Welcome to A Picture's Worth A Thousand Words or Cloud Caught the Pregnant!

A cup of Yuffesis friendship, one-half cup of Yuffentine, and a pinch of VinGen. Here's a birthday cake for you Jeanne.

Cue Sparkles!

Tifa's maternal instincts warned her that a storm was a brewin' in her domain. She prepared for the worst. Armed with a flipper (Yes, that's Yuffie's new word for spatula) and a bowl of batter, Tifa began cooking pancakes at the butt-crack of dawn. Something told her that pancakes would help with the foreshadowed crisis. But she had never been more wrong.

Tifa wiped her forehead with a rag. All was good in the world right now. She had made at least four dozen and a half pancakes in all various shapes and sizes, set out a whole tray of toppings for the hotcakes, and had make some fresh OJ. The bacon was a sizzilin' (courtesy of Cloud) and the bagels had been properly toasted. Whatever was coming, Tifa was sure she could kick its buttocks with her kick-ass breakfast. She didn't expect the crisis to come in the form of a Yuffie stumbling rather undignified down the stairs.

"Tifa Lockheart, when were you gonna tell me?" Yuffie bellowed, stomping dramatically around the bar.

"Tell you what?" Tifa noted the red cheeks, hazy eyes, and sickly pale skin of the self-proclaimed Ninja.

"That Chocobo-butt-head caught the pregnant! How could you not tell your bessssst friend! Seriously the pregnant is nothing to mess around with Boobs! We gotta hurry and bury our virginity in the backyard before we catch the preggers too!" She flailed her arms around, almost falling backwards.

"Caught the what…? Yuffie, are you feeling okay?" Tifa immediately pressed her hand to Yuffie's head, only to draw it back quickly. "You're burning up! Yuffie!"

"I'm burning up for you baby!" Yuffie sang, swaying back and forth drunkenly.

"You have a fever! Get back in bed!" Tifa grabbed Yuffie by the arm and marched her up the stairs and into the guest bedroom. "Stay!" She commanded, slamming the door. Asprin! Damn, we're all out! I'll just get Cloud to do it. "Cloud, there you are. Could you do me a tiiiiny favor?" Tifa smiled innocently. "Please?"

"Whatever it is, have Genesis go get it. He hasn't been doing much lately anyways besides stealing cookies."

"Genesis Rhapsodos get your hand out of the jar this instant!" Tifa spun on her heels, catching the embarrassed look that crossed the Ex-First Class SOLDIER's face. "Could you please run an errand for me? Yuffie needs medicine and I don't have any. I'm sure she'll want something else from the store too. Go check in on her."

"Fine." Genesis grumbled, stomping up the stairs and throwing open Yuffie's door just to tick the busty barmaid off. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothin', I'm fine, dandy, peachy, apple-y, grape-y, banana-y." Yuffie giggled and hiccupped, almost falling out of bed. "Tifa thinks I have a fever! Pshaw, the Great Ninja and White Rose of Wutai Yuffie Kisaragi never gets fevers! Fevers get Yuffie'd!" She fist-punched the air and fell backwards.

"Uh-huh. Well. Let me know how that works out for you. I'm going to the store. While you're…indisposed…would you like me to fetch you anything?"

"Pictures of Vinnie." For a moment she and the crimson SOLDIER just stared at each other, blinking.

"Please tell me you didn't say what I think you said."

"C'mon Genny! I neeeeeed Vinnie pictures. Fresh ones. He's in town today! Please with sugar and gummy worms and sugar and pixie stix and sugar and materia on top?" Yuffie went into "Full Yuffie Pout Mode" and stuck out her bottom lip.

"…Fine. Just because I'm bored and don't have anything else to do." Genesis spun in his heel, stomping down the stairs and out the backdoor.

Yuffie snorted and snuggled into the warmth of the blankets, awaiting Genesis to return.

x---

Genesis Rhapsodos pushed through the crowds ignoring the indignant "Hey! Watch it!" cries of the people he shoved. He was on a mission, and nothing stops Genesis when he is on a mission!

If I was a broody old man in a young person's body, where would I hide? Genesis decided to check the ammo shop. That seemed like a good place to start.

Sure enough, Mr. Tall and Scary-as-hell was there, purchasing a box of bullets. Great, now he has something to kill me with if I get caught. Genesis slipped the camera out of his pocket and snapped a quick photo. Crap, I only got his backside. Oooh, butt… Genesis shook his head and proceeded to turn around in the heating ducts and follow Vincent to his next stop.

x---

Approximately One hour, 22 minutes, and 45 seconds later

Location: Edge Streets

This is taking forever dammit! Do something interesting Valentine! Genesis rolled behind another trashcan. If he doesn't do anything interesting soon, I'm going to intervene…A loud roar was the answer to Genesis's prayers. Monsters swarmed the area, bringing Vincent out of his boring walk and into battle mode. As he shot and sliced at the attackers, Genesis sat behind a trashcan, snapping away.

x---

Vincent Valentine felt the prickly feeling all day. It started in the ammunition shop and ever since it hadn't gone away. At first he just brushed it off. Maybe it was Yuffie, waiting to ambush him and attempt to steal his materia. He almost hoped it was; It would save him the trouble of walking across town to deliver it to her. Where was she? She usually followed him anyways, but tomorrow was her birthday. He expected the nosy ninja to be searching every nook and cranny for her presents.

The faster I get to Seventh Heaven the better…

x---

Genesis was bored again. Vincent was back to just ambling towards the bar. He only had five good photos and it was only a ten minute walk from here. One more picture would satisfy Yuffie, right? Then he could curl up on the roof and read LOVELESS. She owes me. I wasted all day for her… Oh shit! Genesis's face met a brick wall. He fumbled with the camera, almost dropping it. He pressed the flash button by accident and leaned around the corner, snapping one last picture of Vincent's backside. But the bright flash of light didn't go unnoticed by the Ex-TURK.

The Ex-SOLDIER found himself pinned against a wall, his camera-hand the only thing not pinned.

"What are you doing?"

Genesis thought about how to get out of the situation. He could lie his way free, but where's the fun in that? He bit back a smirk that crossed his lips. He might get killed by Valentine later, but it would make for a great photo op…

"Stalking you." Genesis had to keep a straight face or else this wouldn't work.

"….Why?"

Instead of answering, Genesis slammed his lips against the stunned Vincent Valentine's.

x---

"Gawd Genny, what took you so long?" Yuffie whined. She stared down at the pictures in hand.

"He was being boring. I gotta go Yuffie, enjoy!" Genesis dashed off, leaving a confused ninja staring at the pictures.

I wonder what his problem is… She lazily switched to the next picture. Boring. Boring. Boring. OH HOLY CRAP!

"GENESIS!" She jumped up from the bed and ran after him. Laying on the bed was a snapshot of Vincent pinning Genesis to a wall, kissing. "OH GAWD I'M GONNA BE SICK!"

And thus ends this crappy one-shot. I'm sorry Jeanne, it's horrible, I know. But Happy SUPER UBER BELATED BIRTHDAY.

Disclaimer: You know what goes here.

Love and Rockets,

TornAngelWings