Hello! I'm a huge Total Drama fan and have been reading fanfics on this site for many years. While I don't have much of an affinity for writing, I cranked this out one night. This was heavily inspired by the many other TD rap battle fics, particularly the one by The Cheesebub.

Contains swearing and sexual themes

Chris vs Don

Chris

Don. What kind of a name is that?

Embarrassed you share a name with the man of the MAGA hat?

Or the aura reading witch girl stuffed in a trash bag?

You've got prominent eye bags from old age not jet lag.

Yet you lag behind in ratings when compared to me.

No one wants to look at your skimpy thong bikini!

I have a fan club and a gold lined hot tub.

But I see you've got neither of these things, bub.

What kind of man has to assert that he's wearing manly size thirteen brogues?

It appears to me someone is insecure about their toes.

Don

FYI both my dick and my shoes are size thirteen.

However you're a whiny, crybaby bitch, McLean!

Who doesn't give a shit about the campers' well-being.

You care more about your cottage and hair than anything.

Surprising, because you're not-so secretly bald.

I was smiling too when the bear had you mauled.

You want me to give you a ten minute penalty?

Oh wait, you did a whole year's time for a felony!

You fucked a freaking mutant plant for God's sake!

Guess that's the only kind of action you'll take.

Cause Total Drama Action flopped and Pahkitew Island was fake.

Now I kindly suggest you jump into a shark infested lake.

Chris

Alright Don. I bet you think your rhymes are super clever.

"Don's a better character than Chris," said no one ever.

You've got no personality; you're boring and bland.

Could you have bought originality? At least I came up with my own challenge plans!

The race was a three ring traveling rip-off of World Tour.

Going to places I had already been to before.

No fans wanted a season with you.

They were hoping for me, not you dude!

My cameo was the highlight of your final episode.

Meanwhile, you're a miserable lowlife with a tiny chode.

Thirteen milimeters is what you probably mean.

Or maybe in diameter, maybe that's thirteen.

Even Blaineley did a better job than you as host.

It's true, and I don't mean to boast,

But you wouldn't have gotten a show if it weren't for me.

Your ridiculous race was merely a spin-off, you see.

Don

Sure it was a spin-off, but your off-key singing I deplore.

Your whole Total Drama franchise went downhill at season four!

Your show was a constant hazard, psychos and mutants galore.

Yet the real problem was the gaudy costumes you and Chef wore!

It's a miracle you still had the money for more seasons.

With lawsuits coming in left and right for so many reasons.

Clearly you get that money from cheating your winners.

And then you use it to buy lobster for your dinners.

You make up inconsistent rules depending on your mood.

And hit on all the underage contestants that have boobs.

There were dozens of dead interns while total drama was on tv.

But at least we dedicated an episode to our guy's family!

So obviously my show is better to be cast in.

But if you believe I'm biased and you want the facts then

Ask your first winner, assistant, and aftermath host

Which of our two shows they liked the most!

Who do you think won? I might continue this if I get good feedback and suggestions, but bye for now!