The Play of Hansel and Gretel

On the order from the Headmaster of Hogwarts school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, the group of sixth-year students has been given a very specific task. The task of performing the play of Hansel and Gretel in front of the whole student-body. This, was something they indeed had to rehearse in order to get it to work. So the story begins …

"Once upon a time, hard by a great forest dwelt a poor wood-cutter with his wife and his two children. The boy was called Hansel and the girl Gretel. He had little to bite and to break, and once, when great dearth fell on the land, he could no longer procure even daily bread." Neville read with a proper storyteller-kind-of-voice. "Now when he thought over this by night in his bed, and tossed about in his anxiety. He groaned and said to his wife,-" Neville poked Ron in his shoulder. "It's your line."

"What? Oh! Eh- What is to become of us? How are we to feed our poor children, when we no longer have anything even for ourselves?"

"Seems like the role was made specifically for you, Weasley!"

"Shut it Malfoy!" Harry growled and was close to jumping up from his seat.

"What? I'm merely stating the facts and it says that-"

"Malfoy, another word and I swear I'll turn you into a toad!" said Hermione and waved her wand dangerously close to the blonde boy's face.

"Go on, continue, Neville," said Harry.

"Right eh – wait, it's Susan's turn."

"It is? Sorry! I'll tell you what, husband, early tomorrow morning we will take the children out into the forest to where it is the thickest. There we will light a fire for them, and give each of them one more piece of bread, and then we will go to our work and leave them alone. They will not find the way home again, and we shall be rid of them." Susan's face dropped. "That is so sad! Who would do such a thing?"

The six students of Hogwarts were all of different opinions of this simple task, but despite their differences, they had all gathered around in an empty classroom (now filled with sofas and chairs in a circle on Professor McGonagall's demand) and were deeply focused on the manuscripts laying in their hands. Draco, sitting uptight in the only chair, Harry and Ron being silly goofs on one of the couches, Hermione and Susan beside Draco and last but certainly not least, Neville - sitting alone in the most comfortable couch with his legs weirdly bent underneath him.

"No, wife," continued Ron, "I will not do that. How can I bear to leave my children alone in the forest? The wild animals would soon come and tear them to pieces."

"Wild animals? Muggle's doesn't know a thing about dangerous animals!" said Draco and rolled his eyes.

"Perhaps a hippogriff would be more suitable," mocked Harry.

"Oh! you fool," said Susan, "then we must all four die of hunger, you may as well plane the planks for our coffins."

"...and she left him no peace until he consented," Neville read.

"But I feel very sorry for the poor children, all the same," said Ron.

Neville continued: "The two children had also not been able to sleep for hunger, and had heard what their step-mother had said to their father. Gretel wept bitter tears, and said to Hansel..." "Now all is over with us!" Hermione's portrayal of Gretel was spot-on, one could almost see the tears running down her face if one imagined it well enough.

"Be quiet, Gretel," said Draco with a dreadful sleepy tone, "do not distress yourself, I will soon find a way to help us."

Hermione's eyes shot lightnings in his direction. "Could you at least try and make it sound like you're Hansel!"

Draco rolled his eyes from where he was half-lying on his armchair with his legs thrown over the armrest. "Why do I have to be some little helpless brat? Can't I be something cool instead? Like a griffin or a dragon or something?"

"There are no dragons or griffins in this fairy tale, Malfoy," said Harry with a sigh.

"Dumbledore gave us these orders and we're obligated to follow them!" said Hermione strictly. She slapped his feet so hard that they slammed to the floor. "Now read it properly!"

Draco mumbled something under his breath, but read his line again and this time with a bit more feeling. "Be quiet, Gretel, do not distress yourself, I will soon find a way to help us."

"And when the old folks had fallen asleep, he got up, put on his little coat, opened the door below, and crept outside," read Neville.

"I think Hansel is pretty courageous," said Susan with a shrug.

"Don't say that, Malfoy's ego will explode," mumbled Ron.

"The moon shone brightly, and the white pebbles which lay in front of the house glittered like real silver pennies. Hansel stooped and stuffed the little pocket of his coat with as many as he could get in. Then he went back and said to Gretel…."

