Disclaimer: I do not own anything about Harry Potter, and Evanescence's lyrics on "My Last Breath". If I did own it, then I'd be so happy. Ha-ha.
It's actually my first time to publish a Snape/Lily fanfic. They might not have the chemistry for a 'real' love team, but their friendship is a very nice thing to have. I have to say it is very different from my other fan fiction, since it this one's more casual and light. Talk about opposites. And I'm a fan of Evanescence, by the way. I got the title from one of their songs, Everybody's Fool.
Anyway, here it is……
Never Will Be
A Snape/Lily FanFic
"Holding my last breath
Safe inside myself
Are all my thoughts of you
Sweet rapture light
It ends here tonight…"
-My Last Breath, Evanescence
It looked like just how he imagined it. It was an old mirror, aged by the sands of time. Words were neatly carved on the wooden frame, whose varnish was already nearly worn off. In spite of this, the mirror looked stately, bathed in the flickering torch light. Its glass was covered with a light blanket of dust, yet it still reflected the viewer with clarity. Severus Snape found himself in front of the Mirror of Erised, gazing in its depths with a curious expression on his thin face. He already knew what was bound to happen in front of his eyes. The mirror promises to let you view the most desperate longings of your heart, Dumbledore told him.
"The most desperate longings…"
The summer sun was shining steadily over the playground, where two girls were sitting on the swings. It was nearly lunchtime; the place was almost deserted except for the two of them and a skinny boy their age. He was crammed beside the bushes, eyeing the younger girl with a vague look, something between amazement and attraction.
Severus Snape, ten years old, loved sitting in this certain spot. He's quite a loner, which is not a problem, for few children wanted to play with him anyway. He's not comfortable with all those kids who knew better than to play with him. With his clothes, an oversized coat, and old smocks, no one dared to. He always knew he's not like them, for he is different. Yes, different from every child who goes there, except for the red-haired girl sitting on the swings with her sister. Severus just knew that she's also different. Very much like him.
The other day, he told her that she's a witch-a person with magical abilities. Just like him, who's a wizard. But then, she got livid and turned her back on him.
"That's not a very nice thing to say to somebody!"
It was a failure. Severus wanted to know her more, to have a friend who's just like her. Someone who is different from the others. But he knew it. They will be friends. There are other chances, someday.
Skies of vermillion spread over the horizon as the Hogwarts Express tread the train tracks. Snape closed the compartment door and sat down. He already changed into his school robes; his Muggle clothes certainly aren't the best ones. A schoolmate sat opposite him, asleep, her dark red hair hiding half of her serene face, pressed against the window pane. Severus wanted to wake her up, they're about to arrive at school, but he seemed to enjoy watching her like that.
"Lily, wake up…"
He met Lily Evans about two years ago, but it was only this summer that they became good friends. Snape remembered how skeptical she was about magic before. But now, here she is, going to Hogwarts to learn about it. He was especially fond of Lily even before he befriended her. Watching her on the swings was like a pastime for him.
More than a thousand candles lit the Great Hall, whose ceiling was already a starry night sky, later on that evening. The first years lined at the side of the hall; they have finally arrived at Hogwarts. The other students stopped their fidgeting when the Sorting started. Everyone's eyes settled on the Hat, which started singing.
"You better be in Slytherin…in Slytherin…"
The words kept repeating in Snape's mind, as Professor McGonagall placed the Sorting Hat on Lily's head. As soon as it landed on the dark red hair, the dreaded words came out of the rip of the Hat.
"GRYFFINDOR!"
He let out a groan, a sigh that was drowned by the applause from the Gryffindor House. Lily smiled at him as she sat down, but he knew in advance what was going to happen next. Snape was sitting at the Slytherin table, a prefect patting his back.
It was another failure. Why did this happen when everything is supposed to go smoothly? Severus wanted to be in Slytherin with Lily, but now, in opposing Houses they have to be. But then he knew it. They will continue to be good friends. There will be other chances, someday.
"Petrificus Totalus!"
Severus Snape, fifth year, was lying straight as a board on the grass, unable to move. The Full Body Bind took effect; he lay still and flat, while eyes are watching him. Their O.W.L. in Defense against the Dark Arts had just finished, but for James Potter and Sirius Black, fun was just starting.
"Take the curse off him then."
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudloods like her!"
Everything happened in a whirlwind. Lily stood there, in Snape's defense, when James and Sirius started making fun of him. This was not unusual, for the two always does that to "Snivellus". But Snape said something he should never say in front of Lily Evans.
"…filthy little Mudblood……Mudblood…"
The words were ringing in his ears, like a chant. Guilt dampened his spirits; Severus found it hard to talk to Lily, who avoided him. He should have known better, he shouldn't have said those. Sitting near the painting of the Fat Lady, the entrance to Gryffindor Tower, he tried to amuse himself with the little shadows he formed with the torch light. He wanted to stay there, to sleep there, just to be forgiven. The portrait suddenly swung open, and there stood Lily, arms folded, in a nightgown.
"I'm sorry!"
"Save your breath."
It was yet another failure. Perhaps, it was the biggest failure so far. Lily, his best friend, refused his apologies. Snape never expected something like this. She refused to talk to him, but then he knew that there'll be more chances, someday.
Professor Snape leaned closer to the Mirror of Erised. He waited, his breathing tense, his breath fogging up the mirror. And there, behind him, he saw startling emerald eyes. A familiar pair of them…
Lily Evans stood behind him, her hand on his shoulder, beaming. He could almost feel her warm touch, and hear her breathing. Yet when he looked behind him, no one was there. Snape continued to gaze at the mirror, his eyes started to fill with tears. He was already on the floor, on bended knees…looking at Lily's eyes…
"Harry Potter…"
His most loathed student has Lily's eyes…his mother's eyes… Lily married James… James Potter, who hated him the most… And Lily, she died…and he was to blame…
Snape was already clutching at the Mirror of Erised, his black eyes fixed on Lily in the mirror, a loophole for misery. Everything is an illusion…merely illusions…for Lily, someone who he had treasured all his life, is gone, and he will never hear the same words again.
"Thought we are friends? Best friends?'
"We are, Sev."
He was wrong. There aren't any more chances to tell her how sincere his apologies were, how much he cared for her, and now, for Harry, her son. Because there never was any chance, and there never will be.
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