Title: All That Never Was (Working title)
Chapter: 1 / 4 (?)
Characters: Rufus, Lazard
Rating: PG
Genre: Drama, Family
Summary: In the wake of Midgar's destruction, Rufus remembers a brother that was never truly his.
Disclaimer: I do not own Final Fantasy VII, Crisis Core, Advent's Children, Before Crisis or Dirge of Cerberus, nor do I make any profits due to them.
The gulls won't let him sleep. The man can hear them in the distance, their voices shrill and angry.
His hospital bed is cheap. The blanket covering him smells faintly of mildew, sour and bitter all at once. It's moth-eaten, speckled with tiny holes, letting in thin tendrils of icy air which dance and tease his bandages, aggravating the ragged flesh beneath.
The mattress that holds him is ancient but at least it's warm. The springs didn't even bother to put up a fight simply having let his weight sink down into its depths. There it cradles him ever so gently as if he were little more than a thing of glass, a figurine in human form.
Here, I should be able to rest, he thinks lying there. It all he wants.
But the gulls call. And his eyes open. And he is denied.
The room is dark.
The door, far from where he lies, has a fuzzy, indistinct presence. Its outline is barely noticeable, making them seem more like the idea of a door rather than the real thing.
He can hear the soft beeping of a heart monitor nearby, its rhythm steady and strong. But wrapped in velvet blackness it seems such a trivial thing, little more than a whisper.
The gulls scream.
He was five and the ShinRa building was really, really, really big.
He was trying to hide from Miyuki. She was really cool since she was a Turk and had lots of guns, even if she was an old one. (She's got grey hair and he's only seen one other Turk like that.) Turks are supposed to be really good at finding people and things so it would be really cool if he succeeded in hiding.
The ShinRa building was really, really, really, really big. Too bad there was no good place to hide.
He was currently in the stairwell at the fifty-first floor, sitting on the first upward step.
No one ever uses the stairs but it was still a bad hiding place. It was way too boring. All there was to see is grey concrete stairs going up and up and down and down. Maybe the occasional broom. Really boring.
He figures a good hiding place should be interesting but there was nowhere else. He couldn't leave. There were people everywhere and they all knew him. This wasn't the first time Father had taken him to work; he liked showing Rufus to the workers. Rufus was always supposed to smile and be nice.
Smile Rufus. Make sure they always see you smiling.
If they saw him by himself, they'd him give candy and presents and tell him how cute and special he is, then they'd drag him back to Father. They pretended to care.
They didn't—
A high pitched wail ripped through the air, the sound of rusty metal. With that, the gigantic door labled '51' partially opened. A figure begins to emerge. Both his arms were filled to with files, rendering them useless for holding the door open. So the figure kicked it open with a foot, and then, while the door was still open, dashed into the stairwell
And into Rufus.
The boy never stood a chance. Files flew in all directions and Rufus was kicked off his makeshift throne, landing hard on the concrete, and before he can stop it, he let out an indignant squeak.
That sounded really stupid. No! That wasn't his fault. It wasn't. The other guy's the one who did it.
He pushed himself to feet, sucked in his stomach and drew himself to his full three foot and one inch height (He made Miyuki measure him that morning.) and was about to glare at his assaulter.
He stopped.
The other guy was just a teenager. Thin and lanky, he wore a fuzzy brown suit that was way too big for him. At his waist, a belt was tightly cinched up, creating large waves in the fabric of the pants. Meanwhile, the arms and legs of the outfit rolled up multiple times; even then, the pants still dragged on the floor covering his feet. His hair was cropped close to his head, only a thin fuzz of blonde remaining.
Weird.
Their eyes were almost the exact same blue.
"Who are you?" Rufus demanded. He never saw any other kids in the building except the SOLDIER cadets but this teen wasn't wearing any uniform.
The new arrival wasn't really paying attention. He'd been knocked to the ground as well. He quickly brushed dust of the seat and knees of his ugly suit, rubbed his hands; then, he eyed the scattered files, grumbling quietly, rescuing one that was on the edge of falling down the hole between the staircases.
"Who are you?" Rufus said again, raising his voice. He should pay attention.
The teenager looked over his shoulder at him, almost lazily. He paused when he saw Rufus and all at once, his face tightened, his every feature frozen. "Lazard," he whispered.
It seemed like he was waiting for something, his gaze boring into the younger boy. As to what, Rufus had no clue and after a few moments, the teen said: "My name is Lazard Deusericus. " He drew out the syllables out of the last word, pronouncing each one clearly and precisely.