Neville's reading was followed by a long silence among the teenagers.

"Malfoy!"

"What?"

"It's your turn!"

"Be comforted, dear little sister, and sleep in peace, God will not forsake us," said Draco.

"and he lay down again in his bed," said Neville. Draco smirked and threw his feet back over the armrest once again, so they were dangerously close to Hermione's face. "When day dawned, but before the sun had risen, the woman came and awoke the two children, saying…"

"Get up, you sluggards. We are going into the forest to fetch wood," said Susan with a nasty tone.

"She gave each a little piece of bread, and said..."

"There is something for your dinner, but do not eat it up before then, for you will get nothing else."

"If I had a mother like that, I'd run away from home immediately," said Hermione and shook her head.

"Isn't this normal basis for you, Weasley?" Draco bellowed.

This time there were sparkles flying out from the tip of Hermione's wand.

"Gretel took the bread under her apron, as Hansel had the pebbles in his pocket. Then they all set out together on the way to the forest. When they had walked a short time, Hansel stood still and peeped back at the house, and did so again and again. His father said..."

Ron was ready with his turn this time. "Hansel, what are you looking at there and staying behind for? Pay attention, and do not forget how to use your legs."

Harry roared with laughter when Draco's face turned a darker shade as Ron pointed his finger at the blonde and spoke in a very serious tone.

"Ah, father," said Draco with an edgy voice, "I am looking at my little white cat, which is sitting up on the roof, and wants to say good-bye to me."

"Here kitty-kitty-kitty," Harry managed to breathe behind his laughter.

There was almost smoke coming out of Draco's ears as he gritted his teeth. "Why can't those mudblood muggle-studies pupils do this instead!"

"Malfoy!" exclaimed Susan. "Stop it you guys, let's just get this over with so we can start rehearsing for real soon. Fool, that is not your little cat, that is the morning sun which is shining on the chimneys."

"HAHAHAH! Malfoy can't see the difference between the sun and a cat!" growled Harry and turned over as he laughed. Draco was close to jumping up on his feet and pulling out his wand, but Neville managed to hurry up with the reading before he had a chance to aim for a revenge.

"Hansel, however, had not been looking back at the cat, but had been constantly throwing one of the white pebble-stones out of his pocket on the road. When they had reached the middle of the forest, the father said..."

"Now, children, pile up some wood, and I will light a fire that you may not be cold."

"I'll show you some fire, all right," muttered Draco.

"Hansel and Gretel gathered brushwood together, as high as a little hill. The brushwood was lighted, and when the flames were burning very high."

Susan cleared her throat before saying: "Now, children, lay yourselves down by the fire and rest, we will go into the forest and cut some wood. When we have done, we will come back and fetch you away."

Neville continued immediately: "Hansel and Gretel sat by the fire, and when noon came, each ate a little piece of bread, and as they heard the strokes of the wood-axe they believed that their father was near. It was not the axe, however, but a branch which he had fastened to a withered tree which the wind was blowing backwards and forwards. And as they had been sitting such a long time, their eyes closed with fatigue, and they fell fast asleep."

"Why not just use magic?" Draco muttered. "Muggles are so stupid."

"This isn't a wizard story, Malfoy," growled Harry.

"They're still stupid."

"You're stupid," spat Ron.

"When at last they awoke, it was already dark night. Gretel began to cry and said..."

"How are we to get out of the forest now?" cried Hermione.

"But Hansel comforted her and said."

"Let's just do a summon spell on our broomsticks and fly the hell out of here."

"Malfoy!"

"What? Fine…Just wait a little, until the moon has risen, and then we will soon find the way."

"And when the full moon had risen, Hansel took his little sister by the hand, and followed the pebbles which shone like newly-coined silver pieces, and showed them the way."

"WHAT!" Draco exclaimed and stirred up in his seat. "I will not hold Granger's hand in front of the whole school!"

Susan rolled her eyes, Ron sighed and Hermione looked as displeased as Draco looked, although she managed to keep a rather mature posture.

"Stop being such a brat, Malfoy," said Susan and flicked her hand in his direction. "It's not like she is going to bite you or anything, or are you afraid of girls."

