A/N: I'm sorry
She remembers the night they first met, how could she forget? It's with astounding clarity she recalls the way the blonde's laughter had reached her ears all the way from the other side of the room amidst the loud pulsing music and partying teens. She had spent the night sneaking glances at her, the social butterfly dancing and twirling, utterly enchanting anyone in the near vicinity. It was hours later just shy of midnight when she had finally locked eyes with the object of her infatuation. After that it was a matter of shared glances that had her hung in delicate suspense. She never approached the blonde nor did the blonde approach her, it wasn't from lack of courage. It was almost a strange game they were playing, always on opposite sides of the room just out of reach, she didn't even know her name but that was to be expected when sneaking into a party she had not been invited to.
Sixteen year old Alex Vause was caught hook line and sinker, and she didn't even know her name.
Her parents wouldn't approve, it'd have to be a secret. That was one of the first things Piper had told her after they'd shared their first kiss. Alex at seventeen however craved anything with even the slightest whiff of rebellion. There was an eight foot chain-link fence bordering the backyard of the Chapmans residence, easy enough for Alex to scale and be let in through the back door by a beaming Piper.
She remembers their first time, of course she does, she remembers everything about the girl that stole her heart. Her parents had been hosting some sort of dinner party and Piper had feigned sickness in order to be excused early. She remembers the call she got from Piper wanting, needing to see her. The remarks about grades and college choices finally weighing down on the blonde.
She had had to climb through the window to Pipers room to avoid detection, she even has a scar to prove it, a long jagged swirl on the inside of her forearm. She remembers the feel of Piper's lips laying feather light kisses to the cut after patching her up.
She remembers the howling wind and blades of moonlight cutting through the sheer the curtains illuminating Piper's body as she fell oh so gracefully out of her clothes. In that moment she believed in angels. She remembers professing her love for the blonde her voice a strained whisper, the the words making their way up from her heart and out of her mouth, Piper had smiled before returning the sentiment with a kiss.
They never stopped saying it after that moment.
Countess nights were spent with fingers intertwined, bodies slick with sweat foolishly dreaming up futures that just weren't meant to be.
It started in July, the unanswered calls, the unexplained disappearances, the explosive arguments triggered by almost anything. She could feel Piper slowly slipping away from her, there was always an excuse as to why she couldn't come over, always a reason why she didn't want to be touched.
After almost a month of this, Alex fuelled by desperation for answers had climbed through Piper's window while everyone was out. She remembers waiting in Piper's room for hours and then Piper opening the door and immediately bursting into tears at seeing Alex stood there hands shoved nervously into her jeans pockets. She remembers Piper falling into her arms crying without any explanation, the repeated apologies, her hands balled into fists beating against Alex's leather jacket as she cried out about the unfairness of it all, Alex doesn't remember ever being so terrified.
It was the next morning after Piper had finally fallen into a fitful sleep exhausting herself with her tears that Alex had finally found out why.
It ripped ground out from beneath her.
Left her world in shambles.
She doesn't remember much about when Piper told her, her brain short circuiting as soon as she had heard it.
Cancer.
She wasn't going to get better.
Her girlfriend was going to die, and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
Who would have thought, the time they had left could be counted on their fingertips. She doesn't remember much about when Piper told her but she remembers her girlfriend's arms warm and familiar holding her tightly telling her she loved her over and over and over.
Piper had started giggling, all of a sudden she was clutching her sides with wild laugher tears leaking out of the corner of her eyes. She said that she could finally introduce her to her parents because they wouldn't kill her now. It was morbid and horrible but suddenly Alex found herself laughing as well, hysterical laugher the type born from pain and exhaustion.
She spent every single night with her from then on, nights spent lost in each other, crying, laughing. But all of it with her, all of it etched into her memory.
On her nineteenth birthday Piper gave her a locket, her voice was strained as she told her not to open it until she was gone. It contained the words she now has tattooed on her. A piece of Piper she'll carry to her grave, a short phrase three words just fifteen letters that has helped her through the darkest loneliness nights, a phrase she's repeated almost religiously.
'Keep breathing Al' it was signed with a simple x
Keep breathing,
Keep breathing,
Just keep breathing.
She's sat in a field alone with a bottle of some sort of vodka mixer, Piper had always favoured tequila but she'd always found it too bitter and earthy. Alex takes a swig from the bottle tracing the words tattooed over the scar on her forearm.
She'd turned twenty today, four years since she first laid eyes on Piper at that party that seems like a lifetime away. Just over a year since the love of her life became a memory.
She takes another swig "Here's to the memories Pipes"
Whoever said that hurt fades with time lied because it doesn't. That feeling that you've had a piece of yourself ripped from your chest never fades, the hurt doesn't go, but you slowly get used to it, you become accustomed to living with the pain.
She takes another swig a sad sort of grimace smile on her face
"Keep breathing"
A/N: This was very spontaneous so I hope it doesn't suck. I know it jumps forward a lot time wise so i hope it isn't confusing.
My other 2 fics are on temporary hiatus (sorry about that)