Caroline and the Drawing
by Ann Fox
1997
Part 2 of 2 (continuation of "Caroline and the Afterthought")
*Winner of 1998 CitC fanfic mailing list award: "Best Character Development"
Disclaimer: This is an amateur work of fan fiction. All characters belong to NBC, Barron Pennette and Three Sisters. No infringement intended.
Note: This story takes place at the beginning of the third season and Julia and Richard have not gotten married.
********
After frantically tidying up her apartment, Caroline had showered and dressed, adding just a touch of her favorite perfume to her wrists and neck. Though her mind and heart were racing wildly, she focused as much as she could of her energy on trying to keep her composure. She sat down on her side of the partners desk and attempted to calm herself by focusing on her breathing, a task requiring complete and total concentration. Facing the window, she wouldn't have to watch him enter the apartment or try to interpret his expression as he walked through the door. That thought gave her a little bit of solace. Of course, Richard normally wore a deadly serious expression, but she had a feeling this morning would be different, considering the ordeal they'd gone through over the past few days. But she began to have doubts that he'd even show up at all.
Five minutes passed and her anxiety only intensified. She groaned in agony, then crossed her arms on the desk in front of her and lay her head upon them. Peering at her watch, she realized it was already 9:18 AM. Her head shot up and her mind began to race again.
Oh great! How am I going to survive here for twelve more minutes?! Oh my God, this is insane! What in the world was I thinking? Why would I do something like that? Of course she didn't have to wonder; she already knew the answer. Oh, but I had to. I just had to do it. If he ran off with that tramp without knowing how I felt, I would never be able to face myself again. Geez. I wonder what's going through his head right now.
********
I can't believe I made it to this section of town physically intact! Richard thought to himself. Though he had been taking this route on his way to work for more than a year now, it never ceased to amaze him that he was not mugged or held at gunpoint on a regular basis. He waited for a break in the traffic then rushed across the street and entered the vestibule of Caroline's apartment building.
As he waited for the elevator, his mind began to drift again. What kind of mood is she going to be in today? I really shouldn't have just left her there the other night. She's probably furious with me right now. I hope she isn't too upset. I just hate to see her unhappy. His compassionate thoughts became more logical and self-centered. But what the hell was I supposed to do? I was so confused. I still am. She was acting kind of weird, though. Weirder than usual, anyway, and weirder in a different way. Man, I hope she can understand what I was going through.
At last the elevator opened, revealing the dark-haired woman who seemed to have taken up residence in there. Richard recalled a rather unpleasant afternoon he'd spent holding onto a pipe in her apartment and grimaced, deciding immediately to take the stairs instead. Luckily Caroline only lived on the second floor, so the two-flight climb was less painful than a ride in the elevator would have been. Richard paused in front of her door and prayed once more that she was not too upset.
********
Caroline heard the door open. Without looking up, she continued working on the cartoon sketch in front of her, pretending to be so engrossed in her work as to be oblivious to outside influences. She nervously awaited the visitor's first words.
Richard spotted Caroline over at the desk where she appeared to be already hard at work. He couldn't discern from where he stood whether or not she was ignoring him or was simply unaware of his arrival.
"Hey, Caroline," he called monotonously, creating a safe and neutral announcement of his presence.
She didn't look up from her drawing, but blandly replied, "Hey, Richard."
More worried about Caroline's well-being than his craving for coffee, he approached the desk and sat down across from her. He was lost trying to read her expression while her head was bowed, so he got right to the point, giving voice to his concern.
"Look, Caroline...anything I said or did the other night...if I upset you in any way, I'm really sorry."
She finally looked up at Richard and realized his expression was exhibiting genuine concern. That was the last thing she expected him to say. Stuttering, she realized she wasn't sure exactly how to reply.
"Uh, well, uh...that's okay, Richard. I understand."
Though uncertain of the intent of her response, he continued. "I'm just sorry I let it go that far. I want to thank you for helping me out, though. The truth is, you made a very convincing 'Madame Karinsky'."
Caroline sighed and wondered if that was supposed to be some sort of hint. She dismissed it. "Well, I guess I just have a natural talent. And, hey, what are friends for anyway? You would have done the same for me, right?"
"In a second," he replied truthfully.
Caroline turned her attention back to the strip in front of her, drew a few additional lines, then recapped her drawing pen and handed the finished strip across the desk to Richard. "Here you go." He took it from her as she walked over to the counter next to the refrigerator. "You want some coffee?"