"They walked the whole night long, and by break of day came once more to their father's house. They knocked at the door, and when the woman opened it and saw that it was Hansel and Gretel."

"You naughty children, why have you slept so long in the forest? We thought you were never coming back at all!"

"The father, however, rejoiced, for it had cut him to the heart to leave them behind alone. Not long afterwards, there was once more great dearth throughout the land, and the children heard their mother saying at night to their father…"

Susan wrinkled her forehead and did a nasty face. "Everything is eaten again, we have one half loaf left, and that is the end. The children must go, we will take them farther into the wood, so that they will not find their way out again. There is no other means of saving ourselves."

"The man's heart was heavy, and he thought..."

"Ron!"

"Oh right – it would be better for you to share the last mouthful with your children."

"The woman, however, would listen to nothing that he had to say, but scolded and reproached him. He who says a must say, likewise, and as he had yielded the first time, he had to do so a second time also."

"Why doesn't he just leave her and keep his freaking kids if he likes them so much?" muttered Draco, who was currently slapping his set of papers against the back of the chair anxiously. "You do know I'm missing my Quidditch practice for this, don't you?"

"Yes, we know, you've told us about a thousand times!" said Ron.

"Maybe he is afraid of her," suggested Hermione with a shrug. "A lot of relationships are built on fear these days…"

Draco kept quiet for a while. "Let's just keep reading and get this over with."

"The children, however, were still awake and had heard the conversation. When the old folks were asleep, Hansel again got up, and wanted to go out and pick up pebbles as he had done before, but the woman had locked the door, and Hansel could not get out. Nevertheless he comforted his little sister."

"Do not cry, Gretel, go to sleep quietly, the good God will help us." Draco read the sentence with a calmer voice than he had done before.

"Early in the morning came the woman, and took the children out of their beds. Their piece of bread was given to them, but it was still smaller than the time before. On the way into the forest Hansel crumbled his in his pocket, and often stood still and threw a morsel on the ground."

"Hansel, why do you stop and look round?" said Ron with a dark voice. "Go on."

"I am looking back at my little dragon which is sitting on the roof, and wants to say good-bye to me," answered Draco.

"Malfoy! It does not say dragon," said Hermione grumpily.

"But I want it to be a dragon, a pigeon sounds so dull."

"It can not be a dragon," continued Hermione totally ignoring his grumpy voice. "This is a children's classics and we will not destroy it!"

"Can I at least change it to like a pixie or something?"

"No!"

"Fine!" growled Draco and gritted his teeth. "I am looking back at my little pigeon which is sitting on the roof, and wants to say good-bye to me."

"Fool." said Susan. "That is not your little pigeon, that is the morning sun that is shining on the chimney."

"Hansel, however, little by little, threw all the crumbs on the path. The woman led the children still deeper into the forest, where they had never in their lives been before. Then a great fire was again made."

Susan clapped her hands together as she read: "Just sit there, you children, and when you are tired you may sleep a little. We are going into the forest to cut wood, and in the evening when we are done, we will come and fetch you away."

Neville sighed. "When it was noon, Gretel shared her piece of bread with Hansel, who had scattered his by the way. Then they fell asleep and evening passed, but no one came to the poor children. They did not awake until it was dark night, and Hansel comforted his little sister and said..."

"Can't we take a break?" muttered Draco.

"We've been here for merely half an hour, you can do better than that!" said Harry.

"Just wait, Gretel, until the moon rises, and then we shall see the crumbs of bread which I have strewn about, they will show us our way home again. Is this kid stupid? A bird or something has probably eaten the bread crumbs!"

Hermione and Susan giggled at his comment, for both of them knew exactly what was going to happen in the story.

"When the moon came they set out, but they found no crumbs, for the many thousands of birds which fly about in the woods and fields had picked them all up."

"Told you!" yelled Draco.

"Shut up and read your lines."

"We shall soon find the way." Draco threw his arm up in the air as if he was holding a magical sword. "What? Can't I at least try and make this lad a bit courageous?"

