Disclaimer: I don't own Marvel Comics trademarks, Elder Scrolls, Final Fantasy, Dragon Age, or any of their related characters. This is just for my own enjoyment and the potential enjoyment of other comic and game junkies like me, and no monetary gain was expected or received.

Rating: T+

Spoilers: None for the MCU, a few for 616. A few spoilers for Oblivion and Skyrim. Many for Final Fantasy XII, a few for other later titles, probably none or few for earlier titles. Few spoilers for Dragon Age titles.

A/N: This takes place in Loki and Thor's adolescent (for a god) years, when they were still more or less thoroughly friendly towards each other and inclined to adventure with each other. Loki looks about fifteen, Thor looks about seventeen. The conceit is that they've been whisked away from Odinhall to a strange new land by an unknown entity who is, as you shall soon determine, one of the Daedric Princes from the Elder Scrolls. A note about their speech; this more or less the way they've traditionally spoken in the comics universe, and since this is set before modern day, I felt it was appropriate even though I'm mixing comics with the MCU. It's a difficult idiom to stick with and I got a bit carried away because it's fun as fuck.

Chapter One: Stark Reality

Loki Odinson was a young man used to strange circumstances. He often created them, for you see, he was a god. The god, actually, at least as far as mischief was concerned. There were other gods dedicated to deceit, pandemonium, illusion, charm, revelry… he was all of that, mixed with as much fun as he could throw in. So waking up naked in a fountain in a completely strange plaza wasn't all that out of the ordinary for him, even at his tender (for a god) age. Not being able to remember any reason for it was, however, moderately alarming.

A chorus of female giggles alerted him to the presence of onlookers. Not good. Well, depending… no, not good. Not good at all. His body seemed surprisingly noncompliant as he struggled to move in the chill waters.

"The dark one wakes," a young voice said, amusement dripping from her words. "He is very handsome, yes?"

"You may have the dark one," another young woman said. "I shall take for myself the blond. A more seasoned figure."

The blond. That meant he wasn't in this mess alone. And who else could it be but the load-and-a-half, his older brother Thor? With great effort, he managed to twist himself onto all fours. His brother's shaggy head lay nearby. He grabbed it and shook it. Thor grumbled but didn't waken.

"Brother, wake up! Girls are staring at us in our glory!" he hissed, sotto voce, but Thor remained unconscious. One of the girls made an animal noise in her throat and the others laughed. Frustrated, Loki grabbed his brother around the neck and heaved. He was slight, and Thor was mighty, but he was still a god, and far stronger than he looked. Thor bumped over the tilework after him as he scrambled for cover with his brother in tow. The girls' laughter followed after, but thankfully they did not give chase.

The rough ride served to wake Thor, who sat on the cobbles of the alley rubbing his rump and wincing. "Ah, brother! My limbs feel as though they weigh thousands of tons!" he said.

"I sympathize, brother, but it passes quickly enough," Loki said. "Of more pressing import is our nakedness."

Thor dropped his hands heavily to his sides and stared hard at his younger brother. "Why are we naked, brother mine?"

"I don't know, brother dear. I don't even know where we are."

"So… wait… thee didn't do this to us?" Thor asked. He looked and sounded confused. Maybe a little dismayed.

"Not to my knowledge."

"So this… is not… one of thy pranks."

"If it were, I'd be laughing. Carefully note, I am not laughing."

"Pinky swear?"

Loki sighed. "Look, either thou believest me or nay. Either way, we're somewhere I don't know the name of, with no gold, no possessions, and no clothes. I don't know about thou, but I callest that a state of emergency."

Thor looked down at himself, then back at his brother. "How are we going to rectify this situation? Canst thee 'illusion' us some clothes?"

"'Twill be better than nothing, but it won't keep us from pneumonia," Loki said.

"Well, go ahead then," Thor said.

"I just did," Loki said, face grim. "Nothing happened. 'Tis not the first time I've wakened in a strange place with no powers. Canst thou call the lightning?"

"I don't have mjolnir."

"Thou can call the lightning without mjolnir."

"Not well."

"Try."

"If it works, I might hitest some innocent."

"That never bothered thee when it was me."

Thor paused. "That was long ago, brother. I was a child, I… did not understand."

Loki hung his head. "I know. I am… sorry to raiseth the subject."

"Instead of railing at each other, we need to find clothes, fast," Thor said. "I… suppose that means we shall have to… stealeth something. For now."

"It would be difficult to walketh naked to a stranger's door and beg for garments," Loki agreed. "Stay put. I shall return forthwith."