"Sure, that sounds good," he replied as he examined the new cartoon.
Caroline sighed softly and retrieved the coffee can from the cabinet above her head. Things seem to be going pretty well, she thought to herself. Oh, God, what should I say to him? Maybe everything will be fine if I don't say anything. But then he might get suspicious. I wonder if he even got the message yet. He doesn't seem to be acting any stranger than he normally does. Ugh, I don't know. She prepared the coffeemaker distractedly, performing the task as if she were a machine programmed especially for that purpose.
"Uh, Caroline?" Richard ventured from across the room.
"Yes?" she answered meekly, still anticipating some mention of her phone message.
"Uh, are you okay? I mean, this strip reads like something out of a horror movie."
Caroline laughed nervously. "Really? I guess I'm just...." She turned to face Richard and attempted to read his expression. It seemed slightly puzzled, but revealed nothing more. Somehow she found her voice again and continued, "...I'm just a little tired. We had a few rough nights, didn't we?"
Richard seemed to accept her explanation, but continued to voice his concern over the comic strip. "So, do you really want me to color this in then? I don't mean to nit-pick or anything, but I think this 'Sofia' character being plowed over by runaway farm machinery is a little too graphic for the funnies page, even if it is only a 'Caroline' dream sequence."
She chuckled, but inwardly grimaced. Of course, she had known even before she'd drawn it that it would be inappropriate for publication, but she felt a little better having done it. In a way she hoped Richard would realize what a striking resemblance this 'Sofia' bore to a certain Italian temptress, but ultimately she prayed that he wouldn't. As much as she disliked Julia, she worried that her harmless little sketch would hurt Richard somehow. Apparently he did not make the connection, so she decided to let it go before he had a chance to.
"Nah, I'll just draw up a new one. Sorry about that." Realizing Richard was there without anything to do, she suggested that he take it easy for the time being.
Richard shrugged and set the strip aside, continuing to watch Caroline curiously. She smiled brightly but he continued to stare. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"Yes, I'm fine," she replied quickly.
"Because if there's something you'd like to talk about..." he offered.
The coffee began to drip and she turned away from him. It must have been obvious that something was bothering her because he had never opened himself up to this type of serious conversation before, or displayed so much concern over her well-being. She wasn't sure what he was thinking. She desperately wanted him to make mention of her phone message or at least find out somehow whether or not he had received it. She was sick with fear that he would say nothing, therefore implying that he didn't feel the same. She never should have added the concession that if he didn't share the same feelings, he should not mention the call, because in the off chance that he never heard the message, he would never have had the chance to reply and she would never know for sure unless she brought it up herself.
"Caroline, isn't the coffee just about ready?" he asked, for lack of a better way to break her out of her reverie.
The question startled her but she turned around and looked at the coffeepot. "Nope, it's barely started. It'll be awhile yet."
Though Richard was beginning to feel the onset of boredom, he wanted to figure out what was bothering her. He always said that he had enough of his own problems that he had no reason to be concerned with anyone else's, but he usually listened when Caroline told him about hers. The fact that she didn't want to talk about it was what made him the most uncomfortable. He was not sure how to address the situation, so he focused on his boredom instead. "Do you have anything for me to do here?" he asked.
"Well, just do whatever you want until the coffee's ready. Then I'll draw you up a new strip." Caroline made her way back to the desk and sat down. The tension in the room continued to build as they silently listened to the coffeemaker
drip........drip........drip........drip........drip........
"Hidey-ho neighboroonies!" called Charlie as he burst through the door.
Caroline and Richard both jumped from their seats in surprise. She held her palm to her chest, willing her heart to stop pounding. "Hey, Charlie," she greeted brightly, relieved that he had picked such an opportune moment to burst in on them.
"You have a pickup for me?" he asked. "I gotta get outta here quick 'cause it's Fish-o-Rama down at the East River. For only ten bucks you can borrow this guy's poles and go fishing off his dock! And...he lets you use his stove to cook up everything you catch! But you have to bring your own bait."
"Wow. That sound like a great deal, Charlie," remarked Richard.
"Yep! You know, they say those fish are twice the size of any of that kind in the world! But remember, you didn't hear it from me."
"They also say those fish have twice as many eyes as any other fish in the world," Richard muttered under his breath.
