So, it turns out that I've been giving a lot of thought to a particular line in "Maker Help Us All" that was little more than a passing thought to Alistair. Within the story he thinks to himself that the nightmares that come with the taint are a small price to pay in comparison to what could have happened that night atop Fort Drakon. Today I listened to a song named "Hurricane" by 30 Seconds to Mars and paired with my meandering mind on the subject I decided to go a bit darkside.
Thank you, Bioware…as it's all yours!
"No matter how many deaths that I die, I will never forget. No matter how many lives that I live I will never regret. There is a fire inside of this heart and a riot about to explode in flames. Where is your God? Where is your God? Where is your God?" –Hurricane 30 Seconds to Mars
He knew she planned on making the final blow, had even insisted on it the night before to their fellow warden, but it couldn't happen. He wouldn't let it happen. He had backed down from a great number of things in his life…taking the lead of their party, taking the first steps in their relationship, becoming king to preserve the Theirin line on the throne but this was different. This was the woman that he loved and Maker be damned if he was going to let her end her life. This was his responsibility as the senior warden…this WAS the duty that could not be forsworn. This was his purpose.
He let his eyes wander over her. She was sweating and panting, leaned against Duncan's sword covered in blood and filth. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever laid eyes on and he had known that the first day he had ever met her. He took a deep breath and steeled his resolve. Alyssan Cousland would not meet the Maker this night...of that he was certain.
She could see it in the way his features hardened when their eyes met. He fully intended to take the final blow on the Archdemon, sacrificing himself for the greater good. She felt his intention wash over her like a bucket of ice cold water. This could not be, no matter what he was thinking. She knew it was selfish to feel the way she did, but she would not survive his death on top of the still raw loss of her family. It would be unthinkable to continue on in his absence, and that she could not tolerate.
She felt bitter as she thought back to a conversation with Wynne in which the older woman had hinted to her that their relationship might be a bad idea. She had said that Grey Wardens could not be selfish and that one day she may have to choose between her love and her duty. As much as the idea pained her, the time to make that choice was upon her. This was her duty as a warden and a Cousland. Alistair Theirin would live even though it would take her last breath to assure that happened.
"Alyssan," he began in a resolute tone, "As Senior Warden of the Grey Wardens of Ferelden I order you to lay aside your sword and not attempt to help me in any way as I carry out my duty."
She closed her emerald eyes and he watched as a single tear slid down the grime covered curve of her cheek. His heart was breaking and his resolve was steadily slipping away as he embraced her for the last time.
"This is my task, my duty." He stated in a wavering voice as his own tears began to fall. He stepped back and lifted her face brushing the tears away with his thumb. "I love you more than life and a world deprived of you would be a sorry one, indeed."
Her shaking hand gripped his face as she stared into his eyes. She pulled his face to hers and pushed all of her love and desire into the final kiss that they would share. "We will be united again in the Maker's sight, Alistair. I love you as I've never loved anyone before and will never again. You know that, right?" she asked tears still escaping the fringe of her dark lashes.
"Of course, my love." He whispered, letting his hands fall to his side. A new kind of pain had settled in his heart and it now threatened to consume him. He knew he had to do this quickly or he would fail.
"I love you and I pray that you will forgive me for what I'm about to do," she said quietly as she lashed out with her blade.
Alistair's eyes rolled back into his head as the pommel of her sword hit its mark. His body crumpled to the stone of the tower and with a final look at him she turned toward the Archdemon. She nodded as she passed Zevran and Wynne, who both looked battle-worn and miserable. There was nothing to stand in her way now. She approached the massive dragon's head, the only proof that it still lived was the slight movement of its scaled nostrils as it drew shallow breaths. Positioning Duncan's sword right between its hellish eyes she gave one last glance to her comrades. Wynne let out a sob and Zevran gave her a tight-lipped nod though the sorrow in his eyes was clear. Alistair began moving slowly and she knew that it was time.
Alistair came to with a grunt of pain. He shook his head in an attempt to clear his vision wondering what in Andraste's name had just happened. His eyes landed on the sobbing Wynne and the Antivan elf. He followed the grim-faced elf's line of vision and what he saw made his blood turn into ice-shards in his veins. Alyssan was standing at the Archdemon's head; her sword poised to make the final strike.
Her war-cry was fierce. "For Ferelden! For the Grey Wardens!" She screamed in rage as she brought the sword down with crushing force.
Alistair shrieked in torment as they were all devoured by the white light. It stole their breath and threw them from their feet as the Old God's soul was released from its fleshy fetters and burst forth only to be contained again within the warden. It was over in an instant and then there was only silence and darkness.
It had been exactly one year since the slaying of the Archdemon and it had all passed in an unclear haze for him. Not four months after its death and her passing Weisshaupt Fortress had sent a representative to inform him that they wanted him to take the post of Warden Commander in Ferelden. He had been enraged and thought to turn it down initially before he realized it's what she would have wanted him to do. He had relished the thought of throwing himself into the work and keeping his mind too busy to question all of the things that he should have done that night. It worked for him for the most part until he settled down for the day. It was those times, like now, that he could not keep her emerald eyes and perfect smile out of his head. Now that he was standing on a windswept battlement in Highever it struck home more than ever.
Leliana placed her delicate hand on his shoulder to pull him from his thoughts. He was lost in them far too often and at times she feared that he'd never find his way back. "Alistair," she said softly, "come…Fergus and I have something that we would like to share with you."
He only nodded in reply, letting the pretty Orlesian lead him back into the castle. They found the Teryn of Highever waiting for them at the door. He led them through the courtyard and out of the castle gates in silence. Alistair wondered where they were taking him but he didn't bother questioning them. They knew as well as he that this trip was going to test his heart and mind. When he had first received the invitation from the Teryn he had found that his palms were sweating just from the sight of the Highever seal on the parchment, but he hadn't refused. It was time for him to face her memory head on if he was ever going to be capable of forgiving himself.
He kept his eyes on the ground as he followed them up the gently sloping cliff appreciating the feel of the moist sea air on his face. When he looked up he saw them there, glinting in the afternoon sun. They seemed to radiate a warm glow as they stood side by side near the cliff's edge overlooking the sea.
His mouth agape, he rushed forward until he stood nearly toe to toe with Duncan. He was dressed in his unusual armor and wore the same fatherly facial expression that he had been given a hundred times before. Alistair half expected him to admonish him for riling up mages. He smiled at the flippant thought before stepping over to Alyssan.
She stood tall and proud before him in her leathers as always, and wore a content look that gave him an overwhelming feeling of peace. Her tousled lock hung just past her shoulders as he remembered them and looked radiant in the warm glow of the sun. He gingerly reached up and touched the perfect curve of her cheek as a tear slid down his face. She was beautiful, as always.
He turned to Leliana and Fergus, the look of reverence still etched across his handsome face. "How in all of Thedas did you…" he began but lost the words as he stared at the smiling couple.
"I had them commissioned six months ago." Fergus stated simply as he gave the Warden Commander a sad smile.
"And I had talked with Alyssan in great detail about your Duncan after she mentioned that you planned to put something in his honor here at Highever," Leliana said softly as she took Alistair's hand into hers. "I thought that you might have liked them to be here together."
Alistair sighed as he glanced back to the two perfectly carved monuments. It was then that he noticed the small plaque between them on the ground. The Grey Warden in him reveled as he read the words aloud…
"Join us, brothers and sisters. Join us in the shadows where we stand vigilant. Join us as we carry the duty that cannot be forsworn. And should you perish, know that your sacrifice will not be forgotten…and that one day, we shall join you."