Title: She's Mine…
By: Bunnie
Rating: PG
A.N. This is my first work published here. Please R/R.
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I'm lying in bed. She's right beside me. I don't know how I ever managed to get her there again. It seems a lifetime ago that the two of us lay here, my arms wrapped around her. I turn my head slightly and gaze at her. She does not yet sleep, though her eyes are closed, desperately wanting it. I want to reach out and touch her soft lips, to trace them with my fingertips. I vaguely recall doing it before. I traced her velvet-soft lips with my index finger then she captured my finger in her mouth, sucking it lightly. I'm surprised for although she's rather blunt with words she's rather shy when it's just the two of us in bed.
I snap back to reality as she shifts uncomfortably. As she settles down, I remember two weeks ago. We were with another friend and we held hands. Strictly platonic, of course. It can't be any other way… But then, before we went to sleep, I was stroking her fingers. She didn't do anything for the longest time. I'm not sure how long it was because I was content with just touching her as intimately as that. Then, out of nowhere, she suddenly wrenched her hand out of mine as if she had realized who it was and what I was doing. I was crushed. I turned away from her and tried to sleep, eventually falling into a restless slumber, waking every few hours.
But now, now I need to talk to her, to tell her how I feel. A pained smile appears on my face as I curse my horrid luck. She moves onto her back, the way I pictured her when I told her this. I don't want to do this. I almost back down, but I suddenly get a burst of courage and go for it, plunging headlong into sure-disaster. I take a calming breath then make my move. I move and straddle her hips under the sheets that covered us on this warm summer night. She opens her eyes; her startled eyes meet my own. I say nothing for a moment, losing myself in her eyes. We blink and I am pulled out of my reverie. I lean down to her left ear, my hands above her shoulders, but not touching them. I'm not sure what would happen if I did; I could lose myself and forget what I'm supposed to be doing. But I can't, so I refrain from contacting her physically as much as I can. I whisper in her ear, "Please, don't say anything. If you do I may never be able to tell you this." I sit up partially, and look at her in the eyes, my back hunched over so I can look down, directly into her eyes. "I love you," I tell her, but quickly continue, "but as a friend. You are my best friend after all, right?" My voice quivers and I stop for a moment. I swallow, trying to moisten my throat, then continue, "I'm moving soon, as you know." I motion to the boxes that lay scattered over my room. She gives me a small nod telling me she knows and I nee not elaborate and I am relieved. I continue, my eyes returning to hers. "I probably won't see you for a long time. We can always write and call each other and stuff, but it won't be the same…" I let out a small sigh, trying to search for the right words and not make a fool out of myself. I swallow again, my parched throat refusing to stay moist.
I try again, starting over. "I miss you. I miss being able to kiss you, hug you, and hold you… But mostly, I miss the holding you. I will admit, you are the best kisser I know, but I miss holding you the most." I trail my fingers delicately over her lips absently, not noticing. I stop again, not knowing what to say. I let my eyes dance over her features; her dark hair sprawled around her, her dark, half-lidded eyes… I pull my hand away from her mouth and mutter an apology as I notice my hand tracing her slightly chapped lips. She swallows and licks her lips, as if she's just aware that she has them. I watch as her tongue darts out of her mouth and I pinch my eyes shut. "I'd like to lay with you," I tell her all too bluntly for my own good. My eyes fly open and I'm glad of the darkness that surrounds us. I feel my cheeks burn and my muscles tighten. She looks at me as if she's not quite sure what I said. I immediately regret ever inviting her over. "Nevermind, Rei. Act like I never said anything, okay?" I mumble as I move over to my side of the bed nearest the wall. I curl up, my back against toward her. I feel like an utter fool. I want to crawl into a hole and never come out. Now she must hate me. How couldn't she? I ruined her life once before by telling her that I love her, and now I've done it again. Good thing I'm moving. Now she won't have to listen to me babble about stupid things like this, or about icky bugs and whatnot. I can the Bunnie everyone knows me to be: A blonde, ditzy, air-headed teenage girl.
I jump as she touches my shoulder. I turn toward her and she looks at me. I look back at her, a scared deer staring down a gigantic bear. She gives my hand a small squeeze and nods, lying back down. I wonder what she nods about, but she doesn't say a word. I snuggle up to her, my left arm draped possessively over her chest and my right hand absently playing with her dark hair. A giant pit is in my stomach and I'm not sure what else I should do. She does not move to reciprocate in me holding her, but she doesn't push me away at all. I go against my normal instinct and I tell myself it's better than nothing. I smile a little as I feel and hear her breathing. "Thank you," I whisper into her shoulder as we both drift slowly into sleep. I wonder if I'll ever be at this much peace again, but don't worry about it. What matters right now, at this very moment, is that she is with me. I don't care for how long; I just care that she is. She's mine…
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They're probably OOC, but I wasn't sure exactly how Rei would react… .; She's not all that predictable, you know? So, R/R, please? ^^;