Caroline glared at Richard. She walked over to where Charlie stood and patted him on the back. "Don't worry, we'll keep it a secret. Sorry about the strip though, Charlie. We had a little mix-up and it's not finished yet."
"Okey dokey. No problemo. I'll just come back later then," he said as he began to roll away. Caroline watched him coast to the door then suddenly turn around. "Oh wait! I almost forgot." He dug around in his knapsack and produced a manila envelope. Handing it to her, he said, "For you, 'mon orteil de plus'." He laughed. "Gotta roll."
"Thanks, Charlie," she answered slightly apprehensively. Charlie saluted her as he rolled out the door and she carried the envelope over to the drafting table, eager to open it. Richard watched from across the desk, trying his hardest not to look too interested. She picked at the metal clasp and lifted the envelope's flap.
"Oh my God," she breathed when she realized what was inside.
"What is it?" Richard wondered aloud.
Caroline removed the contents and set the envelope aside. "Ugh! Do you believe this?" she cried. "It's me!"
Sporting a look of pure disgust, she held up a four-by-six photograph of herself.
"Ahhhh," Richard replied, remembering the day the photo was taken. "As I recall, that was the day you were trying out the new 'Edward Scissorhands' hairstyle."
Caroline looked up from the pictures and scowled at him. "That was a great movie. And my hair didn't look anything like his--it's red, not black. Anyway.....as I recall, that was the day that you actually agreed with Del about my 'ombudsman'."
"But you have to remember he was wrong. Of course, if he hadn't been, your Super could be six feet under right now."
"Then I wouldn't have anyone to bother month after month to fix my drafty windows and leaky pipes," she sighed.
"Well, if you think about it, there are several home remedies you could use to solve those types of problems," Richard explained. "I mean, I've always said that cat of yours isn't good for anything, but I suppose you could use it to solve your draft problem."
"Richard!" Caroline chided. He grinned at her priggishly while she rolled her eyes. Salty dozed contentedly in her basket, completely unaware and unconcerned with the jokes being made at her expense.
As Richard sat there in a deluge of smug self-containment, Caroline turned her attention back to the photographs. The first few were various shots of herself, none of which seemed very flattering, as she was willing to admit. She flipped through the stack quickly, pausing as one in particular caught her attention. The composition featured a close-up of a man's face, a man whose distinguishing features included intense blue eyes shadowed with a deep and profound sadness, and a gentle mouth with corners that curved slightly downward. She smiled, reflecting on how much this man had influenced her life from day to day.
As Richard's flood of self-satisfaction subsided, he watched Caroline silently from across the desk, noting with amusement how her expression changed as she reacted to each photo. From where he sat, he couldn't actually see what she was smiling at, but he had a pretty good idea. Though he felt slightly uncomfortable and ached to break the silence with a clever comment, he remained quiet and allowed Caroline to remain lost in the moment.
After admiring the photo for several minutes, she moved it to the back of the stack. The next two pictures mirrored the previous one with the exception that they were taken from a more distant perspective and the man's expression appeared slightly more agitated each time; in the second photo he seemed not only agitated but downright furious. The final two photographs were out of focus with streaks of motion blurring the background. The first one contained the image of a rubber mouse being flung through the air and the last was simply a shot of Caroline's wooden flooring. Unconsciously, a girlish giggle escaped from her lips. Richard continued to give her his undivided attention and she lifted her eyes to meet his.
"You're pretty darn photogenic," she commented with amusement.
With little more than a moment's hesitation, he replied, "With your definition of photogenic, even Paula Jones would fit the profile."
Caroline cocked her head slightly. "Who's Paula Jones?"
Richard grinned devilishly. "Just a good friend of President Clinton's."
Still clueless, Caroline shrugged and returned the photos to the envelope then set it on the desk. The brewing coffee was beginning to smell more enticing by the second so she walked over to the coffeemaker to fill a mug for each of them. As soon as her back was turned, he grabbed the envelope and quickly withdrew the photos. Before she finished pouring the first cup, he had extracted one of the many disheveled Caroline shots as well as one of himself. He quickly placed the envelope in its original spot on Caroline's side of the desk and shoved the pilfered pictures into his leather portfolio. Caroline spent a few additional moments at the counter then returned with two mugs of freshly-brewed hot coffee.
"Aren't you going to ask me if I want to look at the pictures?" he asked casually.
Caroline smiled wryly. "No, Richard, they're mine. I hate to keep them from your view, but they happen to be quite personal."
