"I'm fatally yours..."

-Fatally Yours - Alkaline Trio

The rain was falling in gentle patters, collecting in thick rivlets and running down storm drains. Duo stepped in a puddle and kept moving on through the night. He looked up and saw Heero standing just out of the glow of the street light. He smiled, slightly and walked to him.

"Hey, Hee-chan," Duo grinned, "the ol' ball and chain let you off your leash?"

Heero gazed impassively at Duo's question. "Hn." was his only response.

Suddenly Heero turned and strode off, leaving Duo to grin and lope after, jogging due to his short stature to keep up. Duo knew the whole set up; Heero would establish a night to rendezvous and a small house (safe house, Duo's mind supplied) which invariably went on the market the next day, and the cycle would continue all over again.

Sometimes Duo wished that he could take Heero away from all this, from the sneaking around at night. It was the only way they would not get caught with their pants down. Literally.

Heero's newest chosen house was different than the usual tiny places. This was a large house, Victorian in style. The paint was holding up very well, and in the dark appeared almost purple. A grand veranda was built into the house and screened in, hanging low, right on the ground. Duo would've bet that there were huge columns of support beneath the house, unless there was a basement. Damn good structure.

The front door was inviting as well, calling to him.

"Cutting it awful close, ne?" Duo said, "the manor's only four blocks from here."

Heero smirked at Duo, "thought you loved danger."

Duo rolled his eyes as he followed Heero to the door. He watched Heero as he unlocked the door and walked inside, holding the door open. As soon as the door shut, Heero was on him like white on rice.

Not that Duo was complaining; he was matching him kiss for kiss, grope for grope. Duo reached down and yanked his boots off, nearly losing his balance. Heero growled and pulled Duo's shirt off, before attacking his own with fierce ferocity.

"I don't know what happened," Heero sounded frustrated, "one day Relena was this obsessive girl obsessing. The next..."

Duo chuckled, "the dangers of drinking too much."

Heero wanted to get the whole thing annulled, but whenever he broached it with Relena, she would brightly gush at how happy she was and change the subject.

"How did this happen?" Heero would ask, and Duo would just shake his head, chuckling with mirth, "hey buddy, ya gotta get out of the whole thing, stand firm. Don't let the girl's tears get you."

Right then, though, their minds were on a different track. Heero nipped at Duo's nipples, then pulled at Duo's pants. They stumbled into the bedroom and collasped on the bed. The bed was soft, yet thick and the sheets were white.

They were just getting into it when all of a sudden, there was a huge noise, a commotion. Heero jerked up, the switch to Perfect Soldier had not dulled in all the time since the end of the wars and peace somehow had begun a firm ascent to the world.

"What the hell was that?" Duo asked.

***

Relena watched as Heero slipped out the door, on silent feet once again. She was beginning to become suspicious. Heero would leave all night, and come back in the early glaze of the morning and fall asleep on top of the covers on their bed. He could barely get in bed with her on those nights.

She was happy. She really was. Relena had the perfect man in her life, never mind his terse monosyllabic grunts and stony attitude. He was all man, and that called to her on so many levels, beyond instinctual recognition of protector. Of course, cognitively, she recognized that her feelings for him were based on sexist leanings, but it was so much more than that; it had grown into something more.

However, all was not well on the Eastern front. While she had her man in her bed most nights, some nights, she did not. She would always ask him about where he went the mornings after, and he would emit non-commital grunts.

So. She decided that she would follow him in a car. A dark maroon style of vehicle with tinted windows, to be exact. It was less richly ostentatious and would not attract his attention. It was also not hers.

Paigan wouldn't mind, she was sure.

She watched as Heero walked down the street and slipped around the corner. Starting the car, she followed.

Heero had crossed the street to the other side and walked rapidly to the corner and veered to the right away from the manor. Then he cut through the park. Relena kept a frantic eye on him as he headed for the North passage, and quickly maneuvered the car around the park, trying not to draw attention. She was starting to feel ridiculous, like she hadn't thought this through. She never knew how hard it was to tail someone.

