Hermione Goes To McKinley

Set in the present day (ie Harry Potter's main adventures took place in the 90's, Hermione is now grown up). Hermione (now married to Ron, to vaguely fit with canon) is sent to be a Muggle school teacher in America, after rumours reach Britain's Minister for Magic that Ohioan wizards and witches are being suppressed. It is the start of Rachel, Finn and co's Junior year.

Forgive any errors about maths levels - I don't know what order they teach it in America.

"Attention please, children!" Principal Figgin's voice woke up those who had been nodding off. "I would like to introduce your new math teacher, Mrs Weasley."

The class sized up the woman standing at the front of the class. She looked normal enough - with the sole exception of her hair, which frizzed out behind her head like a halo. Jacob Ben Israel cheered up at once; he no longer had the most embarrassing hair in the school.

"Good morning, class! I thought today we'd start with a basic review of everything you should have covered so far. We'll begin with some basic calculus, and work from there."

Her energetic manner didn't surprise the class (new teachers were always keen), but her English accent caused a few to prick up their ears.

The Glee club were assembling for their after-school practice.

Puck was the first to speak, "So, what do you think of the new Math teacher?"

"I dunno, she seems alright. I think was a bit annoyed that I didn't get that integration thing. Seriously, I've only just figured out differenti-whatever-it-is. How am I supposed to do it backwards?" was Finn's contribution.

Kurt interjected, "I like her; she seems smart, which is rare around here. But did you see her hair?! I'm sure birds nest in it."

"She cottoned onto you pretty fast, though, Puck," Rachel pointed out. "Did you really think she'd let you go to the nurse because you were feeling sleepy?"

"Hey, it was worth a shot."

The conversation continued in this vein until Mr Schuester appeared. He had a new song for them to sing, with some complicated choreography, which kept them all pretty much focused till the end of the practice. Not all of them, though. Kurt, who had developed a bit of a crush on Puck over the previous few months, found it hard to take his eyes off the other boy's ass as he moved in time to the music. It wasn't that he had forgotten about Finn, more that he had given up on him. Kurt realised that a crush on Puck was just as hopeless, but a part of him still hoped that the jock's previous homophobia had been due to suppressed feelings of his own.

Kurt gazed longingly after Mohawked boy as he followed him down the corridor after practice, unaware that Mrs Weasley was observing him from her classroom.

Kurt was finding it increasingly difficult to concentrate in class. Particularly math, as Mrs Weasley had made Puck sit right at the front, just in front of Kurt, as soon as she realised the sort of things the jock got up to in class. This meant that Kurt saw every move the older boy made - acknowledging with surprise that he was actually very good at math. He wondered why Puck had never bothered to try to learn it before - he supposed Mrs Weasley's strict but friendly teaching style might have had something to do with it. Speaking of Mrs Weasley, she was standing right behind him. Crap! he thought, as he realised he hadn't put pen to paper for at least ten minutes. He really shouldn't let himself get so distracted... but just look at the way the footballer's back muscles moved under his shirt... The tapping of Mrs Weasley's foot brought him back to reality, and he dragged his mind back to the paper in front of him.

Unsurprisingly, Mrs Weasley asked him to stay behind after class. After a brief lecture on the importance of not letting outside factors affect your work, she let him go with a warning that his grades had better pick back up to what she knew he was capable of.

Hermione sat at her desk, grading papers. She was pretty sure by now that none of the McKinley kids were witches or wizards, and so was a bit irritated that she had come all that way for nothing. As always, though, she wanted to play the matchmaker wherever she could. The Hummel boy's crush on Puckerman was painfully obvious, so she set herself the task of finding out if his feelings were in any way reciprocated. She would start tomorrow - and she being by switching Kurt and Puck's places around. Puck was becoming quite reliable in her classes (although she still heard nightmare tales about him from the other teachers), so allowed him to not sit right under her nose would be a good way of testing his concentration. She would also be able to watch what, if anything, was distracting the Mohawked teen. Plus, there was the added bonus of the fact that Kurt would be less distracted when made to sit in the front row.