Richard snorted quietly. "Okay, but if I find out there's anything that's too revealing in there, I'm afraid I'll have to confiscate them."
"And what exactly do you consider 'too revealing'?" she asked playfully as she handed him his mug.
Richard pretended to rack his brain. "Well, uh, let me think about that for a minute." He paused for effect. "How about anything that shows me clothed in less than one layer of black, for example. Or--" He paused once more, "--anything that shows me in a loving embrace with my long-lost twin sister, Wednesday Addams."
"Oh, Richard," Caroline scolded, even though she was slightly amused. She took a sip of coffee and sat down at the desk. "I don't think you have anything to worry about then, unless being seen in the presence of a rubber cat toy somehow detracts from your masculinity."
"Caroline, I'm not Del. It'd take a little more than that to make me feel less than manly."
"Yeah, you're right," she agreed. "Any man who feels no reserve crying in front of an audience of hundreds of people at an opera has to be pretty secure in his manhood."
Before Richard could reply, the phone interrupted them. Suddenly a chill ran down Caroline's spine as she remembered how nervous she had been just thirty minutes earlier. Mentally reviewing Richard's behavior over the past half hour, she decided that either he was an excellent actor or hadn't gotten the message yet. Since there was nothing she could do about it then and there, she resolved not to dwell on it and instead set her mug down next to the Magic 8 Ball on the ledge of the desk and went to answer the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hi Caroline, it's me," said Annie from the other end of the line.
"Hey, what's up?" Caroline asked.
"I'm back in the city now but I'm stuck at the freakin' airport 'cause some idiot lost my luggage on the way over! I just wanted you to know I made it back in one piece but now I'm in a real pissy mood!"
"Oh Annie, I'm sorry. That really sucks. But you know what? I'm glad you're home. I really missed you. We all did, didn't we, Richard?" Caroline turned around to face him just as he thrust a letter opener to his chest, demonstrating the suicidal gesture he now seemed to use on a regular basis. "Richard sends his love," she told Annie after Richard was finished with his dramatic display.
"Yeah?" she replied. "Well, you tell Lerch he can bite me."
Caroline turned back to Richard and said, "I'm supposed to tell you she was lost without your constant support and she's glad she'll be able to experience it once again." He flashed her the fakest smile he could muster.
"Anyway," said Annie, attempting to draw Caroline's attention back to their conversation, "could you tell Ma I'll be home later today whether I find my luggage or not?" And please make sure she's decent before I get there."
"No problem," replied Caroline. "Anything else?"
"I guess not. Just pray that I get my stuff back soon. I have my eight-by-ten glossy of Shadoe Stevens in that suitcase and if I don't get that back, I'm screwed. Even if it is addressed to Frannie, it's my only souvenir of having worked with him, and I just might need it if I have any hope of getting my old job back."
"Annie, no offense, but I really don't think the producers of 'Cats' will be swayed by an autographed picture of a burned-out sitcom star."
"Who's talking about the producers? I'm gonna use it to blackmail Shadoe into getting me the job back. After all, he is married, and it does say 'It was fun playing doctor with you'."
"Annie!" Caroline exclaimed in exasperation. "You can't be serious! Couldn't you try to get your job back in a more mature fashion?"
"Well, where's the fun in that? I've got ammo, baby, and I'm gonna use it!" she shouted.
"But what about Shadoe?" Caroline asked.
"Screw him! He's a jerk, and he owes me big time for messing up my career." Annie paused for a moment and Caroline could hear bits and pieces of a muffled conversation. Suddenly Annie screamed. "YES!!! Caroline! They found my luggage! Ha ha! I'm saved! Well, I'll be home in a little while. See ya!"
Annie hung up before Caroline had a chance to respond. She pushed the off button on the cordless phone but didn't hang it up.
"She's on her way home," she announced to Richard as if he wasn't already painfully aware of the fact.
"See? What did I tell you, huh? You insisted on leaving her a warm saucer of milk, but I told you to just give her a little time and she'd come back on her own. Once again I was right," he retorted, then added, "unfortunately."
"So I imagine you'd rather not be here for the big reunion, huh?" she asked.
"Oh, I suppose that's just a pleasure that I'll have to forego," he replied sarcastically. "Does that mean I get the rest of the day off?"
