She was six when her dad left. Just a few months shy of finishing kindergarten. She's not sure why he left and she doesn't really understand it but she knows he's not coming back. She's not sure if she really misses him like she should. She doesn't miss him and her mom's whispering arguments but she thinks she'd rather have that than him not there at all. She wonders if he left because she cried too much. He used to always say he didn't know what to do when she was crying. She decided she wasn't going to cry anymore, maybe he would come back if she could learn to control her tears.
She's a month shy from being seven when she starts first grade. She doesn't like it very much. Her and her mom had to move after her dad left and she hates him for it. She doesn't like the smaller apartment and she doesn't like her new school. She's mean to everybody in her class until the new girl starts. She's seven and its almost Thanksgiving and the new girl is happy and excited about it. She's not sure why but she can't be mean to the new girl. Her name is Riley and on her first day the entire class told her that Maya Hart had no friends because she was mean. Riley didn't care, she walked right up to her at recess and told her they were going to be best friends. At first she thought Riley was picking on her but as the days passed Riley kept sitting with her at lunch and recess. After a week Riley started after school care as well stating that she asked her parents to let her because she wanted to spend more time with her best friend.
She's eight when her mom takes the earlier shift. It's all been arranged by the adults already. Her mom will drop her off at Riley's house and then one of Riley's parents will take them both to school. She doesn't mind it, at least she gets to see her mom more in the evening now, and no more after school care. She likes it better this way even if she does have to wake up earlier. She's not in the same class as Riley this year so they only see each other at recess and lunch. She's not too happy about it and she makes sure everyone knows it. She tells Riley about her dad leaving around Christmas because Riley told her to tell her mom and dad Merry Christmas.
Third grade sucks, or maybe it's just her life that does, she's not really sure. Over the summer her grandma had to move in with them so they had to move yet again. This time at least she didn't have to switch schools, and her and Riley are back together in the same class again, but now Riley has a baby brother. She hates that her grandma lives with her. She loves her grandma but its her dad's mom and she still misses him and she's still mad at him and she still wonders if she's the reason he left. They don't talk about him. She asked her mom once why he left and all she told her was that it was her fault. That she made him leave because she didn't love him anymore. She wanted to be mad at her mother but that still didn't explain why her dad had left her.
For her tenth birthday her mom gives her a house key and permission to walk by herself to and from Riley's house every day. She's been strictly forbidden to take the subway. She doesn't listen of course and after two weeks off walking she starts to sneak onto the subway anyways. She likes the adrenaline rush. She only does it in the morning though. She's not brave enough to do it in the afternoon plus most of the time Riley and one of her parents walk her home. They pick her up from school now that her mom has taken a second job. Granny watches her in the evenings and she gets behind on her homework sometimes. She misses her mom and wishes that her mom would tuck her in more and help her with her homework like she used to.
Fifth grade starts out like hell. Riley is in a different class and she's so angry at everyone and everything. She turns eleven and her mother gives her a cell phone. Riley has her mom cook chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast and then Riley gives her a keychain that she made and a bracelet making kit so they can make each other friendship bracelets at their next sleep over. Her mom actually takes off from her second job that day and bakes her a strawberry cake. She doesn't have the heart to tell her mom she doesn't like strawberry cake anymore. After Christmas break she gives up completely. She doesn't do the homework she doesn't understand. She doesn't pay attention in class and she has become a distraction to the other students. They call a parent teacher conference and when they ask her why she is misbehaving in class she tells them she hates everyone in her class. She doesn't mention Riley but her mom must just know because she suggests a trail run of putting her in Riley's class. The principal agrees to test it out but Maya must behave and her grades have to improve. Needless to say she starts doing her homework at Riley's house in case she has any questions. She starts leaving through Riley's window after one night when she didn't feel like walking all the way to the front door.
Middle School is weird. They go to different rooms for each class. The teachers change but her classmates don't and someone must have warned them about splitting up her and Riley because they are in the same class again. Riley's dad teaches at the middle school so most of the time they just hang out after school and wait for him. She starts taking the subway home in the evenings. She learns the regulars and they watch out for her. Her mom catches her one night when she herself is taking the subway home. Instead of yelling, her mom just sighs and buys her a subway card so she doesn't have to sneak on to ride. When she turns twelve her mom takes her shopping at the second hand store and buys her some new clothes and training bras. She asks her mom about her dad again and when she tells her to leave it be she asks her Granny. Granny tells her he has a new family; that he seems happy but she doesn't talk to him often or see him much because she chose Maya.
