A/N: People have been misunderstanding the point of this poem ever since I first posted it. I think the problem is contextual; all of my friends understand it well enough. So I thought maybe for this site I should explain that it's not intended as a serious poem of praise. (I would have thought maybe the "humor/parody" genre might have been a clue, but oh well.) It's more of a satire of all the cheesy Christian music that basically treats praise songs as love songs -- like they said on that Simpsons episode, "you just change 'Jesus' to 'Baby'." One gets the idea that God is some sort of big, endearing marshmallow. Thus, the syrupy (and obvious) rhymes, the poppy meter, and especially, at the end where I referenced a Jewel song, a Ben E. King song, and an Eric Clapton song -- all secular love songs.
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"God is My Girlfriend"
God is my girlfriend
You've heard this one before
I am the one who He adores
My beautiful buddy
My sugar daddy
I'm everything to Him, and more.
God is my girlfriend
And man, he's the best
Don't think he'd ever be a pest
By calling too much
Or getting angry with me
When He's with me I feel so blessed.
God is my girlfriend
Love me tender, love me sweet
Give me daily bread to eat
Take your hair and wash my feet
And don't forget the dishes, next.
God is good
God is love
God is angels, rainbows, doves.
God is gentle
God's alright
God would never start a fight
Or end one, for that matter
He minds His own business, generally speaking.
We could all stand to learn a lesson from that.
Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Whoa-oh, Jupiter
Stand by me
Stand by me
Stand by me