"With that kind of attitude, I have to wonder why I ever put up with you," she commented, sighing dramatically. "Well, okay, I guess. But tomorrow you're going to owe me some major overtime."
"Fine," he decided quickly. "I'll just go home and get some painting done. I've had some great ideas buzzing around in my head for awhile now."
Caroline noted with affection how his eyes glowed as he described his creative visions. This man was a creative genius, even if he was among those who was unaware of the fact. If she were to mention this, though, he would tell her she was crazy and change the subject, so she simply nodded and said, "Yeah, go ahead. You'd probably be more productive painting than just sitting around here."
He downed the rest of his coffee and picked up his portfolio, then took the empty mug over to the sink to rinse it out. "Thanks, Caroline. I'll see you tomorrow."
Richard was rather eager to get home, not because he really wanted to paint, but because he wanted to find out whether or not Julia would be waiting for him when he got back. He hated to lie to Caroline like that, but he really had no choice. He glanced back at her as he closed the door.
Caroline sank down into her office chair. The airport was only a few miles away, but knowing Annie, she wouldn't be home for several more hours. She wanted to use her time constructively and get some more cartoons drawn up, but for one reason or another she kept getting distracted and her mind kept wandering. She stared off into space for a few moments before reaching over for the manila envelope. Once again she removed the pictures and flipped through them until she came upon the photo of Richard that had grabbed her attention earlier. Something about the picture made the subject seem almost mystical to her. Perhaps it was the angle or the photographer's perspective, but mostly it was his eyes. Richard's clear blue orbs seemed to possess an endless depth, and held within them remnants of the hurt and pain he'd been forced to endure throughout his life. Even through the photograph, she felt as if he was calling out to her to ease his pain and help him to end his suffering. It was almost as if it was not a photograph at all but instead a window into his soul.
She gazed at it for a good amount of time before picking up a pencil. Unconsciously she began scribbling on a sheet of scratch paper, the doodle initially consisting of nothing more than random lines and squiggles, but soon transforming into specific patterns and shapes. It was as if another force took control of her at that point, metamorphosing her into its marionette. Though it had been said that time was a universal invariant, it ceased to exist at that point for Caroline Duffy. She became completely oblivious to her surroundings, the sights and sounds and smells around her disappearing until she was completely alone. Using the photograph for reference as she went along, she focused only on the drawing. Her right hand guided the pencil furiously across the paper, creating shape and form, tone and texture, and shadow and highlight. Before long, she held in her hand a dull yellow pencil and had in front of her an incredibly realistic representation of the man she cared most about in the world--her Richard.
She was stupefied. Not only had she drawn the planes and angles of his face to perfection, but somehow she'd also captured the very essence of his cynical personality. She obviously had known she'd had some natural artistic talent, but she was astounded by its extent. She focused so much energy on her cartooning that she'd never really taken time to explore other potential areas of talent. Now that an amazing talent had been unconsciously revealed to her, she was so shaken she could do nothing but sit there and stare. She shifted her gaze from the sheet of paper to her hand, unwilling to believe it was she who'd actually created it.
The sort of awe and wonder coursing through her generated a sensation within her that she surmised was something similar to the way a young child might feel upon meeting its baby sibling for the first time. All she could think was Wow. Did I really create this? It was new and strange, and nearly moved her to tears. A smile spread across her face and she became giddy, giggling like a little girl. She might have remained in that state of vertigo for the entire evening had it not been for a loud rustling outside her door and the sound of Annie's voice calling her name.
"Caroline! Are you home?! CAROLINE!!"
She was more than a little startled by the interruption and involuntarily sprung from her seat. She shook her head in an attempt to clear it and crossed the room to open the door.
"Caroline!" Annie cried. She flung open her arms to embrace her friend.
"Hey, Annie!" she replied, returning the hug. "I'm so glad you're home."
"Oh, me too. I never thought I'd be so happy to see this little town again!"
"Life certainly wasn't as interesting without you," Caroline commented.
"Aww," Annie gushed. She hugged Caroline for a few moments then abruptly broke the embrace. "Okay, that's a good enough greeting for me. I'm beginning to get nauseous."
Caroline laughed then invited Annie in. She'd really missed her. Annie had truly missed Caroline too; she depended upon Caroline more than she'd ever admit. They both had a seat on the couch. Just as Caroline was about to offer her a cup of coffee, Annie interrupted.
"What'cha got there?"
"Huh?" Caroline said.