She hates thirteen. She woke up to her first period on her birthday, it sucks. Riley wanted to know everything and her mom cried. She wasn't sure which reaction was worse. Seventh grade on the other hand was turning out to be okay. She has Riley in her class again and they have Riley's dad for History and he lets them get away with a lot of things. When the year first started she messed up and thought that Riley's parents were going to keep them apart but Riley fought for her. She didn't tell Riley but it meant the world to her. She also doesn't tell Riley when around spring break she realizes she's developed some kind of feeling towards the cowboy. Yea he had always been cute but lately when they argue the fire feels different. She doesn't want to like him but she thinks that deep down she does. She wishes her mom didn't work so much, she could really use some advice right now.
She's fourteen and her mom is gone when she wakes up. She would say she's disappointed but it's honestly not worth the energy. She knows her mom loves her, she just thinks maybe her mom doesn't really know how to be a mom. Riley gets her a friendship ring and Riley's parents buy her cake. Shawn gets her mom to come home early and then informs her that her mom didn't chase her dad away that he left on his own. Her mom gives her a locket and explains that the reason she had to go in early was because she was still a little short on cash but she really wanted to get her baby the one thing she had always asked for. She begins to understand that her mom wants to spend time with her it's just been so long and she's not really sure how to interact with her daughter anymore.
She's fifteen and high school is so different from middle school. She doesn't get to see her best friend every class and she's still not sure how she feels about the cowboy; but she does know that Riley is falling for someone else. She thinks maybe now she can let herself feel whatever it is. Her mom tries to help her but she doesn't know how to talk about how she feels. Riley's mom finally corners her and she finds herself falling apart. She's not sure who she is anymore or how she feels and she doesn't understand anything in her math class. She just wants to go back to seventh grade when everything felt like it was an eternity away. Now it feels like she'll be graduating tomorrow and need a career by next week.
Sixteen is a lot less confusing. She still isn't sure of who she is but she knows she's Riley's best friend and that's more than enough for right now. She's trying in school, even made it into a few honors classes herself. She's signed up for AP art next year and she is super excited. She finally showed her mom some of her art, she cried when her mom broke down and told her how proud she was of her. She's not mad at her dad anymore. She's glad he left, if he hadn't then they might have stayed in the old apartment and she never would have met Riley.
She's seventeen when the cowboy asks her out on a date. She tells him no. She explains to him that while she really really wants to, she can't lose him. She's afraid she'll mess up what they have and she can't lose him. He asks her to Prom anyways and after talking to both her mother and Riley's mother she tells him yes, but only as friends. He smiles so big when she says yes that she almost believes they could make it work. He kisses her while they are dancing and she doesn't mind. She doesn't mind when they continue to spontaneously kiss throughout the night. She lets herself love him for one night. She allows him to see how she really feels about him. Part of her knows she can never go back from this.
For her eighteenth birthday they throw her a surprise party at Topanga's. She cries because there are so many memories attached to this place and the people surrounding her. She spends the entire evening not caring about school or her future and just enjoys the company of her friends and family. The cowboy walks her home afterwards and they kiss goodnight. They don't know what they are, well they do; she is just too scared to put a title to it. Ever since prom they have acted as if they were a couple but when asked she still says just friends. She gets drunk one night and calls him to come pick her up and when he shows up she tries to sleep with him. He is ever the gentleman and just sneaks her into her house and puts her to bed. Two weeks later when she's sober and they've talked about it he lets her talk him into being her first.
She's twenty one and she and the cowboy are on a break when she makes the stupidest mistake of her life. She gets drunk and instead of calling him like she usually does, she instead goes home with some guy who told her she was gorgeous. She can't help herself she runs straight to him and tells him what she has done. She's surprised he understand anything she says with how hard she is crying. He is ever the gentleman and tells her it's okay they are on a break. It kills her though because the only person she had ever slept with up to that point was her cowboy and it breaks her heart to know that will never be true again. Her world shattered five weeks later when she can't stop vomiting and she knows in her gut why but she wants to deny it. Of course the cowboy won't let her. They aren't back together but they're never far apart either. He takes her to the doctor and when it's confirmed the doctor congratulates them and she cries. He holds her and tells her it will all be okay but she doesn't see how.
