Goodbye, my almost
lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about
you
can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
my
back is turned on you
should've known you'd bring me
heartache
Almost lovers always do
I never felt so broken, so disintegrated. I had to blink back my tears after I'd sworn to myself that I wouldn't let Edward see me shed another tear, although keeping to my self vow was difficult. I held my breath and began to count to the highest number I could think of, before I felt a gust of air whack me in the face, causing my pain filled eyes to open, and there he sat, his honey liquid eyes staring into mine. I tried to read his emotion in his eyes, or if I could get a hint on what he was going to say, however he beat me to it, his velvet, soft voice echoing in my mind. "What's wrong, love?" Edward asked, his eyebrows furrowing. Was it that obvious? Was Iconspicuous? Of course I was, well despite the fact that he couldn't read – or listen, as he liked to call it – my thoughts. Searching around my room to avoid his question, I could feel the tension in his body increase tenfold. I didn't want to tell him what was bothering me, I wanted to avoid every question to how I felt that he shot at me, and each time it hit a bulls eye and make me tell him, besides, if I didn't, he'd only find his own way to get it out of me, if not the easiest choice didn't work. As soon as he knew that I wouldn't answer, his eyes began to tighten, and he had began to inhale deeply to gain his own self control, not that he was the type of Vampire who bit a person if he didn't get his own way, either way I never tempted him to try, encase he did do it one day, not that it mattered anymore seeing as my human life was coming close to an end.
As I – also – inhaled deeply, I prepared myself to answer his question, in hope that he wouldn't look at it the wrong way. I loved him, and only him, I'd die for him, I was sure I'd proved that, however if I had to do it again, I would. I'd go through all that pain, the fear, everything, just to give him living proof that I'd die for him, but my love for him was much stronger than death itself, and I just couldn't exactly put my feelings for him into words. "I'm sorry, Edward." I knew he would wonder what provoked me into saying this. "I didn't mean for you to see me like this, you know I love you, don't you?" He had fallen silent, suddenly doubting himself I presumed. Perhaps the stress of not being able to read my mind was frustrating him, and so he was beginning to doubt, again, I took my chances of his doubt being passed onto me. "Isn't me accepting you're proposal enough proof?" I could feel my heart thrash against my chest, scared of what he would tell me. Would all of this be a waste? Would my immortality not be enough to please him? I shook my head, trying to push my thoughts of doubt as far as possible. If I became a Vampire – a monster – I'd be able to live with him forever, never fear of dying or becoming older, I could forever stay eighteen as he had seventeen. Just as I was about to sink into my thoughts, I felt his breath knock me back to the present, also knocking the breath right out of me – no surprises there. "Bella, I know you love me, but is this really what you want? We could always cancel the wedding, I won't be hurt." I knew he was lying. How could he say that 'it wouldn't hurt him'? He almost killed himself when he thought I was dead, and he had also told me that he wouldn't live without me, so how would he say those words? I knew very clearly that I loved him, and I wanted to be his for the rest of eternity, I knew I had to choice who I wanted, if it was Jacob or Edward – Vampire or Werewolf – Fiancée or best friend. Ever since I met Edward, I knew he was the one for me, but perhaps I was wrong, perhaps Jacob was meant to be my Fiancée instead of my Best friend… No! I had to stop, I was making no sense. I made my decision long ago, three years ago in fact. So Jacob had comforted me when Edward was gone, he was my own personal sun, but… again, I started to trail off my train of thought, thinking. "You don't have to put on a brave face, Edward." I had murmured. This confused him, and in return to my murmur, he blinked, his eyes bewildered by what I'd said. "I'm not." He confessed, holding my face in his palms, looking me in the eyes, which were red due to my none-stop crying. He took a deep breath, as if getting ready to say something important. "If you love something, you have to let it go." He whispered, his voice breaking at the end. My eyes widened in shock, and I immediately clung to him, refusing to let him go, he didn't fight, or push me away like I thought he would, instead he remained frozen, not grasping me to his chest like he normally would. "Listen to me, Bella." He started, but I shook my head vigorously, my tears staining his t-shirt. "No! You listen to me, Edward Cullen!" He unfroze, his butterscotch eyes looking down at me, his face unreadable. "Bella, please." He had whispered, his lips pressing hard together in a hard line. I ignored him, and carried on. "I love you, and I've told you this many times before. I gave up what I could possibly of had before just to be with you." I tried to relax, but my muscles were tense. "I would proudly be known as Vampire girl, other than Werewolf girl, I would rather my human life be forgotten, and have you kill her, and then spend eternity being a vampire with you, Alice, Rosalie, Jasper, Esme, Carlisle and Emmett." I began to sob not long after.
