Terrible Tracy Terrors
A/N: Happy Birthday, Loops. Looks like your birthday was enough to scare some muses back into work. Have a brilliant day and remember you are utterly brilliant and of course, totally evil. Love you. – Angel-sue
A/N2: Happy birthday, Loopsta. Between Gordon reckoning and mine and Angel-Sue's determination, we were able to write this little story for you. Hope you have a great birthday. Love ya – sam1.
Looking at the calendar, the bar owner shuddered and turned to the manager. "What's wrong, Linda?"
Linda pointed at the calendar and said, "It's that time of year."
"Time of...Oh shite." His tan paled with the sudden realization that he didn't request his vacation for this dreaded week. "Linda, I really don't want to be here for this. You have to let me have that week off. I can't deal with them again. They're complete trouble every time they come here."
Tapping her chin, Linda shook her head. "Sorry, Mate, but if I have to be here so do you."
"Can't we just shut down for a couple of days? It'd probably be cheaper in the long run."
"As much as I'd love to, I can't. I can't let my employees lose pay or patrons miss out on their downtime here. We're just going to deal with them." Grinning slightly, she added, "Maybe we'll get lucky and they'll go somewhere else."
"Sure, and pigs can fly," he muttered.
Meanwhile, on a tropical island in the South Pacific Ocean, plans were being made.
"Hey, guys, it's that time of year."
Glancing up from his piano, Virgil sighed, "You mean that time of year when Scott confuses me with a toilet, bucket, or anything else that can hold his liquor?"
"Yep, that's exactly what I meant. I'm also looking forward to the appearance of Chuckles the Clown and the primping princess."
John frowned at his next youngest brother, "Call me a princess one more time and I will not hesitate to drain your pool permanently, Fishface."
Instead of backing from the threat, Gordon shrugged his shoulders. "And that would bother me how?" He gestured towards the windows. You see that huge blue expanse? It's called the Pacific Ocean and it's quite watery." Wagging his finger at his older brother, he snapped, "And the nickname is Squidy. How many friggin times do we have to go over this?"
"Look, Squidlet, we need to be making plans not deciding which type of water is best to drown you in," interrupted Scott.
"It's Squidy. Sheesh, how hard is that to remember? I think all fumes from the sealants and paints that Brains has developed are rotting your brains."
"What about Alan?" questioned John.
"What about the little terror?" snapped Scott.
Ignoring his brother's outburst, Virgil replied, "You really think Dad will let him leave the island after his little joyride in One the other day? He almost wrecked her before she was even used."
"The idiot didn't even check the airspace to make sure he wouldn't be seen. The last thing we need is for the public be freaking out more about aliens and spaceships," Scott grumbled. The 'birds weren't even completely ready but he saw One as his and his little terror of a brother had no right touching his 'bird.
"Did you see Scott's face, though? I thought he was gonna have a heart attack," added Gordon, remembering the look of utter horror on his biggest brother's face. That memory had him thinking what Virgil would look like if he took a joyride in Two.
John nudged Virgil and nodded in Gordon's direction. Looking over, Virgil saw the smirk on his younger brother's face. "Touch my 'bird, Fish guts, and I will hold you down in the pool until you learn to breathe underwater."
Startled, Gordy blinked innocently at Virgil, his lower lip trembling, "Why ever would you want to drown me?"
"Yeah, none of us are buying that innocent act," chuckled John, "but perfect little touch there with the trembling lip."
"Wait a minute…Did you call me Fish guts, Virg? Dang it, people, its Squidy."
"Before Squiddly loses it completely, are we hitting the usual place this year? asked Virgil. The bar tab and damage bill was huge last year.
"Might be worth trying somewhere new and let Linda have a break this year," suggested John.
"Ooh, Linda, hey? Is she your new girlfriend?" asked Gordon, sidling over to John.
"Nope, she's the bar manager who I had to apologise to and pay a fortune to after all your antics." He looked pointedly at Scott.
"What did I do?" Scott demanded. "I was merely enjoying a drink."