"But they did not find it. They walked the whole night and all the next day too from morning till evening, but they did not get out of the forest, and were very hungry, for they had nothing to eat but two or three berries, which grew on the ground. And as they were so weary that their legs would carry them no longer, they lay down beneath a tree and fell asleep."

"Bloody hell this is going slow." This time it was Ron's turn to complain. "Harry, did you finish your essay for Slughorn? I still can't quite get my head around the-"

"Seriously, Ron, could we just focus on this now?" Hermione growled.

"Have you finished your essay, Mione?"

Hermione shifted in her seat proudly. "Yes I have, in case you really needed to feel like you needed to know."

"Then can I borrow it for a moment, only for some pointers on-"

"No! Continue Neville."

"It was now three mornings since they had left their father's house. They began to walk again, but they always came deeper into the forest, and if help did not come soon, they must die of hunger and weariness. When it was mid-day, they saw a beautiful snow-white bird sitting on a bough, which sang so delightfully that they stood still and listened to it. And when its song was over, it spread its wings and flew away before them, and they followed it until they reached a little house, on the roof of which it alighted. And when they approached the little house they saw that it was built of bread and covered with cakes, but that the windows were of clear sugar."

"We will set to work on that," said Draco, "and have a good meal. I will eat a bit of the roof, and you Gretel, can eat some of the window, it will taste sweet."

"Hansel reached up above, and broke off a little of the roof to try how it tasted, and Gretel leant against the window and nibbled at the panes. Then a soft voice cried from the parlor -"

Just as Neville finished the sentence, the door to the classroom flew open and Luna came strolling inside. Her eyes looking at each of them with equal amount of like, although it seemed like she was looking at the wall behind the lot.

"Luna!" exclaimed Hermione with surprise. "What are you doing here? I thought this was sixth-year assignment."

Luna walked further into the room and softly sat down on the couch next to Neville. "Professor Flithwick told me I should try it out and that you guys were out of one actress. I volunteered, considering I find muggle fairy tales fascinating."

Draco had to cover his face with his arms not to burst out laughing as Luna looked around with her globe-like eyes.

"We have an opening for the witch, I guess," said Susan and handed over a copy of the script to Luna.

Draco shot up in his seat. "A witch? So we can use magic in this story! I demand to see a dragon!"

"Not that kind of witch, stupid," mumbled Hermione and rolled her eyes.

"It's actually your turn, Luna," said Neville and pointed at the script.

"Oh, how fun!" She managed to imitate a voice of a raspy witch spot-on. "Nibble, nibble, gnaw – who is nibbling at my little house?"

Hermione and Draco said in unison: "The wind, the wind, the heaven-born wind."

"Then they went on eating without disturbing themselves. Hansel, who liked the taste of the roof, tore down a great piece of it, and Gretel pushed out the whole of one round window-pane, sat down, and enjoyed herself with it. Suddenly the door opened, and a woman as old as the hills, who supported herself on crutches, came creeping out. Hansel and Gretel were so terribly frightened that they let fall what they had in their hands."

Draco dropped his script on the floor, causing Hermione to scream his last name surprisingly loud because of disturbing the concentration.

"The old woman, however, nodded her head, and said."

"Oh, you dear children, who has brought you here? Do come in, and stay with me. No harm shall happen to you." Luna's dreamy voice matched perfectly with the image of the witch as she managed to switch in a raspy tone as well.

"She took them both by the hand, and led them into her little house. Then good food was set before them, milk and pancakes, with sugar, apples, and nuts. Afterwards two pretty little beds were covered with clean white linen, and Hansel and Gretel lay down in them, and thought they were in heaven."

"How many times are we going to have to pretend to sleep in this bloody play?" Draco exclaimed as he finally fetched his script from the floor. "Why not just have some statues to portray these kids instead and spare us the time of this!"

"Because, it's supposed to teach us moral and value," said Hermione indignantly.

"Morals of what? To use proper magic to get our food?" he muttered. Hermione glared at him, before she once more slapped his feet down the chair. This time he was close to falling off, but managed to keep himself upright by grabbing the backrest.