She caught a glimpse of Heero crossing the street across from the park, and stopping just outside of the circle of light cast by the street lamp. She kept driving straight and then made a U-turn and parked on the side of the road. She could see Heero in the rearview mirror and settled in to wait. He was up to something.

The something arrived, whistling a jaunty tune past her across the street in the rain. She had her window down a crack and could make out the tune of Dixie.

She saw, with a growing feeling of dismay, Duo Maxwell greeting her husband, Heero Yuy.

Something went cold in her chest cavity, and in her stomach she felt heat. She felt cold and hot at once, frosty emotion that went past furious rage warred with red hot pains of heartbreak. The anger within her fought for supremacy as she watched them walk a short way to a house.

It was a cold fury building up within her. She felt as though anything she touched would turn to crackling ice, like King Mida's touch of gold.

Angrily, she shifted the car in high gear and gunned the engine before turning the steering wheel sharply. The wheels on the car squealed and protested as they left rubber in the shape of a sharp U-turn across the middle of the road. The car built up speed and drove onward with a furious urgency, headed straight for the front door of the light violet house. There were no shrubbery to hinder her process.

Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned.

***

Heero zipped up his pants, and awkwardly slung the shirt that was hanging half on him back into place. Duo did up his pants and followed behind him, alert for anything.

Almost anything.

Duo looked around Heero who had stopped in the middle of the living room. Then he whistled. "Man, of all the things... a car?"

Heero made no noise and pulled the crumpled door open with his supreme, superhuman strength that never ceased to amaze the ex-gundam fighter. Then Heero gave a start in surprise.

"Relena!"

"Wha--?" Duo gaped in shock.

Relena burst out the car, eyes blazing with blue fury, "I missed you!" she hissed.

Heero was startled, "you did?" then he realized what she'd meant, as she pounded her fists against his chest.

"How dare you," she choked out, tears streaming down her face.

Heero was frozen. Like much of the male species, he could not stomach a woman's tears. He did not understand the tears, or the feelings they created in him. Only that they made him uncomfortable and made him want to do anything in his power to make them stop.

Duo on the other hand was silently laughing at the helpless look on Heero's face. He shouldn't laugh, he knew, that this was serious, but he had never been serious in his life, and he wasn't going to start now.

"I trusted you, I gave my heart to you. I see the truth of it now!" Relena was openly sobbing, "you're sleeping with that whore!"

Duo gave exception to this, but with his usual humour, "hey, now, Queenie! I put away my red light years ago!"

Heero gave Duo his frown number forty two. Duo translated it as: 'don't be moronic, it's not helping.' Abstractly, Duo mused that Heero liked him because Duo understood his lover's moods and monosyllabic "hns." Then he blinked and metaphorically smacked himself. Heero liked him because he had a dick.

"Ne, Heero, why do you like me?"

"Hn," Heero grunted.

Duo translated that as, 'because I like your dick, idiot.'

"Because you like my dick!" Duo huffed, "I'll have you know I'm more than just a-ack!"

Heero dipped Duo into a kiss, while Relena started to wail.

"Hn."

Duo translated that as 'I love you.' But, really, in all probability, it was most likely 'shut up, baka.' Ruthlessly, Duo quashed that thought.

Relena was quivering with the force of her despair and anger. She realized that she had already lost, even as she had won. "Leave." She finally said, bosom heaving with barely suppressed anger and despair. "I'll give you an anullment, since I could never hold you down long enough to seal the deal. Pack your bags, and leave."

She turned and walked out, head held high, and posture straight. She was still angry, still hurt, but she had one thing to her name, if nothing else. She had grace. She liked that she could have grace under fire.

"Women." Duo commented.

"Hn."

"Oh, I knew you loved me for me too. I was just funnin' ya."

A/N: I still have no idea what happened, and I've three years to think on it (I found it recently on my hard drive, and I was all "holy cow! Forgot about that!"). Back then, I had been all set to write seriously, when Duo showed up and gave me his thoughts on the whole thing. Mostly his (quite vocal) thoughts were: "No, that would never happen!" and "Heero does just like me for my dick, but that's okay, because he loves me for me too."