Obviously, I do not own FMA. If I did, releases would come once a week (even if they had to be shorter, it's nice to have something to look forward to each week instead of dying while waiting for the next month), Roy and Riza would be openly together, and we'd see Pinako more.
Thanks for reading!
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"He makes my life so much harder! All the work he doesn't do falls to me." Riza stopped pacing and dropped on the couch in a most undignified way. "How can I feel that way about a person who is so... infuriating?"
The military psychologist put down her pen. "Have you told him how you feel?"
Riza sighed. "Even if I could... Even if he felt the same... Would it change anything? There are those stupid fraternization laws..." She put her head in her hands. "Did I tell you we actually had a thing once? Back in Ishbal... It was our first time together after three years. He made the first move. We had sex several times, and after each time, he would hold onto me he never wanted to let go... And I really thought he loved me as much as I loved him, but after..." Riza paused. Even if she asked for her next confession to not only be confidential but off the record, how could she possibly say "after he burned my back"? That would lead to a whole series of questions she'd be unwilling to answer. "After he asked me to be his lieutenant, nothing else happened." She started to wonder if admitting to anything was actually safe. After all, she was blatantly telling a military psychologist that she had blatantly ignored the military fraternization laws and that she wanted to blatantly break them again. What exactly was the doctor's definition of "confidential"?
"Have you ever thought that he asked you to be his lieutenant so he could keep you close? Even if nothing could ever happen between the two of you, he would still be able to see you, something that would be nearly impossible if you were stationed somewhere else." Quite satisfied with her analysis and proposition, the doctor leaned back in her extremely comfortable armchair and watched as the lovely blonde woman picked up a wire disentanglement puzzle and began to fiddle with it.
"I've considered that, but he would have said something by now!" She pulled the metal ends of the puzzle and tried to flip one over. "And he wouldn't be going on all of those dates!"
"Could you tell me more about these 'dates'?"
Riza shrugged. "There's not much to say." She twisted the puzzle like a dishrag she was trying to wring out. "There are a few that I know mean nothing, because those girls are actually information sources. He had a huge web back at Eastern..." She twisted the puzzle the other way. "But half the women here are brainless and couldn't tell him anything he wants to know!" She lined up the two ends so that they were parallel and examined the contraption as she would her sniper when trying to analyze why the kick was stronger than usual. "What the hell is he doing! No. Don't answer that. I'm pretty sure I know. What else would he want with young, attractive women on Friday nights? And he still has the gall to call those outings 'information gathering sessions' or, my personal favourite, 'overnight exploratory missions'. As if anyone would believe that!" Frustrated, she began to pull at the puzzle as hard as she could while seriously contemplating using her Luger P08 on it. "Trust me, I grew up with him and–"
"I'm sorry, Miss Hawkeye. You grew up with him?"
Riza bit her lip. "He was my father's alchemy apprentice."
The psychologist almost dropped her pen. "Your father taught him alchemy?"
Riza started rapidly yanking at the obnoxious puzzle in her hands, making quite a ruckus. "How the hell does this thing work?!"
The doctor sighed. "Just twist them around each other in opposite directions, dear."
The young lieutenant followed the advice and the two pieces easily came apart. "Oh," she said with a slight frown.
"We were talking about your father and the colonel. You say your father taught him Flame Alchemy?"
"No. He learned that after my father's death." Riza glared at the metal apparatus in her hands. Suddenly, she realized how stupidly symbolic the object was. Just make the two sticks run circles around each other and the whole problem was solved. Except... she and Roy just needed to stop running circles around each other for everything to work out. And they didn't need to come apart; they needed to get together. So it was more quasi-counter-symbolism. It was so cliché she wanted to gag.
Or maybe it wasn't symbolic at all. Maybe she was busy trying to find something that related to her relationship with her superior officer. Something she could fix so she could go home knowing that everything would work out in her favour eventually. But there was no such puzzle. After all, what sort of puzzle involved one obnoxious and lecherous piece and one conservative and calm piece? They were humans, not games.
There. Riza could go back and tell the colonel that these sessions were completely pointless since she had just analyzed herself with absolutely no help whatsoever.
"Never mind the alchemy bit," the psychologist said as she waved a hand in front of her face. This was a new piece of interesting information that could help her analysis. "He lived with you? In the same house? How many years?"
Riza shifted in her seat, well aware of where the questions were headed, and she was not prepared to admit how much she hated him and how much she grew to love him before she was fifteen. "Almost ten years."
The psychologist heard a chime in the background. "It seems your hour is up. We'll have to continue this next week. Until then, think about telling the colonel how you feel. If anything it will give you peace of mind." She opened the door and saw one of the nurses walk into the waiting room.
Riza walked over to the reception desk. She desperately needed to go to the shooting range. These sessions, which Roy had recommended four months ago upon noting her ever-increasing stress level, had done nothing her guns couldn't do. She was sure that shooting off a few rounds, or even going back and cleaning every spring, lock, barrel, and pin would make her feel much better.
As young lieutenant Hawkeye was signing the co-pay, the waiting room door flew open and a young, handsome, black-haired, possibly Xingese man charged down the hallway, passing the blonde woman without a single glance.
Colonel Roy Mustang, the doctor thought. He's never been in here before. It must be an emergency. She sat down in her chair and waited, anxious to hear what was bothering the famous Flame Alchemist. How ironic. Riza was just complaining about him and here he is...
Roy threw open the door and slammed it behind him. He began to pace wildly, completely ignoring the doctor as she gave him a formal salute before sitting in her giant chair.
The psychologist picked up her pen. "Won't you please sit–"
"I'M IN LOVE WITH MY LIEUTENANT!" the colonel blurted. "I'M IN LOVE WITH RIZA HAWKEYE AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TO DO!"
The woman sighed and adjusted her glasses. A few more years of doing army therapy and she'd end up in therapy herself.
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By the way, if you don't know what a Luger P08 is, it's a toggle-locked, recoil-operated, semi-automatic pistol issued in the German army for the first time in 1908. That's the year she officially went into service in the military as a sniper in Ishbal. Just something to think about.
I really like this one-shot. It never made me laugh out loud (like some of my works do. Is it wrong to laugh at your own jokes? I always feel so weird laughing at things I've written), but I do think it's somewhat cute.
If you liked it, check out HowFMAShouldHaveEnded. And leave a little review for each one! I like reviews... Even flames.