"The old woman had only pretended to be so kind. She was in reality a wicked witch, who lay in wait for children, and had only built the little house of bread in order to entice them there. When a child fell into her power, she killed it, cooked and ate it, and that was a feast day with her. Witches have red eyes, and cannot see far, but they have a keen scent like the beasts, and are aware when human beings draw near. When Hansel and Gretel came into her neighborhood, she laughed with malice, and said mockingly."

"I have them, they shall not escape me again." Luna laughed a cold, hollow laugh afterwards.

"Early in the morning before the children were awake, she was already up, and when she saw both of them sleeping and looking so pretty, with their plump and rosy cheeks."

"That will be a dainty mouthful," sniggered Luna.

"Then she seized Hansel with her shrivelled hand-"

Draco suddenly yelped loudly and shot up from his seat. Harry and Ron both burst out laughing as Hermione apparently had sneaked out of her place, crawled around Draco's chair while he had been busy boringly staring at the script, and then slapped her hand onto his shoulder. He, in surprise, had jumped up and was now looking around terrified as Hermione laughed hard and got back to her seat.

"That. Was. Not. Funny." Draco growled and sat back down. "I will get you for that, Granger!"

"-carried him into a little stable, and locked him in behind a grated door. Scream as he might, it would not help him. Then she went to Gretel, shook her till she awoke."

Luna cried: "Get up, lazy thing, fetch some water, and cook something good for your brother, he is in the stable outside, and is to be made fat. When he is fat, I will eat him."

"What! I can not be fat! Look at me, I'm perfect!" said Draco and put his hands proudly behind his head, once again with his feet wiggling in front of Hermione's face.

"As close to perfect as a troll's snot," mumbled Ron in Harry's ear, making him snigger.

"Gretel began to weep bitterly, but it was all in vain, for she was forced to do what the wicked witch commanded. And now the best food was cooked for poor Hansel, but Gretel got nothing but crab-shells. Every morning the woman crept to the little stable."

"Hansel, stretch out your finger that I may feel if you will soon be fat," said Luna, now close to the edge of keeping herself from laughing as well.

"Go on Hansel, let's see if you're getting any fatter!" mocked Harry and bent himself in half in laughter.

"Shut up, Potter! And remind me again why you're here, you haven't said anything yet!"

"I'm here for moral support, and as a back-up in case you screw up, Malfoy," said Harry and leaned back in his seat, still amused.

"Hansel, however, stretched out a little bone to her, and the old woman, who had dim eyes, could not see it, and thought it was Hansel's finger, and was astonished that there was no way of fattening him. When four weeks had gone by, and Hansel still remained thin, she was seized with impatience and would not wait any longer."

"Now, then, Gretel," Luna said, "stir yourself, and bring some water. Let Hansel be fat or lean, tomorrow I will kill him, and cook him."

"Ah, how the poor little sister did lament when she had to fetch the water, and how her tears did flow down her cheeks," Neville read.

"Dear God, do help us," Hermione cried. "If the wild beasts in the forest had but devoured us, we should at any rate have died together."

"Your character is pathetic," said Draco. "At least mine doesn't cry all the time and tries to come up with some solutions."

"Wait and see," Hermione said.

"Wait for what?"

"Just wait and shut up!"

"Just keep your noise to yourself," said Luna, "it won't help you at all."

"Early in the morning, Gretel had to go out and hang up the cauldron with the water, and light the fire."

"We will bake first," said Luna, "I have already heated the oven, and kneaded the dough." "She pushed poor Gretel out to the oven, from which flames of fire were already darting."

"Creep in," said Luna with a low voice, "and see if it properly heated, so that we can put the bread in."

"And once Gretel was inside, she intended to shut the oven and let her bake in it, and then she would eat her, too." Neville's eyes widened as he read. "That's disturbing and sick!"

"And this is meant for children?" asked Ron confused. "It's nothing like the fairy tales mum used to read to us…"

"I do not know how I am to do it. How do I get in?" said Hermione.

"HA!" exclaimed Draco. "Your character is stupid!"

"Silly goose," said Luna, "the door is big enough. Just look, I can get in myself."

