Wow. It happened. At a party- surprise, surprise. I know you don't apreciate the sarcasm, but I mean, I just don't think it could have happened any place else. Kenny might have been bold enough, but Craig wouldn't nearly have been risky enough sober, right? Yeah.

What do you mean, what the hell am I talking about? Where have you been? Don't you remember? The party? No? Dammmn, Bebe was right, you were hammered. Well whatever, you HAVE to know. It's gonna be talk-of-the-town for like, ever. I'll recap you. Ready?

Well, it started at Token's of course. I guess some time right around one thirty- people were pretty wasted by then. I know you were, ya drunkard. Hah- dude, I kid, I kid. Anyways, a circle on the dance floor had been cleared, and people, god knows who or why, started like these... rap-offs. Everyone sucked dude, it was so funny. You wanted to go but I wouldn't let you embarass yourself. I know, I'm such an epic friend. Anyway, everyone sucked except for two people who kept winning and eventually faced each other. Kenny, and surprisingly Craig. Yeah, I know right? But whatever, that's seriously not the most interesting part of the whole story.

Well as I said, everyone was thoroughly intoxicated. It was actually pretty amazing that Craig 'n Kenny could even form sentences, but whatever. Well, you know how Craig gets kinda tough-ass when he's drunk? He started to think he couldn't be beaten in these stupid throwdown things. He poked Kenny, who was also winning a lot, right on the sholder and started to get all up in his face. Of course, with Kenny being bi, he started with the easy taunts but I guess eventually that backfired and I think maybe he should have just stuck with the "you're so poor" jibe but whatever, I'm getting ahead of myself. Here was Craig's opener:

"Tom, Bobbie-Lee, Cody, Ryan, Jimmy, Jake-

Just a sample of the man-love you've been gettin' every day.

Ever'ne already knows you won't have it any other way,

Might not be natural, not be moral, but you curve to the gay-bang."

Yeah, I know- oh god, right? But hold on, let me finnish becasue it gets sooo much better. Kenny like, barely even blinked and stood in that bitchy position that somehow he can pull off. You know what I mean? Oh god, don't make me demonstrate. The hand on the hip thing. You know? Good. So he does that and just fires off:

"Ya only tease 'cause ya like me, boy I know you've been intrigued-

You're just beggin' me to show you how to get you on your knees!

I don't usu'ly go for the boys with egos the size of blimps,

But if you're pleading this hard, I could do you till ye'r limp."

Dude, dude, I know! But you had to have seen Craig's face. Priceless, man. Bug-eyed, and almost like, startled, which is not a natural Craig reaction. Bet we can find it on youtube later. So whatever, he goes:

"Woah- hold your thinkin' an take a step back!

The only way you could get any is if they drank a millin' six-packs!

Be-sides, it's a joke, to think you'd be on top-

You only whore yourself around 'cause you're addicted to the body-rock!"

Then like, Kenny got super-ultra cocky "Kenny" Kenny that Kenny gets, and goes:

"What've ya got to prove? Whadda ya need to hide?

I betchya in the locker room ya eye yer friend Clyde.

But don't cry, Craig baby, wear your colors with pride!

'Cause it's obvious to see that you stride on the gay side."

Haha! Colors, really, he said it! I'm totally serious dude! Oh, if you could only remember how like, frigin' angry Craig got! It was SOOO funny. And at that point he had to like, deny any accusations Kenny threw and yet still work some nerve out of him. He turned away from Ken, barely even able to face him out of spite, and looked drunkenly at the circle and practically fell over in the process. Right around then you said you wanted something, I couldn't exactly hear you but I'm pretty sure you said rubberband. But Craig's comeback was:

"Hey! There's only one homo here, and his name is Kenny,

An he's ready with the kink if you bring a pretty penny.

You don't even need to guess when you're dealin' with him,

One moment of talk, and you'll know his favorite ligament."

So yeah, kind of forced but still kept me on edge. I knew Kenny'd boune right back though, and he did. He turned Craig's words into what he wanted them to mean. I seriously didn't think Kenny had such skills in any field that even remotely resembled English but I guess he got rhyming down... He said:

"I know you know my ligament- you crave it so bad,

That if I kissed you right now, your hormones'd go mad!

I have an idea- a sort of a test,

If I could do that without you undress'n then I'd guess you'd like breasts."

And man, was that the ultamate or what? He not only threatened Craig's sexuality but did some hybrid bribe slash blackmail thing to try and get him to back down, only he didn't. He said, rather drunkenly:

"I'll take up that challenge; I'll take up your contest-

With no protest! Hey, I ain't got notin' to confess!

You're so obsessed with this request you'll be depressed with mah lack of zest!"

And then right there, out of nowhere, with Craig still basking in the self-image of some sort of inner glow of bravery, Kenny kissed him. And I mean full-on-hand-in-the-hair-tounge-tied-eyes-closed-slight-moan-made-out kissed him. No, no, dude- let me finnish! And do you know what Craig did? For like, three seconds he didn't react at all and I thought he was just staying neutral in tring to tough it out, but then he KISSED BACK. No, really! CRAIG! Drunk Craig, but still! And they must have just stood there making out for like, seven minutes! Then you started puking and I had to leave to help you, but Bebe said that they broke off and then Craig passed out and then Kenny just pouted and wandered around bumming more beer for a little bit longer then passed out too. I wonder if either remember... I mean, if they could still form sentences, how drunk could they be? They might remember! Oh, dude! We have to check their situation out Monday in school! Don't tell me to calm down- this is big news! What if Craig really is gay? Or at least bi? Dude, I'm going to spread the story around. Maybe submit it to facebook or something later on, you wanna come with? First stop is Clyde. Dude I wonder if he saw. Oh, what? You got anything better to do? This is South Park we're talking about here. You're comming? Great, let's go. Oh dude, you were so hammered...

A oneshot to clear the boredom and prove my dead rhyme skills. The narrator could be anyone, but think of it/him/her as someone who A) would be sober enough at a party to witness anything, B) smart enough to remember the whole back-and-forth they have going on, C) someone who was friends with someone that got drunk, and wouldn't let that friend embarass themself, and D) would think rapping is fairly stupid. (Which, btw, is an opinion I agree with unless used recreationally.) (So basically, it may have been Kyle. But didn't have to be.)