Virgil's eyebrows rose as he asked drily, "You want a list?"
Howling with laughter, he and John fell to the couches. "More like you were on your tenth Scotch. Top shelf and well-aged Scotch at that."
"Don't forget the three or four pints of the local brew," Gordon added. "Man, you were wasted. I vaguely recall Alan scoring a direct hit."
"Oh, yeah, Alan hit Scott and Scott hit you and then you tried to hit on the lady I was chatting to and it was an epic fail." Grinning evilly, Virgil added, "Even when you followed Scott's lead and stripped out of your shirt. You were lucky not to end up with indecent exposure charges. Those poor bar staff didn't need to see that."
"What the hell are you on about, bro? I'm an awesome looking specimen," he retorted.
Leaning back against the couch, smirking, John added his own jab. "You sure are an awful looking specimen."
"Jealousy is an ugly thing, Johnny."
"I'm not sure I have anything to be jealous of."
"Not sure, eh? Doesn't sound like a definite not jealous to me."
"I seem to recall that John was the only one to leave the bar with a phone number that night," added Scott with a grin.
"Not true," Virgil interjected, "I got one as well."
"One for the local taxi cab service?" Gordon asked.
"Better a taxi cab service than the phone number of a sixty-year-old lady," retorted Virgil before realizing that his brother would definitely have a comeback for that.
Grinning wildly, the prankster asked, "So it was a taxi cab service?"
"Dude, you totally stepped into that one," said Scott, shaking his head at his younger brother.
"Perhaps but it all worked out in the end," replied Virgil, a smug grin on his face.
"Aww you and Tina getting married?" asked Gordon.
"Ha ha. That number led me to Ella," replied Virgil and flicking his phone on, he revealed a picture of a beautiful blonde woman.
"Nice one, bro. I guess you won that night," admitted Gordon before adding, "My turn this time."
"Is Gladys celebrating her sixty-first birthday?" asked John.
"What can I say, all women love me."
"Anyone can love you with enough alcohol in their system," retorted John.
"Only if they drank the bar dry," muttered Virgil.
"Guys, we're so off track here, it's ridiculous. We need to make plans and stop insulting Fish feet," Scott said.
"Squidy!"
Having been facing away from Gordon, he turned at his brother's outburst just as a cushion was launched and landed a direct hit in his face. Scott glared at his brother. "One. Two…"
"Buckle my shoe," Gordon sing-songed. "I so love it when Scotty sings nursery rhymes to us."
John and Virgil had both fallen about laughing again. Scott just shook his head at them all. "I will make the plans, you lot just be children."
"Ooh, he's gone British on us again," Gordon stage whispered. "We're in trouble now."
John stood up and saluted him. "Sir, yes, Sir, we shall expect full itineraries on our desks at 1700 hours."
Tugging at his oldest brother's shirt, Gordon stared up at him with wide eyes, "Scotty, can I goes swimming? I'll put on my swim wings."
Scott shook his head and shoved his brother, "Get out of here, Fish flake."
Throwing his hands up in the air, Gordon stomped off, "One friggin word and not one of the so called intelligent brothers can get it right." His brothers looked at one another and burst out laughing. Hearing the laughter, he made sure to get the last word in, "SQUIDY!"
"I guess he doesn't want to make plans any longer," John deadpanned.
Without even looking up, Linda knew the second her least favourite customers walked in. Sure, they were customers who brought a lot of money into her bar but they were also customers who caused extensive damage and expenses to her business.
"Here we go," she muttered, then with a deep breath she approached them, smiling. "Can it really have been a whole year already?" she asked. She breathed a sigh of relief when she only counted four instead of the five terrors that showed up last year. Well, the older blond and the more relaxed dark-haired man hadn't been too bad last year. Her eyes landed on John, he really had been the calmest last year. Hopefully, he could keep them under some sort of control this year. The dark-haired man seemed to have been the one with the brute strength to manhandle the more obnoxious ones out of the bar last year. She really hoped that wouldn't be necessary with this visit. She had no intention of letting them out of her sight for even a second though. She also had all the supplies ready for whatever would be thrown at or in the case of at least one of them, on her. Her manager caught her eye and frowned. It was evident that he was dreading this more than she was.