"That piece of paper in your hand. Here, let me see that."
"Oh," Caroline said in surprise as she looked down at the drawing which she'd been clinging to since she finished it. "It's, uh.....it's just a little sketch."
Annie reached over and plucked it from her grasp. An uncharacteristic sound of disbelief escaped her lips. "Oh my God, Caroline! Did you do this?"
Caroline bit her lower lip nervously. "Yeah."
Annie was completely dumbstruck by the drawing. "Caroline, this is amazing! I didn't know you could draw like this!"
"Hmm. Neither did I. Until today, that is," she admitted. "I just started doodling and the next thing I knew, Richard was staring up at me!"
"Did he see this yet?" Annie asked enthusiastically.
"No, I was just finishing it up when you got home."
"This is incredible! You have to show him!"
"I don't know if I should," Caroline said uncertainly.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, he might--" she began.
"He might what?" prompted Annie.
Caroline sighed. "I don't know."
"Caroline, are you okay? Is there something going on that I don't know about?"
She was hesitant with her response. "Well...kind of. I guess so. I mean, there could be."
Annie set the drawing down on the cedar chest and looked at her friend with such compassion that Caroline had no choice but to tell her. She stared down at her hands nervously and fidgeted with a ring on her index finger.
"Annie...I did something...something that could change the course of my entire life." She lifted her gaze to meet Annie's.
"What?" she asked gently.
Annie remained motionless and quiet as Caroline told her all about Julia's return, her fictional marriage to Richard, and the message she left on his answering machine. Only after Caroline had finished and sat in silence while tears rolled down her cheeks did Annie finally speak.
"Do you think he got the message?" Annie's voice resounded with sympathy and concern.
"I don't know. I don't know......I mean, he was here earlier today, and I don't think he'd heard it yet. But then I let him go home, so he might have by now."
Annie reached over and lay her hand over Caroline's. "Well, don't give up hope. I'm sure you'll hear from him the moment he hears it."
Both women were reserved for several moments until Caroline broke the silence. "Annie?"
"Yeah?"
"Do you think Del was right about Richard and me having a connection?"
Annie thought for a moment. "Well, I guess if there's anyone in the world who understands Scrooge, it's you. I suppose that qualifies as some sort of connection."
"Do you think he loves me?" Caroline asked frankly.
Annie took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. She had been anticipating this moment for a long time. "You know that's something that only he can answer. I mean, what do I know about love?"
"You're right." Caroline closed her eyes as the tears continued to fall.
Annie continued, "But if I were to guess, I'd say there's a pretty good chance that he does."
Caroline smiled sadly and reached over to Annie. She wrapped her arms around Caroline and sighed. "You know I'm not much of a hugger, but I guess I'll have to make an exception for you," she remarked and generated a slight giggle out of Caroline. After a few moments, she disentangled herself from Annie's arms and sat up. She wiped the tears from her eyes on the sleeve of her sweatshirt.
"So you really love him, huh?" Annie asked.
"Yeah. I do. I really love him."
"Well, I hope everything works out between you guys. All I want is to see you happy. And it might be nice to see Richard happy for a change. Hmm...Richard...happy? On second thought, maybe I don't want to see what that looks like."
Caroline couldn't help but smile. What would it be like to see Richard happy? It was a phenomenon that had completely alluded her for as many years as she'd known him. With that in mind, she thanked Annie for listening to her. "I feel a lot better now that I told you."
"I'm glad I can be of use to you once in awhile," Annie replied. "So...do you think you'll be okay for now? I don't wanna sound like I'm giving you the brush-off here or anything, but I'm kinda tired. All that flying has put me in the mood for a nice, long nap. You don't mind, do you?"
"Oh, no, that's fine, Annie. Go ahead. You've been a big help to me today, and I could use a little nap myself."
"Okay," she said as she got up. "Take care of yourself, Caroline. If there's anything you need, just come and wake me up. But try to give me at least two hours, 'kay?"
"Okay. Bye, Annie."
She waved goodbye then shut the door, leaving Caroline alone once again. Salty crept over from her basket and curled up next to her. Caroline lay down and stroked the cat's head until they both drifted off to sleep.
********
Caroline and Salty slept soundly for the next several hours, catching up on some much-needed rest. A soft rapping on the door caused her to stir in her sleep but did not wake her. A key rattled in the lock and the doorknob turned, opening to reveal Richard, who stood in the doorway looking very solemn and haggard. The lights were still on in the apartment, even though it was almost 10:00 P.M. and he could not see Caroline anywhere. He supposed she was probably in her loft, so he hung up his coat and silently ascended the stairs to her bedroom.