Rufus wasn't really what he was supposed to do. Father wouldn't like that. You always had to know what you had to do. If you didn't you were stupid and stupid people were losers.
Losers were the worst.
Eventually he settled on something.
"Okay," Rufus said. "Whatcha doing?"
"Pardon?"
"Why are you here?" Rufus elaborated generously.
"Does it matter?"
"Yeah. You have to answer me. Because if you don't, you're being rude." He HAD to. Nobody was allowed to be rude to a ShinRa.
"I work here."
Lazard was glowering down at him now. Though frankly, Rufus wasn't too impressed. Miyuki was a lot scarier than him when she angry. Besides he wasn't allowed to hurt Rufus. Nobody could. Nobody except Father.
"You can't work here."
"Pardon?"
"Everyone here wears proper suits," Rufus stated airily and watched curiously as the skin on Lazard's face tightened even more. "Yours isn't proper." He wondered if it tightened even more, would it rip?
He eyed the older boy's face for signs of tears. There were small reddish patches on his cheeks and an even larger one covering most of his neck, but his skin was disappointingly intact. Boring.
Rufus was even more disappointed when the teenager stiffly turned his back and begin retrieve the other files from the floor.
"Your suit's ugly."
Lazard grabbed few errant papers, squinting at the writing on them. Rufus rather thought it made him look like he needed to use the bathroom.
"It's the colour of poop."
Lazard put the papers in a red folder.
"It doesn't even fit and it's old."
Lazard stacked the files and carefully picked them up.
"I'm going to have a real suit one day and it's going to the best one in the world." No one would have as suit like his. No one.
"Excuse me. You are in my way."
He looked up to see Lazard towering over him, files neatly in hand. His face was entirely blank.
"Okay." Rufus stepped to side.
Lazard gave him a short, crisp nod, then proceeded up the stairs. He hadn't even looked at the younger boy.
Rufus stood there and craned his head backwards, watching as the figure climb upwards circle upwards into the seemingly endless stairwell, bit by bit becoming smaller and smaller and smaller.
It wasn't right.
Before he knew it, his legs were moving and he was running up and up and up, until Lazard was right there, his really ugly suit clearly visible.
"Wait," Rufus squeaked.
"What is it now?" Lazard said, voice as tight as his face had once been.
"Uh, uh, uh…."
"What is it?" Lazard demanded, voice as tight as his face had once been.
"Uhhhm…" What was he supposed to say? "You told me your name, but I never told you mine." He stretched his right hand out and up towards the older boy. "I'm Rufus... I mean I am Rufus ShinRa."
"I know," the older boy said hesitantly.
Rufus' hand hung in the air for quite a while. It was getting tiring and his arm shook a little. Wasn't Lazard going to shake it? He was looking at his arm as if it was bad or something. Did he do something wrong?
Finally, the older boy shuffled his files to one hand and they shook. Rufus' hand seemed very little when surrounded by the older boy's. Lazard's hand was kinda sweaty making it a little gross, but for the most part, he didn't mind.
Rufus examined the older boy and realised he was smiling, just a little. So Rufus smiled back. It wasn't even hard. It happened all by itself. It wasn't like when Father told him to do it. It was easy.
It was then he realised that Lazard had blue eyes, just like him.
"Well, I've gotta go, Rufus ShinRa.— Unlike you, I've got to earn my suit."
That…. That. Was. Not. Right.
"Hey! I can do it. I can earn my suit! I can do anything!" The glare that Rufus stopped earlier came back in full force.
And all Lazard did was laugh and laugh. And he was still smiling. Big, bright and wide.
"I can. I can." Rufus yelled. His chest was tight. His fists were balled at his sides.
And when at last Lazard stopped, he looked down at Rufus and said something that made it even worse.
"Of course you can."
Because everyone pretended to care about Rufus and they never did.
His eyes were wet.
In the midst of tears, Lazard's form became blurry and twisted as if he's turned into one big monster.
And that was right and true. Because Lazard was a monster.
He was. He was. He was.
And it hurt. And it was wrong and bad and horrible. And all Rufus could do was watch as the monster reached for him. One terrible claw slowly coming for him…
…only to be met by navy blue.
Miyuki was standing in between them. Short and stout and solid. Her hard brown eyes focussed firmly on Lazard and stayed there for a long time, before turning themselves on Rufus, carefully scanning him from head to toe.
"Rufus, your father is expecting you," she said, her voice expressionless.
So Rufus went with her.
She didn't take his hand.
She didn't hug him.
She didn't tell him it was all going to be alright.
She didn't pretend and he was glad.
To be continued…