Always observant, John, Virg, and Scott noticed the looks between the two and grinned. "We're just here for a few drinks. Not to cause any problems," Scott offered. The manager instantly rolled his eyes in complete disbelief.
Linda sighed, "That's what you said last year."
"How about this year, you keep your clothes on and try not to party with Nausea and Vomit?" the manager asked.
"I reckon we can handle that, hey Virg?" Gordon draped his arms over his older brothers' shoulders. "Scott, can you do that?"
Shrugging his brother's arm off his shoulder, Scott retorted, "I'm sure I can, Bottom feeder."
"I seem to recall you saying that last year as well," added Linda with a grin.
Virgil struggled to hold his laughter in at both Scott's and Gordon's expressions. The struggle lasted two seconds before he was leaning on John, laughing. "And there is the visit from Chuckles the Clown," Gordon sighed. "We just can't take him anywhere."
"But he makes no mess and keeps his clothes on. I can handle that," chuckled Linda. When the young men were sober, they were polite and friendly if a little ornery.
"I reckon that sometimes a body just needs to be free of clothing restraints," Gordon argued, his eyes twinkling.
"Especially if covered in someone's failed attempts of drinking," John added.
"Hey, Linda, I have 911 on standby just in case," called the manager from behind the bar.
From a table in a corner, another voice spoke up, "We have you covered as well." The manager grinned when he realized it was one of the regulars who happened to be a police officer.
"Damn, we really did leave an impression last year," Gordon chuckled.
Cuffing his younger brother, John said, "Not a very favorable impression, Squid ink."
Gordon glared at his brother while rubbing the back of his head, "Damn it, Johnny-boy, its Squidy."
"Surely, you and Squidy over there can hold it together," said Virgil, looking at Scott.
"Finally, someone got it right. Well done, Virg. First drinks are on you," said Gordon with a cheeky grin.
"I'd best not have anyone's drinks on me," he deadpanned. "Especially yours, Scott." A giggle from the bar drew Virgil's attention to a pretty girl who sat there. She blushed when he looked at her but he just smiled and walked over.
Gordon watched in disbelief as Virgil chatted to the young woman. "No way. He can't pull first. That's not allowed." He walked over and draped his arm around the young woman, "Well hello there, would you like a drink?"
"Sorry but your brother has already bought me one," she replied as two drinks appeared in front of them.
"Not got enough there, Virg," said Gordon, noticing there was only two.
Virgil grinned as she pushed Gordon's arm off her shoulders, "You said first drinks, you never said how many." His grin widened as he added, "Oh, Gordy, meet Ella. Now go away."
"Fine, I know when I'm not wanted," he whined. "I'll just go drink with Scotty and Johnny."
None of the brothers noticed a lone figure slip in and head for a dark part of the bar, watching them intently.
Scott and Gordon sat at a table, knocking back drink after drink. And totally ignoring John's efforts to get them to drink some water and to eat. "You'd think you would have learned your lesson after the last couple of years."
Slurring his speech, Gordon blearily gazed at his brother, "And you should learn to looshen up."
"Ah, we're fine, quit getting on my wick," said Scott, remembering a saying an old girlfriend had taught him."
"Okay, try not to puke on anyone and keep your shirt on," John said. "I'm going to go sit at the bar but I'll be watching you. He figured if he sat there, he could keep too many drinks from being delivered to his brothers.
Oblivious to his brother's words or moving to the bar, Gordon asked Scott, "Dude, when did you become a candle?"
"Ha, it's a saying from England," explained Scott.
"Scotch's drunk already," slurred Gordon, taking his oldest brother's drink away and downing it himself.
Not long after John moved to the bar, a loud gasp could be heard, "Oh my gawd, not again," muttered Linda, staring in horror. John and Virgil heard her and groaned, turning to face their brothers. Neither noticing the man in the corner inch close, pulling something out of his coat pocket.
