Your Mess is Mine
Being 21, gay, and single in Philly is better than I ever could have dreamt. I smile to myself on my way home from work. It really does get better. I'm a swim coach at the local high school and studying sports psychology at the University of Pennsylvania and loving every moment of it. I lock my apartment door and fall into my couch. The fear that dominated my life in Rosewood is completely absent from my current life. I guess that sometimes it would be nice to have a more meaningful human connection than a short hook up, but I can't complain really. At least I still have Ali.
"Hey you, how was your day?" I shoot a text to Alison. The other girls scattered a bit after graduation, Hanna to New York, Aria to Savannah and Spencer to Georgetown but Ali had opted to go where ever I went.
Lorenzo had gotten an apartment in Philly anyway so Alison moved in. It is conveniently ten minutes walking distance from my place. While it is occasionally difficult to suppress my heart skipping beats when she is near me I was happy to be able to reconnect with my best friend, especially with how much she's needed me the past few months. Lorenzo took off telling her it was over and that he needed space four months ago. She didn't hear a word from him for three months and then suddenly a month ago he just showed up like nothing ever happened. He refused to answer any questions and she was just so happy to have him back that she accepted it. I hate that piece of shit. She gets really weird and secretive about things with him though so I don't usually push it.
"Are you okay Ali?" I send another text after a half an hour goes by with no reply. Ali is always eager to respond.
When she hasn't answered after another ten minutes I decide to go take a shower and that if she hasn't responded by the time I'm done then I'll just head over to check on her. It's not like her to not respond, especially in the evening. I guess worry never completely goes away, even if A has.
My hair is mostly dry and I manage to at least put on my decent jeans and t shirt and jacket. It's hard to not just go to Ali's in my pj's sometimes; it feels like we're roommates. I grab my keys back out of the basket by the door and lock my door behind me. I shiver and shove my hands deep in my pockets starting on the familiar walk to Ali and Lorenzo's. Maybe I should have followed Aria to Georgia, it's already chilly here. I walk up the stairs and knock on her door. Shit, hurry up Ali, my hands are cold. I knock again. I hear movement on the other side of the door.
"Em, maybe it's not a good time." She's crying and my body goes rigid.
"Are you okay? What's going on?" I demand. I look and notice that Lorenzo's car is gone.
"I'm fine." She lies.
"Ali, let me in. It's okay." I say to the door.
It's silent for too long, I want to bust the damn door down. As I lean back to try to figure another way in I hear the chain slide out if the lock. She only lets the door open a couple of inches.
"It's just that Lorenzo and I had a little argument and he could be back at any time." She whispers covered in tears and looking at the ground.
"Ali what's wrong?" I ask touching her wrist on the door frame. She gasps and winces quickly withdrawing her hand. She freezes and so do I.
"What was that." I ask plainly feeling my blood begin to boil.
"It's nothing. Really." She's crying harder now.
"Really? Cause that didn't look like nothing." I demand and push the door open stepping inside. I grab her hand as firmly but lightly as I can. She tries to resist but I manage to pull up her sleeve and I see a forming bruise covering her forearm about the size of Lorenzo's grip.
That's when I notice the overturned coffee table and the broken lamp. The kitchen island has been cleared too. Ali finally looks up at me, her hair moving away from her face revealing a red and swollen cheek, her eye barely able to open.
"Maybe it was more than a little fight." She says.
"He hit you? Where the fuck is he!? I swear to god I'm going to fuck him up." I begin to ramble heading back for the door. She grabs my arm and holds tight protesting immediately.
"No, no one hits you! He's going to fucking die!" I hadn't meant to yell but when I turn to see her she looks terrified and I realize that my anger is not what she needs right now. She's just standing there crying and broken and I finally just wrap my arms around her and she crumbles into my embrace.
"It's okay sweetheart, I'm here now. I'm here and you're safe." I whisper kissing the top of her head.
"Please don't go, don't leave me." She sobs.
"I'm not going anywhere." I reassure her. I walk her to her couch where I sit with one arm around her and the other holding her hand. How could anyone hit this beautiful face?
"Now, can you tell me what happened?" I ask softly.
"You know when Lorenzo left a few months ago?" She asks, and I've never heard so much shame in her voice. I nod unable to find my voice.
"He said it was over. I thought he was never coming back. I waited a month. But I got tired of waiting. So one night I drank too much and I ended up at Vertigo, that club down the street. I met some guy and ended up taking him home. I didn't really want to but I already had brought him back here so I ended up sleeping with him." She says crying hard enough to struggle catching her breath.
"There is nothing wrong with that. You were single and honestly it sounds like you were pressured into it which is definitely not your fault." I say rubbing her back.
"I should have known he'd be back." She says.
"You can't blame yourself for this. It's not your fault in any way. How could he be so upset that you slept with someone three months ago when he's the one who left? Why does it even matter? How did he even find out?" When I say that last part she really starts sobbing, really sobbing. To the point that she ends up clinging to me again.
"Honey what is it, what happened?" I ask holding her wet face in my hands.
"I'm pregnant." She manages before falling back to my chest. I grip her to me. I can barely breathe. I can't let the panic take over me now though. She needs me. Before I can even think about my words they begin to pour out of me.
"Ali, you aren't alone in this. I'm here. And I don't care what decisions you make regarding this baby, I'm still here. If you can't handle carrying out the pregnancy than I will hold your hand as we take the next step. If you decide to let your baby be raised in another home then I will help you find the perfect one. And if you want to raise this little one then damn it I'm here for that too. I'm by your side on this." I vow to her with every piece of my heart.
"You can't do that, you have your own life and so much going for you. This is my mess not yours." She looks me in the eye.
"Your mess is mine now. That's all there is to it." I stare straight back at her in a way that I never used to be able to.
"There's something else." She says looking at her hands now.
"Whatever it is, it's okay you can tell me." I try to catch her eyes again and she won't let me.
"Part of why Lorenzo flipped out so badly is that he knows why I've never been able to fully open up to him. I think it's why he left in the first place. Emily, I'm in love with someone else." She says, she sounds even more terrified than when talking about her pregnancy.
"You are? Well, Ali you have to tell them. Be brave and tell them. Maybe they can help you." I say honestly, setting the pain her words are causing in my chest aside. Suddenly she is looking at me again.
"I just did." She watches my face intently and now I can't even look at her. This can't be happening.
"And, I understand if that changes things. I just felt it wouldn't be fair to let you support me if you didn't know. And I guess I just needed you to know. I've also decided to keep the baby. And if you don't want to be a part of all of this I understand." I can't even let her finish before I kiss her lips so softly.
"I'm still here." I whisper. She smiles.
"And you're okay with being a part of the baby's life?" She asks cautiously.
"You've always had me Ali. 'Against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be' as someone once told me. Nothing will change that." I say with a smile. She blushes and laughs through tears.
"Now, let me take you to the police station. We'll come get your things later." I say standing. She opens her mouth to protest.
"I know you don't want to, but we need to report it so we can get a restraining order. I need to protect you and the little one in there." I poke her belly. She nods sadly then, realizing her pride is no longer important. She grabs my hand to stop me at the door.
"Em... We're having a baby." She smiles, the magnitude of what we have discussed beginning to dawn on her.
"We are. We're having a baby." Emotion grabs hold of my throat too and I have to swallow down tears.
"No one is going to hurt you two ever again." I say, walking out the door with her wrapped around my arm.