Halfway up, he stopped after sensing some movement out of the corner of his eye. He turned around to see Caroline asleep on the couch next to her "draft-stopper". Richard needed desperately to talk to her, but he didn't want to disturb her slumber so he came back down and had a seat on a chair next to the couch. He watched her sleep in silence, thinking to himself that he had never seen such a beautiful sight in his entire life.
In an effort to make himself more comfortable, he crossed his left leg over his right but accidentally kicked into the cedar chest. The impact was not significant enough to cause him any real physical pain through his thick boot, but it made just enough noise and movement to rouse Caroline from her sleep and to send a sheet of paper floating to the floor. Richard quickly bent over to pick it up, but halted halfway when he realized what was on it. As if in slow motion, he covered the remaining distance between himself and the paper and brought it shakily up to his face. It was as if he were looking at himself in a mirror that only reflected in values, in the shades of black and white and grey that constituted his life. He swallowed hard and looked up at Caroline. She stretched, moaned slightly, and opened her eyes. Richard froze and sat there as still as a deer trapped in the headlights of a car. She shot into a sitting position when she saw him in front of her.
"Richard! What are you doing here?"
"I, uh," he stammered, "I just, uh, wanted to talk to you about something."
Having just been asleep for a considerable amount of time, she was rather foggy-brained and disoriented. "Did you call before you came over?"
He shook his head. "No."
She rubbed her eyes and blinked hard a few times as she attempted to get her eyes used to the light. "How long have you been here?"
"Only a few minutes. Just long enough to, uh..." He trailed off and let his gaze shift down to the drawing in his hands.
"Oh," she said in realization. There was nothing she could do now to avoid the situation, so she asked, "So, um, what do you think of it?"
Richard shook his head slightly and sighed. "Well, I'm not one to judge your subject choice, but I have to say that aside from you, this is one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen."
"What?" Caroline asked quickly, uncertain that she heard correctly.
Richard caught his Freudian slip before he repeated it. "I said it's beautiful."
"Oh," she replied disappointedly.
"I never knew you could draw so well."
"Me neither. It just sort of...happened." She was growing increasingly anxious as her head began to clear up. Discussing her drawing with him was making her very uncomfortable, so she opted to change the subject. "So, uh, you said you wanted to talk to me about something?"
Richard's eyes met hers. She noticed they were slightly glassy, as if he had been drinking or crying not too long ago. He opened his mouth to speak, but found that he could not get the words past his lips. Caroline watched his mental struggle and wished there was some way she could help him. When he finally was able to speak, his words were just the opposite of what she expected.
"Julia left me again."
Caroline was feeling too sympathetic towards Richard's disposition to feel any sort of jubilation.
"Oh, Richard. I'm so sorry." She gestured for him to join her on the couch. "What happened?"
He switched seats and exhaled heavily before speaking. "Well, it's really not much of a story. When I got home today and she wasn't there to greet me as soon as I walked through the door, I knew she was already gone. I found a note on my easel saying that I had changed too much and was no longer the Richard she fell in love with."
"She left without saying goodbye?" Caroline asked gently with obvious disbelief.
"Yeah. She said she was taking a plane back to Milan because she claimed she could not live with a man who was in love with another woman."
Caroline's eyes grew wide with surprise. "What?"
"She no longer believes she is my 'Sincere Amore'." He shrugged. "I guess she couldn't live with anything less than that."
"Oh my God," was all that Caroline could say. Richard was speaking more frankly than he ever had for as long as she'd known him. She wasn't sure what to think or say.
"The more I think about it, the more I'm beginning to think she's right," he continued.
"Really?" she managed to choke out, though her throat becoming drier by the second as she began to anticipate where the conversation was headed.
"I think I was more in love with what she represented to me than who she really was. I mean, I do love her and I always have, but I think I somehow outgrew her."
Caroline remained silent, as she could think of no decent way to reply to that. She sat still and waited for him to continue.
"Ever since I met her, I thought she was the one person I'd be with for the rest of my life. Oh, but I was so blind. How could I have not seen that it wasn't real? I feel like such an imbecile. There must have been so many signs telling me it wasn't going to work, but I ignored them all." He sighed dramatically before describing to Caroline the conclusion he'd come to. "Maybe I needed her to leave me. Maybe that was the wake-up call I was unconsciously waiting for."