Slowly, Edward pulled me closer to his chest, his icy touch on my face. His eyes – as I could now tell – were sad. I knew he didn't want to lose me, and I knew I must've hurt his feelings saying that I'd rather forget my human life for he was in it. I knew I could deal with the thirst and whatever else it came along with, as along as Edward was near me, I knew I could do it, I was sure of it. Rosalie had told me her story, which was why she – I wouldn't say hated, but, was unsure of me. All she was trying to do was try and make me happy, but what would make me happy was being with Edward, knowing he'd never leave me. I bit my lip to control my sobs, were as Edward had sat me on his lap while rocking the rocking chair back and forth as if I were a baby. His familiar lullaby echoed in my head. I silently looked up at Edward, whose eyes were closed, but he was humming – louder than usual. It was beginning to calm down my nerves, un-tensing them slowly, I was feeling more relaxed. After an hour or so of his soothing humming in my ear, he smiled his crooked smile I loved so much. "Better?" He asked. I nodded my head, unable to find my voice. He chuckled, rocking the chair again, kissing the top of my head, whispering calming words in my ear, but I still shivered, due to his cold, icy breath. "Edward?" I wanted to see if he was still awake – which I knew he would be seeing as he couldn't sleep. His eyes flexed upon me calmly. "Hmm?" He sounded as if he'd come out from his own deep thoughts. I hesitated, not really sure about what I was going to ask anymore. Edward remained curious. "Go on." He pressed. I shook my head, and then I heard him groan, and looked up to see him rubbing his temples. "What?" I asked, clearly anxious on what I'd done. "You always do this, Bella. I'm surprised I haven't turned insane by now." I stared, still befuddled. His eyes narrowed at my confused expression. "Don't act innocent, Bella. I've already told you that career is down the well for you." A hint of teasing was heard in his voice, but I remained bewildered.
"You never tell me what you're thinking!" He said calmly.
I shook my head in disagreement.
"I always tell you what's on my mind."
He rolled his eyes, shaking his head in annoyance.
"You edit." He corrected me. I sighed, deciding to ignore, and cuddled closer to his chest, pondering on what to change the subject too – he hated it when I did that. "Fine." I surrendered, pouting. He stared at me, before barking with laughter, and then ruffled my hair as if I were a child – I probably was seeing as he was 110. "Oh silly, Bella." He snickered, hugging me close to his chest. "Cute, tiny, adorable, human Isabella." I cringed as he said my whole name, and again, he laughed, smiling brightly. It was like when we came back from the restaurant in Port Angeles, he was so optimist, it surprised me. "What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell of sweet." Romeo and Juliet. Our favourite film. I thought, smiling to myself.
Again, I heard his lullaby, calming, soothing and soft. He began rocking in the chair once more, holding me so tightly against his chest, as if he were never going to let me go. As always, I began talking in my sleep, Edward had heard me say that I love him [like I always did and that I would never leave him. He smiled warmingly, watching me sleep in the corner before I heard the faintest voice speak. "Bella, I will never let you out of my sight. I love you too much to let you go." And that was the last I heard, before drifting off to my peaceful sleep.