Three months after her twenty second birthday they welcome a daughter into the world. The cowboy signs the birth certificate even though he knows she's not his. He told her from the beginning that if she would let him he would be honored to be the baby's father. When they found out it was a girl he was overjoyed stating that the world needed more Maya Hart in it. She's not sure how she got so lucky but watching him hold their little girl feels right. The look of awe on his face and the way he keeps whispering, "amazing" makes her heart swell. Six months later she graduates with a Bachelors in Art History.
She's twenty six when she welcomes her second daughter into the world. The cowboy stands again in awe and she loves him so much. She never thought she could be this happy. They still aren't married but she's slowly warming up to the idea. He hasn't asked yet and when she tells him she knows he wants to and questions why he hasn't he simply replies, "you're not ready yet". She loves him for knowing her so well and for loving her through all her ups and downs.
She's twenty nine and Riley is telling her it's okay to be nervous and her mom is crying and telling her how beautiful she looks. Riley's mom comes in and gives her the matching hair comb to the one she gave Riley on her wedding. It's her something old, and for the first time she that day she cries. Riley walks in front of her as her Maid of Honor and Shawn walks her down the aisle but Riley's dad gives her away. She doesn't see or hear any of it though because standing there in a tuxedo wearing a cowboy hat is none other than the love of her heart. She laughs when he tips his hat at her and winks.
She's thirty five and pissed. He knows the moment he walks in the door he's in trouble. She can see him wrack his brain trying to figure out what he did. After twenty minutes of just glaring at him she finally puts him out of his misery. He's so excited she almost forgets she's mad at him. She remembers seven months later during the longest labor she's ever had. She's pissed right up until they place a screaming little boy on her. She laughs when he looks disappointed, they wanted the sex of the baby to be a surprise this time but they both figured with their luck it was another girl. He still looks in awe when he holds him for the first time but she can't help but ask why the disappointment. He looks at her like she's lost her mind and says, "I'm not disappointed, I just don't know what to do with a little boy; we've never had one of these before."
She's forty and her oldest daughter is graduating from high school and she's so scared and excited for her. Three weeks after she graduates her daughter sits her down and asks her who her real father is. For a moment she is taken aback until her daughter tells her she looks a lot like her mom but nothing like her dad. So, for the first time in eighteen years she recalls the memory and tells her daughter about what she thought at the time was her biggest mistake. She tells her she doesn't know who her father is and she apologizes to her daughter for never making the effort to figure it out. She tells her daughter that she was wrong all those years ago; what she thought was the biggest mistake she had ever made turned out to be the best mistake she ever made. It gave her a daughter, and then another daughter, and eventually a husband and a son. That mistake gave her the greatest joys of her life and she'd do it again given the choice.
She's forty eight when they find the cancer. They suggest a hysterectomy and chemotherapy. She hates every minute of it. She cries so much on her cowboy but he never breaks. He holds her up and tells her she's stronger than the cancer and she can do this. He reminds her that he blessed her with three beautiful babies and if she could do that then she could definitely do this. When she finally makes it into remission she swears she's never loved him as much as she does right now. She's loved him over half her life and its felt this big and magnetic.
She barely makes it to her son's graduation but she does. He tells her she doesn't have to that he understands. In all of her fifty three years she has never felt so broken and defeated. It's everywhere this time and she hates her body for betraying her.
She's fifty four when they tell her there is nothing more they can do. It's the first time she's ever seen him cry. Her strong cowboy breaks and it shatters her heart. They gather their children and tell them. Afterwards she calls Riley and breaks down. She's not sure how to do this and it scares her. She decides to stay at home with her cowboy. Hospice comes by once a week and then once a day. She knows that her time is up and she's told everyone goodbye but him. She doesn't know how to tell him goodbye. He must know this because one night he takes her hand and tells her its okay, he knows she can't do it and he loves her more for the fact that she can't. He tells her no matter what he'll find her on the other side so just wait for him. They cry together and as she's falling asleep she whispers "I love you Lucas Frair."