Thor hid himself in an alcove behind some stonework and Loki swiftly scampered off down the alley towards what looked like a residential street beyond. His brother could move swifter than the wind, so Thor didn't worry too much about his being seen. In a matter of a few moments he was back, dressed in bulky plain weave garb and carrying similar.

"Best I could find. Hurry up and dress. There is a distressing number of armored guardsmen on the streets," Loki said.

"What for is the aperture in the back of the trousers?" Thor asked, holding up the garment.

"'Tis for the tail. Sorry, but the humans here all seem deplorably diminutive."

Thor put the trousers down. "What kind of creature wore these breeches, brother?" he asked.

"Some sort of two-legged, wingless dragon beast," Loki said. "Don't be hair-shirted brother. Just wear them."

"Just curious," Thor said, sighing and slipping on the trousers. It really was no time to be particular. Loki had probably taken them off a line, so they were likely clean, which was all that really mattered. Even that was a debatable necessity when you were stark naked on a strange city street.

"Well, I suppose the first thing to do would be to find out where we are," Loki said. "As inconspicuously as possible, so we don't look too insane."

"So what dost we do?" Thor asked.

"Well… leave it to me," Loki said. "Come on."

Loki led Thor onto a wide market street teeming with midday marketers. He stopped a random passerby, a young blonde-haired human woman over a foot shorter than the brothers, and smiled at her.

"Prithee, fair maiden, couldst thou pardon us for a moment? My brother and I are quite new in the area and I'm afraid we've gotten ourselves quite lost. Couldst thou tell us, please, where we are?"

"Rabanastre," she said, wide-eyed.

"Oh, we knowest that, ma'am, but what part? Couldst thou direct us to the… oh, what was it called? The… South Way Inn?"

"You mean the Sandsea Inn?" she said. "Oh, that's just up the street here, on your left. Can't miss it, it's got the patio dining out front."

"Oh, thankest thee, ma'am! Thou truly art a lifesaver, truly!" Loki said, as she went on her way. He turned back to Thor. "Rabanastre. I have never heard aught of it, have you?"

"No. Which leads to the question, how did we get here? Father?"

"I would be willing to bet on it. He thinks we need more training. Together, for a change."

"Well, it shall be more fun than all the times he hath dumped me off on my own," Thor said.

"I wonder why he took our clothes," Loki said. "He hath never done that, before. Well, he did, but always did he put me in something else."

"Yes, me also. This was a pretty dirty trick, coming from father," Thor said.

"It is maybe a little out of character. Could have been one of his enemies, I suppose," Loki said, with a worried look.

"Powerful enough to take us both right out of Odinhall? I findeth that hard to believe," Thor said.

"Thou hath the right of it. It had to be father," Loki said, but he still looked worried.

Thor put his arm around his shoulders. "Brother, we shall be fine. This is just another test we shall pass with flying colors."

"Of course," Loki said, relaxing. "It's just there was something strange in the way I felt when I woke up. Weak. Heavy. Oft have I felt groggy upon awakening embarked on one of father's quests of self-betterment, but never in quite that way."

"Aye, brother, I felt it, too. But surely it means nothing."

"I suppose. Come, let us… let us find staples. We need coin. To get that we shall either have to steal or work."

"I vote for work," Thor said.

"Thou wouldst."

"So what dost we do? Just start asking people if they have chores for us?" Thor asked.

"I say we go to this Sandsea Inn and ask there. That should be the kind of place where people looking for help hang out."

"How didst thou know that place existed?" Thor asked. "'South Way Inn?'"

"A calculated risk. I took a chance that there was an inn in this pestilent city that started with an S."

"And if there hadst not been?"

"I would've punted."

They headed down the street in the direction the woman pointed and in a matter of moments they were ploughed over by an elderly gentleman in fine, if eccentric, garb who had clearly started drinking early today.

"Oh, sorry, sorry, lads, sorry," he slurred, wobbling from one to the other. "Oh, you're good lads, you are! Good lads, the both a' ye!" And he clapped them on the shoulders and reeled off down the street.

"If we had anything at all to steal, I should say to check thy pockets, brother," Thor said, watching him go.

"Do it anyway, brother," Loki said, drawing a small book from his pocket that certainly hadn't been there before. Black leather bound, in gold leaf on the cover it said "Loki of Asgard."

"Where didst thou get that?" Thor asked.

"I do not know, brother, just check thy pockets," Loki said. Thor looked, and sure enough, a light tan-leather copy emblazoned with "Thor of Asgard."

Loki opened his. "'Tis… 'tis a list of abilities, magicks, skills and strengths. I do not understand."

"Mine is the same," Thor said, flipping his open. "'Tis strange."

