Disclaimer: I do not own the characters and am making no money off of this. Characters and places are property of Square-Enix and Buena Vista. Trust me, if I owned KH, it would be rated M or higher.
Warnings: Heavily implied sexual themes between two men, character death.
Summery: Zexion contemplates his time with Demyx before his death.
Inspired by: "Apologize" by One Republic. Do not own the song. In fact, I don't even have a CD with it, or a music file.
Some things were never meant to happen.
"You are being assigned to Castle Oblivion. Tell no one."
"Affirmative."
Hearts were made to be broken. It's a fact we've all gotten used to.
"Why have you been so damn distant lately?" his voice is barely a whisper as he speaks into my hair. My non-heart flutters in my chest at my Nocturne's sad tone. He's pressed against my back, and we're both sweaty as we lie naked on his bed. We're not bothering with the covers, it's hot tonight and it'll only mean more laundry if it comes in contact with the semen coating my chest. He normally doesn't top… but I simply haven't been up to it since learning my next mission. His question has been expected, and I lie smoothly in reply.
"It's nothing, Demyx." He isn't satisfied with this answer. He knows something is terribly wrong now. I can't tell him though, orders are orders… and the future can't be changed. He knows though, because I rarely use his name these days. Its always Dem or Dems. If we were actually teasing eachother, I'd call him Demy-chan just for the reaction I'd get. And I know he isn't satisfied because of the way he tense up against my back and his arms tighten around me. I push away the memory of guilt. I don't want to feel it.
"Bull shit."
We aren't human. We don't have hearts… so why does it hurt so much to know that I'm leaving him… and he'll never see me again?
"What do you mean you're leaving! Why didn't you tell me?" I tried desperately to ignore his accusatory tone. He's hurting… or thinks he is. I desperately hope this teaches him why I didn't want to bother trying, but I know it won't. Demyx… he won't give up his beliefs. I envy him for it.
"I was ordered not to tell." I reply, continuing on my way. "I'm sorry." I can't even manage a false emotion for him right now. I plan on seeing him only once after this… only I know when.
"So you were just going to leave then! With no explanation?" I gasp as he grabs my hood and drags me back, slamming me against the wall and pinning me to it possessively. I can see the emotion in his eyes. It's painful to look at and I look away.
"I have no choice, Demyx." His name again, he flinches away from it, letting me slip under his arm to continue on my way. "I'm sorry." I repeat again.
Hearts were made to be broken. I should be happy that I'm experiencing this.
I'm going to die tomorrow at 8:03 PM, first I will lose to Riku, a fight that no matter how I deal with it I will lose. Then Axel will come on Saix's orders and have the Riku Replica finish me off. And I will pretend I never expected any of it, because that is my punishment for asking my fate of the Lexicon. Demyx is curled up beside me, his head on my chest as we enjoy our last time together. He wasn't expecting my visit, and I'm sure he senses that something is wrong. I finger the necklace he gave me all that time ago. I've never taken it off as I know what it means to him. It will be the proof that Xigbar's telling the truth about my death, later. I don't like the idea of Xigbar handling the precious item… but I know that Demyx will need proof. I cast a spell quietly, wrapping the necklace, the beautiful, dainty little sapphire in light so that it won't be dragged into the Darkness when I fade. Demyx doesn't even stir, though I know he senses the spell. I feel a wetness on my chest and realize he's crying. I run my hand through his hair to comfort him, because I know that he's afraid. He knows me too well… he knows I'd never abandon my duty for just anything. He knows that I know something, and that I'm not telling him.
"I love you." He murmurs, and his voice is strained. Something in my chest twists painfully, like a rag being wrung out. "You know that, right?" I play along, because it will only hurt him more if I don't.
"I know… I love you, too." I desperately wish that those words could be true. But they're not, because we are Nobodies, and we can't feel. We can't love.
"Stay with me?" he requests, finally shifting. He's leaning over me, his weight supported on his arms. I can't help but admire how well muscled he is, or more... attractively muscled… they're just barely visible under his skin. If he flexes them, they're more prominent, but still not overbearing. I lift my hands to trail up his arms, tracing the muscles, re-establishing them in my memory. When I reach his chest, I let my hands glide down from his pectorals to his waist-line, memorizing the way his muscles tremble under my touch. He's still waiting for an answer when I meet his gaze again.
"I can't. I wish I could… but I can't." We could pretend; we're good at that after all. He knows… he knows I'm saying 'good-bye' instead of 'farewell'. He glares at me, half heartedly, and my non-heart is wrenched out of my chest, because it hurts. It hurts and it won't stop.
"…Liar." I can't deny it, because I am lying. I could stay with him, but I know that fate would only throw something even more painful at me if I do. I don't want him to watch me die…
Castle Oblivion is cold. Riku's scent is flooding the halls below the first floor, Sora's above. The first floor is a confused mixture of scents, conflicted and confused. Axel's wood-fire and darkness is strangely absent, and I know he's reporting to Saïx. I smell rain water, and curse the fates that Demyx had to come. I'm waiting for him, because I need to chase him off myself. He's seen the damage though, he won't leave easily. Vexen and Lexeaus are gone, struck down by Axel and Riku respectively. Larxene is gone as well and Marluxia will fade within the hour. Axel is again, absent, but Demyx doesn't know that. I know its too late, apologies are a waste of breath. He finds me, his stunning aquamarine eyes, the ones that have drawn me in since day one, are seemingly floating in the doorway, the darkness shielding all but those reflective eyes of his. I want to cry. I tell him he needs to leave, but he doesn't. He is silent as he comes up to me, grabbing my shoulders and forcing a bruising kiss on me. He knows exactly what's going on now. Why I was so gentle last night. Why I did everything in my power to make sure he remembered it… tried everything to make him stay in the World that Never Was.
I taste tears in the kiss. I know he's been crying. I tell him off for coming anyways. I'm cruel, I'm heartless… I call him by number for the first time since a month after he joined our ranks. He's startled and hurt enough by that, that he actually leaves. I'm crying as the portal closes, his last words to me, ever, ringing in my ears.
I loved you.
The clock strikes seven, Marluxia's scent fades and I go to meet the start of my doom. I taunt and tease until Riku's furious enough to fall into the light and hear Naminé speak. He finds me, hiding in that same light and I feel Soul Eater carve its way through my chest. Still Demyx's words ring loud and clear in my ears, even as I stagger into the meeting room, where the Replica appears, where Axel resurfaces to bait Vexen's creation into finishing me off. Even as the false being, yet still more real than a Nobody will ever be, grabs my neck in a strangle hold and lifts me into the air and drains every remaining drop of my power. I feel the darkness claim me and hear the soft tap of Demyx's necklace landing on the floor. My last thought before I return to nothingness, is an apology.
AN: THIS is why I shouldn't be allowed to listen to music. This all stemmed from the first minute and ten seconds of "Apologize" by One Republic. The idea jumped into my head and wouldn't leave me alone. So I decided to use it for formatting practice. Hope you enjoyed.