"Sorry, Ella, but I've got to help John get Thing One and Thing Two back to the hotel," Virgil said.
John had already made his way to his brothers, "I told you guys to keep your clothes on."
Gordon shook his head, "Nuh uh, yous said to keep my shirt on. Yous didn't say nothing about my pants."
"Good luck with that one and call me in the morning, if you're not playing nursemaid to some majorly hungover brothers," she replied and kissed him.
"Ooh, Virgy is snogging, get in there, bro," he shouted over at Virgil.
Virg pulled away and walked over, shaking his head at the sight before him.
Linda, who was trying not to stare at the two almost naked men before her, suddenly caught a flash of light in the corner of her eye and turned to see a man with a camera aimed at the scene before them all.
Gordon whipped his shirt off and threw it at Virgil, then turned to the table next to them and leant down, asking, "So like what you see?"
John, suddenly realized who Gordon was chatting up and quickly rushed forward to pull him away. "Gordo, no chatting up policemen," he said firmly.
"But she was so purdy," he replied, trying to struggle out of John's grip.
"That's not a she but a he and I don't think he's interested," said John, sending an apologetic look at the rather bemused policeman. Having his hands full with Gordon and his antics, he could only sigh at what Virgil was dealing with.
Scott had stripped down to a pair of boxer briefs that really left nothing to the imagination. That left Virgil with the task of trying to locate the rest of his clothes as well as keep him from trying to gatecrash a party at another table.
"I told you that we should have closed for the week," the manager said, coming around the bar to stand by Linda.
"Next year, we will," she muttered. "Though I think their dad isn't going to be too happy with them when they get home. I'm pretty sure their pictures were taken."
Virgil and John had managed to round up two brothers and at least their pants, were now trying to get them out of the door.
"Maybe you should help them," said Linda.
"No way, I don't want to be puked on," retorted her manager.
"Sorry about this, Ma'am," John said, handing over a wad of bills. "This should cover everything."
"At least, there wasn't a brawl this year. Or puking," she joked.
The police officer who Gordon had been chatting up, came over. "Do you need a hand getting these two out of here?" he asked as Gordon spotted him over John's shoulder.
"Hey again, Officer, come to read me my rights?" he asked.
The officer whose name was Oliver, stepped up and placed his arm around Gordon, helping John. "That depends on what you've done."
Gordon began to list a series of increasingly random things he'd apparently done as they made a slow path to the door.
"The taxi is waiting for you," Linda called out.
"Ooh, Tina is here for Virgy?" Gordon shouted.
Scott, who was leaning heavily against Virgil and seemed barely awake, suddenly perked up, "Oh, Virg, it might be Tina. What if she finds out you has been cheating on her?"
"Hush and focus on walking, will ya?" Virgil groused.
Thinking hard, Scott said, "Okay." He stumbled out to the waiting taxi with Virgil's help.
"Phew, it's not Tina," said Gordon, then he turned to Oliver. "It's not Tina so we're safe. You have very brown eyes," he said, staring deeply into them as Oliver loaded him into the car.
"They're blue but thanks. Time for a little nap, my friend," he replied, straightening up and looking at a thoroughly embarrassed Virg and John. "I've seen worse, trust me and I have brothers myself so this nothing new. Are you going to be okay at the hotel?"
"Yeah, they'll sleep it off and be miserable in the morning," John said. With a little bit of a struggle, John and Virgil got their brothers into the hotel room and into bed to sleep off the alcohol.
With a sigh, both brothers sank into the oversized chairs in the room to watch over their inebriated brothers. "Think Linda will let us come back next year?"
Virgil laughed, "Not a snowball's chance in hell."
"Dad, have you watched any television?" Alan asked, grinning.
"Not again," he groaned, flipping on the television and finding TMZ reporting on his boys. "Next year, two or three of you can go off Island at one time. But not Gordon and Scott at the same time."