Oh now, boys, it isn't that hard to understand, is it? It was the drunk's voice, in their heads this time. It's a progress tracker. Status bars next to each skill will fill as you gain experience in these areas, and when the bar fills up completely, you've gained a level in that skill and grown stronger in it! Gain enough levels in enough skills, and you gain a level as a person and grow stronger as a being! Simple as a pimple!

"That's an… odd way of… educating yourself…" Loki said. "Odd but… strangely tantalizing."

"Who art thou?" Thor said. "Why dost thou toy with us?"

Think of me as a second cousin thrice removed. Violently. Suffice to say I wish no harm to either of ya. I only want you to live an' grow an' have a little fun doin' it. Now don't lose these books, or you'll lose your ability to level. They'll also keep track of your kills and information about the creatures and foes you've encountered. Handy, ain't they? Now off ya go. Get acquainted with the world. You can both learn everything if ya want, but I'd wager you're better off specializin'. Loki can do the fine-motor skills stuff, and Thor can do the heavy liftin'.

"What, I do not have fine motor skills?" Thor said.

"I can lift fifty tons!" Loki said.

Not what I meant, boys! Aw, you work it out your own selves. I'm done with ya! And the voice silenced completely and utterly.

"I think we are in error, brother…" Loki said.

"How so?" Thor said.

"We should have kept our silence and let the voice speak. Now who knows if he will ever even take us from this place and return us to Asgard. He seems capricious to me."

"He never did say exactly how we are to get him to do that, did he?" Thor said, brow furrowed.

"No, he did not. I assume by learning the skills in these books and having whatever adventure comes our way here in this Rabanastre. There is probably some great trouble bubbling just under the surface of this peaceful-looking city. Awful lot of armored guards, after all."

"He would never just abandon us here, would he?" Thor asked.

"We have established that it was not father who brought us but a completely unknown entity. I think it is fair to say we cannot well judge his motives and actions at all."

They headed for the Inn and went inside. They sat at the bar and Thor asked the barkeeper whether there was any work available in town for two strong lads. The tavernmaster looked at them in their shabby stolen garb with gimlet eyes as he wiped down a glass.

"If you want to sit at the bar or in the dining area, you've got to at least buy a drink," he said.

"We have no-" Thor started to say, but Loki cut him off.

"How much for two cups of coffee?"

"Ten gil."

Loki looked to his left, where sat a heavy-set little man with violently red hair. He tossed a handful of silver coins onto the bar. "Willst this cover it?"

The bartender counted out ten and pushed the rest back. "Two cups of coffee, coming up," he said.

"Loki, where didst thou get that?" Thor said in a low whisper.

"Never thou mind. But my pickpocketing skill wentst up nicely," he said, showing his book.

"That's not a skill thou shouldst be working on!" Thor said.

"Be quiet! We needed the money, didst we not? Now we canst sit here and find 'honest' work."

The barkeep brought them their coffee and they sipped it for a moment in silence. Then, a man with a goatee and sun-kissed auburn hair strode purposefully up to Loki's side and elbowed his way in between him and the red-haired man.

"Hello, lads," he said. It wasn't the same voice as the one they'd heard in their head, but it was a similar accent. "I can't help but notice that you two seem a wee bit short on ready cash. I can help you with that."

Loki perked his ears to the sound of clinking coin. "Keep talking, stranger."

"I dost not know, brother," Thor said. "This man seems… slick, to me."

"Work is work, brother, and that seems to be what he is offering," Loki said. "Let us hear him out."

"A smart lad. Practical-minded. I like that type, they're easy to work with," the man said. "It's true, I am offering work. I represent an organization that's branching out into this area. We're just getting off the ground out here, and I'm handling the recruitment of new 'talent.' You seem to have a knack for our line of work, and your brother, well… we could always do with an enforcer."

"Oh no. Oh, no no no no no," Thor said, standing up. "This man is a thief. He is recruiting for some sort of thieves cult."

"It's a guild, lad," the man said, putting a calming hand on Thor's shoulder. "And think of us more as… businessmen. Marketers of opportunity."

"And how dost one join this Thieves Guild?" Loki asked.

"Finding your way to our hideout is all the trial you need," the man said, while Thor stared at his brother in horror. "It's down in the Garamscythe Waterway, underneath Lowtown, and it's a dangerous place down there. We haven't got a quick, safe, secret entrance from the surface set up yet, so prospectives have to brave the sewers, and they're a dangerous place. You never know what you'll find down there. Think you can handle it, lad?"

"I canst handle it."

"Then you'll be needing the map," the man said, and handed over a wooden token. "Don't. Lose it. And don't share it with anyone else. Blondie, if you reconsider, you're welcome to come along. Good day, lads."

