~
::
(existence)
"To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that's all." - Oscar Wilde
The first days are those that are the strangest for her. The first days she feels out of place, and awkward (like she should be back at home). She wishes that it could be like it used to (it'll never be like it used to) and that they could all be together without one feeling out of place.
She's the person who's always ignored (passed over in the background) when they all eat together. She never knows why (it's because she doesn't have a significant presence anymore) but she has to remind them (force them) that, hey, she's here too.
"Don't you remember me anymore?" she asks them occasionally (all the time). They laugh it off.
"Of course we do," they say. She laughs with them and knows that yes, they do remember her (they don't).
The first days she feels like never going out in public (does iCarly count as public?) with them anymore. There are those days that she wishes that they would move away, not out of Seattle though (she wishes they would go to Maine), and these are the days that she knows that her wishes are childish and silly (but she hopes that they're not).
She lets the first days pass, and hopes that maybe this would all work out (it doesn't) and then after a few weeks she hopes that maybe they would at least try to get a room (they don't) and then she hopes that maybe she could just ignore that part of them (she can't).
So she learns that it's not going to change (she wants it to), and she learns to be happy (on the outside).
School ends and they go off to college together and she goes off to college alone. She's okay (she's not) and wishes that maybe they won't get married (they will) and she wishes that maybe she would find love (she doesn't). College ends after a long time (she wished it had lasted longer)and then off she goes to get a job with a good salary (it was minimum wage).
A year after getting a job, she gets a card to a wedding and she goes happily (miserably) because they are her friends (not anymore). And she gives them a good gift (a microwave) and she gives them hugs (she doesn't want to), and then she goes off away to live her happy (miserable) life and she just knows that perhaps maybe (maybe not) she should get a boyfriend, and maybe live a little (isn't she already?).
But then she realizes that her life has passed – it's almost over (it hasn't even started) and that she better start living (wasn't she already?) for once. Then she realizes that no no no it won't work (right?)—
"I'm better off living alone," she knows (she doesn't).
But then one day everything she had known (she hadn't known anything) changed for the worse (for the better). She met a thoughtless (thoughtful), rude (considerate), unpleasant (comfortable) man who she absolutely hated (loved) and she wishes she had said no (she said yes yes yes yes yes finally she said yes) when he proposed after they were arguing (dating) for four years (it felt like barely any…)
And then, regretfully (perfectly) they had kids, and a house, and she got a raise and then she was tied to this man for life (why couldn't it be forever?). Her kids were ugly (gorgeous), unremarkable (extremely talented) and disobedient (they did whatever she asked).
And then one day (night) she grew up suddenly, and she was finally happy and she didn't second-guess herself, correct her thoughts, and she forgot about the past and her troubles and she loved her life and she loved her family, husband, and kids—
and instead of just existing, she lived.