Her plan worked like a charm. Kurt managed to improve his grades slightly, but the real coup de grace was her observation that Puck was as distracted by Kurt as Kurt was by him. It was not entirely unexpected, as Puck had been through most of the female population of Lima, it was hardly surprising that he would be interested by the most feminine of the male.

Hermione decided to have a chat with Puck after the next lesson. She knew it wasn't really her place, but her internal busybody won her over - and there was no point in letting the two boys torture themselves needlessly.

She attempted to be as indirect as possible with the elder teen - she had found from experience that people often just needed a listening ear to open up to - and hope he would take her into his confidence. After inviting him to sit down, she began the interview:

"So, Puck, what is it? You worked perfectly well at the front of the class; your grades really improved over those few weeks. How is that a few days in a different seat can have such a drastic effect on you?"

He looked at her, apparently considering her trustworthiness. "Promise you won't tell anyone?" he asked.

"Of course I won't, you can always talk to me in confidence, Puck. We're not just here to teach you, we're here to help you."

"It's... it's Kurt Hummel. I can't get him out of my head. And it's driving me mad - I can't talk to anyone about it. No-one would believe me, and anyway, they'd only call me fag."

Hermione winced at his choice of language.

"It's true," he continued. "Since we've been doing Glee together, I've noticed him more and more. He's clever, he's funny, and he's so strong - whatever anyone throws at him, he takes it in his stride. And when he walks... You know what the worst part is? He's head over heels in love with my best friend."

"Are you sure?"

"Of course I am - you weren't here last year, you didn't see how he threw himself at Finn."

"I only ask because, speaking from observation here, the only person he doesn't seem to be able to take his eyes off is you."

Puck looked at her like she was mad, "I would've noticed..."

"Perhaps. But whether it's the case or not, you need to talk to him about it. Not only because you're both of you completely unfocused in my classes, but also because, if you don't, you always regret missing the opportunity. Now, hurry along, and please, at least consider talking to him. Bottling things up never helps anyone."

Puck's POV

I'm going to do it. Even if he shoots me down, at least I'll know how he feels. I've talked my way into the pants of almost every girl I know. I should at least be able to talk to him like a human being.

Puck decided to meet Kurt by his car. At least that way, if things went pear shaped, he'd be able to run away easily.

He strolled over to the younger boy as he was rummaging for his car keys. Only his eyes gave away his nerves.

"Hey Kurt. What's up?"

"Why?"

"Erm..."

"Why are you talking to me? You never talk to me. Why should you care all of a sudden? And since when did you use my first name?" Kurt knew he shouldn't push him away, but he didn't want anyone, particularly not the man himself, guessing the identity of his current crush.

"Because, Kurt, I need to talk to you. It's kind of embarrassing, but I've got to tell you. I'll go mad otherwise."

Kurt raised a single eyebrow.

"I like you. Like, like, like you. I can't stop thinking about you."

Kurt's other eyebrow joined the first.

"I know, it's messed up. But I've got to know - have I even got a chance?"

"A chance? You've thrown more dumpsters than I care to remember. You've thrown so many slushees in my face I get nose-freeze. You've insulted me at every opportunity for the last two years."

Puck listened to Kurt's rant, shamefaced.

"And you know what? You are the most infuriating person alive. You've done so much crap to me, and yet... I like you. For some stupid, idiotic reason, I like you. Like, like, like you."

Kurt laid his hands on the taller boy's shoulders and looked into his eyes.

"You are being serious, right? If you are messing with me, I will set my dad on you with his shotgun."

Puck's only response was to bend down and kiss him.

Hermione smiled as she climbed into her car. She may not have solved the original problem, but at least there was one more happy couple in the world. And that would always be a good thing.

Happy Birthday, Multi!