The man walked away and vanished, and Thor sat back down. He hissed at Loki. "Brother! How canst thou even consider such a thing?"

"Seems to me like a good way to maketh money and learneth a number of skills at the same time," Loki said.

"But… but…"

"Fine, brother, do not joineth me. Get a job running errands."

"I should instead joineth thee in beating up helpless merchants when they do not payeth their protection money?"

"Thou should not have to beateth them very hard."

"Loki!"

"Very well, be-eth that way! But I am taking advantage of this opportunity."

"Fine, thou goest and dost that. I shall stay here and find honest employment."

Loki stood up, grabbed his coffee, and swallowed it down though it was still hot enough to scorch his throat. He glared at his brother, then left the Inn for the bright, hot, glaring day outside.

His magic didn't seem to be working, though he could feel magical energy within and around him, so he needed a weapon before he could brave the sewers. He located an open-air bazaar and browsed the stalls for something simple but effective. Something that could be hidden up a sleeve when not in use, but would remain deadly. There were a number of dedicated weapons dealers, and most of the general goods dealers had weaponry on display as well, so he was spoiled for choices. He found a beautiful enchanted dagger and asked the salesman about it.

"Ah, that's the Assassin's Dagger," the man said. "Enchanted to kill instantly on strike, although it can fail, depending on your adversary's resistances. A real bargain at only fourteen hundred gil."

Loki winced. "A bit out of my current price range. Sorry."

"That's all right, my boy, that's all right. I've got other fine daggers at lower prices."

"I thinketh perhaps I am finished shopping for the day," Loki said, and slunk away in defeat. Then he crept back around in the shadows, keeping out of eyeshot, and when the merchant wasn't looking, lifted the dagger from his stand and pocketed it, then slipped away.

Very good, young'un! the old man's voice said in his head. You've just leveled up as a pickpocket! Keep on like this and you'll level up as a person in no time, an' be able to pick a perk from one of the skill trees! Like, oh, say, a ten percent bonus to your ability to stay undetected when lifting things from pockets and off merchant's stands?

"Well, that does soundeth rather nice," Loki said out loud to himself.

And it gets better! Additional, greater advances that stack on top of it! If you purchase the perks. You get perk points in accordance with your level, so one perk point at level one, two at level two, and so forth.

"What level dost I cap out at?" Loki asked.

You don't! You can keep leveling indefinitely! Each skill only levels up to one hundred, but when you reach that point you can reset them back to level one, keeping all your prowess but losing your perks. Perk points invested in that skill become free points, which you can invest in other skills, if you want to. This way, there is no cap to how good you can get at anything, and no cap to how strong an individual you can become.

"This is such a strange method of growth. I have never before heard of 'leveling.' It is so much more structured than standard education, where thou simply learn and hope it sticks. I confess it appeals to me. Will these talents gained still function when we are returned to Asgard?"

Who says ye will be? Gotta win the game, first! Ha!

"All right, but assuming we do, thou wilt send us home, correct?"

Of course, lad, of course. But I tell you what, I think you'll have trouble with that lug of a brother of yours. Joinin' the Thieves Guild was the right thing to do, it was what I had in mind for you exactly, but you've put a right good bug in his shorts. He won't be listening to ya, not with any good ease.

"Oh. Well, Thor can taketh care of himself," Loki said.

Ha! That boy can't find his arse with both hands and a roadmap. He needs you.

"Needeth me? Thor needeth not anyone. He is a natural-born leader."

That's what Odin wants everyone to believe. But the truth is, the boy's a bit dim.

"He is not!" Loki said, appalled more because he felt, somehow, that the voice was right.

Let's face it, the boy might not be special needs, but comparing him to you is like comparing a Clydesdale to an Arabian stallion. A horse is a horse, of course, of course, but one will get you to your destination a mite faster than the other.

"That all dependeth on what kind of a load thou needeth hauled, actually," Loki said.

There! You see? You're even smart enough to think of that! Come on, now, lad - don't tell me you can't see that in this case, Thor's the load? Best carried by a whippet-quick lad like yourself!

"Thor canst be a little slow on the uptake from time to time…"

Exactly! You run rings around him, my boy! Now you run and you impress your Guild, then you go an' make amends with your brother. You can smooth things over with him, you're clever that way. As for what you get up to when you're not around him… well, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, will it?

"I supposeth not," Loki said. It seemed natural enough to hold a conversation with this voice in his head. He wondered at that. What sort of entity were they dealing with?

Go on, run along to the sewers, you've got a bit of a trial ahead of ye. I'll take care of explaining the leveling system to yer brother. I'll use small words.