Star Wars: Knights of The Old Republic

Continuation by Firera

Disclaimer: I own nothing except for this story and the plot, characters, places, yadda yadda… that I created myself. Don't sue me!

Under the glaring sun of the Rakatan world, a solitary figure stood stiffly looking at the horizon. She had her arms crossed in front of her and her face expressionless. The incidents from the past few months flashed through her mind. The attack on the Endar Spire, the destruction of Taris, the training on Dantooine, Kasyyyk, Korriban, Manaan, Tatooine, the Rakatan planet, the revelation…. Revan's heart leapt at the memory. Even after Malak's death, and with the end of the mission, she still couldn't be in peace.

"Saviour, conqueror, villain, hero… you all of these things, and yet you are nothing, Revan."

Malak's voice droned in her head as she replayed the scene over and over again.

I was the Dark Lord… A murderer, when in my memory…I never killed…

Her thoughts were so preoccupied that she didn't sense someone looking at her from behind. Bastila placed a hand on her shoulder, "Revan…"

"Huh?" Revan jumped.

"You are thinking about those things again, aren't you?"

Revan nodded her head and heaved a sigh. "You don't understand Bastila, it's too hard for me to remember. Everything I know are lies." She stopped for a moment. "At least Malak had regretted some of his deeds when he was dying."

Bastila grimaced at Malak's name. She remembered too well how she went to the dark side. She believed in his coaxing, and gave in to his tortures. " You are to generous to forgive someone who betrayed you and tried to kill you. I find it hard to believe that someone would even care for him."

Revan looked into Bastila's eyes. "I'm not the Dark Lord anymore, Bas. I can't hate him for something I don't remember happening. In fact, I remember nothing." She looked away from Bastila.

Bastila saw the emptiness in the older woman's eyes. Revan's posture had no resemblance to the over-confident one that she had on the swoop track in Taris. The younger Jedi was going to speak again when Revan asked,

"How is he?"

Bastila understood immediately.

"He shows no expression, but from his aura I feel the hurt and anger. Other than that, he seems to be fine." Bastila saw Revan bit her lower lip.

"He'll be fine Bastila. Don't worry." Revan returned to her silent reverie after giving her a reassuring glance.

After hesitating for a moment, Bastila asked, "How about you, Revan? Why…why did you do it?"

"I think of it as the best thing that I can do for him. The Council will not approve of us, and I'm in the Republic's blacklist. And most importantly, the code disallows love."

Bastila couldn't find the words to comfort her. She knew that despite the show that Revan was putting on, and her efforts of trying to block her from her emotions, she was unhappy.

She watched the older woman who was staring at the blue ocean, and shook her head slightly.

Rakatan beach, Two nights ago

Revan was strolling down the beach, thinking thoughtfully as usual. It had become a habit after the mission, and it seemed that she wasn't going to be rid of it for a long time. The wind blew softly at her and the hems of her robes fluttered. The soft melody of the waves clashing was unheard by her, as she walked on absentmindedly.

A sudden explosion of fireworks distracted her and she lifted her head momentarily to admire the coloured sparks contrasting with the dark night sky.

"They're still celebrating… happy." She mumbled to herself. She felt queer during the victory celebration. There were a mixture of feelings that attacked her while she stood bravely in front of the cheering crowd.

Sorrow, shame, awe, and pride had invaded her.

"I'm a hero." Revan chuckled. "This is ridiculous. The Dark Lord becomes the hero of the galaxy. Now that's something that doesn't happen every day."

Her mind wandered back to the scene where Malak laid dying on the Star Forge.

I'm sorry for leading you down to the path of darkness, but you chose to continue on.

She wanted Malak to live. Revan didn't know why. She hadn't felt anger nor hatred, but pure sorrow and regret at the things she didn't remember doing.

The woman rubbed the scar on her left hand, and continued with her thoughts.

Suddenly, Revan felt Carth walking towards her. She didn't smile, nor did she turn to greet him. Her eyes were shut tight and her head was lowered to her chest, as if trying to endure some extreme pain.

I have to do it, now or never.

"Hey there, beautiful." Pain nibbled at her heart. Usually she would be happy to hear his voice, but not that night.

Revan turned around to look at him. He was tipsy from drinking at the celebration. Carth stopped immediately when he saw the grave expression on her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

Carth's brow snapped together at once. "You're lying."

Revan looked at the ocean and chose not to speak. Carth moved forward and held her close to him. He then gently touched her chin, and made her look at him in the eyes.

"What's wrong?" His voice was soft and full of concern when he repeated the question. The pain in Revan's heart grew even stronger.

I have to do it.

"Us."

Carth stiffened at the single syllable. "What do you mean by 'us'?"

Revan sighed and rubbed her arms as if she was cold. She had never expected this to be this hard.

"Us, as in we can't be together… I… "

"Is this what the Jedi Council told you to say to me?" Carth's frown grew deeper.

"No. It's my decision. I… I need time to think. I'm not ready, Carth."

"Then I'll wait, until you are ready." He held her tighter, but Revan pushed him away. The hurt expression on his face made her feel guilty.

"No, Carth. Don't you understand? I don't think I'll ever be ready. I don't want commitment to anyone. I cannot … love you. I'm… sorry…"

"What are you doing?" Confusion, sympathy and sorrow twirled in Carth's mind as he tried to interpret what she just said.

Revan knew this was getting to nowhere and that she had to end the conversation now, or she'll break in front of him.

"With Malak's death, and the Star Forge destroyed, my quest is over, and I had time to think properly about that things that happened. I said I loved you, probably…" Revan shook her head. "I thought I love you. But when I had time to think, I realised that I didn't have any feelings for you…. I realised that I had just wanted to grab hold onto something, something to make me not fall and continue on living through those terrible days alone. Searching for those maps wasn't easy, and I was afraid of being alone."

Carth took a step backwards and stared at her in disbelief. He was confused, and the many drinks he had made him even more confused. Anger rose inside him.

"You're lying."

"No, Carth. Not this time. I have no reason to lie." Revan crossed her fingers behind her back.

"You mean you have never felt anything for me? And it was just a lie… that you loved me? And I was just a decoy to distract you from killing yourself?"

Revan forced herself to nod her head.

Bravo Revan. You hit the jackpot. Hit him where he hurts most. Make him believe you have betrayed his trust.

"I'm sorry, Carth." Unable to stand it any longer, Revan turned and walked back to the Temple in a somewhat hurried manner. The tears streamed down her face and the nagging pain in her heart made her hands tremble. She had to be away from the others, since no one had ever seen her cry, and she wasn't going to let anyone get the first chance.

Carth stood rooted to the spot. He gritted his teeth and clenched his fists. The veins throbbed in his temples as he tried to clear his mind. The more he tried to analyse what had just happened, the angrier he got.

"You Force-damned liar!" He yelled. He felt betrayed. Betrayed again.

Revan continued walking on, never turning back.