Summary: Shisui loves two people and knows he can never have them. (or: Shisui is an idiot.)
For Uchiha week day 4
prompt: Fragile and ephemeral passion / Desire/ You pierce my heart
Every person Shisui has ever loved has left him at some point or another, for some reason or excuse.
Shisui is only 20 years old and has only really, truly loved a handful of times, but to him, with his life, it might as well be a lifetime.
Shisui breathes in, watches the man with long hair and broad well-muscled shoulders complete another push-up
Shisui breathes out and wonders why the hell he puts himself through the heartache.
Tenzou pushes himself up again, the muscles in his arms ripple in effort – he'd have to be past 100 now – and the man perched on top of him, Hatake Kakashi, flips another page in his book.
Shisui is sure they know he's watching, they're all ANBU and Shisui is far too tired to put any effort into making it subtle.
Tenzou tilts his head to look in Shisui's direction, his face flushed in exertion and says something to Kakashi.
Kakashi looks up then, lazy eye tracing over Shisui's body absently. He jerks his head in a come here motion.
Tenzou and Kakashi act like a married couple at the best of times, and because the entire universe wants Shisui to suffer, Shisui loves them both.
He pulls himself from where he's seated at the edge of the ANBU training ground, muscles stiff and aching, and wonders over.
Tenzou heaves one more push up, fingers digging into the soil from the effort and flops back onto the dirt, displacing Kakashi enough he shoots out a hand to stabilise himself.
Shisui approaches them as he hears Tenzou mumble an apathetic apology and Kakashi hums out something likely inappropriate and Shisui is struck by how much he wants what they have, how much he wants to be a part of it.
Shisui has loved before, but it's never been something like this. Never before has Shisui's heart ached for anything more.
Tenzou looks up at him and his eyes could be seen as something intimidating or even ugly, too dark, too big, too expressionless. But Shisui looks into those eyes and sees only beauty.
Shisui's been in love before, but he's never been quite as deep as he is this time.
Kakashi watches him with curious eyes as Shisui sits down with them.
Most people are put off my Kakashi, with a turbulent history such as his, people are scared more than they are accepting. But Shisui knows that Kakashi is so much more.
And plus, Shisui has just as much blood on his own hands as Kakashi and Tenzou.
Shisui has no reason to be frightened.
Tenzou pulls himself upright and runs his hands through his hair in an attempt to straighten out some of the mess and Kakashi leans in closer to Shisui, peering at him through his only visible eye.
Shisui pulls back, nervous and he tugs at the material covers his own missing eye.
Tenzou and Kakashi are together, and Shisui can't have this. Shisui can't love them. It will blow up in his face, just as it has done every time before.
It doesn't matter how much Shisui wants it, he can't have it.
"So…" Shisui asks, rubbing his hand on the back of his neck. A nervous habit that makes its return at annoying times. "What did you need me for?"
Tenzou shrugs and presses his lips together for a moment, and Shisui realises he's nervous.
Shisui is about to say something when Tenzou leans forward, closing the gap between them.
Tenzou cups Shisui's face and their lips meet. There's no explosion of sparks, no fireworks going off in Shisui's mind. There is just Shisui and Tenzou. Just them, and no one else.
Shisui has loved before, lost before, kissed before, but there is something so absolute, so perfect about this, that Shisui finds himself leaning in, returning the kiss, begging for more.
They pull back slowly and Shisui blinks as Tenzou's face reddens.
"Oh," Shisui blinks again an Kakashi leans in this time and it takes Shisui's brain a second to realise that Kakashi's mask has been pulled down before his lips are upon Shisui's.
It's much the same. Simple and yet it's one of the best feelings Shisui has felt in a long time.
Kakashi kisses him with patience and understanding. Not too fast, not to slow. He kisses with no expectation of return, no demand that Shisui kisses back and no one has ever treated Shisui like that before.
Kakashi pulls back and his mask is back on his face before anyone else can see it.
"I don't," Shisui starts but he pauses because none of this makes sense. Shisui can't have this.
Tenzou blushes harder and ducks his head in apology. "I knew we shouldn't have gone about it this way," he hisses out and Kakashi smiles, leaning casually back on his hand, hair blowing in the wind.
"You were the one who went in first, Tenzou," Kakashi says, but he keeps his eyes on Shisui. There's worry hidden beneath those layers of nonchalance.
"Sorry," Tenzou says, tangling his fingers through his hair. "We should have asked at the very least."
"It's fine," Shisui manages and he's almost tempted to cast a quick kai to check if this is a genjutsu because none of this makes any sense. At all.
"I think we broke him," Kakashi says at the same time that Tenzou pulls a particularly distressed face and says "I am never listening to you again."
Shisui takes a deep breath just as someone whistles across the training ground – Akimitsu Shiranui. Shisui's teammate. Shisui blushes furiously, ducking his head. Akimitsu won't let him forget this.
"So," Kakashi starts. "Is this what you want?" His gaze is disarming, patient. Kakashi of all people would know that starting a relationship is terrifying, and despite their forceful way of getting their message across, Kakashi is making sure he knows that there is no obligation. No need to rush.
Shisui blinks again and he takes a second to think through the confused mess of his head.
This is what he's wanted more than he's wanted anything in a long time. This could blow up in his face, cause him the worst heartache he's ever experienced.
But he looks at the two of them and knows he has never loved harder. He looks at the two of them and he knows that whatever the outcome, it would be worth it.
"Yes," Shisui says, smiling so hard his cheeks hurt. "This is exactly what I want."
NOTE: author is aromantic and asexual and thus, had to completely wing this (writing romantic attraction and all that jazz is hard when you've never experienced it) I was just going to delete it and start again but I'm too tired to write another thing. IM SO SORRY THIS IS PROBABLY AWFUL