Before you judge me, before you say how fucked up I am, before you feel sorry for my parents and wonder why they didn't put me on meds. Do me this small favor. In these few pages I will tell you my life. Read my life. Learn what made me who I am. Put yourself in my shoes. Then only then can you discuss how much of a fuck up I am, how I should be institutionalized.
My name is Katherine Champlin, KC for short. I was born on May 12th in Providence Rhode Island to Anna and Joe Champlin. My family was a middle class family one like you would see in movies. Mom a teacher and dad Navy, my brother Terry was an ass but hey first child first love right. My whole family has this creepy cuteness to them, Brown hair and blue eyes. I never really cared for it but I guess you get what you get.
Terry was the golden child. Never did a thing wrong. Once he broke the neighbor's window and instead of getting yelled at, they congratulated him on his "great arm". Terry did nothing wrong in my parents eyes. So of course why would my parents believe a six year down in the tub by their precious angel. My brother was twelve when he started. At first he called it a game "Navy seal". I had to hold my breath under water till I passed out. He told mom and dad that he was teaching me how to swim.
As I got older the game changed. By the time I was ten we started going to the pool on the east side. Terry's friend used to meet us there. Jaz and Ruck were big block heads. Black hair and brown eyes, they thought they were hot shit. All they cared about was watching the girls in bikini's strut around. But Nathan, Nathan was different. Nathan had red hair that he always had pulled back into a pony tail. He was the coolest guy I had ever seen. His blue eyes were like the reflection of the water, but her every girl has to be a dumb ass once in a while.
One day I was swimming in the pool right before closing. Terry was life guard so he called the shots. Jaz and ruck where lying by the pool talking nonsense. I wasn't really paying much attention when I swam right into Nathan. He smiled down at me "Seal Time!" Terry yelled.
Nathan grabbed me by the head and pushed me under the water. His mouth found mine. He dragged his tongue through my lips and over my teeth; I didn't really know what to do. I had never been kissed before. I lost my breath and began to flail my arms trying to reach the surface; Nathan let me come up for air but only for a moment. Then he pushed me back under the water.
This went on for a few weeks. Terry was impressed with how long i could hold my breath so one day he decided to "up" my training. When Nathan took me under the water I felt a pull on my lower swimsuit. With a swift push pain filled me. It was a sharp pain the echoed through my whole body. I let out a cry and water filled my lungs. When I was allowed to come up for air I was in tears. I looked in frount of me and Nathan stared at me with a smile. Then a hand came out from behind me. I turned around to see he was high fiving Jaz.
"Was it good for you?" he laughed as he high fived Nathan once more. "Aww looks like I was your first. It's an honor." He looked down at the water. My gaze followed. There were traces of blood under me. And he wasn't wearing swim trunks.
"How could you!" I cried swimming to the edge of the pool.
I pulled myself out of the pool and began to run. I ran out of the park. I ran for a long time. By the time I got home it was 1130. I tried to tell my parents what happened but they didn't believe me. Why would I make up such a horrible story? I mean my poor brother and his friends felt so bad after I ran of from the pool that they went out looking for me.
"What do you have to say for yourself young lady?" my mother cried "all this over some boy not liking you?"
I tried to tell her the truth put she wouldn't listen.
Winter came so there was no pool but my brother and his friends laughed at me, spread rumors at school. I was a tramp, a whore; I'd give it up to anyone.
I had no friends, no one to talk to. I hated my brother. I hated his friends. I hated my parents. I hated myself. I just wanted everything to end. I tried to cut myself. Bleed the bad blood out of y body. Bleed all the blood. My body was tainted. I just wanted it out. But I was caught. That just made everything worse.
I became the town freak, whore and an emo wannabe.
"It's all for attention." They all said.
Summer came and I was 11. My mother got work teaching summer school and didn't trust me home alone because of my problems.
She told me that I would have to attend work with Terry and be on my best behavior. Before the first day at the pool terry called me into his room and said he had a movie he wanted me to see about pool safety. I sat on the floor and watch as the screen filled with painful memories. It showed me in the pool in my light blue tankini, Nathan with his red swim suit coming over and scooping me into the water. Tears reached my eyes as Jaz appeared in the corner of the screen with no swim trunks. He made his way into the pool and with one swift motion flipped me in the water ripped my bottoms and rammed into me. Terry froze the screen on my face as I turned to see Jaz. Terry threatened to show the tape to everyone if I did not complete my training.
And so it began again. It stared once more with Nathan kissing me under the water. He kissed I cut. Then Jaz began to rape me again. He fucked, I cut. The last straw was when Ruck joined. Nathan made me suck his dick under the water, while Jaz raped me. Ruck decided the best thing for him to do was shove his dick in my ass. I though having my cherry popped hurt but I did not know pain till all three of them began tearing though me.
This painful pattern repeated till I was fourteen. Till I found out I was pregnant. When I told Terry about it he beat me. Told mom I got into a fight at school. He thought beating the crap out of me would make me lose the baby. But my baby survived.
Dad was pissed said he wanted to know who the father was but I wouldn't tell him. As my due date got closer dad said he was going to have a test done that would tell him who the father was. Terry freaked out.
Being scared shit did not do well fir terry. Ruck, Nathan, Jaz and Terry were drinking and decided it would be a good Idea to go for a drive. They hit an 18 wheeler on the high way, no survivors. There was a giant funeral for the boys. The town greats, top oh there classes great at sports true great kids that would be missed. The town filled with whispers saying that the boys where so disgusted with me having a child at 14 that they drank away their disappointment. I killed them.
Mom wouldn't talk to me, dad couldn't look at me. The only one who cared was my baby. But even that wasn't meant to be. My poor little girl never made it. He cord wrapped around her neck in the delivery. The doctors weren't able to get to her in time.
They said it was for the best. I would have never been able to take care of Kerry.
They said it was a sign from god. I say my baby needs me. I just wanted everyone to know that I was not a horrible daughter, sister or person. I just wanted someone to believe me. And as I sit here in my house gas turned to high. I would like you to know why before you judge me. But dint worry. I'm not mad. I just wanted to press send before I strike the match.