"And she crept up and thrust her head into the oven. Then Gretel gave her a push that drove her far into it, and shut the iron door, and fastened the bolt. Oh. Then she began to howl quite horribly, but Gretel ran away, and the godless witch was miserably burnt to death. Gretel, however, ran like lightning to Hansel, opened his little stable."

"Hansel, we are saved. The old witch is dead!" cried Hermione excitedly. "Told you to wait, didn't I?"

Draco muttered something under his breath in style like: "plan – bones – witch – stupid."

"Then Hansel sprang like a bird from its cage when the door is opened. How they did rejoice and embrace each other, and dance about and kiss each other-"

"WHAT!" Draco stirred. "I will not dance and I will not hug and I will not-"

"SHUT UP!" yelled the others in unison.

"-And as they had no longer any need to fear her, they went into the witch's house, and in every corner there stood chests full of pearls and jewels."

Silence filled the classroom. Everyone's eyes were on a certain blonde.

"Malfoy," said Harry.

"No."

"Stop being such a baby," said Ron.

"No."

"You're being stupid," said Hermione. "It's just a play! You're portraying a character, it's not you, it's Hansel!"

Draco was about to slip his legs down from the armrest and probably leave to never come back, but Hermione was quicker and performed a leg-locking spell on him before any of them were able to react.

"What are you doing!" spat Draco and glared at her with red eyes.

"You will not give up now, we've come this far, now read your freaking lines!" Hermione growled with her eyes nailed at him.

Draco stared back before he used his snickering voice: "These are far better than pebbles."

"And thrust into his pockets whatever could be got in," read Neville.

Hermione said, "I, too, will take something home with me."

"And she filled her pinafore full."

"But now we must be off," sighed Draco lazily, "that we may get out of the witch's forest."

"When they had walked for two hours, they came to a great stretch of water."

"Mind getting my legs unlocked now? It's getting a bit uncomfortable!" said Draco, his cheeks flashing in red out of annoyance.

Hermione rolled her eyes but flicked her wand and Draco's legs unlocked themselves. "You're welcome."

"Like I would thank you for doing it considering you were the one to lock them in the first place!"

"I could have done something much worse than that and you know it," Hermione shot back.

"Yeah?" said Draco and leaned closer. "Like what?"

"Turn you into a ferret perhaps?"

This time Harry actually fell off the sofa out of laughing and Ron put the amount of butterbeer he had been drinking in his throat and started coughing roughly.

Draco's head turned a bright shade of pink.

"Watch it, Granger," he warned her.

"Or what?" Hermione said and raised her eyebrows. Draco was thinking for a long while, and the both of them stared into each others eyes without breaking the contact. For a moment they forgot there were others in the room. "Just what I thought, now read your lines, we're almost done."

"We cannot cross," said Draco slowly, "I see no foot-plank, and no bridge. We could just fly."

Hermione ignored him. "And there is also no ferry, but a white duck is swimming there. If I ask her, she will help us over."

"The siblings then saw a duck in the water," read Neville in a hurry, as he had been half asleep.

Hermione sang: "Little duck, little duck, dost thou see, Hansel and Gretel are waiting for thee. There's never a plank, or bridge in sight, take us across on thy back so white."

"The duck came to them, and Hansel seated himself on its back, and told his sister to sit by him."

"No," replied Hermione, "that will be too heavy for the little duck. She shall take us across, one after the other."

"Really?" said Draco. "We can't use magic, but we can ride on the back of a duck? Who came up with this story? I will personally contact them and ask them if they're bloody mad!"

Hermione looked at Draco, but this time without the disgust, this time she was actually genuinely smiling. And the blonde did indeed smile back.

"The good little duck did so, and when they were once safely across and had walked for a short time, the forest seemed to be more and more familiar to them, and at length they saw from afar their father's house. Then they began to run, rushed into the parlor, and threw themselves round their father's neck. The man had not known one happy hour since he had left the children in the forest. The woman, however, was dead. Gretel emptied her pinafore until pearls and precious stones ran about the room, and Hansel threw one handful after another out of his pocket to add to them. Then all anxiety was at an end, and they lived together in perfect happiness," read Neville slowly. "The end."

My tale is done, there flies a dragon, whosoever catches it, may make himself a big set of nice gloves out of it.