It seemed to Caroline that he had rehearsed the entire speech several times beforehand because his words and thoughts were so carefully chosen and well thought-out. She was afraid she would interrupt his flow if she said anything so she didn't.
"I guess in a way I am grateful to her for giving me the courage to face what I've been trying so hard to deny for three years."
Oh my God she thought. Surely he can't mean...
"Caroline," he said, "I've been waiting for a long time to say this and I just regret not having done it sooner." He stared fixedly down at the floor, not yet willing to look her in the eye. "You and I...we have a very unique relationship. Normally people as optimistic as you make me want to vomit, but I've never really felt that way around you. Well...maybe once or twice, but that's not the point. What I'm trying to say is we are very different types of people. We're completely opposite of each other, as a matter of fact. No amount of explanation could convince me as to why I am so attracted to you. You have drawn me in somehow--metaphorically speaking, that sunny personality of yours has its own, shall I say, 'gravitational pull' to it." He paused long enough to laugh at himself. "I'm starting to get pathetic now."
Caroline wasted no time urging him to continue and assuring him that he was not the least bit pathetic.
"Well," he said as he gazed into her eyes, "what I'm trying to say is that somewhere along the way I fell in love with you. There was nothing I could do about it; it was as if some higher power had control of my emotions."
Her eyes glistened with moisture for a few moments before the tears began to flow freely down her face just as they had earlier that evening. For once in her life she was rendered completely speechless. All she could do was wait and see what he'd say next.
"In Julia's note she made reference to a phone call you made to me while I was gone," he said.
This is not happening. This is not happening. This is not happening. she thought to herself, biting hard on her lower lip to make sure she wasn't dreaming.
Richard reached over and took her hand in his. Her mind and heart continued to race furiously.
"I never heard the message, Caroline," he said. "Julia told me she erased it for my own good."
Caroline's mouth shot open. "She erased it?"
"Yes. Please don't be mad at her for that. She was very nonspecific in her description except for one aspect. It just happens to be the one thing I've been wishing for since the day I met you."
"Richard," she breathed.
"I thought it'd be more appropriate if I told you this in person." He gazed deeply into her eyes and began to choke up. "Caroline, I have loved you since the beginning. You are the reason I go on living and breathing every day. You are the one person in my life I know I can count on not to betray me."
Caroline was now crying so hard she could no longer see clearly. She was overwhelmed by the tenderness in his gaze and felt all control slipping away from her. He reached down and touched the back of his hand to her cheek. With one finger he wiped the tears from each of her eyes.
"I want to share your laughter and wipe away your tears..." he said.
Suddenly realization struck Caroline. "You wrote that song, didn't you? You wrote it for me?"
One look into his eyes confirmed her suspicion. Slowly he leaned down and placed his lips gently upon hers. She brought her hands up to his head and pulled him closer to her body. The kiss quickly escalated into deeper passion as each of them broke free of the remaining barriers between them. The moment they had both been waiting so long for arrived in a mixture of heat and desire and tears of happiness. Richard moved his hands lovingly along Caroline's back while she ran her fingers through his thick blond hair.
"OW!" Suddenly and without warning, Richard cried out in pain. The exclamation was muffled inside Caroline's mouth, and she jerked away sharply, completely startled by the interjection.
"What's the matter?" she asked quickly.
"My glasses," he replied, laughing as he removed them. "They were digging into my face!"
"Oh my God, Richard. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you," she apologized.
He set the glasses down on the cedar chest and wrapped his arms around her once more. "Sweet Caroline, how could I hurt when holding you?"
She giggled. "Do I have a Neil Diamond fan in my midst here?"
"Well, I suppose."
"You're not a Neil Diamond fan?"
"Didn't you hear me? 'I Am...I Said'," he replied with a smirk.
"Oh, fine. I see we're going for the corny ending here, huh?"
He grinned cheerfully at her. "Well, 'First You Have to Say You Love Me'."
"Richard, I love you," she said, rather enjoying his little game. "Now 'Play Me', 'If You Know What I Mean'."
"Anything for you, 'Sweet Caroline'."
They both laughed joyously and held each other tightly in an affectionate embrace.
The End
Please visit my Caroline in the City webpage: Sincere Amore