Chiruchi Thunderwitch had never particularly understood any of Lord Aizen's obsessions. In fact, the more arcane ones positively mystified her.
Human holidays, for example.
The Living celebrated the strangest things, and their Lord delighted in subjecting his underlings to the cockamamie festivals.
That's why the former Espada found herself sitting at the temporary, though somehow already filthy bar, sporting a ridiculous green bowler hat tilted akwardly on one of her curled pigtails, and nursing a dark, thick beer. Her second, in fact.
The mostly masked barkeep had called it a 'Guinness', and it was supposedly what people were supposed to drink on 'St Patrick's Day'.
Well, whatever Lord Aizen wanted. Who was she to argue?
Not all under the Great Lord were quite as apathetic about this whole holiday thing as the dark haired woman, however.
Luppi seemed to enjoy them immensely. Bleary purple eyes turned to regard the effeminate numero enthusiastically bantering with the arrancar at the bar.
Now, she didn't exactly have the highest of alcohol tolerances, especially considering the scarcity of the stuff in Hueco Mundo, but her superior seemed to have even less.
His body was smaller than hers, after all. Plus, he had already been there when she'd arrived, so she had no idea just how many of these..Guinnesses he'd had.
Or…wait. Maybe Luppi was actually female. It was so hard to tell, especially to the puffy shouldered woman.
She was just inebriated enough to blurt, "Oi, Luppi!"
Its head turned, and blue eyes just as blurred as hers attempted to focus. "Yes?" The word was drawn out; the slow smile flirty.
"Tell me something," she leaned towards him (her?) "Are you a man? Or are you a woman?"
The androgynous being blinked in reply and sized her up before that slow smile again spread. "Why not follow me and find out?"
Luppi stood unsteadily and lead his weaving way out of the bar. Thunderwitch left the half finished liter on the spattered counter.
* * *
When Hueco Mundo's approximation of morning dawned, Chiruchi found herself sprawled over her bed, blankets tangled with her legs, and hair hopelessly tangled. One of her pigtails had come loose, so curled tendrils of black draped themselves over the right side of her face, while the other tail pressed uncomfortably into her skull. The ends tangled in the spiked remains of her mask. Pain shot into her temples like ice-picks boring their way into her brain.
Annoyed, she winced and pulled the blankets over her head.
Luppi had been most definitely male. And most definitely drunk. He was also surprisingly aggressive and quite creative. And, from the soreness of her body, very much on the kinky side.
"Oh god. I am never drinking again," she moaned.
At least he was gone. She didn't think she could handle the case of Coyote Ugly if he had still been next to her. The overall aftermath of the events recently past was more than enough to convince the hungover woman that anyone who did this on a regular basis were out of their everloving minds.
Humans are strange for indulging in that horrible drink. Luppi was stranger for relishing it. Aizen was strangest for encouraging it.
The ex-numero sank deeper into the bed – absolutely mortified at the events of the night before.
Something smooth and warm brushed against the bare skin of her leg.
Violet eyes snapped open and with a shrill scream, she leapt out of the bed.
After a few moments of desperately gripping the sleeping shift she had slept in, panting for terrified breath and staring at the bed, fully expecting one of the tentacles from last night to come slithering out of the bed, she drew the covers back with a badly shaking hand.
Cushioned snuggly within the blankets was an egg, slightly smaller than an ostrich's would be, and bone white.
Her jaw nearly hit the floor.
She'd laid an egg? She could lay eggs?! WHAT?!
"Oh, crap," she swore with feeling, and wondered just what she was going to do about this.
The first installment of a seriese of fics inspired by Dwellin on Deviant Art. Oh yes, there was crack in this. Oh yes, there will be more crack to come! Stay tuned for Easter!
Happy St Pat's Day, all!
Hehe...and yeah, I'll be going by American holidays, since that's where I live...plus, it adds a whole 'nother dimention to Aizen's weirdness.